feeling better....

today, somehow, math lesson with my student really focused me---this is a slightly apathetic student who needed a lot of direction---usually work with her and a friend, this time just with her---got her to focus, really taught her something about percents---left feeling very strong, feeling has continued through now, two visits to Brooklyn since then---the first, last night to see Tamburlaine, only lasted one act (an hour and a half) very ponderous, one dimensional staging, extremely poor casting of the women---love the space, though, have to give the guy credit, he climbed the not for profit ladder very well. Interested just to see the play, but simply could not remain for another hour and a half.
This morning, tired but went to Brooklyn to BAM to buy a ticket to Iceman, got the ticket, cost $36.50, a distortion from the $35.00 tickets that they advertise; there really are no tickets that can be bought for
35 dollars.
After the library closes (early at 3 P.M. today, will return home, and then.......who is to say, it is cold, probably will leave at about 8 and make some Brooklyn rounds, the return to La Flaca for the midnight yell, of course things could change if some interesting things happen along the way, but what will they be..?
Tomorrow, centered around Ron and Liz' traditional New Years Day part, always lots of fun, lots to eat, usually talk a lot with Laura S, see if that continues, otherwise, may go to a movie after that, next two days are open, but lots of Philip Roth to read (some Updike short stories as well) and plenty of movies to catch up on, money is in a much better place at this point, see what happens......
Speaking of money, was able to buy a belt for $1.99 at a dollar store right near BRIC which Old Navy would have sold me for $20.00...amazing!

today is.....

one day before New Year's Eve, should I regard this with a sense of dread? Somehow, feelings seem to be incredibly strong at the moment, so if nothing is happening, tend to focus on tomorrow. But there is still today, a lesson, then going to see Tamburlaine in Brooklyn this evening, also plan to buy a ticket for The Iceman Cometh at BAM before the play.
Yesterday, after library visit, tried to buy a belt at Old Navy, found them to be very expensive, finally settled on one, only to find that the line at the cashier's was very long---simply bolted in frustration without buying anything---went to another store nearbye, found a belt that might work, still very expensive, but would not let me try it fully on, felt annoyed, frustrated and used, so simply left without a new belt.
Spent rest of the day at Lincoln Center library, returned home---felt a need to get out around 8, so ended up going to see the Dardennes Brothers movie, Two Days, One Night at sixplex opposite Lincoln Center. Would have liked a more expansive movie, this one very much of a "lesson" movie, even with the presence of Marion Cotillard, felt locked in to a vision that would take me all the way through, but again, more like being taught a lesson---would have liked to see a more expansive, visual movie---nevertheless chose this one. Returned home, no problems, but up at around 3, spent a good deal of time rehashing some issues in my mind, finally got to sleep after about two hours---this is where a smart phone would make a difference, could browse to my heart's content if I woke up in the middle of the night, now I am "trapped" in my own thoughts---so which is the better choice---well, the holiday will be over soon, can return to regular routine, which will be very helpful
Will report tomorrow on Brooklyn trip and Tamburlaine...

not too much...

time left on the computer, unless I get an extension (possible) so let me be brief: the adventures of Lupkin and Zipkin my made up Jewish story sits in my mind, especially the story of Zita Zipkin, the girl who at 14 stopped traffic on the Grand Concourse (even men who would never dream of being unfaithful to their wives, who slept with their wives on the couch-bed in the living room, stopped and stared at this shining example of young Jewish woman hood."
Finished the Philip Roth novel, the anatomy lesson, which is probably where this vision came from, yesterday had nice time around Brooklyn, did visit South Fourth and hung with Merlyn, always fun, then to Brew Inn for my free beer (kind of liked the place, though sort of "cleeky") then to Cobra for more football watching could have returned to South Fourth, but was tired, did return home early, afraid of "feeding the beast", but actually all turned out all right, slept well, had a dream about the Bronx (don't remember much of it now) and awoke this morning to change my social security deposit.
Not much planned for today, a possible trip to Brooklyn, but where....? One more bar before the New Year on my bar book. I don't know, for some reason I seem contented, also, don't know if my stomach really wants some more beer, still numerous left on Graham, bed-stuy or Greenpoint.
Back to Roth, he really captures the gulf between the vision of his parents, and the crazy choices accorded to his generation---parts of Anatomy Lesson very telling other parts very annoying---what next in the reading department, not sure, would love to read some Paul Auster, have Jane Smiley's new book in my apartment, probably would enjoy more reading the less serious novel by Amy Sohn, but can't seem to find it available in any library. Something about the openness of the day appeals to me, still many movies that might be palatable, but so is wondering around.....so let it happen....

so problems still go on,......

hoped that strife between police and mayor would diminish.....has it....? Library very quiet today, lots of time to visit internet----this evening will see Pocatello, then tomorrow will spend the usual day beginning at South Fourth, then possibly to Cobra, maybe use the beer book at one of the places left on it (getting rid of a lot of them----good!)
Last night, tired after day, yet insisted that I try one more bar on the beer book, chose Manhattan Inn, which is probably more of a restaurant then a bar, but for about an hour had a very nice time there. A good conversation with Blaise---musician---bartender, also met a nice couple who live nearby and gave them one of my coupons. Would like to return to the place at some point, now have about four places (basik, bedford hills, Richlane and this one) that I would like to visit again.
How many more can I do, hard to say, probably not today, that leaves tomorrow and the next three days after that---coming down to the home stretch.
Spent the early part of the day before coming to Lincoln Center at home reading and listening to music, actually found it very relaxing, should not travel much today, as I will do much tomorrow.
That seems to be all for now, obviously at home wrestling with some memories, but once outside, very relaxed and freewheeling....

christmas....

is always a difficult day for cityboy, all his favorite hang outs are out of operation, so what was he to do?
two movies...? Too expensive (later settled for one in the evening) Most of morning spent reading Philip Roth (always reliable, but have to skip certain endless passages) and listening to music, finally left in early afternoon for heavy woods, wanted to use my free beer pass, but only wanted coffee, so that was out. Had an Americano, interesting place, much more formalized then cobra, energy was nice but impersonal, can see myself returning there late at night to check out the scene, but will I...? Thought of meandering around Brooklyn by bus, but somehow idea did not stick, instead, went to Bedford, read a little bit at the Bedford bean (like that place) and returned home, lazed around until 7 and then went to see African Queen at Huston retrospective. A little hokey, maybe I expected more gravitas, but Bogart and Hepburn are great to watch, and Hepburn, particularly, makes a remarkable transition from held back sexless wall flower to Bogart's sex honey. Still, left a bit unsatisfied....
Wednesday evening went to south fourth and hung out with Merlin and a few theater friends, enjoyed conversations, walked a possibly inebriated female (she wasn't) to a taxi, just to make sure she did not collapse, and then returned to South fourth.
Would like to use the bar book a few times before 12/31, but wonder if I will---today might go to La flaca in evening, have not been there for a while, but should also go for a drink at one of the bars, still stuck in Manhattan until 6, well it will work itself out....

today is the....

beginning of my "being on my own" week, well you know what that means, don't you? will have to work though structure with movies, bars, plays, etc, and keep a solid eye on the money spent. To make it worse it is raining, which may inhibit my traveling on today, but since i want to visit Merlin at south fourth this evening, it could be a problem. Hate to be held in. Still, a decent amount to read (thank God for Brooklyn Noir that I got from gratitude yesterday) Maybe if Friday is a fairer day, will take a nice walk through Brooklyn, beginning at the Park and going East (I think) Of course you could also begin at the Park and walk south into Ditmas Park. Ah, choices, choices. well we will see.
Yesterday, after library returned home in preparation for the evening's long (and of course beautiful) opera, Die Meistersinger. Liked my seat, mid family circle, almost had row by myself, met Kim and Clint there, moved down for third act to orchestra, nice, expected the sound to be worse, but it was very good, still, happy to be in family circle, kind of like the distance---gives me a little more time to reflect, as the music soars upward.. Certainly it is a great opera, its most exciting moments are truly elevating, there are also some spots that I simply waited for to be over---it is very long, still Levine seemed to be completely in control last evening---the orchestra, of course, sounded great, and the singers were on a very high level. Want to get to the Met a little more, but for what...?  Could easily see a play every day during January, that is the problem I will be faced with.
Just received more time on the computer---good! Still trying to figure out whether any of my beer book bars will be open tomorrow, don't want to go trekking around Brooklyn in the cold, only to find out that every place I can get a free beer is closed---no poetic justice in that---anyway, should move on to other sites, will report on my "christmas alone" and how I handle it, on Friday....

good morning.....

after lesson, wandered again slowly through what you might call the "south end" of Crown Heights, really fascinated with the streets there, the changing architecture, the art deco apartment houses, the houses of my youth, the memories they evoke, am so greatful to cousin Kara for creating a situation where I have to be out there, look forward to many more long walks, both east and west (and south to Church), many bus rides (the east new york avenue bus, for one) and more explorations. Also visited Gratitude, the new coffee place on Rogers, great and mellow new place, perfect quiet energy---was able to take a book from shelf called Hard Boiled Brooklyn, good short mystery stories, situated around the geography of Brooklyn. Have read a few so far, very good. Hope to return to Gratitude much in the future, and do more explorations.
Yesterday evening, very tired yet saw Dying for It; went because my friend Ben was in it, fairly superficial evening, no gut, good actors but they could do just about anything, simply watched them key their energy into this, nothing new about it. Afterwards went out for a drink with he and another friend, they talked mostly about the Bats, enjoyed it nevertheless.
Tonight, have finally taken the big plunge: Meistersinger, just got a ticket (not a standing room place) and hope to see the whole thing. Should be a nice set up for tomorrow, and keep me occupied tonight.

city, steeped in...

