Spring 1959....

 A Facebook post of Broadway shows running in late 59, got me to rememeber two musicals that i saw in March and June of 59, respectively. This was my Junior year at Science, the first year in which I traveled independently, and interacted with different students in each class. First year at Science my class was, like about half the sophmore class, put into the Science Annex, about 6 blocks east of the main building, and treated like a junior high school class---that is traveling the whole day with the same students from class to class. Made some good friends from that class,but in retrospect, feel cheated---limited contact---treated as if we were still in Junior High School. At the "old buiding" on Creston Avenue where I experienced the first part of my junior year I remember the rush--the hurly burly---other students desceding on you from all different angles. Totally different from the year before.

The musical were Flower Drum Song (March of 59) and  Destry Rides Again (June of 59). Not interested now in appraising the shows---trying to return to that time in memory. The Bronx! Still mostly Jewish and safe. Neighborhood after neighborhood. Fifteen and a half---constricted by my family---trying to figure out  who I was with my female classmates. I had just "broken up" with the first girl I had dated for a couple of dates--now every conversation that I had with a female classmate of mine, left me with a sense of wonder and possibilities.  A classmate from history---we found ourselves walking to the D train together--a great conversation--she was attractive and a year older---seemed to know her way around the school better then I, but now we were talking to each other. When it was over--"it" being the conversation---I felt like "wow!"; I could not believe this happened. No continuation---of course I saw her around school_--but it did not matter. I returned to my apartment in the Bronx---turned on the radio---tried to do homework---but it was hopeless. I play our conversation in my mind over and over. But the boundaries! Dreaming of this woman and others while trying to please my parents by getting good marks. Was I trapped?And all these women classmates who fascinated me lived in Manhattan---wanted to be there more and more---was this part of it---because they lived in Manhattan, and I in the Bronx, did I endow them with a kind of mysterious erotic energy? To be raised in Manhattan! Then, in the fifties! Amidst the grime, the gangs, the different streets, while I was raised in the Bronx--completely safe and predictable. This dream of mine would not end well---(when has it ever?)---the girl sitting next to me in English---the nice cameraderie--my expectations of a romance---the unavailability---my insistence in my head, all during senior year, that a romance with her was possible---"the plumetting to earth" (Williams).

Not where I wanted to go. I simply wanted to recapture the feeling of myself at that time. Riding home from Flower Drum Song with my brother and parents---yes that is it! Still part of the family unit. "Trapped" in it? Waiting for the next "interaction". Should have been "free-er". But how...?