suspended in space....

 A strange experience; but let's backtrack:

Yesterday, met with the surgeon Dr. Mehta and an assistant doctor. They were very warm and accessible, easy to talk to and listened to me. But for what I had there is (was) no escape. Their proposal to handle the growth began with my getting chemotherapy to shrink it, and then, if it was small enough, to operate to remove it. More complications: I might have to have a colonoscopy bag before or after the operation. So there it was, a nine month commitment at the minimum. I think I had expected (or hoped for) much less. I left their office trying to process all the information. 

Some sadness, some "why me?" self complaints, but in reality I felt relieved in the moment. At least now I knew what was happening, what was going to be done about it---the worrying each time my stomach felt a new attack or each time the attack worked itself through, would be over. I was on a track with a vision, and I would follow it. So the present, in a way, is liberated, and can be interesting in itself.

Now the bad news: the doctors wanted me to have an MRI and a chest ex-ray quickly, to help  them get a better look at the positioning of the growth. They told me they would order one the next day (today). That was fine with me; I also returned to the hospital today for some blood work. But shortly after returning home, the phone rang. It was the doctor's office---the appointment for the MRI and the chest ex-ray would be September 15. September 15th!!? That is four weeks from today. I reminded the secretary that these tests were somewhat vital, but all she could say, was, even with the doctor's urgency, those were the first dates available. She told me that I could contact the radiology department on my own, and ask if there were any cancellations, but that was my only hope. You can be sure that either on Friday or Monday I will call that department and see if I can get an earlier date. 

That's what I mean by "suspended in space" (really in time). All the momentum and force of getting treatment has dissipated---assuming I can't get an earlier time, it is almost as if time has stopped on the disease. I am in a strange (and kind of ironic) limbo. 

So there you have it. Where do we go from here? Not sure.