Three moments......

Sunday---got restless at South Fourth Street----football games boring, decided it was time to move, so another long walk down Bedford, part I, through the Jewish section, about ten blocks, all of a sudden see nothing but Hasidic faces; part II, the Bed-Stuy journey, from Myrtle to Fulton, about twelve blocks---mostly black, for all the gentrification of the area, seems mostly poor, a lot of churches and church goers, which is normal for a black area on a Sunday---strange kind of nightmare voyage on those streets---almost dark---walking south on Bedford, one could envision a more scary Bed-Stuy than one of the present, almost feel its set-off-ness from the rest of the city---people lurking in the small houses on the avenue---then at Fulton walked back towards city, out of ghetto (or appearing to be so) finally hit Outpost (aptly named) which seems to be the meeting place of the new (mostly white) settlers in the area---Outpost exists just west of Franklin, or maybe Classon, not sure---seems like a happening place, though nothing really new---somewhat of a predictablity about places like those now.
Yesterday, hectic but nice day at Friends, lots of fun with the younger kids, then, extremely tired, but went to the Reading that Nila was in anyway, nice to see everybody, people seemed happy that I was there, opened up another whole can of beans----would like to attend more readings, be more active---have more conversations, but...time...now rest of today free, as I prepare for a very hectic day tomorrow, my Halloween, after a long day at Friends, and then tutoring Jose, will probably be full of sleep. Check me out tomorrow.....

Three days later.....

Sunday morning, finally the rain is gone, a really beautiful day---it actually is Fall. Had a great day at Friends on Friday---looking forward to tomorrow, will work for John B on Wednesday---pretty sure his jury duty will last another day.
Strange, today I wanted to justs enjoy the openness of the day---will hang out with Lana at South fourth for most of the afternoon---just watch whatever football game is on---have a chance to see Karen Finley tonight, for free, yet can't bring myself to book it....why? Maybe I just want to go with the flow in Brooklyn tonight---don't want to have "to be" anywhere---maybe end the day with a movie, or something.
Again, the options of what to do----amazing!

how could i have....?

Decision to eat at China Foods, on west 84 street, not good. Stuffed myself with chicken and soup, generally decided to take myself out of any socializing by doing so---could have gone to Toast---would like to see Shane, the bartender, but talked myself out of it---wanted chicken and soup; sounds good, no? But got up in the middle of the night, feeling stuffed, nowhere to go, now my stomach is dead, for a while---what about tonight? Can see a free concert at the Y, chamber music, I love chamber music, but what about going to Williamsburg and simply "hanging out"? ---Seems like the better alternative, since I have not been to South Fourth in a while. Watch the baseball game? Tomorrow, heavy day at Friends; guess I really needed today off---next week, lots of work---finally will get to see the English play at Roundabout, Saturday---really should go.

alot going on.....

Subbed one classs this morning, then picked up my check for the plays that I read, from Jennie---yesterday, subbed three in a row in the afternoon, then tutored Jose, not much left after that---as I went out to "reward" myself by getting bread chips (they fill me up, don't do much that is positive for my stomach) I ran into (literally) Johnny P. who looked at the bread chips, which ofcourse I had already taken out to eat on the street, and said, "the anti-Atkins diet!" He got it right, ofcourse---really fun running into him twice in a couple of days, will have to see Cymbeline soon, and say hello--then woke up about a little after midnight---thought I might be in distress,but actually, not much more than the bread chips fighting with my digestion system---everything calmed down this morning---watched Tom's class watching a movie---hardly heavy stuff, then thought of a few movies that they also would like.
Will tutor Lena tonight, then (weather permitting) off toSouth Fourth, to say hi to Adam and 9P.M. bartender, and maybe go over to Bembe's to see Derek, or to East River to see if Sara is there---havn't seen her in a while, would like to know how her job is going. Really inhabited much of South Williamsburg this summer, seems like a distant memory now,with all that is going on in Manhattan, stiill would like tokeep the continuity going......

