picked up check.....

bit that is all---another long stretch of not working---dissappointing, hard to accept. Will attend two performances of As You Like It, this weekend, should be fun, but hope for more work before next Friday. city-boy is like Hamlet---does not want to act---he knows that there is probably a tremendous need for a tutor like him in the middle class and poorer areas of the city, parents who would be happy to pay 20, or 25 dollars for his services. Similarly, yesterday took out the resume, could easily send it out two other private schools, since public school work is not available. But he hesitates. Atleast looked at Craigs list this morning, meanwhile the austerity budget life continues---would love to attend the Mahler 10th at Avery Fisher, either tomorrow morning or Friday, but not sure if it fits into my budget. Always thinking, "well, things will work out", too optimistic. City-boy rides hard on himself, but this is necessary. where do we go from here? Tonight play some trivia (I hope) at South Fourth, after that......

finally...

got a call from Friends for full day December 9. Okay, so we can relax a little. Ofcourse, computing things in my head; how much money do we (I) have, as usual. But no sense of not being wanted, my favorite fantasy. Yesterday, toyed with the idea of going to Aqueduct, did not do it, went to South Fourth instead, had my free pizza (one and a half slices, really fills me up)--then, ofcourse another walk, this one from Williamsburg east to Grand, to Bushwick Ave south to Moore, to Bogart Street (where Archive is now called Swallow) then down Central to Myrtle to DeKalb to Broadway to Goodbye Blue Monday, my first visit inside the place. No bartender at the bar; which was fine by me, just wanted to take a pee, which I did. Continued on Broadway, explored a little of Hart Street, near Utica. still fascinated by the way the streets bounce off Broadway, both the east-west and the north south. Wanted to go further, but decided not to; darkness had set in, so had emptier streets, and the area begins to be ungentrified, around Kosciousko Street J station. Returned South fourth and had a nice talk with Evan. Must know more about the geography of that part of Brooklyn, from Kosciousko Street to the junction. Has a mythic feeling for me---though I can't say why.

not today.....

no work---forth straight day---not a long time, but feel a sense of anger at being excluded. Not sure how much work I can count on for the fifteen days between Thanksgiving and Xmas. Alot means I am okay, a few means.....not sure. Should be looking for other options, certainly in tutoring, subbing....feel triggered but stopped. The next step (if needed).....
Nice night yesterday at South Fourth, after another long walk from the brooklyn central library to BAM. Then off to the cafe, enjoyable conversation with Sally; Kim gave her reviews, some interesting political talk.
Will probably return there tonight for movie (Dick Tracy), and definitely for trivia tomorrow, a day that is supposed to be suffused with rain.
Will go to Thanksgiving Assembly this afternoon at Friends, even if I am not working there. Hope to see some old friends....(possibly) Let it happen....

In Brooklyn again.....

at the library, feel a certain sense of relief being here---still a very different feeling from Manhattan, that is with all the building and gentrification, something remains different. Air very soft and fresh. Will be here atleast twice in the coming week for the Thanksgiving celebration and the memorial. Not much else to say.....

so then we.....

walked, what seemed to be throughout Brooklyn---but what a walk! From Library to Washington and Atlantic, then to Nostrand, then down to the beginning of Herkimer street, (beautiful brownstones) east to New York Avenue, up to Pacific, saw nice kids being taken home from school by their parents--back to Nostrand, discovered and identified No_Bar (not opened at that time) then west on Bergen to Brooklyn Ave. up to Prospect Place, across to Kingston and stopped at the Albany Houses---gets a lot different around there. South on Albany (a little grimy) to Union, then to Utica, then---the final frontier! the beginning of Brownsville, finally made it INTO Brownsville, on Pitkin, the beginning of Pitkin, though not that far. All black around there, yet no one bothered me, must take the Ralph Avenue bus at some point. Wandered the five blocks back to Utica and Eastern Parkway, by now hungry, figured that Bergen street would be the best subway stop to hit---got off---went to Bark! a nice hot dog with onions and relish, then finally, after some hesitation, down to fourth avenue for a beer. Stopped at fourth avenue pub, bartender very nice, not much action, after all it was Friday around 5; lots of people there though, found a very nice beer....Gaver Gulch, which I liked very much. After I left, just ran out of steam, just enough energy to get home and collapse. Amazing walk!
Where does all the energy come from? Would rather put it into being in school. Tomorrow, if they don't call me, will go to the Thanksgiving assembly.
Rage continues about city operations, but what can I do.....?

