strange day...

on the same day that I lose out on 15 dollars because my student cancels, I read an article about Rocco Landesman (same initials) and his rise to the top. What makes his aggressiveness, his need to live well, a diferent kind of need then mine. You have never been aggressive with money, always try to be in control, are respected for your decency to people and perhaps fairness. That is fine, but is there really any difference between us in the real world of being? I suppose what I am asking is that if you wanted to be successful in theater, why didn't on some level you do what he did? Different breaks...he was mentored by Brustein, was able to function as a student in a much more creative and supportive atmosphere, you, mentored by nobody. When I leave here, everything will be okay, but you have always tried to rein in your aggressiveness. Strange meditation on being...wonder where this will all lead to, will I see Chuck Mee's play today? Fringe begins next Friday, have a very easy schedule. On Wednesday another walk---this one after leaving Tony Avella's benefit (had some nice conversations there) then up to Avenue C, first few blocks north of Houston still have a Puerto Rican flavor, then around fifth street the street explodes into upscale and semi-upscale restaurants, it seems crowded, vivid, but the same types of people---although Avenue C and the block to the east has been gentrified for about ten years now, still amazed by the amount of well to do, or "normal" (By that I mean white and middle class) that have found the street and go there without any trouble. These journeys excite and make me feel good, but what do they mean?