After three days....

have not blogged in three days.....why? Friday and Saturday lots of work and action---Sunday, just decided not to.....strange how on days when the structure line is finally broken (in other words, plenty of free time), things seem to collapse. In all fairness, I was tired, God knows, I was everywhere on Saturday, four different stops, really loved the concert---will return? Perhaps.
Watching Red Sox game in Standings, kind of obnoxious, but anyway........now, back at Friends, for atleast three days......so say (or write) something profound, Bob, can you?
Well, Saturday, at the wedding of Michael and Kimberly, felt a little world weary, good to see old theater friends, (especially Julie Boyd), but also felt a tiredness about the whole proceedings. Understand that it was a special day, but for myself, conversations a bit to what....predictable....as if I have gone over this territory before. Ofcourse I love to talk theater.....but....felt more invigorated by the Philharmonic concert, really admire James Conlon (the conductor) ---I wonder if he remembers those days back in 66-67 (forever?) when we both stood at the Standing Room line at the New (and old) Met. He was part of a group that was a clique, so avoided him mostly at that time, still there was that one time at the line of (ironically) Philharmonic Hall, when he came up to me, and recognizing me from the Met line, asked me very decently if I was looking for the ticket line for a concert version of Fidelio. I remembe being surprised at how nice he seemed to be. Anyway, a nice memory....continued.....

Well, here we are....

Back at Friends yesterday, a s usual, a lot of warmth---really looking forward to the next couple of days there----was offered some work by DOE this morning, but chose to rest---better to prepare for the "marathon" that comes tomorrow, and then Saturday's college board proctoring, followed by Michael's wedding on Roosevelt Island. Amazing, Michael and I have known each other since 1989---seems like yesterday---anyway, very happy for him---looking forward to meeting the woman whom he is going to marry----what to do today, kind of a free day; if I choose to see something cultural tonight, have lots of options---but really can't come to terms with any of them--we'll see---should go to Ron's wife's exhibit after this---seems like a good time for it---then where---to WIlliamsburg, or back to UWS to use the computer at Lincoln Center---again the crazy quilt of options, anyway, we will see soon.........

Another open morning.....

Felt better this morning, decided not to take any jobs because I have the two private students this afternoon, though one of the DOE jobs, the one at a magnet school in Queens, sounded good. Maybe Thursday----anyway, in a bad mood now; most recent articles in New Yorker, about a guy named Niederhoffer, my class (64) , and his speculation---a kind of God in his own mind, with the money markets to back him up, then an article about the okay of that parking lot for the new Yankee Stadium; more exploitation by Bloomberg and friends of the people who live in the neighborhood---I am exasperated by my inability to do anything to prevent this---other than that, a nice day yesterday, enjoyed being at the Reading-still people seem very unaware of how to really create something unique in the musical theater form; or am I simply stuck back in the fifties---see what this evening will bring.......

After the library...

walked down Vanderbuilt Avenue, smack into the DDOB march, or the end of it, which I had decided not to take part in. Anyway, got into a long discussion with a guy named Jack, a little older than me, about what was going on, and how much we both detested it. He and some of the other marchers were heading towards the Soda Shop a few doors down, but since I had to get home to hear the DOE phone calls, I didn't go with them. I thought about it for a while, why I was not joining, but thought it best to return home. Heard a gazillion messages, but not one that I wanted to take. Then today at Friends, picked up four (actually two halfs, and two fulls) more days of work. So it wasn't really necessary--woke up this morning typical middle of the night thing with anxiety and some physical craziness---better now--had a nice day at Friends (actually a morning) and hallelujah! actually got paid for my past work! Still feeling slightly at odds---I think the hiatus at Friends (seven days actually) was weighing on my mind---after five straight days, felt so at home there---then the last four days without work---anyway, have a lot of work now for the next week or so---should settle in.........

