totally alone--my mind shot back to summer of 67--in an apartment much like the one I am living in now---spending most of my free time listening to as much Mozart as I could. 67: my third "reconstructive" summer---I am beginning a new job as a social worker---my plan to take part time jobs while I "audition" for roles has failed me---finally I work nights in the post office on 33rd and 8th--for about seven months---read a lot during the day---realize that this structure is not working--it is cutting me off from things I need---like sex---and relationships. Where has all the promise of my last year at Hopkins gone? Now the freshmen men from Hopkins and the women from Goucher who started in 63, and were so important in my final year at Hopkins have all graduated--have I given them up competely? No. But I know there is no world for me with them. So who I am now? And it is hot! All those things come together for me as I sit and listen to a Mozart violin sonata in the present. Differences...similarities....who can say.
Infusion three days ago--yesterday could not do much after the morning---body needed to rest after the infusion and its inability to let me sleep on the day it is given. Spending most of the day reading a non fiction book about the lives of Richard the II and his cousin, Henry Bolingbroke, who later becomes King Henry IV. Filling in a lot of what I already know from Shakespeare's two plays bout those to. Tied to the book---can't read anything else---kept me going last night.
Plans for ttoday: should try to see Familiar Touch, the movie at Film Forum, which stars KC--a lovely woman and incredibly well respected actress, as an aging women with Alzheimers. Would like to stop by Drama Bookstore as well--spend about an hour there checking out some new plays--don't know if that is possible. And Brooklyn....just not sure what my energy level will be. It is easy for me to get really lost in the reading I am doing--want the summer to be interesting...well, we will see.
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