betwixt and between...

so, of course, the morning came, and still no phone call to make the colonoscopy appointment. Why? Still nervous about coping with the day before---need some consistent friendship and support during that time, is this possible?  Should I contact some place where I can find a "friend", i.e. someone I do not know but who wants to help me through it? How about a therapist, to tap a lot of the feelings that dealing with that day bring up? Should try to answer these questions---but will probably move about it slowly. I know, I know, I should "get it done", but still, there is no face to it. Well, let's see what develops.
  Last night, was tired, so I opted to take the subway to Standings in the hope of watching three baseball games simultaneously (baseball immersion), but found that difficult. Had a beer, after a pizza slice nearby, watched for about an hour, but grew restless and had to move on. But where? Hunger came back again, but wanted to keep the cost down (so no bar food), ended up grabbing a pizza square on third and first (adequate) which truly filled me up. But it was only about 8:30, and I was in no mood to go home, so where..? Cityboy decided to walk, and that is what he did. One block south to Houston, then one block east to Avenue A---then came the walk north on that street---passed many bars, also stopped at a book store around 5th street---it actually looks like a gallery---and browsed for about ten minutes. Of course I could not buy anything ( not a lot of money) but did get a chance to look at Krapp's Last Tape, by Beckett, maybe the one play by Beckett that seems to be about real people and actually has a kind of plot. The play has been with me for a long time---I love its switching back and forth in time, and the reverie of the 39 year old Krapp. I first came upon it on a a Sunday afternoon in March of 60 (Imagine that!) when it was performed by a canadian actor named Donald Davis and was the first of two plays on the bill---the second was The Zoo Story, that amazing play by Albee. I remember trying to understand the Beckett--being happy that the narrative world of it made sense--and even at 16 and a half, being moved by the sadness of Krapp's love affair 30 years earlier. But it was Zoo Story that really tore me apart---with Mark Richman and Williams Daniels--I had never quite seen anything like it. Yeah, I really could identify with Jerry (at least for the next few years) . That was my senior year at Science, and of course I felt like an outsider there. I am happy that both plays have lived long enough into my lifetime and are performed a great deal
  Continuing the walk, passed the park, finally around 12th and 13th street directly east of the avenue, noticing two new luxury end buildings, each with a doorman--startling to one who remembers the "sketchiness" of the old East Village. Several bars line the avenue from 12th to 14th, none seemed rather crowded---on the other hand the outdoor restaurants on 2nd Avenue between 7th and Houston were packed---where does all this money come from?
 The walk ended on 14th and first, when I got in the cross town bus and headed to the 2 train, on seventh avenue.
  Today, a totally free day---nothing planned; I think today I really will go out to Brooklyn this evening and check out East River bar---and see if any of the South fourth "regulars" will be there. Really miss that place, La Flaca is meaningful, but South fourth was really so much a part of my life. So, there you go, will report tomorrow.