pain and confusion over the death of the two innocent policemen on Saturday in Bed-Stuy. I am as frustrated as anyone else. of course, protests should continue, but people should try to look at both sides rationally. The two may have been  great cops, the kind of cops we want all cops to be. Certainly officer Ramos seems like a very sensitive man. We will see how this develops, just puts an added seriousness to this season, quite frankly I don't think anything is wrong with that.
Rest of weekend interesting---really good time at Assembly at Friends, then lots of conversations with alum and regular students---had a nice talk with Claire about participating in day of discussion, more to follow after the vacation. Left Friends feeling very strong about my identity there.
Saturday, did go to Bushwick (very untouched by events in bed-stuy, not that far away. Saw the "Philidelphia" event at Starr, warm, fuzzy a bit voyeuristic---enjoyed first act, felt too tired to stay for second (also did not want to hear another monologue about a person's "life". Short time in beer bar, not much happening, returned home, tired. Yesterday a good day, spoke to David in morning, then left for South Fourth, spent much of day there, good conversation with Sharon and Harlo, Merlin will be bartending xmas even, so will probably drop by---on the way home met former student Ama T between trains, nice conversation with her---first time seeing her since she graduated---then returned home, today will see play at Atlantic, say hi to Ben, hope to spend more time with him at some point, that is all, things are different but can't quite articulate how.....

moving towards.....

the final possible day of work, for some reason, feeling anxious re money matters, have a little less to spend on theater and such as I expected, of course, all this can change if there is a lot of work in January, but who knows..? Realize that the "experimental theater" groups that I follow will be doing something almost every day in January and February so what does that mean  as far as money...? Funny, most of this anxiety began when I considered shifting my checking account to Chase because there is some bonus money involved (quite a lot, actually) and then I began to consider the gaps in possible time. Oh well, I am always a little too overcautious, still have a decent amount of money at ready for me if I need it, though it will come in at different times.
Yesterday, after library, simply returned home and spent most of the afternoon and evening sleeping, really needed this rest---feel much better today, cold seems to have gone away. Apartment cleaned yesterday by my long trusted cleaner Sheila, amazingly enough she began cleaning for me inn 1984 (that is really the truth) anyway it was probably easier to rest with the apartment having the appearance of normality coupled with Micah's really nice e-mail earlier in the day.
Tonight, after the Assembly...? Going to leave it open, even though there is one play that interests me--still not sure how strong I will feel, might go to Brooklyn and "hang" but it is so cold out, that the trip becomes
too bothersome--lots of movies around, if cityboy can't afford theater, tomorrow will try to get into theater at the Starr (my home away from home) and Sunday, hope to make it a travel day, to check in on all my friends in that borough whom I have not see in a long time.

so I...

screwed up my courage this morning and sent Micah Morris, who hires me for the language department an e-mail expressing my anxiety about not being called; he responded with a really great e-mail; see, cityboy, there are actually moments in time when whole departments simply don't call in sick. It's that slippery slope that a sub can never be sure of, but it as great of him to respond the way he did, can sleep a little easier now, I hope.
Yesterday, worked with Genesis, afterwards experienced a great deal of fatigue, both stomach problems and a bad cold, returned to the apartment and simply tried to rest for the rest of the evening, no trip to Williamsburg, or wherever. Tonight will probably be more of the same, body feels langorous, doubt if it will want to do much traveling.All this comes after about five days of excess activity, culminating with my travels in Brooklyn on Monday (a few long walks) and perhaps overeating on Tuesday. Stomach not accepting much, but probably one day more will make it all work itself out. Want to go to the Assembly tomorrow, see the alums, hang out with people that is my only plan so far. Saturday might be very active, want to go to Bushwick Starr in the evening.
This morning,attended Christmas Assembly at 153, Genesis' school, really quite amazing---very well done, nice to see the kids again, school seems very well organized.Glad I attended, really revelatory in some ways.
Computer time is rushing by, will stop now.....

are things looking....

up? Not really, had good time at the concert yesterday, again all were friendly, but no work today either. Is it just my imagination or is there really some attempt to "remove" me from the school? Hard to say, have not had a slow two weeks like this since, really 2006. Will give it two weeks in January, and then.....am kind of in a fog at this moment......will see Genesis this afternoon, then not sure, but probably will take the beer book to Brooklyn and try one place, then head over to South Fourth to see people and offer them parts of the beer book. Need to be around people, tonight, not see something. Genesis has requested that I see her dance tomorrow morning at her school, and if there is no work, I will go.Better than sitting home, listening to the radio, while I wait for library to open to get at computer. Really getting tired of talking radio heads on WNYC---do they really stand for anything, everyone running in place.Not much else to report, pleased with my work with the children, aside from that,,,,

Still continue....

to have no requests to work from Friends, went to pick up check yesterday, everyone very friendly, yet toll is being taken---sometimes anxiety is very strong---feel a need to do something but what...? Will go to concert tonight....hopefully things will be better soon....
Friday: first performance of Flako's piece really went very well---everything that seemed difficult in the tech jelled rather smoothly, did a lot of memorizing and practicing of my poem while show was on, delivered it adequately, but Flako was pleased. Definitely felt a greater bond with the people in the cast (this really improved on Saturday). Went home early because I had a lot of work ahead of me on Saturday, was anxious but got through the night.
Saturday: did my four lessons, tired but got to Bushwick on time. Waiting time before the performance was less but everyone seemed very friendly and supportive, felt good being part of a group of "Players" (this is an exaggeration, I know, but it really did feel like that) Felt much stronger in my poem, really defined it on Saturday---had some good talks with some of the Bushwick staff, promised to return for next week's project and left feeling very good.
Sunday: went to Romeo and Juliet at friends, really exceptional, Steve has a great sense of flow and environment---acting good all around, hope I will be able to tell the students when I see them.
After that, rejected Brooklyn, went to watch football at Standings, nothing much, finally ended at La Flaca, where Tom and new waitress Judy were very nice to me.
Yesterday went to the school to pick up check----then went to Brooklyn on the B---destination, Brooklyn Avenue near Lefferts. Got off on the Prospect Park station, even though it as dark , felt fascinated by the journey, long to go out there again and go say, from train station to maybe even as far east as Utica, as for south as  well maybe even Newkirk. Want to see how the neighborhoods connect. Walked an amazing amount, legs feel incredibly strong today.
That's it....three more days until the vacation, so at least there will be no worries at that point. Maybe more enlightenment shed on situation at Concert---good to see the kids perform.

yesterday at.....

Bushwick, attended a long tech of the show that Flako is doing at the Starr. Did not get to read my poem, the one I am performing Langston Hughes' Genius Child but on the train coming back, I memorized it. First time in a long time I have memorized something to show to people.Excited about presenting it tonight, and tomorrow night, hope I remember it. Will be interesting to see how the whole show comes together, who is there to see it, etc. and if I can make my 12 or so line poem effective. Very tired during the whole tech, managed to understand what is going on, however. Was not called to Friends today, so can rest a lot, while I wait to get to Bushwick. We are supposed to be there at around 5:30, but that is rush hour, will probably go in (via J not L) a little earlier, maybe leave my house around 3. Not a bad day to move around, anyway.Can't fathom what I would feel like in the presentation if I had worked today, but on the other hand, disappointed at not being called. Is it possible that for the last two weeks there have really been no absences by the faculty?
Got a nice e-mail from director of show Steve re my ticket for Sunday, really looking forward to it, also will go to Concert on Tuesday night and of course final Assembly before Christmas---always good to be at and say hello to alumni.So I will be around, work or not, similarly, I will ask to be included in the day of discussions at Friends in January, as part of the community.
Body feels very loose, perhaps this is because I have not had to concentrate it at school.
Tomorrow will be a busy day---should still have enough energy for the evening (second) show at the Starr.
Other cast members and tech people were friendly last night, but no real bonding, probably because I was tired and annoyed, nevertheless learned the poem in my tired state, returning from Bushwick on the L train.
Will report on that probably tomorrow, see what happens....
The poem, Genius Child, is great, by the way, so happy that Flako picked it out for me to read.

many answers to

my post in Talking Broadway yesterday afternoon about Allegro, almost all of them are constructive, thank God. Have a little bit more to say myself, but not sure if I want to continue it. Yesterday, not much until lesson, then went to Friends for a basketball game, felt very welcome there (still no work today) and looking forward to the play on Sunday and the Christmas Assembly next Friday. A few other events as well (have to check out date and time) Afterwards went to Sunburst to finish reading Mary Gordon's short story about Thomas Mann, she makes some really good points about commitment or lack of same, just as I was about to leave, so Taku, class of 2009, one of my favorite students in  all my years at Friends. He and three other guys from the class now live in Bushwick, and we talked for about 10 minutes, discussed protests among other things, really good conversation, hope I can continue it soon. Afterwards headed down to Burp Castle
to visit with my bartender friend Erin, good conversation, soon joined by a friend of hers named Anna, who lives in Flatbush, not far from one of my students. Talked with both of them mostly about the state of the city and different neighborhoods and how they have changed over the past few years (and have they ever!) Left feeling really upbeat, nice trip home, and slept right through the 1 o'clock, 2 o'clock time period in which I often get up and feel distracted. Woke up feeling quite mellow---not so much now, a little restless as I sit here in Mid Manhattan library.
But the fact that I am not working means more energy for tonight, the "dress rehearsal" for the extravaganza at Bushwick Starr that I am taking part in this Friday and Saturday. Also my be able to stop off in one or two other places in Brooklyn, maybe even sing some Karaoke (but that might be too much) Anyway, the weekend beckons, we will see what the Bushwick Starr experience brings (could be very interesting)

saw Allegro last night....

evoked a tremendous amount of feelings in me----so much of this music is from my childhood or thereabouts. It is truly beautiful music, first rate Rodgers and Hammerstein ( terrific lyrics). Doyle's production is diametrically opposed to the one I saw in Astoria last spring---want to write about it on talkin broadway, will I...? Also a  few major omissions. Wonder if I know anyone else who saw it, should be the last show that I see before my "stint" at Bushwick Starr this weekend. Hopefully tiredness will not ensue, if I work on Friday. Have not worked now at Friends in a week, feel strange, will go to basketball game today after Genesis, also the play on Sunday. After that, not sure, should visit my friend Erin, who did the 1963 show that at NYU that I saw in early October, assume that she is working at Burp Castle. If not, well, always a trivia game somewhere around (Pine Box Rock Shop) or somewhere similar. Body feels very rested...will check in later....

unique day, in...

