received news from...

my sister in law that my brother David has been admitted to the hospital, for some problems he was having, according to her, a combination of flu, being run down, etc. She feels he is doing well, prognosis is positive...what does this mean for me? Life interrupted---is that all bad? Maybe should make a trip out to California to visit, either around the President's day weekend or during the two weeks of Spring vacation---ambivalent about it---I guess there is nothing to do but to wait it out...see how David's improvement progresses. He really deserves so much credit, just for dealing with this.
Two sucessful (and hard working, especially on Thursday) days at Friends, have four possible days for next week already, although with another storm being threatened for Sunday evening into Monday, that could change. I'm sure the school does not want to have another snow day, but.....
Worked hard with a student this morning, then went to my friend Julia's dance piece this afternoon ( just out of it) tonight will head to Book Court in Brooklyn to celebrate the Team's publication of their book of plays, it will be good to see everybody again, become part of that community.
Most of my life this week revolved around Friends, or tutoring, not any night activity since Sunday, and even then, got home pretty early. Some times in the morning I wake up and feel that my life is so centered around
Friends and the little tutoring that I do, watching plays, movies operas, etc. has been pushed into the background. Much too tired in the evening, after a full day at the school, and then running up to West Harlem for one tutoring session. Have not spent much time in bars either, seem to feel, after a long day, just want to be served quickly and go home. Still, good to feel a little bit ahead financially, if things continue, I could have some surplus money when needed.
Must check out Friends web site, see if any news about possible closing on Monday, I doubt it at this point, Saturday afternoon....

well, I got...

through it---bought two objects at Barnes and Noble on Monday, designed to get me through. One, New York review of Books, the other, Best Short Stories of 2014. Read  a decent amount of NY Books, a good magazine, still the juxtaposition of an article focusing on the debacle of torturing by  our government, and one on a narcisisitic architect and his grand home on Beekman Place, seemed to me a strange jusxtaposition. Human brutality followed by self love. But that is the point, --contrast--our "life" of privilege, contrasted with
the horrors that we experience today. What to do?
Anyway, have not touched the short story book, instead, continued to read The Actress by Amy Sohn---and believe it or not, Amy continues to come through. She may not be the deepest novelist of our (or any) time, but as a good escapist read her novels really hit the spot for me---literate and perceptive enough to make me feel drawn in---even if they are kind of "pulpy". Nevertheless, it is that what I read during the day and early evening, did a lot of sleeping, some possibilities as the second day progresses for going to a play or movie, but night was cold, and curbs were filled with water. Better to have stayed inside.
Today, some lessons, and the next two days at Friends; Saturday should be filled with activities, Sunday more work---see what happens....

feeling better and kind of....

exhhilirated as I sit here in the library preparing for the day. Rough night----some dreams that were difficult (more on that later) but feeling very strong this morning, interesting, seems like after two or threee days at Friends, my body needs to live through one day of being fatigued before feeling strong again. Definitely will go to Bushwick Starr tonight, to see my friend Rebecca in one of the Target Margin one acts. Before that, one or two lessons.
Yesterday---as I said, a little tired, went to Lincoln Center Library in afternoon, looked at what Tony Tanner had to say about Macbeth---again, very cutting and insightful measure of the play. Interesting how first report by bloody seargeant forsees almost the whole play, also begins the play with a sense of 'order" that eventually will be disrupted. Left the library feeling incredibly involved and stimulated---but felt too tired to go to Brooklyn---ended up going down to Cinema Village (did a lot of walking to get there, so couldn't have felt too tired) and choosing to see Appropriate Behavior, a movie about an Iranian lesbian twenty something trying to work through her feelings after being dumped by a partner she had strong feelings for. Fun movie, but ultimately very inconsequential---I almost felt that while I was watching it I was not there. All these NY movies about twenty something like Tiny Furniture, Listen Up Philip, etc, create a NY for twenty somethings where no one is worried about the rent, no one is moving into more "sketchier" neigborhoods, no one feels they are being out priced of the city. Very little interaction with black or hispanic people as well. On Monday saw Oustland's movie at Bunin, much greater involvement---strong feeling more of a cutting edge energy-felt like I was really being involved.
The Dream---which has stayed with me since the night.
I am having a coffee with Dave Ricci who is about my age. He was a freshman at Hopkins when I was a senior "running" the theater group there with great energy. I have not seen him since a year after I graduated, often wondered whether he thought about me, and whether I had "made it" Anyway, in the dream we are getting along well, then I quote to him the lines he had in a play that we did that year called J.B, by Archibald MacCleish. They come in the middle of the first act and announce to the Job figure (here called JB) that two of his five children have been killed in a car crash. He is shocked that I remember the lines and the situation of the play so well, he complements me on my memory, all of a sudden a baby in a bassinet appears near us, it is his and his wife's? No, I remember, he is in his sixties now, perhaps a grand child. We part on good terms and I wake up with full memory of the dream.
Now here is the thing: Dave Ricci died about four years ago--I was able to find out from one of the alumni papers. So I dreamed about re-communicating with someone who is actuall dead. Somewhat stunned by this. Also tried to find similarities between my hectic life now (Friends, tutoring) and my life that year as Barnstormer President at Hopkins. Other assoications..? Who can say.
Let's leave it at that, more things to be considered...a good friend is coming into town for the week...
out to Bushwick this evening, see what happens....

