the "countdown"

New Year's Eve, preparation, it is like being in jail. Nothing to do but wait it out. Will probably go to South Fourth around 9 P.M., maybe remain, maybe stop at East River, who knows...? Hopefully some meaningful conversation will fill the time out---not much more to say, will proabably do a good deal of reading before that.
Yesterday a good day, particularly had a good time at Cobra Club in Bushwick. Will probably watch much of football playoffs there, drill will be the same, start off at South Fourth and end up at Cobra.What of La Flaca, will probably spend some time there too, . So "stuck" with New Year's Eve drill, but for the most part feel hopeful and optimistic about the next three or four months, lots to see and do, many places to discover, and good conversations to be had (sounds kind of cliche ish doesn't it). Lots of people I know doing plays, so there should be a lot of activity in that area. Will check in and report about the night, soon....

so yesterday....

returned to Gerritsen Beach to volunteer---carefully prepared myself for Out House problem, (let's call it that) ---used bathroom in Kings Highway library probably four or five times (somewhat exaggerated) just so that I would not have to use those out houses---library people must have thought I was a freak or something---anyway, opened the food store, then was joined by two nice volunteers, Alexis and Robb, from Park Slope. Stayed about two hours, nearly froze, I think the place is much too cold for me, I simply don't know if I can hack it, maybe for the best if I don't return, or return very nominally, or wait for warmer weather---there seems to be enough volunteer interest at this point---can probably drop by to check and see if any help is needed--anyway, returned to apartment, spent rest of night there, resting, no Branaugh Hamlet, which is what I had hoped to do, felt it was important to "sit:" (best word for it) on my money.
Strange vacation, havn't socialized as much as I thought I would, cold has something to do with it, maybe today at Cobra, or South Fourth or East River...or...(oh well, the choices are endless, arn't they City Boy).
Still love going down Ocean Avenue looking at the apartment houses..will miss that, or maybe take a wallk around there when it gets milder.....

in which city boy....

"cops out". Volunteered at Gerristen Beach on Monday---no bathroom, other than that, not a lot of work, people seemed to be at the holidays, three "shacks" where food, toiletries and other essentials were given out for free. Any one could get what was there. The Gerrtisen Beach people were friendly and responsive, told them I would be back today, nevertheless could not go, even though I planned for it. Why? It's awfully cold, felt that if the rain came it might be impossible to get a bus back, also simply am ambivalent about returning. This has to play out, I will try to go tomorrow or Friday---not sure how much help is needed, somewhat dissappointed in myself for not going, nevertheless feel that it is the safest thing for me to do.
Yesterday, did not want to see a movie, therefore, took  the B 49 bus from Fulton and Franklin to Kings Highway and Ocean, fascinating trip, Ocean Avenue full of apartment houses, are these the houses where my contemporaries were brought up, now seems a little west Indian, to the north, but also Russian and Orthodox Jewish as one approaches the southern end of Ocean Avenue.
Idea for a short story, begins in 1964, when a friend of mine falls in love with a girl from the Bronx, but she is not available to him, because she is in love with one of the freedom summer guys. Where do I go from there, want to bring it to the present.....can I...
Trying not to see a movie today, will read and (I guess) think about things, will see the play in the evening....assuming weather is possible.......

Vacation day 2...

Got new phone today, with the usual tsimmis that goes with it---still do not know how to send a text or to change my greetings.
Sad news yesterday about friend Wade---a genuinely nice guy whom I spent several hours in the early 2000's chatting with while he bartended at Cosi---did he have to do it? Met him on the subway about seven months ago---early spring, he seemed very settled, never went into his place of work---wish I could have spent more time with him---absloutely no idea that anything was wrong. Not much else to say, he was part of a group that I knew in the early 2000's.
Ended yesterday at the Sports bar, Standings, Aaron was very nice to me---its a good place for pure sports, not great for conversation, thought that I would go to Cobra this morning, but here I am still in Manhattan---not sure about the rest of the day---should go to Brooklyn, but it is cold, movie...? possibly, though after last night Silver Lining Playbooks, I am not so sure---told Bob I might come in today, that would be for early evening---I guess, then could go to Pine Box, but that means going from the J to the L.
Anyway, will decide as the day progresses---cd player worked beautifully this morning---listened carefully to Beethoven's Sonata for Piano no 4, opus 7, an amazing work with an incredible second movement---thought about trying to see Messiah at Philharmonic tonight, but probably won't---could spend much of the vacation simply listening to Beethoven's chamber music...let it happen....

city boy is....

free as a bird, for the next two weeks, and two days. What a relief! First time since September that I don't have to think about being hired---great day at Friends yesterday, solidified some of my relationships with the eleventh grade students, feel closer and more invested in them then I have previously, a lot of them are really very genuine. Then saw some of the alumni, many from last year's class, was really great to see them. Feel very solidified about my work there....still no real guarantee of lots of work---that should work itself out in January.
As for now, life on the run, can go anywhere anytime, late movies, late bars, you name it, I can do it....but what will I actually do...? Taking a very improvisatory attitude about it...just a moment at a time....

another day without working....

still had a good lunch with Ben Begley, we go over so many theater topics, now, back in Manhattan, this evening will go to Dixon Place to see Tanya's monologue, first piece of theater I have payed for in a long time. Tomorrow at Friends, Science, a short day unless I am asked to fill in for other teachers , which is possible. Had a great time at the basketball game yesterday, good conversation with Emory's dad, also the guy whose son goes to Berkely Carroll--also nice conversation with Jeff T, suggested an article for Matt, his roommate, who writes for the Times. Maybe will see him tomorrow...anyway, waiting for my apartment to be cleaned, be careful with money...time running out (of blog time, anyway)

the next day....

just returned from city point rally---not bad, accomplished some sign ins and some nice conversations, starving, though, afterwards, got some cream of broccoli, then off to library at camden plaza. How can you fight the 'enemy' when you are the 'enemy' i thought of that as I left the rally, passed the high rises that are forcing people out---wouldn't you like to live there, I thought/? maybe i would not, but nevertheless, in a heartbeat i seem to be able to forget the juggernaut and its plan, and simply want to enjoy the Brooklyn heighs surrounding.
Later today to go to Friends, to watch one or two basket ball games---check in---after that off to.....?

tomorrow....