that there is no subbing or lessons. Sense of freedom, kind of nice, even for this motley weather. Just got a facebook notification from Sibyl about a reading at HERE this afternoon---will probably go, seems like a constructive thing to do and a good chance to touch base (though probably briefly) with Sibyl. Sorry that I cannot see her play at Dixon this Saturday, but have to do (of course I want to) the project at Bushwick.
Just returned from Barnes and Noble where I finally read the poem that Flako assigned to me---intense--but I like it. Also read several poems (i am becoming more attracted to them as a whole) at Barnes and Noble, best one, very intense and horrific by Wilfred Owen called Disabled. What happens after the Reading...? Not sure, weather may define my choices, maybe check out Allegro at cheap prices...tomorrow back to normal, we will see.

so what happened....

was I did not get to see Frank's movie, too tired, and worried that the rush back to City Center might be too much, instead, after library  rested, then went to see Vito's play. Not the name of it but it might have been, first time seeing Vito in about 22 years, said hello afterwards, he was very nice, did recognize me, we talked a bit about some mutual friends and also how sad it is that at this point in time, it is impossible to take a successful play at a not for profit theater and create an off Broadway run of it. Sure this play could have moved on for a good six months if managed properly.
Afterwards went for a beer and french fries at the Emerald Inn, had nice conversation about opera with Felipe, who happens to be the son of Renata Scotto. Seems like a good guy, hopefully more conversations to follow.
Sunday, wandered around Flatbush then bus to Flushing and Bedford, walked the rest of the way to South Fourth, quite a walk--good time there, some good conversations---felt it was time to leave and planned to go to Cobra, but felt tired, that walk took a lot out of me plus it was cold, so took L home. Fell asleep relatively quickly, then awoke around 3, full of energy---how to deal with it---difficult, nowhere to go with my energy---this is continuing, have to make some moves at some point--maybe should stay out even if I approach exhaustion, still no word from Friends, which also might have something to do with restlessness, still other aspects of life going fairly well, not hard keeping an even keel---holiday break coming soon, will bring some....

not much to say.....

hectic day today, going both to Videology for showing of Frank's moving, and then to play at City Center. Of all days to begin at 7:30, why did they have to pick this one. Plus, it is raining. Glad to see that protesting has continued. Yesterday, went to FUREE meeting, long but meaningful, after that aloft in Park Slope, walked down fifth to Freddy's where I had a nice sandwich and a beer. Nothing meaningful happened there, talked to no one (except the guy managing the food), could have sat in on a nice band, but was discouraged because no other listeners were in the room--still it was opened, could have stayed but did not, found myself tired when I left--right to subway, fell asleep at home quickly, but was in an ornery mood during the night when I awoke. Why...? Was I really disappointed in the lack of "action" at Freddys? Anyway, night moved into morning and mood improved...full of energy today, this is good, but lots of things going on next weekend, figure I can navigate them all---still a busy time, we will see,,,,

so the protests.....

continue, certainly from what I heard last night as I was resting (needed a second day after Friends and Genesis to get my wind back) Good to hear that so many are becoming involved. Would have loved to attended South Fourth party yesterday evening (can it really be eight years since I found the place---amazing!) but simply too tired. Feel good today, after lesson will go out to Brooklyn to participate in first FUREE meeting in a long time. Wonder how that will go? After that.....not sure, Brooklyn is totally available to me, but it is cold. Also have to find something to read for the trip. Tomorrow, maybe try to get into Father in the afternoon, if not check out Frank's movie at Videology at 5, then back to the city to finally see By The Waer---which, of course, starts at 7:30, not 8, tomorrow evening. Sunday will mostly be  rest day, I think, but things change so quickly around here...you never know.

physically exhausted....

after yesterday, in which I had a full schedule at Friends and then a lesson with Genesis. Mentally exhausted after hearing about the Grand Jury's refusal to indict the police officer, listening to the Lehrer show (annoyed by the bombasticity of the two guests, and then going on Facebook. What can be done...? Something important is to encourage my friends who are posting to get together as a group to discuss there role in this as citizens and people in NYC. There is a certain horror at understanding that the "benign" world that you are living in, giving one a decent sense of privilege, as being mirrored by a horrible world in the same city. So I have said my peace but do hope to encourage some of my friends to start discussion groups re our part in this.
Not much else to report, will probably not see Susan-Lori Parks' play this week, seems very crowded, will try probably on Saturday anyway, also will try to see Frank's movie, and the play at Ars Nova---MTC.
Tonight, if I am rested, will go to South Fourth party---not a great deal to celebrate I am afraid, but still will go, because the place has meant so much to me over the last seven years. Don't forget to bring Beer Book...

Feeling a little......

annoyed and discontented at this moment, everything seems hassled, what do I mean by that? I mean a sense of constriction as I try to work out my day. Last night, tired after lesson, slept for a while, then went out to have an expensive (but decent) blt, then some yogurt, then back to apartment. Did not want to go to a bar, was that a mistake...? Better night last night, but still not that much of an improvement. Tomorrow will be a hectic day, as the eighth grade at Friends will wear me out, then the tutoring. Will I make it? I think so, but does that effect my behavior after lesson (possible) this afternoon. Still would like to see Father at the Public, like to use the beer bargain folder, like to give some away, like to....you see where this is going..
Philharmonic playing a relatively unknown Dvorak symphony this weekend, wonder if I will have time to see it. Would like to write something lyrical...sensitive, at least a memory that sticks in my mind...but guess I will have to work it all out...later....

feeling a little...

bit better this morning, after a strange, and perhaps unnecessary night---but just received word that unemployment money has gone through, and that I will be at Friends on Wednesday. Also, just reserved an expensive (for you, city boy) ticket for By the Water for Saturday night, but felt that it was important to see it, and in light of current monetary situation, was do-able. Now, only need to see Susan Lori-Parks' play at the Public to feel that I have seen those plays that I wished to. Also, meaningful because I get to say hello to Vito Ryginis, a guy who I hung out with about 20 years ago in Brooklyn, at the bar on Dean and Court..
At any rate, things seem to be looking up.
Last night, unaware of this morning's outcome I returned to the apartment around 6:30. Spent a nice day at South Fourth and Cobra, had good conversations at both, felt good upon leaving but tired. Had food waiting at home for me, over ate a bit, and then rested. Not much energy, but not really a good idea. Restless, lots of moving in and out of sleep from 9 on, a few very strange dreams (one in which I am trying to tutor in a brownstone, but I think I am checked out)---anyway, feel that I drained my resources. Have to remember that sometimes I need to stimulate myself out of the house (movie, beer) even if I am tired. Kind of moot now, but important to remember, especially with the holidays coming up.
Today, after lesson have the time free. Maybe contact Hannah and see if she is playing trivia tonight at the strange dive bar around Meeker Avenue. Or perhaps a movie, not really sure. Could also explore with my bar book, which incidentally, I forgot yesterday---could have given some of those coupons away, but did not. At any rate, should be celebrating my "returned" money, will see how that evolves...

Finally spoke....

to an NYS unemployment representative yesterday afternoon. Will this get things done...? Only time will tell. Meanwhile, yesterday, thought I might try to see Pericles, but all sold out (I probably could have gotten in at the last minute, but did not want to "Hang" for three hours. Instead, after some deliberation, saw Happy Valley, the movie about the Sandusky, Paterno and others at Penn State. Very sad, all the way around.
Afterwards, decided that best place for me to be  (not a second movie) was La Flaca. Glad I went, stayed for about three hours. Nice to check in with bob again, he now has a great girl friend named Kelly, and enjoyed descriptions about Tindur and how they met. Should I try it myself once I get my smart phone? We will see. Signature Theater tonight, finally seeing Katori Hall's play Tomorrow? Think I will try to stay most of the day in B rooklyn, probably begin at South Fourth then on to Cobra, then, maybe just back to South fourth to see some of the "night" people. Want to bring my bar book, start divesting it, hope to give away about three by tomorrow. Still, even though will not go to many of the thirty, glad I did it.
Continue on with the day....

so after a...

"long and strange" Wednesday night, had a decent day yesterday, a long wait before trip to Brooklyn, but then a good time with family from the Goldman-Schwarz side. Good discussion with kayla about DeBlasio's first year---accomplishments and non-accomplishments. Borrowed the Dylan book and read much on the way back---good evocation of early sixties era in the west village. Notice that east village is not mentioned at all. Also feel fully rested, it seems that all the fruit that I had since Sunday is really paying off.

Some passionate posts on Facebook re Ferguson---good to see that everyone is being made aware of the problem, Maybe a few of us could get together and talk about it in the future. We are so saturated with the
"holiday spirit" that probably would not take place until January, although it should be sooner.

Still dealing with theater log jam, not sure about tonight, Pericles, possibly, sure about tomorrow evening (Katori Hall's play) Sunday will probably "chill" at my two regular coffee places-bar. Have to give some of the brokelyn free beer coupons away, only four and a half weeks for people to use them. That's all for now....