first day with no work....

in a while---no lessons either, absolutely free---so what? Feel kind of confused, what to do with all this time.  Tonight will probably go to Bushwick to see Stein lab and my friend Rebecca's performance in one of the plays. Would prefer to go tomorrow, but snow is possible---they have performances all next week---but schedule is too fragile---again super locked in with more options than i need.
Wednesday, subbed only one class then participated in Day of Concern. Really good to see students (and myself) exposed to alot of "radical" thinking and ideas. I think that the majority of students appreciated it. gave me a lot to think about during my evening "break" (in other words the time that
I spend home alone between jobs)  about issues I would like to further pursue.
What about the rest of the day? If I see a show at 9:30, should I check out a movie before?
Go to the Lincoln Center library and read some more Tony Tanner on Shakespeare. Travels in Brooklyn...? Kind of cold for that. So a lot of things up in the air for the rest of the day.
So we will see...

Saturday morning...

after another busy day at Friends, three kindergarden classes in a row, in Spanish! Had to use a lot of ingenuity to get through it---but did. Also the eight weeks of Spanish instruction I took at Easy Espangno, really helped; made me feel very strong when showing the kids the articles, el and la, masculine and feminine, that came with the nouns they were asked to identify.
Came home and had really very little in the tank left, woke up today feeling very rested.
Tonight, will try to go to Rough Trade, to see Andrew's band play for an hour---nice to get to Williamsburg
again---(Andrew is one of the baristas at Cobra, one of my "hang out" places in Brooklyn)
Tomorrow, have a session in Brooklyn in the morning, then probably head back to South Fourth to spend the rest of the day watching football. One of the students at Friends, who is studying theater, wanted to see
a "downtown" play with me this weekend, but we lost touch during the week. He e-mailed me today that he is available to go tomorrow, but quite frankly, I am just too exhausted---will try to see something with him next week, if possible.
Am reading an interesting autobiography by a woman who was the daughter of the man who curated many artists at MOMA and at Berkeley---Peter Seitz---not great but interesting enough. An interesting choice, choosing to read about a man who was a compulusive womanizer. Will try to pick something up at the libraries I visit today, still not ready for something :"heavy"----but don't want to get too escapist either.
Finally feel that I am getting ahead financially---a good feeling---
Have only seen one "theater festival" event in these last two weeks (that was Roosevelvis, by my friends at the TEAM, can't get out much at night, or maybe I feel that they are becoming too predictable---not clear what it all means, streak at Friends is really good, hope to continue it.....

knocked out.....

from two days at Friends, Tuesday, 7:30----6; wednesday, 7:30-4:30. Could have gone today if called, but wasn't. Now feeling drowsy, put my body through a lot of wear and tear in the last two days. Will see how this evolves during the rest of the day, how it might factor my doing anything this evening.
But it was a great (and very busy) two days---moved from class to class with great skill. Some good moments with middle school kids, enjoyed working with the film group.
Short story from Monday, all but forgotten, I guess that is the price you pay when you move from one vision of life to another. Still writing fascinates me, but I think that the concentration factor must be terribly hard.
Not much else to report---returned home quickly after each work day---Tuesday's return was a nightmare when a part of the track at Times Square broke---but managed to survive in the cold.
This weekend, well will depend on what happens tomorrow, would like to see one Jewish Film Festival movie but.......

a little annoyed...

