wednesday...feeling frenetic

had a nice night at South Fourth yesterday, had a goodd talk with a woman named Andi;she and her husband live in Crown heights, Antioch graduate, invited me to a burlesque Xmas show in a few weeks---will go---also should e-mail David patrick F.about listening to some Beethoven chamber music--good talk with him also.
Today about to take the bus, ran into Brandon and his aunt coming off bus, they want to see me tomorrow, didn't think I could do it, but schedule at Friends is as such that it might be possible, from, say 11A.M. to 12. Kind of rushed, but could do it---if there is no extra work for me. This afternoon interview with Painting Center people, wonder if there is work there, wonder about Orthodox Jew in Crown Heights (lives about a half mile from Andi) whom I might tutor, wonder if I will see Marriage of Figaro on Saturday.

Tuesday

First time at the computer in a few days. Have gone from darkness into light! Feeling exhilirated---just finished my secoond session in two days with Brandon---very productive,but yesterday was the key---"forced" myself to accept work at Brooklyn Tech---got through it---not great but---after having done it, I feel very fulfilled. This week later work at Friends, and some in January---also some work at Liz Yamin's art gallery---this plus the tutoring should keep my going---feel very optimistic---difficult weekend, Sunday night---really weird, but seem to have worked my way through it. Something about taking a sub job in a new place---responding to a new challenge (though Brooklyn Tech kids are hardly difficult) that makes me feel strong. How much more work will I do in the public schools.......?

Friday, Friday

Glad to see that my review of QB has been posted on NYtimes.com. Still, could not eat much until sharing that pizza at South Fourth at about 10:00 on Wednesday. Yesterday, got through most of the day before heading to Prospect Heights to have Thanksgiving Dinner with Carol, kayla, annie and family. Fun? Well, to some extent. The girls are really growing and changing--that is good to see.
Today.....bad feelings re playing horses, do not really want to do it, yet a part of me thinks I might implement my income if I am careful. Certainly, could have made money yesterday on McGlaughlin's horse, probably would have bet him, and yet, am I better off without it? It leaves a dirty taste in my mouth, and at this moment I find there is so much more interesting to do in the city. Yet, I won't bankrupt myself if I play one or two today, or try to play some of the interesting card tomorrow. Always a seesaw. Here I am in the library, why not just drown myself in the many books I find interesting. Always something more.
Can think of about eight movies to see today, and a few plays, trying to keep income low, we'll see..............

wednesday....

Wednesday, awoke with stomach ache! Must have been the combination of things that I ingested last evening: asparagus, a small beer, one slice pepirroni pizza, and (I know I shouldn't have) some cookies and cream ice cream from Haagen Daas. Anyway, glad I saw Queens Boulevard (the musical), thought that meeting Robin would be somewhat of a chore, but actually really enjoyed myself, both her company before the play, and the play (musical) itself.
This morning, absolutely no phone calls for subbing! Could not quite believe it---are they cutting back, were they all given out last night? Still the conundrum of trying to get myself to work somewhere else besides Friends if the work there is slow. But no real problem now. Could have probably arranged to tutor Brandon today, but I guess I will wait til Friday. Sort of glad to have the whole day open---absolutely no obligations--don't remember feeling so untrammeled. Also a beautiful day, mild, as will tomorrow be, but this topsy turvy weather still seems like a kind of joke played on all of us. Anyway, going to see Queens Boulevard and enjoying it as much as I did, has me very up---want to see more. Later......

Tuesday....

Another day without work!. Didn't mind too much this morning, since I am meeting Robin for dinner and the play, only got three phone calls---all these speciality schools, just created, how am I to figure out if they are viable or not---hopefully, work at Friends will be strong for December---also, talked to an interesting examiner at Department of Labor, re a claim for summer unemployment---seemed to have a viable understanding of my rights---so what happens now; there is a small chance I will get some summer money-we will see.
Thanksgiving on Thursday with the Schwarz-Baum's, should be fun, the girls are always a trip. Looking forward to it--saw the movie of Charles Nelson Reilly's last show---quite cathartic for me; I wonder what one not interested in theater, 50-64 would say about it. Not sure about work tomorrow---anyway, can visit Jeannine and Frank if I want.