It's raining.....

and, because Friends is closed, no thinking about phone calls this morning. Nice! Yesterday, got a surprise call at 3 from Friends librarian, asking me to cover the library until 6. Surprised that the library stayed open that long on a day before a holiday, but did it anyway. Quiet, hurt back shelving books on lower shelves, but all seems to be all right now. Tired after I left, did not go anywhere or see anything, instead returned home and listened to some meaningful takes on the Ferguson situation.
Thanks to friend Julie B, will see katori Hall's play at Signature free on Saturday evening, debating if I should reserve for anything else now, maybe Samuel Hunter's new play at Playwrights for Sunday evening. Still not sure about tonight or Friday, tonight might be determined by weather, might want to stay around the neighborhood, in that case maybe a movie at Lincoln Center (fassbender?!) or maybe just pure escapist Gone Girl. Or maybe will head down to the public and see one of the plays there, should not have a problem getting in on a day like this.
Not much else to say, Thanksgiving dinner in Prospect Heights with 'the gang" (family gang) tomorrow, can't believe that we have been doing this now for over 20 years. Amazing! First or second time I crossed Flatbush Avenue and walked east on Park Place, was a little nervous, but of course nothing happened. Now, a different world, entirely. Earlier, possibly will go to Lansdowne and have a large salad while I watch the first football game of the day. Or possibly a movie...not sure, otherwise, problems to solve (I think we should always remember this) but things are looking up....

strange....

wanted to write about some person feelings, but the posts on Facebook from my friends have been so intense that am more involved with that now.Still, wanted to state that Invisible, a Paul Auster novel that takes place in two distinct time zones,and deals with adults who go from 17 to their fifties, is something that I want to reread, yet feel is a little too intense for me now. Much like the three Henry VI plays by Shakespeare. Well, will have to resolve it. What should I do now...? Return to Facebook or muse on about other things. Glad that two of my friends are so passionate in response to the Saint Louis Michael Brown verdict, hope that they and others can create a continuum of vision, see this as part of a larger struggle that appears to go on every day. We are in a cauldron that has not exploded yet, and hopefully will not, but awareness must lead to change.
Yesterday, library at Friends, moved to third floor, uneventful, today will go to Thanksgiving Assembly and to pick up my check. Yesterday hung out at Sweetwaters with Shayla and Helen and Zach for an hour or so, tired after that, returned home, still don't know who won Ravens-Saints football game (does it matter..?) that is all for now, hopefully more tomorrow....

my head is....

splitting, not sure why, maybe the heat in the apartment (landlord does not turn off heat as temperature rises), anyway, biding time while I wait for my library shift at Friends.
Weekend worked well, got a lot accomplished. Saw Generations at Soho Saturday afternoon, very powerful 30 minutes of theater, luckily met Kathy, friend from South Fourth and she got me in; I owe her for that.
Also said hi to Michael, who is in the play, and havn't seen in a while, will visit him at Roosevelt Island when I get the chance (tutoring recedes). Evening saw Stu's one man play, what can I say, Stu is Stu, talked briefly with another classmate of our, Howard, who was also at the play. Wife (his) very silent---why? Interesting that Phi Sigs and Phi Eps who bonded about 54 years ago, still are close and supportive, but the "loner" who was not part of that is usually not included in their rituals.Strange phenomenon, anyway glad I could be of support of Stu.
Yesterday, finally returned to South Fourth, had not been there for a while, good conversations with harlow and Merlin--he is in yet another production in this overcrowded November and December that I will probably miss. After that Adam's reading, will talk with him about this further, glad to hear that Freedom High, my favorite play of his, got a good production in Milwaukee. Went home, would have liked to have visited Silent Barn and see a small project that Merlin was involved with, but decided home was better. Almost went to Ali's show at Joe's Pub, but decided at last minute that food was more important and went to Lansdowne, watched some of Giant game, (left right as first half ended, can't believe they lost). Bartenders there as usual very friendly made me feel right at home---not too much in common with the clientele, and yet I always feel good going there.
Sun just arrived outside library window, I guess it is going to be really warm this afternoon, how to deal with these bizarre changes of the weather....more later...

exhausted but....

free, tutoring canceled today, find myself with a completely free day today and tomorrow (that is two days, right?) however much to do. If you read Wednesday's blog, you will see my interest in the theater; but on Wednesday evening, did nothing but flop into bed,,,two more days of work at Friends after that, state of exhaustion very real. But should try to see Generations this afternoon and Stu's one man show this evening. Tomorrow my friend Adam has a reading of his new play, and in the evening...who knows...? Also want to do some socializing around Brooklyn tomorrow, so we will see how that plays out. Ali Grieb in the evening, possibly, but might be too tired. We will see.
Not much else to say, three good days at Friends this week, will sub in the library on Monday. Looking forward to the holiday, a chance to rest, or just be able to ponder things.
I know what my people are thinking tonight as home from the shadows they wander
Everyone smiling in secret delight, they stare at the castle and ponder....
Go figure....

what to do....

so many plays to see in such a short time. Should really go tonight to Stu Richel's Viet Nam piece, but other plays beckon. Probably need ten days to see about twenty interesting plays. Oh well, there is still a decent amount of time to make decisions, if only all these plays were not presented in a time ghetto (for want of a better word), it would be a lot easier, but now, one really has to be available all the time. Even a retiree with much disposable income and a full day to rest before taking off for the theater, would be hard pressed to see
'everything".
Well, quite a twenty four hour period for you, cityboy! Beginning with Monday evening, the party at Bushwick Starr, lots of fun, much good conversation, had a nice talk with Rachel C, hope that the movie about the Team gets into that proposed theater film festival at Segal Center. Spoke to Flacco, who still wants me to be in his "event" at the Starr----that will be  busy weekend for me with the play at Friends, as well as the Santa Con drinking event which this year will take place, in, of all places, Bushwick. Should be an interesting late night subway ride on the L train that Saturday night. But to get back to the party, spoke to some old friends, made some new ones, my theater commitment really helped. Sorry that I did not see the seven playwright response to stop and frisk at Segal Center, but simply had to rest before the party.
Some sleep in my newly heated apartment and then up at 6 to prepare for what turned out to be a six period day at Friends, mostly with those wild and wacky eighth graders. Will see some of them again on Friday, also committed to working in the library this Monday. Will have to work this out with Genesis today, but probably can manage.As tired as I was after period 8 at Friends, still managed to get to Convent Avenue and tutor my student Robert. When I left, well it was simply home. Got to sleep around seven, thank God.
      Are we in a new place, is what I asked myself when the night was over. This has truly been an amazing couple of days, with the two visits from former classmates, the Bushwick trip and play watching at the Brick on Sunday, and the above. I suppose can't tell until the rest of the week develops......

so I will take....

my friend Bob's advice and (possibly) extend this blog. But first, the meeting with two old friend, Bob, whom I first met in 1957, and Jim, my first (and only) college roommate, whom I first met in 1960. Both men are happily married, both live in a suburb of Washington DC, both were staying at hotels or bed and breakfasts that were within two blocks of each other and within four blocks of my apartment. This lead to a lot of walking through the neighborhood.
First, Bob, a really good conversation about Medicare benefits, among others (conversations, that is), he appreciated my suggestion for a rebate for those receiving benefits who only see their doctors once a year with no referrals after the first visit. Spoke a lot about other things going on as well. Wandered through the eastern part of the upper west side, where we went over the history of it commenting on the blocks that we wandered through, as I mentioned that many of the now beautiful brownstones that adorn each block were once rooming houses, often for addicts and criminals, and real estate on the upper west side was extremely cheap in the late sixties and early seventies.
Sunday morning, a brunch with Jim, both of us have solid memories, spoke a bit about our Hopkins experience, talked a lot about the state of the theater, which, to my surprise, Jim was very aware of. Also discussed politics, "faux liberalism" or perhaps a better way of saying it would be entitled liberalism, or narcissistic liberalism. Again, ended the visit with a walk through the very same streets that the night before I had strolled with Bob.
Sunday afternoon, headed to cobra club in bushwick, Dorian, the bartender is always friendly, watched a bit of the football game, and had an interesting conversation with Lauren and Steve, a couple who live near the bar.
Debated whether to see a play by a playwright whom I casually know at Brick, after much self-debate went to see it---glad I did, not so much because I liked it (did not really) but because it is now out of my way in terms of things to see. Just going through what is out there that has interest (amazing!)
Today, will go to party at Bushwick Starr (benefit that is). No subbing today makes it totally possible for me to attend. Before that my go to graduate center at CCNY to see project of seven black playwrights writing monologues about being stopped and frisked. Should be interesting.....

Disappointed and....

upset, no heat in the evening, this despite a call to Steve (the building manager) yesterday morning At this point the boiler shuts off around 11, and does not come back until 6A.M.. Using space heaters that are adequate to keep me warm, but anxiety builds because it is costing me money via electricity that they use. Does the manager think he can keep this up until March, a long time for cold nights. Will complain more as the days go by, but not looking forward to the evening.
How will this effect the meetings with my friends that are coming up today and tomorrow...? I don't know.
Trying to live as normal a life as possible...see how it plays out.
Yesterday after Friends simply returned home, sleep early (there was heat when I went to sleep at 7).
So fighting a war on two fronts, (this and getting my unemployment money). Will see what happens....

sitting in Friends....

Library now, soon will take over my shift, but enough time to browse the web ad infinitum.
Began the morning in Bushwick at Cobra, wanted to say goodbye to Joanna, who is going to be with
her boyfriend soon in Australia. So I did, long trip out there, though L Train moves fast. She was glad to see me, spoke a while, during a quiet period at the bar, but then the throng came in, and I became a watcher of people. Interesting to see who arrived and asked for coffee. Left around 11.
Yesterday evening, did explore a new bar, a very nice one called Richlane, kind of mellow, a great place for a date, since there are a lot of small tables that are far from the small bar. Bartender Dave really very nice, welcoming then had an interesting conversation with Mike, a cook who lives nearbye, and is helping to organize a restaurant opening in (where else?) Bed-Stuy, Nostrand Avenue to be exact. We went through the litany of bars and neighborhoods, and coffee shops that we knew or did not know, I left, expecting to end up at South fourth in time for karaoke, but stopped at the Bean for a sandwich. As I was finishing it, felt myself collapse from tiredness, knew I could not make it to South Fourth, could just get to the L train. Arrived home tired, but okay. Felt good this morning, feel strong now.
Rediscovered google maps just now, looked at a couple of images of around the Concourse in the Bronx, and also in what was called in 1960 "Northwest Baltimore". Of course that was the Jewish section, rapidly ready for change a few years later..but then...Took the map to Clarinth Road, home of my one date with a girl named Ellen, two years younger than me, got too fussy afterwards, she never saw me again, lost again in Baltimore, March 1961. How is it possible that I remember it so completely. what does it mean...? Now, she is in her late sixties, what has that to do with anything, would I even recognize her...or her friend....? Left to ponder these images one tries to...what....?