two more....

good days at Friends, followed by yesterday's "recovery" (physically) and today's dissappointment. Still worried about money. Much time on my hands; Jimmy was nice this morning at South Fourth, it is always nice to see him (the coffee was great!) but what now...?
Anxious not to spend money this evening on entertainment, but what there is to see that is free doesn't quite justify seeing it, and everything else costs about $15-20.00. Would not be so bad if i did not want to see the dysfunctional group tomorrow, and hang out with Jennifer and Ted, but since I do, would rather stay on the cheap this evening. So what does that mean....?
Move on, stick to something positive----sitting in Clinton Hill library---walked to Washington Avenue from Bedford...lots of nannies and pre-school kids in the library. Options everywhere, but what.....? Can always return to south fourth for the evening and be done with it. Maybe....Enjoying "The Marriage Plot", which seems to be a very faithful rendering of graduation day in the lives of three Brown graduates of 82. Brown graduates...mid eighties...do you remember....? Library says time to go and face the world!

two days at...

Friends, very good, lots of long hard work, my relationship with the kids cemented even more with each time I work there. Next time....who knows...?
Today, got the news of Ronnie's death. She is my cousin by marriage, 81 years old, funeral tomorrow in Rockville Maryland. Could go down if I wanted to, though it would mean canceling my tutoring session tomorrow at noon. Somehow I don't want to do that. Could take a bus down this afternoon (late) or evening, find a place (inexpensive?....I doubt it) to stay, then go to the Funeral, return late tomorrow night. Why don't I want to do it? Ronnnie was someone I never had much feeling for---she was a hard person to like----but would like to see Liz and the rest of her family. Still, though it would be possible, just don't see myself doing it. Is it because I don't really feel wanted there. Would be interesting to go...still, at this point, will not do it.

beautiful day.....

not so much to do until this evening; Michael was nice enough to invite me to the opening of King Lear,. such a hard play---still remember the Fletcher production from summer of 63, (an important summer for me; right before returning to Hopkins) and the Brook production from April of 64---drove down from Hopkins that day---spent the whole day in Washington. Parked to go to the Library of Congress in the beginning of the southeast variant. Astonished by the poverty that I saw---black people almost living in shacks---so close to the capital. Brook's production showed me that you could take a play and direct it in a totally different way---Fletcher's production was intense and very straightforward, while Brook's seemed to take place with the world already annihilated by nuclear bombs. Really have not seen a good production since those two---again the play is so hard to do.
Another day before two days at Friends. Long schedules, which I like. Tomorrow if nobody calls me will just tutor and play trivia. Still, the energy in the morning is so geared to going to school.
Sunday, another walk throught jewish Williamsburg (Marcy Avenue) to Bed Stuy. Amazing how Bed stuy sort of opens up. Broadway (the street in brooklyn) odd---first it is parallel to Marcy, then runs along side of it, then gives the rest of the area a lot of room. Still fascinated by the geography there. Time to move on....

garrish playgound....

that the city is takes hold tonight. What does that mean for me? Too tired to see a play, possibly a movie, check out Lady Jay's to hang out with Erin, over some beer? Just found out my cousin Audrey passed away----she was 87; wll see the family twice during the Thanksgiving weekend. Children (really the ones closest to my age) are holding up well, her death was expected...should tell my brother. Other than that...consider the possibilities.

Nice time....

at South Fourth last night---good game of Trivia, left feeling very upbeat. Still no work for tomorrow, next week three days (as of now)---can experience the emptiness of not being there, still there are voyages I can take (very pretentious, I know) when I don't work simply because I am not tired---much more energy to interact. Today, will probably return to South Fourth and participate in the short story read---usually good conversation comes from that---after that....not sure...there is still Haitinck and the Pastorale (maybe tomorrow?) and Shadows at nearbye and convenient collapsable hole. May decide to visit Erin at Lady Jay's, get more of a feel of the place in the evening. We'll see....