Thanksgiving morning

 Around 5 A. M. I awake from a horrible dream. In the dream I come to Friends. It is the morning, and I am looking for a sub job from them. I am in a waiting room (unlike any room in the real school) and a secratary explains to me that there are four teachers out and the "regular" subs have taken those jobs. I am to wait to see if another teacher calls in sick, or if I am needed. So I wait---think about what I have to offer-what my past has been like there---and then  wake up.  And angry. A feeling that I am really on the outside at that place. And the irony is, that this dream should come at a time when my tutoring clientele is even greater--my hours as a tutor more and more in demand---econmically I don't need Friends, at least for now. Caught in my anger and frustration on a day when I am essentially "free", as I am for the next two days. Trying to, I suppose, put it all together---stand apart and "look" at my situation. Need some distance. 

Not much else to report. The days are built around tutoring schedule--the nights-returning to the apartment and "chillingl" or just taking it easy. Aware of the world of the theater around me but unable to participate in it---as an observer. Yes, I am living in a far different world then I was pre pandemic. Yet the tutoring is meaningful---I have developed a solid bond with both the children that I work with and their parents. Much stronger then when I came to the library to face my students already full of work at Friends and just hoping to get through these lessons. My focus is much stronger and the world that I create with the children is much more interesting. All good. I am pleased with the situation. But the rest of my life....

Since the library is closed on Friday, I am free until Saturday morning. Today a trip to Prospect Heights for aThanksgiving dinner with my cousins---amazing that the first time we did this was over 30 years ago. First group Thanksgiving with them since 2019. Looking forward to it. Tomorrow, may work with my adult student who lives in Jackson Heights (always a treat to go out there and think about life in another neighborhood)---also apartment is being cleaned. Maybe some movie options during this time--could use some sports watching just to relax. Will report on how it all turned out.