re confusion in my head in terms of what job to commit to.Will see how it plays out......
Saturday; very tired after lesson hung out at bar on 140th and Amersterdam, watched most of first half
of football game, then went home, slept very quickly.
Yesterday; trip to Brooklyn Ave, then back to Williamsburg (very slowly, but I made it)  continue to be fascinated by the part of Brooklyn that I travel in---let's call it a rectangle, from the eastern edge of Prospect Park, to Utica, then from Eastern Parkway to about Church,maybe a little less. What stories that neighborhood could tell---every time I see an apartment house in the art deco mode, get incredibly nostalgic.
This morning fantasized a short story about a man named Rummadge---a retiree living on Utica Avenue in the area---a white man, who is awakened one morning by the cries of a couple who has just moved in next door----the couple are making love, and the rest of the story is Rummadge's journey to this place, and what he must do (if anyathing0 next.Got the idea passing Balfour Street, a small two block street off Empire Boulevard. Then the story traces his life up to this point, growing up in the all Jewish neighborhood bordering the block, college, the draft, avoiding it by becoming a gym teacher, a simple marriage, finally wife dies and the leaving of Park Slope, where he lived for so long. Rummadge enjoyed his new neighborhood, even though he was the only white person on the block, found himself treated kindly by his neighbors, figured he would remain in that place to the end, but now....late owner's son seems intent on bringing new people in, young white and Asian professionals, where does that leave him? Cannot even remotely consider living in Park Slope at this point.---and of course, the image that makes him cringe (will not be printed here). Anyway, that is the outline of the story---seems pretty compact, let's see if I actually am able to write it.
Arrived at South Fourth in time for the end of the first game; had an interesting conversation with William about what is happening in downtown theater, then a good long conversation with Jake about mostly what is going on in the city---hope i got him to understand the need to register to vote. Second person I have spoke to recently who is not registered---you know the ramifications of that.
Today, not sure what I will do in the evening-----may try to see Selma---should really see it-----otherwise.......

after a day...

and a half at Friends, are we ready to cancel any conspiracy theories about not being used? Probably, but it is nice to be back in the swing of things, felt very welcomed in my day and a half there. Now (Saturday morning) am exhausted, won't make any plans for the day; would like to watch first (at least) playoff game, maybe the most competitive, but not sure where. Will be coming from around 140street and Hamilton Place, one or two places around there---might check out, might return to upper west side or actually go to Brooklyn, where the atmosphere is the best, but don't know if body can handle the ride.
 Wanted to see my buddies at Assembly do That Poor Dream one more time, but don't know if i can handle
 being there today. And what about Half Straddle at the Kitchen. Very limited schedule, cramped by other things as it is. Also, tonight is not the greatest night to go traipsing through the western edge of Chelsea.
Glad that the Kitchen is there, but don't know if it pays to brave the cold to get there in the next few days.
And what of Julia J's project at Jack,....? God, what a time ghetto!
Not much more to say, body is really tired, stayed at Friends until around 6:30, watched first part of basketball game, then left, heat too overwhelming. So I will return to the real world....

busy afternoon.....

you know what that means---have to be up for it cityboy, now pretty rested, it is cold outside.
Last night, decided not to venture down to the Vineyard for Roosevelvis, too cold, and I was tired (and had stuffed myself on the chocolate I received as a Christmas present in the afternoon. Just went home, rested, read a few Updike short stories, they are very good for what they do, but can't read too many, style of these short stories never changes; time to start a new novel, or book. Could read about the Elizabethan age, supplementing my interest in Shakespeare, but don't know if I want to take a book out for that. Maybe a novel, still can't track down The Actress, written by my "queen of trash" (that is really not fair, because she actually writes very well) Amy Sohn.
So, over the weekend, there are three possibilities; the aforementioned Roosevelvis (maybe Thursday), my friends the Assembly (can miss this because I have seen it twice, but like them enough to go again) and now Julia Jarcho's much praised play at Jack, with its really crazy schedules. Then there is also the half straddle group, which I probably will get to next week. Plus on Friday, Sibyl's reading and the project at 10 P.M. at Dixon Place, performed by the guy I met at Flako's project at Bushwick Starr. How much will you really do?  How much should you do...? No real answer to that question, trying to balance a lot of interests, how will it all play out...?

took a look...

at my student's quantitative practice test--some things we have not gone over---have to work with him carefully on it tomorrow--somewhat annoyed and confused because they are hard for me as well, and I thought you were the best at that age group math---now not sure---anyway, will go over it again---just read a great passage from The Prague Orgy by Philip Roth---about how life melds with self invention--too tired to put it down here, maybe read it on Friday for the students if I sit in on Josh's class.
Yesterday, went to La Flaca's Xmas (belated) party, got there starving and ran straight to the food, Chinese, very good, before I even spoke to any one stuffed myself. Stayed there for a while, until someone turned on the music too loud, then had to leave to protect myself. Too bad, because everyone there seemed happy to
'hang" with me. But had to do it.
Today, will try to see Roosevelvis tonight, even though they say they are sold out, will try at last minute--not that much else to say, obviously no work at Friends yet, or contact---well that could change soon---lots of other things going on, other options.....

