So we continue.....

 Another Sunday morning---finally a little cool around here. What happens next? Try to come to terms with the results of the ct scan. My nurse practioner told me that they show that the lung nodules have gotten a little bigger---that surprised me, but nevertheless----and that the Doctor wants to give me stronger medication then simply the chemo pills that I am taking now. Really did not think that that was the information that I was going to receive. So what next?  Well, they send my blood away and in two weeks the results come back to them---I see them a few days later, and based on the results they will ask me to receive the newer---and stronger---medication. How do I feel about that? Kind of apprehensive, since my side effects with the chemo pills have been fairly minimal. I do get extra tired at times, but usually, if I am out of the apartmant, I can work through it. Since I function totally by myself, I don't want to be put in a situation where I can't leave the apartment, or do my tutoring, or even subbing. People on the facebook page that has comments by cancer patients report strong and sometimes debilitating effects from other medications. Actually, my body, at this point, feels pretty strong--so maybe it will be able to cope with the new plan. Nothing to do but wait it out, and see.  In the meantime....

Another library closing on west 145 street--where I tutor most of my students. Parents seem to have incentives to cancel when I tell them that the library is unavailable.  Where does that leave me? Strapped for money--I have no idea how many sessions I will have this week--maybe as many as 4, maybe one--at any rate, I am budgeting like a madman, planning finances daily down to the very last nickel. I have some friends--namely my credit cards, which will help me out, but even with their availability I am trying to be careful. A wonderful performance at 54 below that i would love to see is this Friday or Saturday, but it is a lot of money--don't know if I can make it--will probably fight with myself before I decide. Well, one can always enjoy the challenge, and there is a lot I want to read.

Movies are exciting me---last one was Duel In the Sun, an amazing western, beautifully made, part of the Lincoln Center King Vidor retrospective. Jennifer Jones played the "innocent" beauty who is sent to live with an aunt---who has two twenty something sons, who of course becomes infatuated with her. Joseph Cotten plays the mild mannered, careful one, while the other, a brutal sociopath who makes his own laws and mostly gets away with it is played by---are you ready for this---Gregory Peck. Yes, about 16 years before To Kill a Mockingbird, Peck creates a man who flaunts all the rules. As I watched him, it was like experiencing the yin to Atticus Finch's yang. The movie itself is quite remarkable, not just for its characters but for its beautiful scenes of the old west. Felt very complete when I left.

So that is it. Have really enjoyed the writing of this---will report soon.

Hot---killing time...

Looking at pictures of old addresses in the Bronx, these ones immediatetly north of Crotona Park. Got to JHS 44, the school at which my mom taught for about 15 years---science. Then she switched to 127 in Parkchester, just as the 44 neighborhood was undergoing change. In spite of all the burned buildings in that area in the 60's and 70's, I see on the google map a number of buildings from the "old days" that have remained intact and look just like they might have when my mom taught in the area. What must it have been like to walk through that area in the late 40's or most of the 50's? What would it be like to walk through that area now? A kind of adventure, but hard to consider based on my "appendage" that goes with me wherever I go. Still last night....

At LaMama to see a former student from Friends act in a production of (are you ready for this?) Henry VI part II. Put on by a bunch of young actors just learning to cope with Shakespeares' demands, and in some ways pretty effective. I have always loved the Henry VI  trilogy--its vision of the Wars of the Roses---and I hoped that this production would not send me out into the night screaming of its inadequacy. It did not---it was well staged, the entrances and exits, so many of them were totally well organized and the cast wrestled valiantly with the text. Long, it was 2.5 hours---more then I expected--but I wanted to sit through it to make contact with the former student. Afterwards I did---we talked a bit---he seemed pleased that I had come to give him support. Leaving I had a nice short talk with one of the actresses in the company---maybe that left me energized, but walking north on the Bowery to the subway I felt incredibly strong. A part of me felt that I could keep walking much further than the subway--moving through the Saturday night crowds that were on the street I felt at one with them. But I did go directly to the subway;  I was hungry and had to get some food at Fairway before it closed, but even waiting on the 8th street subway station I felt invigorated---this was my first walk on this street--always past the Public as I get to the Bowery, and though I knew exactly where I was going, after the pandemic these trips seem to have a dream like quality.  I know I have been there before...but when? Encouraging, should make me feel it is possible to make these trips and others away from the west side more often-still it is harder if I don't have a plan, a destination to visit. 

Today, not sure of what I want to do--also a little less energy then yesterday. Heat--still have some time--will report soon.