Five days later...

the library remained closed through the weekend. This left me completely free for three more days---I did not expect this. Again, the irony of my "freedom" has not escaped me. I seem to have gone from one vision of my life to another. Two weeks ago,, I felt trapped by my tutoring schedule---as if it was depriving me of " a real life" But now, with the schedule "decimated", I find "real life" may have brought up two many feelings and choices that I was not ready to make. It does not help that money is tight---I challenge myself to keep all financial choices controlled. But there is something more then that. 

Thursday evening I marshalled all my energy and went off to Bushwick (actually the deeper part of Bushwick) to attend a play at the Bushwick Starr, a theater that I have been visiting and interacting with since about, 2010. Arrived early (the L train moves quickly through Brooklyn) and got a ticket--the play Rheology, was a mixture of real and imagined. A playwright, super attached to his mother, imagines her death, and what he feels will be the devastating effects of her death on his life.All the while his real mother is on stage--she is a physicist and still very vital. For the playwright, however, there is simply obsessive fear. After some dialogue back and forth, her "death" and her messages to him from wherever are simply played out. Some stunning visual effects as well as this content. A play but not a play---the audience really bought into it; I could see during the curtain call that they were extremely moved.But I felt outside of it--as deep as his feelings were, I was not taken in by the way it was presented. Maybe, in part, because it did not represent my final feelings as my own mother was dying. But that is another story. The trip to the theater and back was taxing--had to get off the L at Graham for a pizza slice because I was dying from hunger. Would have liked to hang around and explore Graham further--this would have been easy for me pre pandemic---but simply returned to the L and went home. Not sure if I was more exhausted physically or mentally--the next day I could hardly move--a day of recovery.

Assuming the library re-opens tomorrow, today is the last day of my "freedom". Pretty tired from yesterday's events--a nice party given by one of the teachers at Friends. Will simply "let it happen". Maybe a trip to the Drama Book Store, or even Center for Fiction. Not sure what energy I have. Oh well, will report soon.