Interesting weekend ahead, visits from a high school friend and a college friend. Both now live in the DC area---interesting to see how I negotiate these visits. Both are staying about a block away from each other on the west side (double irony). Tonight, not sure...anyway....

so here I am....

in Lincoln Center library, no work, no lessons, so the day is entirely free. To think, that I could have booked the afternoon library shift at Friends, and by waiting one day, had it taken by someone else. Well, at least i will be there tomorrow for the hour and a half that the library is open, and earlier to pick up check.
Tried to go to Brooklyn this morning, just did not work, instead wandered circuitously around the city, ended up at the libary here in the Performing Arts building, which, as I have said before, I discovered about 50 (yes 50) years ago.
Really good reading at Prelude Continum yesterday, great acting and three amazing scenes written by three super playwrights. Said hello to Lynn, she remembered me, that was nice, spoke of Jake Ann, who now lives in Tampa, where she is trying to raise two boys. Twenty years, things really change. After that, thought I might try the bar that I went in with Michael and company last week, but it seemed crowded and expensive---getting very manic about going into bars alone. Tonight might be a good night to try one of the bars on my bar book list, as time shortens itself. Probably will not see anything today, though again, the number of plays of interest, and those that are closing next week is palpable. Plus the number of plays NOT closing this or next week. Aghast at how many. Still with the unemployment unresolved, reluctant to spend too much, think that karaoke tonight at South Fourth might be more appropriate, also give me some time with people. that I have not seen recently, and like.. Would go there after bar exploration. Makes sense.
No reply from Primary Stages re my offer to add to their memory bank re off Broadway.
Reply from Jim re Sunday lunch, he is happy with the place I have chosen.
No reply from Bob re Saturday, wonder if this will happen.
Could have tried to hook up with Sibyl today, would have been perfect for it, but didn't. Why?
Documentary festival at IFC, some interesting DOCS but time...?
That is all for now.....

Infuriated...

because I could not reach unemployment this morning, to correct their error and continue receiving benefits.
Contacted my state assembly person, no response yet. Now, at computer, just sent an e-mail to oral history project at Primary Stages, proud of the memories that I shared with them about the early days of off Broadway. Hope they respond. No work today, will probably attend forum sponsored by City College Arts group this evening and see Lynn Nottage and others, I remember her from about twenty years ago, wonder if she will remember me; I was a friend of her friend Jake Ann Jones, another playwright.
Spent all day Monday at Friends, feel fulfilled, during weekend attended Fortress of Solitude at Public and really thought it was special. Glad I went and talked to Kristen afterwards. Sunday a kind of strange day, built around Kim's project with NY Theater of the Deaf. Watched some football at the overcrowded  and loud(but I should have known this) Lansdowne Road, still like the place however.
Saturday, high school friend Bob is supposed to meet with me in the afternoon, have not heard from him however, Sunday, first roommate ever, Jim is meeting me for brunch, just arranged the brunch place.
Rest of week will depend on how much subbing I get. It is possible that for the first time tomorrow that I will have neither, should be a day with a lot of options. Miss Brooklyn, need to go there soon.
After forum tonight, might try to use my underused Brooklyn beer book, or might not. Still lots of plays to see, but the money and........also found out that Hopkins classmate Stu Richel has a one man show on, running (of course) at the same time so many other plays are,
So we will try to work it out.

so quickly,.....

here is what happened---worked four days at Friends this week, including two in the middle school. Hard work! Now am on good terms with fifth graders---three of the four days tutored as well, on each simiply arrived home and crashed, and similar was yesterday, although there was no tutoring---too tired to do much.
Monday night interesting time, had a fascinating talk with Eric Ting, director of the Soho play about racism that I disliked so much about two years ago. Really accepted my objections, seems like a really nice guy, by the way, am behind about fifteen plays at this point---have no idea how I can catch up, maybe tonight at the Public.
Sunday, interesting walk up the complete Lee Avenue corridor to bed-stuy, interesting that one block before the projects (marcy) is what seems like the epicenter of a hasidic shopping space. The twain...never meets.
Not much else to say, have a long day at Friends on Monday, after that......not sure, will check in when possible.

lots of tension....

why, well for one that boiler in the apartment house seems to be broken, not a problem now, (except no hot water) but if not fixed for tonight or tomorrow, when it is supposed to be around 25 degrees. Another cold night where I use my two heaters excessively which means higher con ed bills (something I don't need) Could deduct con ed bill from rent, since this has happened before, but usually take the non-confrontational road and just pay the difference. Now I sit in the library, just turned down the chance to see Country House at MTC for free tonight? Why?  AM really curious as to what it is, but are not there better things to do. Last night figured that this evening would be my only chance to see Klinghoffer at the Met, other dates are already booked, now having just checked the Met ticket blog, find out there should be many tickets available even this evening. But this morning, decided that my time could be better spent chcecking out some places in Brooklyn, maybe even stopping into South Fourth, where I have not been for a while. I seems that for every evening I have so many options, sometimes overwhelmed by these choices, in a week there will be four plays at the Public, I would be interested in seeing. How to work it out...?  Nothing is clear, will return to apartment to see if heat is back before heading up to Harlem for my one lesson today.
Last night decided that Six Characters would be too difficult to get to considering how tired I felt, a movie would be better, so I went to the Godard film at Lincoln Center Hard to sit through film, but fascinating, since I have a Godard background, understood the way moments were chopped up and returned to, still not an easy movie to take, though some very beautiful images. Glad I saw it--out of my way, at least---afterwards felt hungry for the first time in a long while, went up to Columbia area and had chicken in soup at Ollie's a cold place for contact but just what I needed for my body. Still have eaten only a bagel today, and am not hungry at all. Slept well (sort of) until it was time to take a shower and then above happened.

totally free...

today, absolutely no planned work, so what does that mean? Well, may be able to see Godard movie this afternoon, not sure about the evening, should I go to BAM and try to see Six Characters etc. It is a french version which I probably will understand, fascinating play, have known if for years, since second year of college. Other options as well, will keep this open to the end, unless I choose something on AE, because BAM will definitely have senior rush tonight, I know that from the seating chart.
Yesterday, did go to Sybil's discussion at Prelude Center, learned of some other interesting discussions as well, commented quickly on group, then said (because we were asked to) a statement about standing on Ralph Avenue this Sunday, no one picked up on that seemed a little weird, but most statements by audience existed in a kind of controlled state---many not aware of "downtown theater" opportunities. Feel a little out of it, also a bit aggressive--will see how this effects further discussions, definitely would like to attend evening  that Lynnne Nottage will participate in, and the black playwrights' reaction to stop and frisk, which is I think on the seventeenth.
Afterwards went to La Flaca, Page and Britton were there, happy to see me, had the BLT and watched the Knicks for a while. Toyed with the idea of visiting Williamsburg, maybe south fourth for Karaoke, but felt too tired, returned home feeling alive and somewhat mellow.
That seems like it for now, still deciding about plans tonight, have a little more money than usual....

so here I....

am at Library at my old haunt on Pitt and Houston. Successfully have found Spanish version of Twilight, which I will give to Jesus, the coffee guy (I am his personal library gofer), but also wandered around the neighborhood at length while waiting for the library to open. As usual much building going on, across the street from where I sit now is a luxury high rise, the door is on Houston, but much of it fronts on Avenue D.
Who would like to live there, I ask myself, maybe someone who teaches in the four or five schools that are very nearbye, similarly there is the Stanton, all the way near Pitt, another luxury building, same question, what is the motivation for renting an apartment there---if you can afford luxury prices, wouldn't one want it in a more accessible neighborhood...?
Yesterday, one period at Friends, it was definitely enough, the worst period I have had there in a long time, four boys from fifth grade very difficult, will have them again next Wednesday, however the class should be more organized, they should be easier to deal with, also they will be spoken to by Craig, who is in charge of discipline for that grade, nevertheless found the experience upsetting, well I think things will be better next week.
Afterwards. tutored Genesis at the library, much more positive experience, not much energy left to take in
"culture" or hang out, probably tired from Tuesday evening, came home and for the most part, spent the night sleeping with a few wake ups at different times.
Today will try to take in Sibyl's project at the City College Center, could be fun, see how I feel after that...the rest is....

tuesday morning,

already got my hair cut, worked yesterday at Friends, as usual enjoyed it, then tutored Genesis, had a terrible tuna fish sandwich (cost $8.80 with tip) and then home, asleep in a matter of minutes, so it seems.
Nice day today, will see what the future brings, interesting day Sunday, almost forgot about it, though two nights ago I was haunted by the vision of the trip. After stopping off to see Susan at Cobra, needed to walk, walked the with of Bushwick (Wycoff to Broadway), but then what...? Finally decided to take bus up Utica to Eastern Parkway, Arrived there soon...then challenged myself to walk east towards Brownsville, not west towards the gentrified section. Took Union Ave to the park, then a block north back to the parkway. Three blocks east to Ralph Avenue, mostly all black people, but did see one young white woman entering an apartment house off Rochester Avenue on the Parkway. Continued to Ralph, then first block in Brownsville
(Pitkin Ave) one block to Howard, decided that that was as far as I wanted to go, doubled back to the Parkway (now the extension as it heads towards the junction) and hit the parkway again at Ralph. Stood for a long time at Ralph and the Parkway, watched people move back and forth, thought possibly of continuing on one of the two bus lines that stop on the corner, saw a Jamaican woman scream and hit her daughter (the woman was pregnant) for what seemed like no reason, followed them with my eyes, the daughter did not look damaged, still was upset, wondered if I should have followed them, maybe a few years ago I would have, this time wanted to avoid confrontation so I did not, continued standing for what seemed like a long time on Ralph and Eastern Parkway's northeast corner. Why? Looking for a neighborhood that you could have felt safe in when you were growing up; it would have been mostly Jewish then. Finally walked west towards Utica, passed a white young man carrying a table to what must have been a new apartment; he looked at me like "well, do you live in this neighborhood as well...?" also saw a white young woman walking her dog. Still most of the area, the deepest part of Crown Heights seems black and poor.
   Train at Utica to Franklin, got off at Franklin for some coffee, found myself, of course, in a completely different world, full of light, many white young people as well as black people on the block and of course the myriad coffee places and restaurants that line Franklin, gave me a feeling of security. Had coffee and then went home, received call from Micah for Friends assignment a little while after returning home.
During Sunday night awoke and asked myself why the fascination for visiting these "fringe' areas in Brooklyn, why did I do it? Still, want to do more, love to absorb the architecture of these different neighborhoods, see myself as a child visiting or living there. Still the comparison to the better off areas in the city is startling.
Franklin Ave seems like a dream world, next to eastern parkway and Ralph.
This evening will be determined by how I feel after 7, have not gotten out much on weekday evenings, maybe today will be the charm...