No work scheduled yet (if there is, no issue)  there is the big protest outside City Point---very ambivalent about going. When Lucas planned it last Tuesday, felt exhausted, as if I had done enough this year...and yet, how does one stop this juggernaut, a juggernaut that is so unfair, it is really frightening. Have I done enough..? Should I just let the others (the rally should be very well attended) do the work, am I really necessary for the statement to be made...? Will see, unspoken message is.....?

the weekend

So, visited Baltimore for about 36 hours, very iimportant for me to be there for Robin's play; reading showed that it is really a very strong work---also important that she integrate herself into the Baltimore theater community. Met several actors and playwrights whom I liked, very nice people, seem to have enough to do there...meanwhile, on the money front, things seem to have settled down, made a decent amount in the last few weeks, spent much time at  Friends,  and did not spend much during lean times, so perhaps a little extra money to spend on art, movies, theater, etc.
Interesting walk yesterday morning in Baltimore, walked from Melissa's apartment (Melissa was my host) on 26street to One World on U Parkway, and after a nice cup of coffee and a muffin that I really might not have needed, proceeded towards Roland Park---have always been a little wary of that neighborhood---seemingly too placid for me, anyway, found myself at a cut in the road right off Univeristy Parkway called Linwood Street that circles from east west into north direction. At the bottom of the cut, (it goes down a hill) are several apartment houses, seemingly isolated from all else, surrounded by a few large private houses, that eventually dominate the area. Who lives there? Not too far off the road, but in some ways very insulated, must have a car to get around, even if one works at Hopkins or nearbye. For me, such an odd placement for apartment houses---giving an aura that is strangely genteel, somewhat stuffy. Yet removed, I sort of like that. Continued south to Cold Spring, then headed east to Charles, there I was on Charles and Cold Spring, moving south, back towards the Hopkins Campus. Mostly private houses for the first few blocks, and then closer to Hopkins, large door men apartment houses on one side of the street (west) and private homes on the other. Some of the private homes look like estates---they are so large. Nieghborhood, which begins on University Parkway, totally removed from all that goes before (south) of it. As if at some point, Baltimore needed to create an insulated world for its "moneyed" class. No place nearbye to get a cup of coffee, I guess if I ever lived there, I would have to relearn how to make coffee. Had lots of time to kill, so did not hurry, at one point I stood stone still, probably where Charles and Saint Paul meet---simply absorbed the energy of the moment---as if memory and the present forged into one moment. Strange, that after all these years I should end up staying for the night, not as the guest of one of these houses, or in a luxury hotel, but in the home of a twenty-something opera singer, in the campus part of Saint Paul Street,
sharing my space with two hyper cats.  Still, Baltimore continues to haunt---neither where I belong, nor where I don't. What's next.....?

cityboy is restless

Yes, we promised to keep things cool, but still feel tremendous pressure to keep costs down---will go to Baltimore in two weeks, should be fun---what about tonight....should we see Ballo....? what about the afternoon, is it too beautiful to remain in Manhattan? Brooklyn would be great to wander around in. No work at Friends yet, good week last week, three days, made some headway, but long waits are getting to me. Yesterday, a long walk at 10 from west end and 76st street to Columbia, thought I might bump into someone I know, but didn't...still great to feel how my body wanted to travel. Anyway, it is a beautiful day today, should not be wasted....my be the last of the  warm weather days, still would like to do some volunteering...wonder when that will happen....keep cool.....

will I ever see...

a movie...? This is the question I asked myself this morning; have put off many movies because of money constraints--read instead--just finished In Between Days, very moving and skillful novel by Andrew Porter. Probably should check out some of his short stories. Anyway, today will see matinee of Blood Potato (it's free and sounds interesting) and then head to Brooklyn for Matt's open house, on that very interesting street.\, East New York avenue. Sometimes I think that all I would really like to do is explore Brooklyn. This is an area that when I was growing up was mostly all Jewish---now some new buildings with high rentals dot the area. Anyway, we will see what it is like. Love looking at those old apartment houses, so much like the one that I grew up in. After that...well maybe a movie if there is time---tomorrow will try to see the play at Soho Rep for 99cents. Wonder if there will be a big crowd, do not like waiting on those lines, however due to price, must give it a shot---then probably find a place to watch Packers-Giants after that. Will get to
Cobra Club and Susan, kind of late, but will be there....that's all...

oh, for a...

wad of money--then would city boy spend the next ten or twleve nights going to the theater. Unfortunatlely the mioney is not there, and city boy is left to his own devices. Just read review of Soho rep's new play--sounds really interesting--maybe there willbe 99cents tickets available for tomorrrow night's performance. But what of volunteering in Coney Island, after filing for unemployment? So many options, now out in Brooklyn after participating in FUREE demonstration outside the new Armani's. Felt uncomfortable about being in the picture, nevertheless took it. Had good conversation with Brooklyn local reporter, expressed my views about committment. Still worried about repercussions--is this simply my imagination. Well, at least I have taken a stand. Will stay on computer for a while, then  figure out if return to Manhattan is necessary (it probably will be since my SORRY ticket is at home).

city boy faces life....

It all fell down around City boy last night at about 1 A.M. Two checks cashed, not much money coming in--for the first time he finds himself facing econmic danger. Most (but not all) of it due to lack of work. What to do...? Called unemployment about enlarging benefits...have to call back. Keep money tight...definitely. More work at Friends...hopefully, that is the lynchpin. Still two days in only three weeks, with my minimal unemployment holds very little promise. Point is, really have to consider what is happening now. Ofcourse, things were worse in the apartment, more of a sense of person and place once I was outside. But much to consider..only can add on so much in terms of credit.
So, where do we go from here...? To Park Slope...? Will looking at all those brownstones, will remembering when Park Slope was a bohemian paradise make any improvement? Yes, walking for you has replaced movies, or is some sort of movie, but how to spend the day before Adam Kraar's reading tonight
is the important issue. Feel full of energy, must be used creatively...let's see...

good meetinga t

FUREE yesterday, helped establish for me where I stand as far as volunteering goes; will probably do all of it through FUREE, more organized, feel more at home there. Interesting possibility of an all day meeting on
Saturday in which a vision of a five year plan for FUREE is discussed.
No work again today, however did have a nice e-mail exchange with Kristen about next two days, feel a little more at ease about things. I probably exaggerate things when I don't get called. Anyway, tomorrow will
go in to pick up my check.
Lots of theater and things to see, probably will not go to a movie today to show that I can budget well, anyway, have some fun books to read, Holbrook's autobiography seems like it will be very interesting; it seems like I can't get enough of the history of actors in the fifties--poor and living close to the bone until they made it. Will I go to Brooklyn later...and if so...where....? Cobra, Local 61, South Fourth, East River, back to Bobbie's and then to Delancey Street to Susan's dance party. Possibilities are endless, arn't they? Well, let it continue.....

long time, city boy,

yes, much has happened; home on uws practically untouched by storm; lost some work at Friends, anxious to be called again. Much action on the friend-theater front---maybe more soon, but what about Sandy and volunteering? Volunteered yesterday at FUREE headquarters at Gowanus projects. Was nervous but shouldn't have been; everybody very helpful. Most residents seemed happy for support. This project, surrounded now by a very wealthy neighborhood, has essentially returned to normal, apparently it was pretty chaotic during the week, but that is when I missed coming. Today felt ambivalent about participating, called Lucas, no answer yet, not sure if I want to sit it out or not. Part of me wants to help; another wants to feel bad about it but let others do the work. Why? Plenty of people are helping out, but that doesn't mean I might not be helpful. Basically something that has to be worked out.
Pretty busy evenings planned ahead, but what about my participation? Also, love to stay home tonight at 10 and listen to Beethoven string quartets, but other things...this will be my only night to listen, if all goes as planned. Well, let it happen....

did not get to...