Sunday at the heights cafe

nice time at the cafe; Annie, as usual, very gracious and talkative; everyone else quite friendly--glad I pushed myself to go there---a good idea.
Ah, Brooklyn, again, one more time---beautiful day----I guess made more beautiful because of the scratch off $15.00 that I won this morning. Good article by Frank Rich in today's News of the Week in Review; he blames everyone for their passivity---a malaise, partially caused because by not instituting a draft to fight the war in Iraq, Bush separates the mainstream of people, whether they be liberal or conservative or in between; they are free to go about their business, whatever that is, capable of tuning in and out the war as they wish. This is true, but My question to Mr. Rich would be: then what? If one allowed oneself to feel the pain of the war and the frightening hijacking of the democratic process by the Bush administration (though what about previous ones) how should one ACT? What should one do? And yet as I write this, I hunger for the outside world, a world where the Iraq war is pushed into the background.

Second time trying

I fear this to be impossible; my urgent and meaningful blog post interrupted by pushing the wrong button---anyway, after South fourth walked up to Graham and Metropolitan; waited for 43 bus going South; first bus took forever to come, packed----debated on what to do, but the next bus came along, and was empty. So the journey began! First through hispanic Williamsburg, a long stretch from Grand to Broadway on Graham, then accross Broadway to Bed-Stuy, up Tompkins Street. What a journey! Beautiful Brownstones galore on every block (or most every block) both east and west; nicest seem to be on Putnam Avenue, as I look at those Brownstones and streets I ask myself: was this neighborhood always like this? Ofcourse this is only one street in the neighborhood, but when you consider the reputation that Bed-Stuy had, as "dangerous' and then you see those brownstones, well.....ofcourse it was always well known that a large part of Bed-Stuy was home to a successful "Black Bourgeosie" (for want of a better title), but well, the streets are amazing. Then accross Fulton into Crown Heights, and to my surprise, even more beutiful Brownstones, and also, many stately apartment houses; this ofcourse was a primarily Jewish neighborhood fifty years ago
And I ask myself: What are the stories of these streets? who lived there, how did the streets change. Finally got off Bus at eastern Parkway and Brooklyn Ave, walked here to Library, to do this blog.
Bedford and Eastern Parkway: wide open---looking north---still appeared stately and meaningful; could I have stood on this street fifty years ago, and seen the Jewish neighborhood that it was in all its glory? Have to return, more bus rides, want to discover more.....

Saturday......

So I walked from the Library in Brooklyn, more or less to the Borough Hall Station, with a few stops (oooh, that icky Oreo bar at Ozzie's, delicious, but so heavy---do not do again) then checked the Dept. of Ed web site, ofcourse, the Salk School is very good---very angry at myself for rejecting them---still no money, everything comes next week-we'll see how I feel, or how much I feel like spending, then.
Today, off to South Fourth, to see Jeannine---how long I will stay there I don't know, might want to take that bus down Bedford---Nostrand---see how far I can go, there is also that really interesting bus ride at Graham and Metropolitan, that goes through what is left (actually a whole lot) of Spanish Williamsburg, then Bed-Stuy, then Crown Heights---a great day for either trip---depends how long I spend with Jeannine---who knows who else will appear today---tomorrow, probably tutoring, would love to see Misanathrope in the evening, but need to stay home to see what advance work is being offered by DOE---kind of strange mystery, getting those phone calls by the computer---then maybe out, depending on what is accomplished---good news about my private student Diamond Blair,who apparently was the only student in her class to pass her math test--the material which we worked on....all right, see what happens....

Brooklyn....Brooklyn....

