A strange time.....

 Early morning---always in limbo---last night, was able to prepare to go to a play, not a movie. Went to EST, my old "stomping ground", now, under new leadership--maybe that is a blessing. Three one acts---all written and mostly performed by actors of color. On the whole, they were very good. After a brief, but somehwat effective monologue, to begin the evening, two amazing afro-american actors gave performances that basically awed me, in a play about two teen-age black track achievers.  Sat there, being stunned by their portrayal of those two teen agers---totally free, totally believable. The  next play, in contrast was about a few survivors of what must have been a nature apocalypse. Totally different in style, and slightly long winded, nevertheless the concept and acting of it was extremely original. Again the acting was totally comitted. 

Two more one acts to go---after intermission, nevertheless I left as soon as the first group of plays were over. Why? Several reasons I guess---on   one hand I felt physically tired----also, a sense of being an outsider in the space. Not really in a racial sense, I think because there was no one there that I knew---perhaps that is what I hoped for when I chose to go there, in addition to the plays.I attended so many plays and worksops at EST in the past--made friends with so many members. Yet no one from "my generation" was there. Also, nervous about "the bag"---perhaps I felt that I was not controlling it enough, and when I returned home, I found that was true; it was full, and needed adjusment right away. But the overall feeling that I came away with, was that I am not as comfortable in a theater space, as I would like to be, or certainly as I was pre pandemic. Somehow attending a movie, at this point seems easier---certainly easier on my nerves. I can just lose myself and absorb myself in what I am looking at on the screen.

Still, how much time will I have to go to anything---I now have over ten hours of tutoring a week---feeling a strong bond with the parents of the kids I work with, and the kids themselves. Afterwards, I am exhausted--just able to make it home ---try to relax and clear my mind. Interesting fact: two movies that are at a theater within walking distance of my apartment are autobiographical stories---one by James Gray and one by Spielberg. How do I feel about watching those movies---the childhoods of "high achievers"? Not sure, still some disappointment for me, in not "making it" in theater, even as I understand how meaningful  and dynamic the work I am doing with my tutoring students is. 

Trouble with the bag this morning---new supplies that I have received have been incredibly weak. Hope to have some success with the current one, but will have to supervise it often. Wish me luck!