beautiful morning.....

something very full and fall like in the air, really a nice optimism in place as I wait to find out if I have one student for today in the Harlem library. Interesting, how, if I had the whole day free, I could see a matinee of one of the many plays that interest me, but it is so beautiful out, it seems like sacrilege to spend any part of the afternoon inside.Need to move around, hopefully can visit some part of Brooklyn (have a yen for Ditmas Park, but don't know if I can make that happen) before the evening. Then I will try to see That Poor Dream, want to touch base with my friend at Assembly. Also, body feels freer than in the last couple of days, a pall that was hanging over it (maybe it was just fatigue) seems to have vanished. We will see how long that keeps up.
Yesterday, tired but did the day, then off to Bushwick to see Ghost Quartet, very glad that I did, enjoyed it, then afterwards, though not terribly hungry went to the beer place on Starr, joined there by many others who had seen the show, and some who were in it.Before most arrived had a nice talk with a teacher of special ed named Tony, who lives in the neighborhood and has a special ed class at a school deeper into Bushwick. Only three kids and a para; apparently it is an autistic class. After he left for an art celebration down the block, cast arrived, had a nice talk with Britton, one of the two immensely talented women in the cast, who was also in Natasha and Pierre which I really loved. She moved on and I chatted a bit with Noel (would love to know if anything is changed because of the Times interest) and watched the end of the third game of the world series. Appetite came back on the subway, but waited until returning home to get some food.
Of course evening would have been impossible if I had subbed at Friends, but still reluctant to admit that time in the evening can mostly happen on nights when I don't work there, No work yet for the week anyway, but we will see. Still, can't wait to return, hope that will happen soon.
Still waiting for the phone call, then off to Harlem, and then....

really looking forward....

to writing today, why....? Not sure. Life continues, no work so should be very rested for my trip to Bushwick this evening, first time out in a almost five days---seems impossible to go out if I sub and/or tutor. Yesterday, between lessons, walked from 141 street and Convent to 128th street and Lenox. Saw some incredibly beautiful brownstones on 137th between seventh and eighth. What was the street like twenty, thirty years ago, is this the Harlem, that up to two years ago, I would willingly avoid at any costs, or at best, move through very quickly. Strange, almost like finding ones eyesight after many years of blindness. Perhaps you took it too seriously.
Reading a novel by Sam Toperoff about Hellman and Hammett. Getting more and more interested in it. Seems like it is all true, author must have been very obsessed by those two.
Not much else to report, the plunder of Brooklyn by realtors seems to continue. Listened to WNYC ask for contributions from its listeners, full of self praise, of course new board member represents everything that the station purportedly is against, that its listnership, that is the retired teacher or social worker now living on UWS or in Brooklyn, would feel betrayed if it knew of this addition to the Board.
Don't know if time will be extended or not, have to end, anyway, tonight, on to Bushwick Starr for Dave Malloy's project.......

So, where was I...

feeling strong today, just saw my Medicare person,signing up for a new plan this year. Intimations of...?
Not really. Yesterday, thought that I could possibly attend Assembly project after their performance of That Poor Dream, started out to go around 9, simply realized that my body could not do it. Instead, went to coffee place on west 79street, looked more like a dating place, so this is where couples go when they don't want to get drunk---I guess. Accepted the irony of it, as I read a little of the Hammett-Hellman novel that I took out of the library yesterday. Returned home and went to sleep fairly quickly, slept well, with usual awakening around 3 A.M. Feel strong enough to do something this evening, maybe even go toSouth Fourth for karaoke, but have to see how things are going when I finish last lesson.
Found  schedule for 11 bus of Baltimore, perused it a bit while getting up. Same bus that Jim and I took as freshmen, route has expanded, but still goes down Charles Street from train station to University. Would love to take the bus all the way to Towson, hope to do it soon. Ah...Baltimore, still calls to me.
Tomorrow, out to Bushwick to see Dave Malloy's musical evening, hope to be fairly rested to do it......

wow, five days later....

actually subbed two whole days at Friends, always fun and meaningful, also lessons, now Wednesday morning, body is very tired, will try to conserve some energy for tonight, when friends are doing short readings of new plays in the village at 10. Both Monday and Tuesday totally exhausted after a long day, yesterday, coming back to West Side from Harlem, decided to indulge myself with a large chicken portion at the neighborhood Chinese restaurant, overeat a lot, really have to rein that in, should serve to prevent that from happening again, body simply cannot receive that large a portion of food.
Sunday, found out it was Joanna's last day at South Fourth, she will now be at Cobra some Sundays which might mean a change of plans. Another nice day, as usual took Utica Avenue bus down Broadway, got off just as Bushwick begins, walked (even though I was tired) to around Lafayette, maybe further, took Gates Avenue bus through Bushwick (this is "eastern" Bushwick, seemed like
most of the ride between Broadway and Wycoff was low income housing. Anyway, area continues to fascinate me, more bus rides in the fall, I hope,
Weekend open with exception of Friday, when I have tickets for Dave Malloy's piece at Bushwick Starr. Rest of it open-----last chance to see Marriage of Figaro, Saturday evening, would like to check out production, don't know if it will happen though, some interesting movies around as well, no shortage of choices....

excited...

because I just received an e-mail from Erin re subbing next Tuesday. Just e-mailed her back confirmation;  I assume it will come through. Sort of colors everything at this moment.
Friday a beautiful morning, have most of whole day ahead of me--evening plans are rather vague, might go out to Bushwick and hang for a while at Cobra, see my friend barista Austen, or perhaps a movie, since there are a few that really interest me.
Yesterday, went to sleep early, surprised that my energy was not that high, but needed sleep, felt good about recounting memory of movie trip with Sally from 62. Just had a flash! Want to go to Brooklyn, had an image of walking around Fort Greene. Why...? Who knows, feel distracted, will get back at some point---weekend should include some travels.

much to....

write about...but where to begin. Let's begin in the Bronx, yesterday, to Alexander Avenue and140 street to get a book about Cortes. Neighborhood has been gentrified, to all accounts, and the two streets from 138th to 140th are lined with beautiful brownstones. But most of the people I saw were black and hispanic, and to my awareness, poor, library crowded with adults of all races and sizes (children will come later)  at about noon. Real need for it. Decided to walk then to 149th street and third avenue to catch train back to uws.
Interesting walk, mostly projects and commercial, 147th-149 area simply comes on to it. That area terribly crowded.
Tired from Tuesdays subbing at Friends and a lesson. Yesterday no work should have stayed home, but  picked up check and then went to aforementioned library. Around 5 really exhausted. Returned home around 7, went right to bed, had a good night's sleep  woke up at around 1, a little energy returned to bed, then around 4 for good. Still, body feels more relaxed and energetic. This afternoon have a dentist's appointment, then a lesson, then....not sure. Lots of things to see, while at the same time, if not tired, might want to visit brooklyn, say hello to Michael, the bartender at
Two Boots or visit South Fourth, maybe even play karoaoke if not too tired, but of course that assumes that I will even be there. Movies galore this weekend, what about my friend Kristen in Fortress, many other options, they come out me in floods, have no idea which "artistic event" is more valuable then the other, just try to go to ones that friends are in. The weekend looks unstructured so far, which means that.....
Went to Barnes and Noble this morning to kill time, read a little bit about David Greenglass, the brother of Ethel Rosenberg whose testimony helped convict her. Still fascinated by it, then a short story by Hemingway, then another called A Days Wait. About a boy who gets sick, I remember a date with Sally on a Friday in 1962, first time I understood what warmth was, she talked a lot about that story, seems to have gotten to her, later we went to a movie at the Senator, Sally loved previews. We were incredibly together that Friday. Still remember it in every detail, , the movie was The Miracle Worker. Probably the best date we ever had (or was it simply the best date that I ever had) though we had some intense ones later. But yes, as I read A Days Wait, thought only of her. She believed that the boy would get better, Dybek, in a short story that I read this weekend felt that he would die, why did Sally believe that he would get better, what was it to her...? Why did that story mean so much...?

what a day......

or how different does a day make! Yesterday at Friends, a completely different pace and reality then staying home in the morning. Really good day, lots of fun and energy with Kate's three classes---return there Tuesday; eighth grade science and a study hall, then, after that.....well we will see. After, should I check out Preludes or go home and rest (something that I have been doing a lot of lately) decided that only way I could hit Preludes was by going directly from around Friends to 34th street. Did that, very glad I did, immediately saw many people I knew, participated in a good discussion about loss and memory, and may be recorded by one of the participants re memories of those in theater passed away, or not. Saw two project,s Eliza's with my friend Lucy, and Mallory's Some waiting around, but basically a fruitful time. Good to return to the "community".
Today, after lessons, there is Bobby's party at La Flaca, actually the party is for the restaurant, may stay a while, then, will finally see That Poor Dream, tonight. At least that is the plan for now...

sad to hear about the violence....

at Net's Center in Brooklyn on Tuesday evening. Very depressing. Otherwise, yesterday, after lesson, not sure what to do---very tired, after I slept a bit, decided not to see That Poor Dream (wait to weekend) and instead visit Erin at Burp. Good idea, had good conversation with her and felt glad that I got out. Slept considerably more calmer as well. Interesting to find out about the process of putting that project on--really admired it for what it is.
Tomorrow back at Friends, afternoon kind of a wild card at this point, should see That Poor Dream on one of the three weekend days coming up. Sunday is the easiest, but would love to spend Sunday evening at South Fourth or Cobra, just relaxing and watching the Giants Eagles football game. Not sure how tired I will feel on Saturday, which will probably determine when I go. Miss the July Sunday evenings at South Fourth which were calm and mellow.
Long weekend ahead, that is all for now....

disappointed....