Well, here I am out here again; still marvel at how differently being in this borough makes me feel---still another day without work---restless, but I spoke to John B. yesterday evening, everything all set for Monday, that sounds really good...all classes in the morning, maybe I will pick up a few later---anyway, a little more relaxed, after speaking to him on the phone---this morning, must have gotten calls from the computer from atleast seven schools---turned them all down----why? Wasn't up to it physically? Still can't deal with emotionally walking into a school that I don't know? Hang in there...
Yesterday evening went to Giron's Coffee Trees, his take on Cherry Orchard, really kind of weak, adequately put together, I have come to the point where if I don't feel a total integration with Chekovian characters---that is all actors on the same page, of the same talent, there is really no point in my being there---mistakes to me seem so "obvious"---then came home, very tired...rest of the day.....not sure......

Thursday....

Still no work, not even a phone call from sub central this morning, wonder about tomorrow, vowed to spend very little money today----yesterday went to NY Philharmonic, enjoyed Swan Lake selections more than I expected that I would, loved the opening phrases of the Roccoco variations, beautiful tune----the 5th----good at some points, still enjoyed being there, after went to All State, spoke a lot to Lucy, who was in Frank's play, part of The Team; she seemed happy that I had seen the rehearsal, strange that she rooms with Jesse---the Fort Greene girls, Diane looked great, she seems in a very good place, hope I can see her work soon.
Picked up scripts from Jenny this morning, very restless, all this energy, no real outlet for it...where do we go.........

Wednesday..after sleep

Came home after tutoring Lena last night and had nothing left---no trip to Williamsburg or anything, just wanted to sleep, and that is what I did---was asleep at a little after 8P.M., woke up around 11, then back until 5A.M.---now, full of energy, and feeling annoyed that I havn't been called---subcentral did not even call me today, that is strange, as for Friends, well maybe tomorrow or Friday---still, I feel all this energy now, and not a lot to do with it, sitting at the computer blogging or visiting other sites, not terribly fulfilling, what to do tonight, the possibilities are staggering, but what do I WANT to do? No answer---it seems that I have become too work oriented; I think that is my focus, so everything else, all my evening choices mold into a giant blur---should check out All State today and see Diane, havn't seen her in a while, and at the same time, could pay a visit to the bar by 125 street, feel like checking in on Shane, a really nice person, and finding out how his post graduate work is doing---still all WIlliamsburg stands before me---perhaps this will be a late night--anything else, not really....

Thanks to David....

Dave's check arrived yesterday, a very opportune time, very nice of he and Kathie to send a present, will be used carefully, anyway, makes things a little easier because of cash shortfall, since paydays at all the schools are next week. Friends did not call today, what did I expect? Turned down atleast three schools on the sub service line, investigated them all today on the nycenet web site, they all sound good, but who knows really.....tutoring Lena today, felt really good about tutoring when I left Jose's house yesterday, he really needs input, but a very nice kid. Movie, yesterday, Valley of Elah, haunting, powerful and ugly, but being in the movie theater and watching it really did not turn me on; maybe I have done the right thing this summer, after all----not much else, spending a lot of time in Williamsburg, left Bembe early on Sunday (though later than usual) because there was no one to talk to, maybe go back today, and see the guys at South Fourth and Derek at Bembe as well, on the other hand, I am feeling tired now, already went shopping and (finally!) bought to new pairs of dungarees at Old Navy...not much else...will see how the rest of the day turns out.

Sunday.....

Returning to computer place on Amersterdam, after two tutoring sessions: good sessions, made a little bit of extra money, now, amazingly enough, feel at loose ends.
Horse racing actually went well, yesterday, bet cautiously on two races; ultimately made my money back----maybe a little more time....what else....enjoyed the football game last night, but it took up too much of my time, sort of like being in an alternate universe---long and mysterious trip down Flatbush Avenue; luckiy met a Xavier student on the bus, who showed me the way, once we got off---still it was interesting looking at that part of Flatbush, now there seem to be only parts of Brooklyn that are not changed---still would like to take the Bedford Nostrand Avenue trip from Williamsburg to......perhaps soon---what about tonight? Well torn between some movie, or maybe even possibly a play (Misanthrope!) but will probably end up resting after this, and then making my decision after that. Would like to see the Yankee game on TV, on the other hand, might be able finally to catch up on a movie, on the other hand, would like to see what Bembe is like with people in it (say after 10:00) and this might be my only chance, or perhaps a chance to see the whole Williamsburg society, out after midnight. Well, we'll see,

Saturday....long weekend....