Monday

Eshaustion! Emotional, not physical, this crazy quilt life---so much to do, yet turned down a job subbing at Brooklyn Tech this morning----certainly can't complain about being asked to work there--yet turned it down--simply could not include it in my consciousness, I guess--wonder about the next two days, what I will be able to do. No financial worries at the moment---but----tonight I tutor Jose, then will go to Jenny's reading, I guess, then home to the messages.
Went to see Twelfth Night for the second time Saturday, and amazingly enough, enjoyed it more---very moved at the end---sat next to Monica Witt, we had a nice time, then wandered about Brooklyn as I waited for Nila's 11:00 performance. That was fun---she was the best I have seen her, and had an interesting discussion with Stewart, Nila's dad.
Good session with Brandon A yesterday, glad he feels confident---then home to bed---could not do much else, too tired...then today.........

Saturday....

Second go round watching Twelth Night at Friends, this afternoon; had a beautiful day there yesterday----great relationships with the elventh graders. Feel like my relationship with the kids there is getting very "Checkovian"---what do I mean by that? Can't really say---let it continue---spoke to Adam K last night, tried to get him to send his play "Freedom High", to theaters in England, I think there would really be a market for it there---nice that he trusts me---trying to figure out what to do between Twelth Night and Nila's play at Here, which is at 11:00 P.M.---go to Williamsburg, or see a movie, or simply return back to the apartment---not sure.
Next week may have to really deal with my reluctance to try a new public school---what will happen?..........

Wednesday

The world is out of joint---or so it seems---no work at Friends now til Friday---DOE still doesn't give me enough info about schools to make me want to make a choice---and even though financially I am safe---Want to Blow it Open and Can't!--that is want to get ahead with money---will it happen---yes, I compliment myself on how I manage money, but......
Still, working hard with Brandon---feel that I am providing his mother with a lot of support---she is in a difficult situation---had a good session with Lena yesterday, then a fun time at South Fourth---met Valerie Geffner, who, ofcourse, would be a Julliard graduate---will go to South Fourth again today, around 7, to see Jeannine---still......stomach should improve---don't know why it is hitting me so hard, but seems like it is getting better.

To sub or....

To sub or not to sub, that is the question, that I ask myself every morning when I let the computer from DOE contact me about open jobs. No work from Friends for the second day, nothing awful about that, but I feel reluctant to take a DOE job at a school that I don't know about. Hopefully there will be enough work at Friends and as a tutor so that I can "pick and choose" about where I sub in the city system, but always have to be prepared for........Sometimes I am angry at myself for not taking these risks, but other times, I am comfortable with my self-protective zone. Besides, if I want some evening life, hard to do if I sub, even at Friends.
West Side Story reunion of original and replacement casts on december 1, it is private, but I assume that they are performing at the Gypsy performance two and three days later. Would like to meet some of those people, still do some interviews, wonder if it will happen; so much else is happening at the moment, hard to incorporate everything, anyway, we will see.
Rest of day should be pleasant, very mild, which means good walking weather, after tutoring at 6, can do most anything that I want, but will most probably head to Williamsburg to hang out at South Fourth Street....later!

Monday....

Feeling generally (physically) lethargic, today---strange, somewhat different, nevertheless was able to go to Bronx and have my second straight tutoring session with Brandon...he is a good learning experience in a child's ability to conceptualize and execute---after a great lesson yesterday, he seemed to have forgotten all the math concepts he learned. Had to teach it over again to him---still today, he executed well, right before I left---will see if this remains.
Nothing at Friends, today, wonder if I will only work this Friday---they are nearing the end of the term, so it is possible that everyone is there--maybe in the schools, tomorrow and Wednesday, we'll see. Tonight to see Adam K's reading of his new play; still wish that someone would recognize the value of Freedom High---God, the play is staring someone in the face, don't understand how opaque people can be, or Artistic Directors can be...well, we will see.

No word....

Came to library expecting to check e-mail and see statement from Michael F. about my e-mail enlightening him about Ryder's Hamlet,et. al, of that period. This was a great opportunity for me to release my knowledge of the theater in NY in the late fifites-early sixties period. No e-mail back...well, glad I got a chance to share my knowledge.
Went to sleep early yesterday, pretty warm inthe room, cold seems to be over, today, another score of options---will I finally actually go to see a movie---will play atleast one race at OTB.
Will go to Brooklyn to "hang"with jeannine, in the afternoon---remind her that I won't be there next week---going to see the kids in Twelth Night....rest of the weekend a little vague,as of now....