Cobra on Sunday; will definitely try on Thursday; spent rest of Sunday afternoon taking a walk on the
Concourse from Burnside to 170 Street, passed the streets that diagonally arch off the concourse, Weeks,
Monroe, perhaps another, all streets that apparently, while I was growing up in a more sedate part of the
Bronx, were a hotbed of the remaining communism of the late forties, fifties. Still can not get over some of
that incredible architecture, in what is now considered a poor neighborhood. As I said in the last post, things seemed kind of mellow, occassionally I would run into what you might consider to be a gang banger, but mostly it was just normal people, enjoying the Sunday out. Finally took 170st crosstown to Washington Heights, quite a difference, had a nice meal at a lunchonette on 181st, wandered around a bit then took A trian back. Too tired to head to Bushwick.
Nice day yesterday at Friends, then back tomorrow and Friday, and maybe more.
Continue my input into Home/Sick, glad I am doing it.....today off to Brooklyn for some coffee, not sure where, then the training at FUREE.

can't believe it is

two weeks since I last posted.....the Baltimore triip......? Relaxed this Sunday since I have three days of work this week, and the three for John B in two weeks. A little cash poor, but not really a great matter...
Had a great Friday night with the Assembly people, good drinking conversation with Ben and Nick at  Hotbird bar on Clinton and Atlantic---yesterday back again at JACK performance space on waverly ave.
saw the TEAM do its work---felt a little more detached, but that is what it is, arranged with Frank to visit
Princeton next Saturday afteroon and see The Select again, should be a nice day outside of the city, and when I get back.....? Well, we will see. Oh yes, I am writing this blog page from the Bronx Library on Kingsbridge near Fordham Road in the Bronx. Good trip to get here! Took a nice walk down Creston for
two blocks, then up Kingsbridge to the Library. A very calm sense of things here, same as I looked down from the subway on Jerome Avenue from 161 Street to Fordham. Ofcourse, this is where I grew up, not literally, but many memories of these parts---could have dated a girl from any of those streets during my time at Bronx Science. Life continues, maybe I will go to Cobra tonight, the place in Bushwick, a long trek from the Bronx to Bushwick, but definitely do-able.....

so here I am...

arrived at 11:00; tired, but have just walked from PennStation to Enoch Pratt---great walk! The city
quiet, very few people on the streets that abut downtown, walked down Charles then to Cathedral, where it ends, then found a beautiful, village like street called Tyson street between Read and Park then a nice walk down two blocks of Par, beautiful houses, city totally quiet, no sense at all of the big game tonight---still fascinated by the city---need more time, but glad to be home by tomorrow. Will return at some later date...?  All that walking and not hungry yet...amazing!

And so....

Off to Baltimore.....(tomorrow, atleast)!

some hours later....

i sit in Grand Army Plaza library---slightly more relaxed then usual. Did what i said I would: took 1 to A to G, to Daysha's coffee place---she wasn't there, but they had a great chocolate chip cookie, really soft will melt in one's mouth. Wandered down Greene Avenue from Bed-Stuy to wher Fulton eliminates it---right near BAM. Beautiful brownstone blocks, some in Bed-Stuy; some in Fort Greene- Clinton Hill, whatever. Wonder what the story of those blocks is; is there someone who could tell the last forty, actually fifty years of a street in Bed-Stuy, fastly gentrifying. Would be  an amazing story. Anyway, here is me in the library---how should I use this free time?
Would like to write---what....short story, really short story, the one about your friend, "Bradford" and his ability to get women to spend time with him, and his subsequent demise. How would you bein:
It was the mid-sixties, and I met him, the way I met many people my age at that time, my parents, who were teachers in the school system, , knew his parents, or friends of his parents, and they heard I was looking for a roomate for the summer in Baltimore, he seemed just the right fit.
I had one more course to take before I graduated, I had formally graduated the year before, then spent the year traveling around, but to truly get my diploma, I needed this one course. He was a little younger then I, down to take a few courses for the summer.
To be continued, already seeing how hard it is to do this---determination, do i have it?
What about the rest of the day?  Another voyage, further south, like around Ocean Avenue---then give that Baltimore bar a chance. And after that....?

Covention is a success....

and I am pleased that I worked hard to help it be so. Worked at registration table from 11 to 4; steered people in, got a reporter talking to a FUREE delegate and a some angry community members. too tired to join the march, though it sounded great---loved the energy and enthusiasm that I saw from people beginning on the march.  Instead, walked down to Brooklyn Heights, found myself on the Promenade, havn't been there in a while, walked very peacefully from Pineapple Street to south end of Promenade on Remsen. Felt very relaxed.
decent day yesterday, visited with Susan at Cobra, then saw Siobohan's show on 30th street, she did well.
This morning---no call, felt very restless lots of energy but no use for it---depressing, have future dates but not much for this week---have to fill days, not the easiest thing to do. Energy, energy.
This afternoon, after this visit is finished, will probably go to Brooklyn and visit Daysha at her coffee shop among others.
Want to find new things--not so easy--could go to film festival today, but want to sit on money.
Lots of other stuff this week, will see how it turns out, maybe these things will calm me down.

working hard....

at FUREE, to prepare for the Convention---making me very aware of the inequites between the rich and the poor of this city. Not that I wasn't aware of that before, but in downtown Brooklyn, you have a monolith of developers pushing hard at all costs. They act as if they have more rights the the other people living there. Made phone calls Monday and Tuesday, and yesterday participated in the planning for the Conenvention.
How do you stop a juggernaut...? Reading J. Kozol's book, Fire in the Ashes, again making me very aware of the poor communites in the city, in this case the Bronx.m Tonight will see Sarah F's play Mickey and....
(can't remember the rest of the title) and participate in the after discussion. Will inhabit a very different world from the one of FUREE. I think this is making me feel strange---the two worlds don't seem to intersect at all.
Subbed at Friends, Friday and Monday, after Monday, totally exhausted, still would have like to have been
called today---hope for some work soon.
Today got my first look at Martha Swope exhibition, very good, but name of original Diesel (and the first Riff that I saw) Hank Brunjes was misspelled. Notified theater librarian, he said he would give it to curator, but did not seem to think she would be interested in talking to me....ah well.....

