continuing on Sunday...a week

 the month moves on.....four more days of radiation left---April 1---my final day---is also the opening of the baseball season. My brother Dave, would have realy been on top of that. Will think of him a lot that day---sad that he will miss this year---he really loved baseball and the Pirates. On Sundays, when I would call him every two or three weeks, baseball would be one of our main topics (usually the other being his daughter and my niece, Natalie),  and that was a bond that kept our conversations going. 

I should give David a lot of credit, probably more then I realized before. His illness kept getting worse, yet he never dwelled on it in our conversations, or, from what I understand from his memorial pages, in his converations with others.  He was always cheerful and opened. Sometimes probing--in our next to the last conversation,  a few weeks before he died, I brought up the fact that our father---usually very open and informative when we spoke to him, never---definitely never---spoke about the first twelve years of his life, spent in Poland. He could remember moments from his early days after his arrival in the city---his first days in a city public school, perhaps, yet all memories from his European life were wiped out. Strange, because for the most part (though not always) he kept his personality on an even keel. Still, even though he had reached a solid state of financial and professional recognition, he refused to talk about those times at all.  Were they that horrible? He was the youngest (or second youngest) of a large group of siblings, and his father. who did not make the trip over to America, was considered harsh and erratic. A relative once told me that it was the older children who had to deal far more with the man's  craziness. Still, there must have been moments of happiness, of excitement, whatever. Never heard of them. When I brought this up to Davd, he agreed, and mentioned that he had once questioned our father about this time, but also got very little information. It was an intersting and meaningful conversation---it veered away from our normal topics---and during that time a felt a much closer bond with him. Of course, I had no idea that his life would be so shortened after that--possibly we could have taken this further.

so the day continues. This evening I have been invited to a virtual seder, given by my cousins who live in Prospect Heights---I think I mentioned the same thing in a blog that I wrote a year ago---time flies---and I probably will attend-- also, possibly a tutoring session with my one student (adult) but, as 2:30 approaches, he has not contacted me yet. Still, having trouble finding an interest in reading--I finally got Hemingway's A Movabe Feast out of the library, but have only read the first (and very interesting) chapter. For whatever reason, I do not want to absorb his next "bohemian" experiences. So it's internet, radio, reflectons, etc. Maybe some phone cals to catch up. It is ugly outside, so a walk, uness it is short, is not in the offing. 

After the first--who knows? Structure provided by constant radiation trips will be over--where do we go from there...?

A Dark Thursday evening....

 Decisions, decisions---must lay off nba betting for a while, after losing about four games in a row.  Some ideas about winners today, but I think I shall pass. Remember, the season goes long, and there are games all the way through the summer. I DO NOT want to add any money to my bet cash. So far, I have not had to---pretty good since I started in late October, but I am down a bit--so maybe it is better to take some time off. Still, don't you think the Knicks can beat Orlando by -5.5. Lots of beating myself over the head if the Knicks beat the spread. Well, there will be other chances. 

Weekend kind of open. The Met is broadcasting a Rossini opera called Le Comte Ory, one of his lesser known works. I imagine it will be quite static with many showy arias for the singers---don't know if I can make it through. Maybe Saturday I can get out. Read about an interesting coffee spot where Bushwick just begins. Can i make the trip there this weekend? Right now the radiation gives me "tired fits" where I very quickly need to sleep. Is it possible that those will be lessened over the weekend, and can I get my ostomy bag to "behave" on a longish trip? Can't say, it is probably more of an idea then a reality, but keep it in mind. Anyway, after April 1st, when the radiation ends, I assume I will have less structure in my day, so a trip to Bushwick, or any other part of Brooklyn, migbu ht be easier to manage, as my energy seems to be stronger in the morning.

Not sure what will happen after radiation is over. Apparently, my surgeon does not want to see me until about four weeks after that---will still see my blood oncologist, which is good---I think it is important to have my blood checked every week at this point. But what else? Maybe a possible movie, actually in a movie house. The libaries are not re-opened (that is really sad) so probably mininal work with students, but in reality---what will I do? Well, weather should be nicer then, so maybe more time outside---easier to read on a park bench then in the apartment. 

That should be all for now--memories---yes! but maybe next time.

so here we are....