Friday....

What does one blog about? The past? the coming weekend. Wonder if Bill will actually come over and help me with the insulation, though, things are much better with the heat, now. Seems like a nice guy, should be fun.....rest of the weekend, who knows? Willl probably visit Jeannine tomorrow, not much tutoring as of now---could use the rest, nice time working at Friend, these last two dayts, no work there scheduled for now until Friday---may have to "sweat it" and actually work for the DOE. Anyway, we will see what happens.

Baltimore

Just read City Paper (of Baltimore) on line, read Anna Ditkoff's Murder Inc, states that Central Park Heights has had a large number of murders this year. Strange, how vividly I remember that as the Jewish neighborhood where all my friends lived during college---we dated girls who lived around there---basked in a kind of soft innocence at that time---now, this---what is one's connection to the past...still feel like I could see the neighborhood---long to get in a car and just drive around Baltimore---will I do it----stuck in the city (NY) too many things to find here.....

Wednesday

Things are calming down----still life too much of a crazy quilt; made a decision, even though I was tired to go to South Fourth Street last night---good decision. Had a nice talk with Bill, an artist, who I had made friends with in June; we talked about insulating the apartment, he made a few suggestions, which ofcourse, were too difficult for me to act on, but he offered to come over Friday and help me install some insulation that would keep things warmer in the apartment. As it was, since it was under 40 last night, heat was on more often, did not freeze last night, but needed to use the heater---God knows what my electric bill will be next month. Anyway, appreciate Bill's helping out......
Still find it jarring--the difference between subbing and staying home in the morning---the lack of structure is difficult, still had a long memory about original Music Man, today, and then a nice conversation with myself about WSS, Fiddler, and the authenticity of the original, as opposed to newer companies learning "steps".
Will visit Broome Street this afternoon, then off to tutor Jose, then will go to that invited dress at LaMama---should not be too strenous, cold is almost gone, rejected subbing for DOE today, becuase thought it might be too strenous, since tomorrow at Friends, I am doing five classes.

So if anything.....

Not a bad weekend, but the cold continues, feel like I don't have any control on what goes on in the apartment--today not called to Friends, have a tutoring session at 6p.m., but otherwise feel rootless---not enough to do---listened to Beethoven's second Piano Trio this morning, beautiful, very stimulating, but....not clear why I am in this funk---is it simply because the apartment is so uncontrollable, feel that I am risking something--may go down and visit Frank at Broome Street bar, later---see if I can get out of this funk.....

Frightening night....

Frightening night last night---went to see Misanthrope, basically liked it, said hello to Amelia, afterwards, she was great in the play, as a person, I love her calm---there seems to be something beautiful about her---have known her since summer of 88---she had just graduated from Syracuse---met her at the Playwrights Conference; wonder if I will ever get a chance to talk with her---returned home, after two peperoni slices, went to bed, then awakened at 3A.M. by cold---nothing more, just cold---really panicked---turned on heater, put on clothes, nothing really seemed to work, landlord not repsonsable for heat if it is over 40 degrees at night hours. Heated the bathroom with water, took a bath---lasted through the night, but very nervous about how this could affect me, and what to do tonight and tomorrow. Heat came on at around 7:30, may come on earlier tomorrow----I used the heater with the heat to warm up the room before I left for the day---still don't know what to do tonight, pull an all nighter?
Strangely enough, feel a lot of energy today, thought a lot about Misanthrope this morning, already ran to bank and now library, and then Brooklyn---but I can feel the pushing down on my chest from the cold, maybe it will go away, it usually does---no real problems now, but hopefully the night will be okay---stupid rule under 40 degrees, when it gets freezing in my apartment around low fifties. But feel positive about the day.

another weekend....

Another weekend set to begin; no work today, after two really good days at Friends; still highly ambivalent about taking public school work----see how it works out......Misanthrope tonight---get a chance to see (and maybe talk a bit) with Amelia---tomorrow, what effect will the wind play on my travels to Brooklyn, been thinking about Outpost a lot, but what---just another border place where white people gather---is that all we can say?