What's up

After two hectic days of working at Friends, should be relaxed, but no, feel all scattered---I think the change of pace really influences me now, anyway, will be going to Baltimore for about 24 hours' finally took the plunge, today meet with Sibyl, then maybe off to Tea Moon cafe to see Sibohan's work---somewhat ambivalent about that, but kind of strangely ambivalent about everything. Will return to Friends tomorrow, Saturday will help distribute flyers for FUREE, not sure what my role will be, maybe attend the movie on Myrtle Square on Saturday evening. Half of Brooklyn protesting the opening of Barclays Center, the other half oblivious...explain.....some baseball this weekend, then Sunday afternoon with Susan at Cobra club, what else....?

a long weekend....

have to make do with extremely little money---my strength as a budgeter will be tested. But will persevere. Lots of sports to watch, also attend the Fringe encore series. Movies....? well, I would like to, but not sure how to pay. Want to keep the credit card low...problem is all monies come in Tuesday and Wednesday, so not really without funds, but don't want to mess with my bank account that covers the rent, even though I doubt check will be cashed for around ten days.....does that make sense? Well, let's get more upbeat.
yesterday took an interesting trip through Crown Heights, walked south on Nostrand from Fulton to eastern Parkway. Some beautiful houses to look at, same with streets near Nostrand on Hart and Willoughby in
Bed-Stuy west (that's what I prefer to call it). Walking down those streets, one has to wonder what they were like during the sixties, seventies or eighties. Hard to believe that there was any crime there, houses
look so peaceful. After visiting the central Brooklyn library, headed across Union into heart of Park Slope.
Carroll Street, between the park and Eighth. What amazingly beautiful Brownstones. Could this really be
the hard scrabble neighborhood that I knew in the late sixties and early seventies where everyone was a bohemian, and rents were low and things were "cool". How did it evolve into what it is today/  This is
the curse/blessing of forty years of living through the history of the city.....one has strong memories of
the past, the first time one confronted the neighborhood...the people one knew, the places we walked, etc.
Memories come hard, they really do. Do I return today, go to a different area, stay in Manhattan, want to
finish the book on WaMu, it is really good...will probably see a fringe encore play tonight, maybe watch the
game at La Flaca, though to be honest, I am a little played out with baseball..oh well, let the festivities
commence!

interesting weekend....

full of friendships and interesting conversations, could anyone ask for more? Well, yes, slightly more money...still, all things being equal, did pretty well. Tomorrow first day at Friends, should be fun, then FUREE; let's see what the future holds.....

a long week...

with some fruitful encounters and conversations, but "stiffed" of the money I expected from tutoring; it seems my student has, atleast what appears to be for the moment. stopped working with me. So I am putting more pressure on myself not to spend, so it is conversation, rather than movies, possibly a good thing. Tomorrow, free pizza at South Fourth, also the play at incubator arts tomorrow evening. Long day...? Maybe. Subbing begins on Tuesday, looking forward to it---seeing some Fringe encores today, probably, other than that, well, feeling a little raw, as you might have guessed...see how the rest of the day progresses.

and so we come to...

the final weekend of summer---with all its longuers. Busy on Monday, until then....lots of free time. Tutoring canceled (as of now) which puts a strain on finances. Dogville this afternoon at Lincoln Center...do I want to spend three hours in a movie, even an "important" one.? Hard to say. Lots of wandering to do...Brooklyn calls, yesterday trekked from South Fourth and Berry to Mesarole and Bushwick, then a long walk down Graham...fun watching the opera at the Center last night, went to sleep early (for me) lots of awake time.
Anyway, last "gasp", important series for the Yankees and Birds tonight, should be interesting......

so here we...

are, four days after Fringe is over; yesterday at the movie in Park Slope about the Domino Factory---was stunned by the passivity of the questions made to the film maker and the community activists. Felt obligated to bring up next Mayoral election---got some response, atleast geared the action around, but still, a kind of
odd "put-off-ness" re my comment. Certainly two movies showing where the administration stands on
housing, should demonstrate that any change has to come from the next elected Mayor. Seems to have passed all the others by. Anyway, after that, wondered through the south slope, ended up at Freddys---
no conversation, but bartender was very amiable---watched a little bit of Casablanca---not bad---later stopped off at a high end hot dog place a few blocks closer to F train---great hot dog, though the guy looked at me a little weirdly---he was in conversation with an attractive young woman---obviously looking for more, they had just left, a little contact as she left---enjoyed the hot dog, home, tired on the F train, tonight would like to see Tanya and wish her good luck---though I don't know her well, she was very nice to me at Cobra...what about Zach...?

Totally exhausted

Finally a day off from the Fringe---and you know what...not clear what my priorities are for this day. Tired, mentally, physically, six days in a row with five shows, yesterday less but just as tiring. Good meeting with Abby and Michael yesterday, made clear why I can not participate in one of their projects...anyway, as soon as Fringe is over, expect of whirligig of action in the next few weeks, highlight might be ticket managing at Sleepover (Max F's play) on Saturday afternoon. Just read about more police action in Harlem, which has thank god, stopped a bit. Why do we wait....?

last day in Brooklyn....

I suppose, before the Fringe begins Friday. Went to south fourth, said hi to Jimmy, had some coffee, spoke to some acquaintances (you can always count on running into someone you know there), the the Nostrand Avenue bus to Greene, walked up to Fulton, west to the bank, got my money, then down on Franklin to the library; returned Suzzy Roche's novel (did not finish, but it seemed to be bogging down in predictability) got an "easy" book bout the Dodgers to read, then found a "gentrified" restaurant bar on Classon off Fulton, had a really great BLT sandwich, at a reasonable price, then headed down to Daysha's back east to Nostrand and CLifton Place---said hello, always nice to see her, then back down to the G on Classon and Lafayette, (why no G earlier, well, decided to have one of the those deliciious donuts on Lafayette and Franklin) and back out of Brooklyn into Manhattan, for better or worse. Very aware of race, during my Brooklyn voyage---Bed Stuy is such a mix at this point. Beautiful brownstones, other spots, need work......should spend some time there after the Fringe, meanwhile, will probably visit Bobby's tonight.

weekend in bushwick....

Yes, that what it says, I have seen Bushwick and....well, it is pretty nice. Saturday, stopped off at Cobra coffee bar, nice chat with Tanya, then spent a half hour around Maria Hernandez park on corner of Knickerbocker and Starr, what a mass of humanity...kids looked beautiful, families fairly tranquil, no sign that they are being "driven out", by gentrification. Yesterday at Debate Society's party, long chat with "the actress", she shared many things with me, at times felt exhilirated, other times like a friendly doctor, listening, however, was important---she has created much beauty in the theater and this is part of my "through line" from my youth----anyway, life continues....restless this morning---seems like I am simply waiting for the fringe to begin---and that is Friday.