by the review of That Poor Dream the Assembly play that I have seen in many stages that is now playing at Ohio Space, In Voice, why did he review it so early in the run?  Made me want to see it tonight, to give support to the group. Will I go..? Will see after encounter at the library. Hopefully will not be too tired to do something, as I have been the last two evenings.
Yesterday, after working with Robert, took long walk from Convent and 141street down Frederick Douglass Boulevard to 116 street and then to Lenox, and then to 125th street by 3 train. Fascinating walk on the boulevard between 140th and 116th, some nice shops and restaurants the first ten blocks, then the projects arrive, across the street from 131street to 125th. The gentrification aspect of Harlem, so prevalent in the former blocks, sort of disappears, and one is back in the poor Harlem my generation grew up with and feared. All this, of course ends once you cross 125th street. Within a block the many new buildings with doormen dominate, both on Saint Nicholas as it diagonals towards Seventh, and definitely on Frederick Douglass. Chi chi restaurants, as sense of restraint. Did not follow the street down to 110th street but know of the several bars and restaurants that dart those six blocks. How things have changed since I was tutoring on 115th street and Morningside Avenue in the mid-late nineties.
More reading of Redfield's book, really terrific, really a shame that young theater practitioners don't know about it. Can something be done....?
Monday in Amersterdam library min-altercation with stern parent of a fourth grader who I see there and seems very bright and vivacious. Father (if it was he) was very stern and did not seem to respect her uniqueness---I acted like I was angry, see if is played out again today, will try to avoid any conflict, of course, more on this tomorrow or later....

so what is,,,

new? Just about everything. Elated at protest at Saint Louis Symphony, more of what we need. Sybil has a play in Baltimore, of all places, probably won't be able to see it, but glad for her, excited that it exists in Baltimore.
Yesterday, borrowed William Redfield's book from Chipped Cup. Great book, remember reading it in 67, alone in my studio on Irving Place, working at the Post Office, still recovering from "last year at Hopkins" sadness. Excited by it then, for some reason even more now. Very effective picture of rehearsal process, wonder why it is out of print...should not be. After finding it,  went down to the Center, got a ticket for Barefoot Contessa, Mankawitz retrospective, left after about a half hour, was not getting anything from it, kind of far too self referential. Probably no more of that.
Week is becoming more and more  crowded---tomorrow will probably visit Erin to speak more of her project when she works as a bartender at Burp.
Bob Herbert on radio today, Brian Lehrer show, also speaks of great discontent and apathy among voters.
Will see what happens later....

Saturday night....

tired but off to New School to see Erin's 63 project, glad I did, a very passionate evening, really well done, at moments I was terribly shaken. Will talk to her more about it on Wednesday (I think) when I visit Burp.
Yesterday, interesting day, visited Joanna at south fourth, watched a little football, then improvised, decided bed-stuy was where I wanted to explore. No bus, so walked towards Union on division, which turns into Harrison, Union is one block away from Lorimer. Long walk, all the streets one would face on Bedford going south, now one faces going east to Union. Go figure. Left on Union to its bonding with Marcy, a few blocks and voila, we are in bed stuy, right by the projects. Right on Myrtle, not sure if I wanted to try one of the bars that I have the coupon for, or old friend Black Swan. Passed the two bars on Myrtle, Project Parlor looked very mellow, but not TV, therefore no football. Entered Beast of Bourbon, kind of happening, a million televisions, but very crowded, did not feel comfortable, so opted for the Swan. Had a good beer there, watched the end of the Giant victory, staff was very nice, but found no one to talk to, that being said, still feel somewhat comfortable there. Hunger approached as I left, decided to try Frankin in Crown Heights.
Bus to Prospect Place, wandered around a bit, could not find anyplace to eat, getting very hungry, decided to take the train to Bergen to try Bark, at least I know what is happening there, and it is very reasonable.
Felt a bit like the cat chasing its tail, nevertheless got 4 on Franklin, off at Atlantic walked down to fifth, saw two other options for eating, both with all the football games on, still did not want to venture into a bar I did not know, chose Bark, one game on (jets being destroyed by San Diego) had nice hamburger, then felt
exhausted, toyed with going to a movie at Lincoln Center but instead returned home.Long walk to Bed-stuy from Willaimsburg must have done me in, yet this morning I feel incredibly healthy and strong.
Not sure about tonight, many options---might want to return to Myrtle Avenue and try one of those places I passed, on the other hand.....

three days since....

last posting, three days at Friends and also five teaching sessions---kind of exhausted, no work today, feeling a little bit  relieved, also a little bit empty. Enjoyed the three days at Friends, next scheduled day their, next Friday. Never quite have had three days like this before, non stop running from place to place, and simply coming home and "crashing" at the end of the day. Still, very fulfilling, seem to have forgotten the "artistic" side of myself. That will change today, of course when I go to Debate Society project at Ars Nova, and tomorrow when I attend the "63" project that my friend Erin is creating at the New School Still no time for movies or NYFF, or walks, whatever, will have to wait for Sunday for that.
Baseball game on this afternoon, early, will debate whether to go to Sports Bar on 79nth street and pay extra money for a salad but watch the game, or eat far more simply and get reports of it. Lots of options as baseball playoffs are played out. That is all for now.....

why am I...

feeling so tired, strange because usually feel good at this time. maybe because I took four long walks yesterday, my body just wants to rest today. but have at least one appointment at Library in the afternoon, and hope to "hang" with Shayla and Helen this evening at Sweetwater. Well we will see if this is possible.
Weekend, rested much of Saturday, saw Boyhood in the evening, yeah it is a really skillful movie. Yesterday, did as planned, started off at South Fourth, had good conversation with Joanna, also saw Clint and Kim, went to Cobra, only to find that Susan is not working on Sunday there any more. will be hard to see her, since Thursdays are pretty booked up for me, but will try, if not this week, maybe next. As far as Sundays goes, Dorian was there, nice guy, but don't feel a need to go there every week, none of Susan's regulars showed up, so pretty much watched football and drank coffee.
What this means is that Sundays, after checking in at South fourth are pretty open for me, possible trips to other parts of brooklyn, which I have been missing, maybe the slope or Prospect heights ( though that is probably pretty crowded around Brunch time) or Ditmas Park. Maybe one of the bus rides that I have been promising myself that I should take, maybe the one going up Ralph Avenue, could be very interesting. At any rate, the complexion of the day could be changed (though I don't think radically). After leaving Cobra, decided to simply walk up Wycoff, and did, past Myrtle (my usual end place0 and all the way up to Halsey Street stop, which is really on George Street. Wycoff changes radically one you pass Myrtle, becomes more wide open, parking spaces, etc. A little more mellow and possibly less deveoloped. . Took L to First avenue stop, walked up Stuyvesant Town first avenue to 23rd street, then up to Baruch for brecht play, not too bad, but a little too sober and intellectual. Walked again to seventh and 23rd, then took 1 home.
Tomorrow at Friends, three in a row, then some tutoring, we will see what happens, should be ready for it.

never in a million...

years did I expect a call from constance, the librarian at friends, asking me to sub for her. Of course I accepted, and now am completely exhausted (it is saturday morning). In library from 7:20 to 3:20, with two fifteen minute breaks, that is a brutal schedule that Constance has on Fridays. Arrived home exhausted, did nothing but rest the rest of the day and evening into today. Feeling better now, but still have a spent body. Beautiful day, dream of being at a college football game in the afternoon, that won't happen fora while.
But finances in good shape, and at least two days at friends next week. One thing about yesterday's work, it did give me a chance to catch up with all the students---had a million friendly conversations.All to the good.
So what about the rest of the day...?
After lesson, will improvise, as usual, see how I feel. Would like to get a standing room for Figaro at the Met, but wonder if I will be too tired to use all that physical effort (normally would be no problem). Maybe a movie like Boyhood, which I have been promising myself to see for the last eight or so weeks. Or maybe just
"hang" somewhere (not on the upper west side, though).
tomorrow, looking forward to the simplicity of a Sunday that will begin at South Fourth (nice to check back in there), continue at cobra, and then....well there is that one woman show about Brecht and his women that I could still see at the Fringe Encore series, or....maybe just (if not too tired) return to South fourth to chill again. Will figure it out tomorrow, meanwhile will try to just enjoy the day....

have some money in....

my pocket now, feeling a little less pressured financially. More lessons today (not sure how many). Am I gradually morphing from one area to another? Last night, decent energy after lessons, stopped off at Sports bar on 79nth street, watched a little bit of the ball game, not too interesting, of course, Baltimore has already won the pennant---don't take fighting for home field advantage too seriously (though some players might not agree with me)...interesting conversation with guy sitting next to me, a dermatologist, who was very cynical but not very involved. Very Manhattan centric, that is one of his problems, still seems no activism among the young---I disagree, see much activism, but you have to look for it---there is also a lot of disconnect. The gentleman failed to see the importance of the climate march or teachout's "victory" over Cuomo. I, on the other hand, think that there is a strong possibility for change. After beer and a muffin, fairly tired, walked down to the Center, asked a few questions about Film Festival, decided not to check out a movie, and wandered back to the apartment. Pretty tired, just went to sleep, slept better than usual.
Today will try to visit Erin at Burp castle; want to firm up with her the facts re next Saturday, calendar for next two weeks really filling up, yet next three days are kind of open.
Many possibilities if I wish to see movies, plays, etc...too long to go into. Hope to move around the city tonight, let's see how things evolve.....

long night....

last night, too tired after lessons to do much, but not very interesting, must do more tonight, should push myself no matter how tired I find myself. Nice day today, a decent energetic feeling, even as I hear about memoirs from a former soldier serving in Iraq, and how horrible we made it there.
Will probably return to Lincoln Center library today and read one more of Tanner's prefaces, probably on the Tempest. Still nervous about taking it out.
Strangely not much else to report, maybe more mellower than I tihink....need to move around the city a little more, have not been to Brooklyn in a while---need to visit Park Slope and of course, Ditmas Park, would love to walk around those buildings from my youth again. That seems to be all for now...

so there I....