Three day holiday---I have done as much as I can to work this week; all five days in the heat---well it turned out all right. Strange day today, will have a lot of structuring to do. Tonight I take that bus ride out to Aviator Fieldi in Floyd Bennet Park, to watch Howard's son play football---a little nervous, checked out the bus ride, Howard took it two weeks ago, says it is not long from the Nostrand---Flatbush junction----checked out the map, seems pretty far, but who can tell---it will be dark while I am traveling---would prefer to take the first trip in light, but what the hell----should be an interesting jaunt.
Also playing the horses today for the first time in a long time---why? Because I feel I 'deserve" it after the long, hard week---anyway, just going to play two races, won't lose that much money, if I do lose, and don't really feel much of a need to continue for the next two days, whether I win or lose----ofcourse, if I win......
Just read the article on the Gotbaum woman who died after fighting the cops at Pheonix last week---hard to say what it makes me feel, on one hand some compassion for the husband and the children, on the other, here are people who just take money and the privileges of wealth for granted---this woman had "everything", shows you how personal insecurities can be so overpowering---not much compassion, though........
Bush still defends torture methods....what then....

the heat, will.....

The heat, will it ever end...that's what I was asking myself as I headed to the Brooklyn library after a long day at 163---woke up this morning early, not sure if I could make it, long talks with myself, thought about being available for Friends, but finally left to face it---as it is, had a much more fulfilling day, great class this afternoon---a large kindergarden class---they really need a para or assistant---had them in music, but, despite all of the destractions, was able to handle them successfully....then a really nice sense of recognition from a third grade class, many of whom I worked with much of two years ago, when I was there a lot. Anyway, have fulfilled my financial obligations for the past two weeks, feel pretty secure with that now, nothing scheduled for next week...but three the week after that at Friends, and who knows what else; weekend could bring anything (or nothing) we will see......

value at....

Exhausted! Spent the day at 163, somewhat missing Friends, but who knows, maybe they had no work for me.....what can you say....kids are nice, I really like them, but so frisky....not out of control in any way, but the impulses.......and had to improvise my way through the day, still feeling tired, but.......what else....found a nice place to be in Fort Greene yesterday night, a sort of upscale alternative to Tilly's but the food looked great, and the ambience was really nice; Layla was really good....I think it is hard to appreciate just how good she is...walked back to the subway with Jeannine, will see her on Saturday, I guess---still puzzle by the contradictions of the city---never has there been a more aggressive and stultifying push by realtors to transform the city into something ugly, yet never have I found people to be more friendly and receptiv...so who knows, there is atleast a populist movement brewing because of all this building...we'll see.

Friends, third....

Friends, third straight day, working with fifth and sixth graders, felt very fond of them, all of a sudden thinking that I want to be here when they graduate---for fifth graders that would be 2015--kind of a long time from now---strange how the fifth graders of 2000 and 2001 (those who have just graduated, and those who will) seemed so natural to me once, and these kids seem so "young" (Could make my point better,...) anyway, tomorrow, back at 163, feel a little sorry that I made that commitment, thinking that there would be no need for me here---well maybe there will not be. I still like 163, sure I will be able to get some value out of those exeriences.....

Monday....

Back at Friends------what kind of weekend was it? Really a no problem one, made some much needed money----hung out with J. again, at South Fourth Saturday, then visited Bembe and talked with layla yesterday evening (early) Bembe a fascinating place, just being in it creates something different, a quirky atmosphere----good talk with Frank on Saturday, after his work in progress-----will visit him at Broome street sometimes during the week---wonder how much spare time I will have, or whether I will actually see a NYMF---anyway, later..........