My Brooklyn...

Wow! Quite a revelation after seeing My Brooklyn again---really makes me very angry---the absolute power that the development industry has been given is so illustrated in the film. Made some nice contacts, Nick at Bushwick farms, want to talk to him on Saturday, so it will be a double weekend in Bushwick next weekend (last before the fringe) and Cecily who is the activiist from Bed-stuy. Dissappointed in the discussion, there is still a sense of  being cowed by the overall vision of city hall.
Also, how will the next Mayor react to developers....they all talked like 1/1/14 would be a kind of liberation day....will it...? What about those not involved, or who are still registered in their parents voting places, can they be added....voter registration and education, does anyone care about that? Feeling very militant not, not Fringe-y, but suppose I can morph back the my theater loving self. So what did I do after the movie. Ended up at California bar on Fourth, watched some baseball, nice talk about trades with a guy named Steven, good bartender, but nothing about what is happening in Brooklyn. Today, some more tutoring, then Trivia (well named) closer and closer to day zero (The Fringe)

a lazy day.....

no tutoring today---kind of can do what I want...which is....? So far, not clear. But tonight I will go to a showing of My Brooklyn, the protest movie that I already saw a copy of in April. Participate in the discussion....? Maybe--issues upsetting to me. May go to Brooklyn early, planned to go today, but...here i am in Lincoln Center library. Watched practically the whole Yankee game last night, then took a long way home, but in good spirits this morning. Yankee game really interesting, did not think Baltimore could beat them, tonight....? After the movie, should take G to Williamsburg and spend some time at South Fourth, not Local 61 (though maybe before) or Freddy's, where I havn't been since Memorial Day Friday. See, Brooklyn so full of possibilities, never have been back to Berry Park....perhaps...?

angry....

because somehow I was out of the loop re James' party in Williamsburg---since Home/Sick pretty much in isolation---well that is not really true---yet would have structured my Saturday around the party if I could go. Yesterday night, wandered around Columbia area---felt very at peace doing so, finally watched baseball at a bar that I wanted to try out, what is it called, five loafes,etc. anyway, looked good from  outside, inside just another Manhattan bar---felt alone, but what did I expect? First time of wandering around that area in the evening, what did I find...? More bars, still a different feel....more later........tutoring today, followed by visit to La Flaca for some baseball, then maybe to Williamsburg where my friend Leyla is probably back at the bar..if not.....South Fourth....see what happens...

so last night....

went to see Home/Sick at Living Theater. Ofcourse, again  a revelatory exeperience, afterwards hung out with the group at Salt Bar (another Clinton Street bar); very strong discussion  with Ben Beckley, woke up this moring with some exhiliaration, but saddened by the answer to last night's question that began the play: when was the last time you voted---no one mentioned 09, or 10, which means that the mayoral race of 09 and the gubernatorial elections of 10 were disregarded. Does anyone of the young generation care to be involved in the politics of the city? Do they know what is at stake? This saddens me; gets me angry; they can't see connection between their apathy and the hurt that others may feel from some city policies. Well, let's go on from here....

haircut today...

woke up feeling very lethargic---a structureless day; no tutoring---tomorrow will visit Monica for the afternoon---should be interesting---tonight off to Glasslands, as Jake, the owner, invited me to come to the 8:00 (or thereabouts) performances. Should be interesting, will drop by South Fourth and say "hi", also tell them that because of Fringe party, will not be available for trivia most of tomorrow night. Anything else? Well, went to La Flaca last night to play their trivia,
after Marjorie Morningstar at Lincoln Center---great movie! Looking forward to Country Girl on Thursday at BAM, really feeling caught up in those movies. Trivia adequate, had fun with my two "Flurchen" partners, Sage and Chelsea, left shortly afterwards; should I have stayed longer and interacted...? Woke up this morning with that hollow feeling that sometimes accompanies a night of sleep. Still feeling that way now, probably impatience adding to that, hate to feel stuck- instead focus on the interesting things that are happening in the next few days......

hey you know...

it's really "teeth", not teet. Had a nice time at Truffle Theater reading of a new play last night---felt very welcome---a really good cast. Like Local 62---there is a pleasant atmosphere about it when it is not too crowded that is very pleasing, especially with the warm 6 o'clock light coming through. Place sort of illustrates the best and worst of NY, at  present---best---warm and accepting gathering place, laid back with a lot of room---nice people---worst----totally homogeneous crowd--all on the same pay level, race level---nobody seems to have a problem---well, that is NYC 2012 summer. After reading wandered into Cobble hill and environs, finally ended up at the Bocce court bar. Extremely nice bartender, beautiful smile, in a simple way made me feel very welcome---watched the end of the Yankee game---no conversations, so feeling somewhat isolated---but that is what you have to accept if you try a new place, again, bartender very warm, could have engaged her in conversation, but she seemed busy---ah, NY 2012!!! Took subway home, news about the fringe came through yesterday, got the "Frankel", kind of ironic, re his teaching me in
suumer of 63-well all things return to what they were---not sure about rest of day, let us find out...

sittin in the library just

had my teet cleaned, and "examined", which means extra money, nevertheless in a good place, feeling optimistic---no tutoring until Thursday, which means that I am virtually free for the next 48 hours. What to do...maybe tomorrow "the track!" though I don't think so---it still does not feel right--what else--well interesting time after attending Molly's walking tour---went to the Heights, visited the Barnes and Noble there, amazing how often I was there in the early zero's, now not much around there---went to Heights Ale House, had a nice time---conversation with Keith--a little hot headed---left politically oriented but....
anyway, he was the only one to talk to---what unknown bar next....? Probably will skip visit to Washington and Baltimore this summer---simply too much going on the city, which reminds me of some e-mails I should write...anyway, will continue....

Sitting in the library...

Friday morning---woke up this morning experiencing the "impossiblity of it all" (you know what I mean), but actually felt stronger as the morning progressed---lots of interactions in the past few days---the "adventure" continues, but where (if anywhere) does it lead. Would like to write a short story or something---but does not seem to happen. Tonight, the Ice Factory (probably) followed by (does it need to be followed by anything) maybe a trip to Brooklyn to watch some free movies (don't bet on it), still the play will be over early---tomorrow Assembly's party, will give them a little bit of extra money---why shouldn't I? and Sunday "might" go to Trenton for a Thunder (Minor LEague Baseball) game. Monday, Tuesday and next Wednesday evening already planned---when will I visit the new bars in Brooklyn (perhaps never). At any rate, this is where we stand as I sit here in the library, heat tomorrow afternoon, can I find a warm place to stay (and watch baseball) will that be enough? Let's see how these questions are answered....