 Friday afternoon---radiation finished for the week---all dressed up and definitely no where to go. A calm "deadness" has overtaken me---that is what happens when the only real "task" one has is paying some medical bills. And you know how hard I will try to avoid that. Yes, the city is opening up---no doubt about that---but still, no free spaces where one can just sit and uainread. Still, have to get through the afternoon until I can "entertain" myself by following some basketball bets tonight. Right now, I would give anything to be at a track---like Aqueduct---it would be worth it to risk some money---even though the money is tight--just for a little energy in a different place.

Actually I am pretty stimulated by what I am reading. First, . The Two Noble Kinsmen, the play partially written by Shakespeare  which has some interesting writing in it. There is definitely some writing in it that anyone who has a solid acqaintance with Shakespeare could be pretty sure he did not write. But some other scenes or dialogue look possible. It is a long unweildy play---at least in the version that I am reading---but it does hold  . I am about two thirds of the way through it---will probably try to finish it during the weekend.

Next is The Watchers, a non fiction book about Queen Elizabeth's (Shakespeare's Queen Elizabeth) spies and courtiers, who helped her control a nation always threatened by rebellion. The rebels  would be those citizens who followed the Catholic religion--when Elizabeth ascended the throne, she made Protestantism, following in the vision of her father Henry VIII, who invented the church of England, the definite religion of the country. But most of Europe was Catholic--the previous ruler, Mary, had brought Catholicism back from its exile, but under Elizabeth, any citizen of England who was found to be practicing Catholicism could be tried for treason or exectuted. Much hiding and deception, which Elizabeth countered with a strong network of spies. But I am just beginning the book---just getting into it--so I am not familiar with many events. I would like to link the religious conflict to some of Shakespeare's writing and vision---at least half of his plays were written during the tale end of Elizabeth's reign---but I have not found any facts on it now---but the book is just starting,  As I get further into it, maybe I can link the events to his writing.

Finaly The Turner House, by Angela Flornoy, the novel about four genreations of a black family. I have just read the begiinnin---seems very interesting and challenging, but I think I should try to finish The Watchers first. I want to be able to concentrate completely on the novel, and its many characters when I read it.

Yet at this moment, I don't feel motivated to read any of it. Have to get out--too nice a day--not sure how much stamina I have. The treatments seem to have cut down on my stamina. Drinking too much coffee--will figure out what happens as it goes along. Will report soon.

another Sunday....

 this one, a difficult one. Outside it is very cold--no chance for a long walk. And yet I am restless--the thought of being "trapped" in my apartment is not fun. Would it be different, if I was not fighting the disease, or did not have the ostomy bag? Not sure---rest of the world is mostly still in isolation. 

One bright spot. Just listened to the first scene of I Due Foscari, an early opera by Verdi. Very stirring. Very stimulating---can I hear it all through today? Not sure--but it is one possibility for "growth". When I think back to a year ago today---I think I spent some time at the Fiction Center in Brooklyn--oh God, I really loved that place---then walked down the block and had hummus at the bar-restaurant that was (is) part of the Atrium across the street from the Harvey. The Lakers were playing--a primarily black clinetele was seated at the bar--shouts of "Bronnie!", which was I guess what the guys were callin Lebron. Not too comfortable there, but it does not matter---miss the whole experience. Still, on that Sunday early evening, amidst all the shouts and yells,  could anyone have thought that the city might shut down in a week? 

Tomorrow cotinue with radiation treatment, then see my oncologist and his staff---lots to do in the afternoon---library, maybe pay the phone bill; get my frightening tax work beginning. The staff at where I get my radiation is very warm and supportive---really nice---everyone totally competent and interested. What else...? Continue to be non stimulated by the books that are available to me at the apartment---have three coming from the library tomorrow, if I can get to it. One about Elizabeth's spies, one a novel called The Turner House, which I have wanted to read for a long time, and the third, the Elizabethan play called "The Two Noble Kinsmen", part of which is attributed to Shakespeare, but not included in the usual anthologies of his work. Will this enlighten me? I try (but not always succeed) to read several plays by contemporaries of Shakespeare, looking for clues that will show a similar mind or vision as his. So much mystery---so much depth--amazing that one mind could have conceived of his whole genre. Or was it? Inconsistencies in his plays...As You Like It, really two plays in one--the abrupt change in Macbeth--ending Hamlet with Fortinbras...so many questions; as I heard the playwright Atholl Fugard say, when he spoke of Hamlet at the Playwrights Conference,,,"you can't really get at it---enter it".

time to stop now...will consider doing my writing as the day goes on...will report soon.