was at 64th and Central Park West, yesterday about 10:30, looking for FUREE. And I could not find them.
So observed, and was so impressed by an endless stream of people, joining the march, walking north on CPW, probably coming from the subway or from the northern end of the park. Eyes were amazed! Great feeling, a sense that people really do care and want to get involved with problems that plague us today.Still, did not participate in the whole march, remained at 64th street for about two hours, saw no one that I knew, then walked to 72nd in the hope of getting some food, nothing there, by this time it was 12:45, and march had already begun, moving very slowly, realized that I probably could not last for that long a time on a slow march, desperately needed food or coffee, realized again that only recourse was to go, of all places, est, since it was impossible to cross west on CPW. Wandered east, towards fifth, ran into Friends alum Nick and companinon (who did not identify herself) good conversation, then hit Madison and later Lexington. Finally got some coffee and a blondie for some sustenance. By this time I had left the march far behind, went to the Barnes and Nobles on 86th street-browsed, felt tired, wanted to return home, but HOW?  Realized that I would have to take 6 to 110th street then walk across or try to find a bus. Did that, walked (believe it or not) to 8th, jumped on C and arrived at 70th street and CPW just when march was finishing; yes the final float was just crossing 70th street, three hours later, going all the way to the end. Then the police on motor cycles, folks standing at corner gave them a big round of applause, nice to see they responded decently.
Nice talk with young man from Arkansas and his parents.
Spent rest of the day in bed, have some students this afternoon, schedule for this week kind of shelling out, can I even consider going to CIty Ballet under these circumstances.
Not sure about tonight, will check in later EXHILIRATION!

so everything has....

changed, after two days at Friends, Realize the benefits of being there. Two very good days---really enjoy being part of the environment there, also time is used completely differently. Different feeling when participating in the structure.
Really did nothing last two evenings but unwind from the two days, not sure about today, tonight will see the Fringe encore piece at Baruch, after that...? Tomorrow is the climate march, have to arrange to meet Lucas and the FURIE group if I wish to march with them, otherwise, do it myself or march possibly with Adam and Val. Friends is sending 100 students there, that is very good.
Read Andrew Lohse's expose of Dartmouth fraternity house last night, easy to read, did the whole thing in one day--I am really amazed at how these boys adapt themselves to the incredible inhumanity that the frats practice. At Hopkins in 60, was rushed only briefly by the frats that I wanted to join, then blackballed by them,  only one that wanted me I turned down for being too "prissy", however realize that once I was bullied by a "brother" during pledge time, I probably would have rebelled. Even at 17, I would not have accepted that kind of treatment. I remember lots of depledges during that year at Hopkins.
Anything else, not really, maybe catch a movie this weekend, maybe not, climate march looms importantly in the distance......

very tired....

this morning, I think the two sessions (very productive) yesterday, really knocked me out---the usual, sleep until around 2, then up for quite a while, then back to sleep, second awakening around 7, felt I had very little left. Things are better now, as I sit in Lincoln Center library---building up steam and will meet Michael for tutoring later in the day. After that may try to see FRinge encore play about Bertold Brecht, but the way things are going, well you never know. Hungry to see a movie, but that also might have to wait.
Really looking forward to tomorrow, not much else to say......

so different today....

as I have just gotten another offer to sub at Friends this week (Thursday) so things are looking up.
more tutoring as well---a little overwhelmed by all the attention, but I think it will all work out.
Rainy day today, got up full of energy (should serve me well on Thursday and Friday) and finally hit the library around 11. Still not finding much excitement in the books that I have out of the library. Much excitement, however, from Professor Tanner's book---each time I read it more revelations. Still can't take it out of the library---too potent, will probably go back today and read another inspection of one of the plays------intense!
Not much else to report, stayed at home last night, what happens tonight depends on how tired I find myself.
maybe (finally) a movie, but this work at Friends may mean I can actually afford to go to a few of the film festival projects (rush tickets of course). Got to mellow myself out.....

wild and....

wooly, for some reason I am feeling that way now. Just got word that I will be at Friends this Friday, subbing for Kerry, this is good. Yesterday, a really good day traveling through my spots (south fourth, Cobra) in Brooklyn, excellent conversation with many people, really enjoyed my rapport with bartender Susan at Cobra, met several new people watching football (yes watching football). So what is the problem/?
Not sure, mind working very fast, supposed to have tutoring session today, but it seems like it is not going to happen.
Continued reading James Salter's novel, A Sport and a Pastime yesterday as I traveled, still not in love with it, but it seems to be getting better.
Returned to Bronx Saturday evening. Not much happening at art exhibit (though it was interesting to see where different Bronx artists were located), more interesting was the neighborhood itself, now all black and hispanic, functioning normally on a Saturday evening, I watched the families and others walking around 167 street between Jerome Ave and the Concourse. Of course the buildings, what stories they could tell. When exactly did it all change...? Late sixties, early seventies. When was the last Beethoven string quartet played on a phonograph in those buildings? We've been in this territory before, right, city-boy, but somehow I always feel the need to say something eloquent about it---this is inspired by my walking around the neighborhood. Something eloquent but not "magical" Why not...?
After library today, not sure.....possibly Trivia tonight at Boulevard with some friends. Possibly....

so the day....

ended with a brief trip to Mayday (thought there was a party, turns out just an open house tour) but got a chance to say hi to Lucas. He invited me to participate in art work for climate march this weekend, but don't think that I will do that---too impersonal or something. After that stopped off at Cobra, glad that I did, friends were there, good conversation, saw Whitey and Emily soon after---had interesting and telling talk with Emily, she is a social worker, travels all over the city into neighborhoods that even in the day, I would feel nervous about going into, yet she does it---good for her! Yet she was not aware of the Teachout triumph, had to educate her about that and the climate march, amazing how many bushwick denizens don't know about Mayday, urged Wallace and Chelsea, two good friends to take a tour of the place, very important.Stayed for a little bit of comedy, kind of boring, then left, felt to my surprise hungry, so I stopped into the Two Boots on Driggs for a slice, and had a good conversation with Michael re movies. Feeling more comfortable there---thought I might head over to south fourth for a final "hang" but instead got tired quickly, and returned home.
What about today. No tutoring - so totally free.
In the late afternoon will attend reception for photography at the former old people's home on the Concourse in the Bronx. Should be interesting, always see that is a "return" to the world that I once knew. Will probably be out by 7:30, what then....? Will play it by ear. Before that, maybe go to south fourth, fun if Merlin is there, or to library to pick up on Tanner book, still refuse to take it out---need to find something more riveting to read....

so on this day.....

I have decided to, at this point, leave it completely unstructured. Will improvise my way though it, which means what...? Significance of a birthday....? You tell me.
Yesterday, interesting day, continued my 'estrangement" until met student Robert at the library. A very bright articulate boy with some learning gaps, should enjoy working with him, picked up another possible student as well---this one a little more intense, left library feeling (as you might imagine) kind of upbeat and more relaxed than I have in some time.
Tired, afterwards, but worked against my protective instinct and went out to south fourth for the Karaoke session. Glad I did, the "gang" was there, good to see everyone, the group, Molly in particular, were very supportive. Sang two songs, then went home, left feeling that I really belonged. Nice group of men and women simply enjoying each others company and hanging out. Or so it seemed. Nicki is returning to Iowa to be with her dad who has Parkinsons. This, despite the presence of her mother---a lot of devotion there. Not used to a world where children take care of their parents.
Interesting, with so many things to see this weekend, many of them within my budget, I feel such an arbitrary sense, like I can't find meaning in going to any of them. Maybe I am just in to conversation and contact, so would find the world a little more interesting in a bar. Amazing how much of the city I can conjure in my minds eye. Just found out about an opening reception tomorrow for an exhibit that is taking place in a space on the Grand Concourse, my old Bronx stomping grounds (Oh, how I longed for a Concourse girl friend).
Tomorrow at 6, fascinating to be there, if I decide to return. But that is the whole point, just letting things happen......

things are looking....

up, got an e-mail from Kristen, asking me to sub on 10/2; that means two days in that week, really good.
Also got a call yesterday from a mother of a prospective student---will meet then in library at 4 today, looks like another student to add to the list. Still, at this point, feeling very restless---why...? Not sure. Yesterday, met former student Daniel, just graduated from Yale, at Chipped Cup, had a good conversation with him.
Came home and rested, then off to first fringe encore show, the "fatty" play, a bit disappointing. After that not sure where to go. Walked around the south village, MacDougal, Thompson, and of course Sullivan street, looking for a bar or a pizza place. On Sullivan, walked over to where the old Sullivan Street Playhouse was, (or where I thought it was) and "tried to remember" seeing the Fantasticks there. After nostalgic visit, found a pizza place on Bleecker, then next to it a bar named Concord, loud but mellow, where I could watch the end of the Yankee game. Not a lot happening, bartender nice, had an interesting talk with a guy who came in after me and sat down at the bar near me. A very light skinned hispanic guy named Jose Luis, spry and alive who must be 79 now. We compared notes about NYC in the fifties and sixties, he had to leave for a jazz concert at Poisson Rouge, but invited me to join him at Smoke, which is near where I live, on Mondays, when he goes there for jazz. Might do that one of these days, left and returned home, bumped into Marshall, owner of South Fourth at his other Bar, Formerly Crows, but did not go in.
And now, here i am, still restless, probably will be until the meeting at 4.

the dark....

"and tyrannous deed is done!" quoting from Richard III, but actually this refers to my sending my resume and cover letter to Calhoun. Not exactly the same thing as killing two little princes, but seems appropriate at the moment. Now that it is over can give my attention over to....what? 

As usual, the night had its anxious moments, possibly because I was so unfulfilled by trip to Lansdowne yesterday evening, usual time, watched several games, patter with bartenders was nice, but kind of quiet there, no really interesting contact, hard to watch a couple of games at at time though that is what I like. 

Decided to walk home, determination conquered all...no problem getting from 44th and tenth to 76th and West End. Was tired after that...again a wary sleep, but as soon as I was out, felt very positive and alive with things. Trying to put it all together, how is there so much to enjoy, yet I find myself very uuaggresive with money. 

Had a really good read from the Tanner book on Shakespeare yesterday afternoon at the library. Did Romeo and Comedy of Errors, there he really has some great things to say about it. Definitely feel fulfilled by my immersion with this book. Don't know if I will go back again today, but if not there...where...?

Heartened by Teachout's showing against Cuomo, also Wu's showing. Great to see that there is a public groundswell against the current Governor and his ilk.

Tonight, Obama's speech,will probably miss it see the fringe encore Fatty---will get the gist (and more) of it later.Well, it is a beautiful, brisk day....