Amazing night...

last night, saw Bad and the Better by Amoralists---great evening of theater---better yet, going to bullmoose bar on 44street afterwards with Shayla and Zack, and meeting some of the actors, very gracious---it's amazing how much I enjoy those experiences---feel like I am part of the community, even if I am not the creative person in it. Had to fight with myself to go---very glad I did, this must be theater week for me; seeing four more plays between now and Sunday---taking a few more risks financially for the sake of excitement()I guess that is what you can call it)---less traveling around Brooklyn, well there are many weeks for that. Today will coninue to read the novel about the Jewish family reunion and play trivia at South Fourth.
Later....

entranced by...

Google maps and pictures of the building of the Bronx. Near the Concourse. Memories of a totally different world come immediately.. what does it mean...? Was it supposed to have lasted forever...a whole world changed. What else Cityboy? Well interesting day yesterday, contact with S, R, and L, mostly just by accident---got invited to a party Friday night in Bed-Stuy (gentrified part, anyway) and basically did okay. Woke up early, around 3, put things together, had coffee around 7:30, then, believe it or not, returned to bed until about 10:30 which is not what usually happens to cityboy. Have to wait it out till tonight, when I meet Molly and her group at Here. Maybe go up on the A to Dyckman and explore around there...not very hungry or thirsty, so I think beer and baseball is out. Will advise.....

Its hot in here...

in the library on Amsterdam and 83rd street, that is NO AC!!! Believe it. Interesting night last night, "forced" myself to see As You Like It in the park---really solid production, felt very good about going---would like to write a Daily Kos article about contrast between this audience and the group that went to the march on Sunday. aferwards, checked out 78 below, but so many young people, felt very out of place, other bars not much better ended up just getting yogurt and going home...was able to get to sleep, going Sunday to HERE, not sure about rest of week---maybe, just maybe Philadelphia next Thursday....later...

It turns out....

there was nothing to worry about.  Arrived at central park north and 8th around 2; lots of people milling about. Wandered down to Lenox and 110th, which was a sort of staging area. Had a few conversations, but  people not terribly friendly. Most groups stayed together. March began a little after three--met Cheryl, who had replaced Jamie at Friends in 09 on the march, we walked together.  Arrived at 78th street and fifth around 4:30; crowd very orderly and focused, no chanting, though the silence that the march required was not often heeded. Saw no one from the arts community; similarly most white people, and there were quite a few of them seemed either in high school or over 60. No presence of the "brunch set", or the intellectual liberal set---also conspicuous by their absense was the arts groups. Why? That would take a lot of comments. Anyway, felt really great that I did it. Bloomberg seems somewhat humbled by it. Will continue......

In two hours....

the march protesting Bloomberg's stop and frisk vision begins. With much ambivalence about the ramifications of attending, I plan to attend. At this point don't have a group to join; will just go. Much anxiety re what might happen, but at this point I am feeling very relaxed about participating. Will continue at the computer store and then head down to 110th street. Have a  few friends I can check in with. Will report probably tomorrow......

today is the first day....

not of the rest of your life, but of your vacation---there is NO possibility that you will be called to work from now until early September. Had an interesting day yesterday, spent too too much, must atone, long long walk from DeKalb and Bedford to South second and Kent---all for naught, but the walk was worth it. Tonight,the graduation, then maybe one more school event (the party for the teachers and staff) and that's all. Imagination wants to do things that may not be possible to do---what to read----fighting against serious novels or books about the 2008 crash. Found a pulp mystery outside my house this morning; will that help? Let's continue......

sort of a dead....

night....? Well, maybe, After considering many, yes many choices, chose Standings, the baseball bar on e. 7 street. Nice to see Ryan, and his baby---but never really have that good a time there. Conversations don't seem to happen and its a very male oriented clientele. Later went to Bean and read---actually find the Madorff book very interesting. Tonight the theater with Robin---before------? Well still holding on to the money, so another play seems to be out. Will wait the money out, possibly not see Venus in Furs, or Other Desert Cities---anyway, there is so much---movies----? Somehow just can't get into it---anyway, will have plenty of time in the next few weeks....see what happens....

yesterday night...

coming home on the F train---had a nice idea for the beginnng of a short story-----about a man who frequents bars, and the "garish nightmare" that the city becomes Friday after 6P.M. New York is the city of bars. There were bars he was treated well in; bars in which he would be avoided; bars in which he would be nurtured---bartenders who would be courteous; bartenders who would flirt with him; bartenders who would find him totally unecessary. There were pick up bars, where he might observe, thinking briefly, that he could participate in the rituals that were going on.Those were his choices, and as he stood on the cormer of Houston street and Second Avenue; or maybe Metropolitan Avenue and Lorimer Street; or Broadway and Myrtle Avenue in Brooklyn, the possibilities seemed infinite.
This was the gist of my vision (writing) how it could be fashioned into a narrative at the moment I don't know.
What of tonight...? Why do movies seem so offputting? Can try Pine Box in Bushwick and take it from there. Not sure, though. Two good days at Friends, winding down.......

willing to let.....

it happen---I guess that is what I feel about the weekend? So many options, yet......will I go to Magic Futurebox this evening....tomorrow at Public in the evening, nice to hear from Molly---feeling good about "drifting", though have not worked at Friends in four days---a little odd---still I have gotten some things out of my "freedom"; money is looking pretty good---had a nice time at the reunion at Friends, very moved by Charlie's ceremony---good to see all the class of 07. So let us continue.....

today is

the first reunion at Friends I will attend. Wonder how it will go? The class of 07; the first class I have strong memories of (actually, remember 06 as well, but I was much closer to 07). Who will be there......? For the moment, life suspended. Then a party in the park with Jen and Ted, then tomorrow, the Bushwick party, then maybe hanging out at East River...Rock shop....Monday, work. Tough, long week but I feel invigorated----interesting walk through Buswick yesterday on my way to see ERS project---first time at the coffee place on Willoughby and Myrtle...liked it...ofcourse another all white coffee place in a world surrounded my minorities, or atleast that is what it seemed. Still, these walks are fascinating to me---crossing from Broadway to Wycoff--the J to the L. Will spend time wandering around Bushwick this summer....trying to put all of Brooklyn together in my mind---harder then the Bronx....well we will see....

so it is

almost two weeks later; have been working every day, enjoyed being with the tenth graders yesterday, havn't seen them in a long time---nice contact---then home, very tired, then could not sleep last evening for most of the time. Thoughts....fanasies......nothing but those to keep you going, city boy, how much is real, how much possible.....you keep asking yourself these questions, without getting much closer to an answer. Still, nice to have a day off, will be more relaxed this evening, able to give more time to FUREE meeting. Return to Friends tomorrow morning to proctor first of three exams, then........

