A Dark day...

as you can see if you look outside in NY, it is about 4:30. But for me, the darkness began earlier---after getting up and going out for coffee and a muffin---returned to sleep. Woke up feeling weak---body with less energy then usual. Was it the chemo? Slowly I have worked my way back, to a greater sense of energy, but this was strange, and it also arrived with a strong feeling of hunger. Even after having my "usual" morning meal---three slices of American cheese on a plain bagel, it did not take long for me to be overwhelmed by a feeling of hunger. Ran out and got a roast beef sandwich--that did it for a while, but still I needed a desert. Strange--some days my appetite is slow, others, especialy since the operation, the appetite just keeps going and going. For the afternoon, things are a bit more under control, after all, here I am, at the computer, writing away, that takes some energy---but I am still a little confused by the lack of energy this morning. 

Turned off--with so many options on the computer to watch, the idea of sitting here and watching a movie or something else puts me off. As I was walking to the grocery store, earlier, I longed to be able to actually go to a movie---not just for the movie itself, but for a chance to be in a different environment, to look at other people, to consider, why, in terms of age, sex, etc, they are at this movie. To get the whole picture. That what is lacking here. Yet so many choices exist----operas, complete baseball games from the past---interviews, documentaries of interest, etrc. Can I find one that will carry me through the evening. "Oh, endless night! cries Tamino in The Magic Flute---is that what I face...?

Have to get on with it. Will call my niece in California, the amazing Natalie. She is a live wire, talking to her will link up my energy with hers. A nice idea---what about the five books that are lying on my bed, all of which are of interest, but which I have not checked out yet. You see, cityboy, lots of choices, really, let's see what happens.