cityboy experienced....

an energy surge last night, after new appointment with the Swifts. Feeling strong in the tutoring department.
Saturday: as I stated, did not try for a movie, instead went to Cobra---found Susan, one of my favorite bartenders there, hung out for about 4 hours, most of it not watching the playoffs but in conversation with law student Alex, discussing the many aspects (good and mostly bad, for him) of living in NYC. A stimulating conversation, he also wants to get involved with Mayday, hope I can hook him up with Lucas.
Got an e-mail today about needing help at Wycoff gardens, this is a project in Brooklyn that is today without water. If situation still persists, maybe I can go there tomorrow and help out or contribute.Always find it fascinating to visit the projects in Brooklyn (fascinating---a strange word in this context)  For one thing terribly aware that any project around Cobble Hill or Boerum Hill is right next to a very wealthy neighborhood. Am I going there to help out, or am I going there because really I want to sip coffee at
a nearbye upscale coffee place? Always see things in a split setting.
Rest of Saturday evening consisted of stopping off at Two Boots on Driggs, and having a beer at Emerald Inn, Baltimore native Gary watching fervently his Ravens defeat the Steelers. Poor Gary, does not seem to have much to root for except the Baltimore sports team, he is from Park Heights, the Jewish area in Baltimore that, like the Bronx and parts of Brooklyn, changed radically during the late sixties.
Yes, he probably knew girls that I dated. He got a little carried away during the game, which the Ravens actually had in the bag for most of the time we were watching.
Yesterday, after great chemistry with Elias, decided to go to La Flaca, thought that the party was yesterday, instead it is today. Will go later, hopefully some interesting events will evolve.

last night did....

not travel, tired, but did go to see White Hunter, Black Heart at Walter Reade, outstanding movie, very well written, really one of Eastwood's best---he seemed tremendously invested in it Hard to believe that Huston was such a complete egotist but,,,from everything I read, this is true. Tired, afterward, had a pizza slice, rejected going to a bar, returned home...was this a mistake...? Tired at 9, read a little bit, but then up again with full energy at about 3:30----you know what that means...? Next two hours adventure in imagination,
"debts and sorrows" as Philip Roth calls the first part of Letting Go. Today, will reject another movie, probably take advantage of all afternoon and evening football games and wander around brooklyn, watching them.
Yesterday afternoon, after computer use at lincoln center library, read again Tanner on Richard llL, and then re-read his essay on Hamlet. Really made sense to me this time, covers the whole world of thought and action---tries to define the differences between them---really coherent stuff.
During morning, before leaving for library thought a lot about Sarah's comment last Sunday about 92 year old hispanic woman being harassed out of her apartment in South Williamsburg. What are we doing about it?
what could be done about it/ Should I be on Driggs avenue (or Roebling) handing out fliers decrying this action.  This seems to be the bourgeois "contradiction' (for want of a better word) that we all face. It is easier to sit in a bar "enjoying" football then actively trying to stop the rampant destruction of poor people that gentrification is causing. And yet, nobody likes moving around gentrifying neighborhoods more than I do/?
Well, let's see what the rest of the weekend brings...?

so what happened....

well, I stayed in New Year's Eve, a bit of a first for me, for a number of reasons.
One, was physically tired.
Two: last year's visits to South fourth and La flaca were not very fulfilling, felt like I was just there to get the evening over with---did not care to repeat, though, who knows, different people might have brought different reuslts.
Three: subway riding on the eve seemed a little dangerous in light of all the recent craziness,  in past years have traveled the J late at night, between my two hang outs, did not like the idea of doing it this year, plus, fatigue factor set in.
Still, ultimately there is something hateful about having to do "something" on New Years' Eve, feel that things are simply beyond my control, in that matter. Read a lot of Philip Roth at home (Ghost Writer) and found it very fulfilling---maybe staying home was for the best.
Yesterday, lots of waiting until 2, then the Singer's annual party, had a real good time, good conversations, a good sense of my identity---always nice to chat with the Saengers. Afterwards tired, but went to Huston retrospective movie, We Were Strangers at Walter Reade---a good grade B movie, somewhat predictable, well photographed, always like watching John Garfield,  still the movie was nothing new, maybe I should accept that a retrospective is just that, sometimes simply adequate movies that show what a director could do.
Today, a tired day, not sure what I will do, should possibly visit La Flaca later, have not checked in their in a while, there is also some traveling in Brooklyn that might be interesting--and movies...? Well, I should see Selma at some point, but there are other quirky movies around as well.
Will check in tomorrow....