a great expance of

time---finally! A day without tutoring---can have everything lead up to Trivia at South Fourth tonight.  Thought seriously about going to the film festival this morning, but then decided I did not want to rush myself----a beautiful day, atleast some heat in the apartment----possible to see a movie this afternoon, still, I think I would prefer just to go to Tiny Cup in Bed-Stuy, drink some coffee and watch the scene....then back to Houston Street to watch the baseball team play a game and then on to the burg. Is this what it will be like?  Felt yesterday that everything was adding up on me....too frenetic...today much better---need to relax, yesterday felt too tired to see the one acts at Local 68, must go tomorrow, wonder if Sonia will really go to see the "Ring Cycle" must contact Tim, good idea, let's go.....

so many things

have happened in the past few weeks----fourteen days of work; teaching an english program for ten days-----then yesterday, my first day off, the anger at what I heard on WNYC, followed by the Brooklyn movie, very important, feel like I made some important statements about it to the filmmaker. Still dissappointed in the state of America--not the America that I was promised as a young person---yet today is beautiful, lots of baseball to think about, the Ring tonight---have I worked through the anger...? Not sure, will see how the day goes---took out book about Anatole Broyard,....interesting...anyway, let's see what happens....

wild and wooly....

rough night last night----began with that strange incident at La Flaca---some strange guy put me down, and practically ordered me out---Bob was fine taking care of it----but still, can't remember any time in my years of bar sitting that this has happened---left feeling confused and a little scared, though the guy was probably drunk and helpless, he probably does not even remember what he did...nevertheless upsetting....then a hard night, tough time sleeping, getting up and opening the window to break the overwhelming heat---then closing it again, then sleeping a lot this morning. The vacation is weighining on me----too much time to deal with things, will be happy when Friends reopens Monday. Hopefully rest of the week will be more workable, quite a few things planned, tomorrow particularly, the Albee play at Signature and then trivia at South Fourth, should be meaningful fun---after that, other things to the vacation's end. Tonight still up in the air, how cold will it remain...? Probably head to South Fourth for movie, but depends on how I feel---stomach a bit weird this morning---after this head to 145 street to work with Jarenhi (I am sure I have not spelled it right) after that.....

so yesterday.....

went to the "action" in Fort Greene park; looked for FUREE, could not find it---talked to some people, not a lot of warmth, but didn't matter----participated in health care teach in, and was invited to a candlelight vigil on Thursday to prevent consolidation of city hospitals, thus endangering nearbye communities. Will probably go; feel I should lend my support---still, last night and early this morning such a split in my feelings----would really like others to do this; was this what I was "brought up" to do. Strange kind of split, can't reconcile this with my enjoyment or perhaps you might call it "passion" for the arts. The two seem totally separate. Not much else this weekend, because of the Fort Greene visit, was too tired to visit East River or Sweetwater or anywhere else. A long vacation---one more week---lots of emotional space--not too sure about tonight or tomorrow, maybe some new places, we'll see.

quite a night....

and day, yesterday, first that incredible performance of Hurt Village---truly amazing, a great cast---watch out for Corey Hawkins---I think he is on his way! Other are great too! Last evening a party for Paul, with Trivia, a lot happened, kind of excited about it this morning---feel different-tonight will make the "rounds" begin at La Flaca, then maybe visit Lana at 2A (a first there) and finally stop in to visit Patrick at Reservoir. Lots of time---with no work to think about and no phone calls to expect, have gotten in later---still not very tired---weekend kind of vague, hope that the weather is good enough Sunday for events in Fort Greene Park. Strange feeling for these two weeks----a kind of floating experience---the air is free. Weather of course, great, but what does that augur for the future---this is a kind of too good to be true experience; am suspicious that there might be more extreme weather in our future, perhaps not so good. Anyway, we will see.....continue....

not so slow week.....

this week...actually worked four days, pretty exhausted by day 4, A good week, however. Now, two weeks off, good! Don't have to think about the possibility of work in the morning...later at night.....? We'll see. Today walked into the Bronx after tutoring, still haunted by that place, the streets, the houses, how to deal with the different feelings, tensions, etc. Returning now to Manhattan, tonight see the play at, of all places, the Lexington Hotel. Who would have thought of seeing a play at Lexington and 47street....still it is happening....theater is everywhere...no stopping it...maybe more later, will do more browsing,,,,,

a slow week...

at Friends, only one day of work, however, atleast three this week, and tutoring is on the rise. Alot to handle. Strange evening yesterday, returned from first tutoring session with Brian, a feisty sixth grader having trouble with math. Stopped off at Columbia Pizza, 111 street, and returned home, very tired. Slept for two hours, then read endlessly Adrian LeBlanc's book Random Families. Second time around, was shocked at being drawn into this brutal world, always more troubling because many of the moments take place in a Bronx that as a child I felt safe in. Still haunted by that change...visit there again.....? Woke up feeling what.....frigntened, overwhelmed, as if I had absorbed all the violence in the book....anyway, back at the library, another tutoring session at 1:30, wonder if I will see Khovanchina tonight, really the only time to go, other options.....? well, you know what they are. Great game of trivia Wednesday evening, hope I can make the next one, work on Wednesday, but will give it my best shot...we'll see.

feeling tired.....

a lot of body fatigue.....have not slept well the past two evenings, got the call to work yesterday very late....quite surprised, would have had an easier time sleeping if I had known.....but....yesterday had some protein drink about 11:00 P.M., obviously had trouble falling asleep after that, today.....well, not much to do until going down to Friends to see Ascencion by the drama group---looking forward to that----it is important that they use all that talent in something substantial....after that....not sure....would like to head to brooklyn, but don't know what my energy quotient will be at that time...work coming in slowly, but there...shouldn't worry, really knocked out by those sixth graders yesterday......will see what happens.

got a lot done.....

today, actually the first day in about 8 that I did not work at Friends, but will be back tomorrow. Still, it is strange how a feeling of sadness sometimes comes to me on the days when I don't work. Maybe part of it is killing time, which goes so differently when I am at Friends. Well, I did finish play 9 for ID people, tonight is kind of up in the air, many choices; might step into Standings and say hello to Aaron; have not seen him in a while. Last night, opted to remain close to apartment, went to the pub that used to be all state cafe, nothing very much happening there, people seem unintersting, no sense of community, walked down to the Center, then returned to apartment, listened to beethoven sonatas for violin and piano, then a Mendelsohn trio, that I am becoming much more familiar with. Slept well, even if I got up early. Also, did a little cleanup, which is odd for me. As I write this, my apartment is being cleaned (hopefully). Will return to a much fresher and decent looking apartment---then figure out what to do with the evening.

five days working....

at Friends, doing very well, exhausted on Wednesday, but came back with strength Thursday and Friday...feeling very fulfilled and integrated into the community there...last night rewarded myself with Merrily at Encores.....by now exhausted by all the talk....finally amazed at the variety of the songs and styles in the piece...could not get that first time, obviously...anyway, very glad that I went, may be the final word on the piece for me.
Three days with not that much to do, need the rest, that is obvious, but where to go...what (if anything) to see, what the whether will be like, that is the question. Party tonight at my apartment house, was a bit reluctant to go originally, but now it seems like a good idea, some time also will be spent at South Fourth and La Flaca---after that......

quite a few days...

we have spent at Friends, getting more and more immersed in the place; tomorrow, subbing for monica, Wednesday Dancers against AIDS, wonder who will perform there...? Anyway, doing a lot of work. Tutoring canceled for today; monetarily that doesn't hurt me, except that I am kind of paralyzed for spending until the money arrives Monday morning. Yesteday had an interesting day, nice to finally see Dylan's piece, would probobly not have seen Dangerous Method if I did not have time to kill; yet it worked fine, a nice literate movie. Today, not sure, possibly a movie, possibly return to apartment for a while, Barbes has an interesting concert tonight, might possibly make it...or some traveling in Williamsburg, ...it is cold.....

wouldn't it be....

fun to see The Blood Knot, before going to the Super Bowl party at La Flaca---now there would be a contrast. That's it; try to see something as grim as possible, prior to the celebration of the game. Do your due diligence. Otherwise, second day without work---starting to miss the place, may go to the basketball game tonight, on the other hand, will definitely have my trivia fix this evening, something that might not have happened, if I had been called in to Friends. Still, raw feelings, next week have the two days, should be work enough! Have not returned to Daily Kos yet, should be interesting to see if my responses themselves had any responses. Plenty of interesting movies to see in the next few days.....but time....?

today after yesterday.....

tired this morning, lots of work yesterday, I move around the school with such energy, is it any wonder that I am tired the next day. Woke up this morning to NY1's coverage of a black youth being openly beaten by the cops. How long is this going to last...? Why is there such little outcry? Now you read about Signature Theater, how good Haughton is at funding. Vision-non-vision? Prices are do-able-(good!) thanks to donations from the one percent. Still full of contradictions, first play is Blood Knot, which deals with race issues, funded in part by generous giving from the city, while the police of the city.....get it.....? Lots of ideas, will see Look Back in Anger tonight, try to experience or enjoy the warm weather....

Second Day no friends

(the school, that is) exhausted after yesterday. But a much more productive day today, as I wait for Follies to begin. Bought stamps, called and got my next year's unemployment; but can't find one goddam place to buy rubbers (the kind one wears on one's feet, that is). Amazing, New York in 2012---Payless has none; a hispanic youth working at Foot Locker looks at me like I was a fool when I ask him if there are any boots for less then $100.00, then shows me a "cheap" pair for 70. Can't even find any in the poorer areas of the city, probably nothing at all on Upper west side. Guess tomorrow , I will have to simply double up on socks, then expose my regular shoes to the snow.
Good game of Trivia Wednesday, it really adds something to my day when I play it. But can only do it when there is no work. Tonight, finally Follies, just as it closes---after that Sunday at South Fourth with the football games---that's all. Off to Lincoln Center libary to get some recordings that might help me get through tomorrow's snow.

finally a day off....

the first working day in over two weeks. Slept very soundly last night--maybe because I did not think I would go to work. Good day at Friends yesterday---exhausting, but good, put everything back in perspective. Will rest enough tonight to go to trivia--first in a long while. Return to Friends tomorrow, fifth and sixth grade, should be fun ---after that----

a free day....

but to do what? Several movies seem worth a look, but can't really feel up about going to any of them. Will return to Friends tomorrow, that is good. Last night on the train, almost completely wrote the short story in my head, that I have in my mind. Want to do it---but---realize there is a difference between writing and thinking. Woke up this morning feeling exhausted---watching the game yesterday took a lot out of me. Two more next Sunday. Open space-----lots of time for thoughts, but then something happens, and things move back into focus. Know that is not very clear....but...anyway, will consider the future.....

some time to kill....

before FUREE meeting----to do what....? But Sunday was an interesting day.....saw the Susan Sontag piece, brought up a lot of issues that even now I face. Surprised at Isherwood's review; seems much too intellectual a piece to me to be successful. Looks like I will work until Friday at least...then collapse over the weekend...try to get in all the artistic events that I think of attending in, plus, some football watching....and tomorrow, hope to go play Trivia, after work...Hang in there.....

to lightness.....

who would have thought that after Deyra canceled, I might find renewel by traveling into the Bronx. But that is just what happened. On this warm day, the streets around the Concourse between 174 street and Burnside were pretty mellow, a lot of parents and children walking around, visited a street near where Grandma Landau lived, somehow, all the feelings of anger from last night and earlier this morning were purged out of me. Love to look at the old apartment buildings, my past, the world where I was raised, if not literally, then a place where in my teens I could visit and feel no worries. Finally walked down Burnside to Jerome, then back to Tremont to pick up the 36, which left the Bronx and took me to Washington Heights. Had an old fashioned donut and coffee on 181 street, read my book, felt very mellow. Now, Sunday before the football game, feeling pretty relaxed and settled. Will see what happens....?

Dark night....

so, after three days at Friends, and atleast two (probably more) to come, return to the apartment exhausted, and begin the "dark night." Too tired to go anywhere, not too much to listen to on the radio, somehow, you seem to be looking into the void. Get up alot during the night, always with a feeling of anger---now, as the day begins, and you sit in the library waiting for student Deyra, life and the sensitivity of it, returns to normal. Still, this long stand at Friends, seems to have evoked some feelings that were unexpected. Money may be part of it---can't see it till the end of the month, but there are other things as well. Possibilities for working through it---we'll see. Tonight, Tanya at Kraine, maybe other projects around there as well. As usual, we will see....

All dressed up....

Got the news today; three days at Friends for the rest of the week. So what do I do today? Don't want to do anything too "taxing". but what does that mean. Probably check in with Bobby later today, for the rest, it is very cold, have to do something near a subway---never tried The Stone before, maybe tonight, but ofcourse that is not near the subway (Avenue C)
Anyway, New Year's Eve was good, got the most out of it at South Fourth, then the long walk up Lewis Avenue on Sunday---these walks are informative, but they knock me out for the rest of the day. Still, have to do them. Anyway, try to figure out therest of the day..that is my ambition....