but Ron has....

canceled his NY's day party for the second year in a row! Somewhat relieved, will not have to stuff myself now---but how to spend the day....? Will miss the shmoozing with Laura. Well, there is always Pizza at South Fourth. Will probably go there Saturday night then go to Bob's but maybe I will do it backwards. Or maybe something else will come up.
Spent the day with Lenny, Leslie and Dorothy yesterday---lots of fun and good feelings, Dorothy still full of memories, nice to share---Lenny had some interesting things to say about the money crisis---anyway, really enjoyed myself, hope to continue contact and maybe hang out with the two of Billy's kids who live in the city. Tonight, trivia at South Fourth with Kim, hopefully it will happen, then on to........

cupcake at the...

beane--newly reopened on 3rd street and second ave. Stuffed myself---amazing how my stomach simply rebels against all that sugar---probably won't eat until 5 today, was it really necessary---what about the monster walk of yesterday, down Broadway to Union to Marcy, back to Washington in Fort Greene---yes, an amazing walk, but those walks get you so tired, that it kills all evening activity. So I returned to La flaca, where I listened to Aimee's adventures, and marveled at her dad's committment to her mother, for over fifty years. Sometimes I feel all that takes place on another universe. And you, cityboy...? What does the weekend hold for you. Thought I would try to stand for Other Desert Cities tonight, but not sure. Other options, enough to read for the next few days...christmas day...a lonely time in the city. Atleast Reservoir will be opened at night. So many options....perhaps just will let it all happen......

trivia was....

exhilirating---really; left a very strong feeling of energy with me---today, am feeling very open to things, very positive, wanted to go to Brooklyn early, but seemed to be too tired, I think the second piece of Pizza that I cribbed from Chris was a little too much. But other than that, had a great time. Today, well will probably go back to south fourth for the short story adventure, then head over to La Flace to talk theater with my buddy Zack. Then....maybe visit Erin (is she there, maybe she went home for the holidays) at Lady Days, or....who knows.......

a calm has....

settled over cityboy in the last two days, it is the calm of someone "accepting his fate", that is, knowing that when Friends reopens, there should be work for me, but that there may be some peaks and valleys, that I had not expected. Still, rather calm and relaxed today, as the mid-afternoon appears. Tonight will go to South Fourth for trivia (I hope they have it) and maybe tomorrow I will tour Brooklyn for the short story reading and visit Erin (in between a visit to Zack) at Lady Day's Ah, bars, bars, bars, what else is life for, at this point in time. Speaking of which, I should find out if Black Swan will be open on Sunday....also should call Lenny and Leslie in Freeport tonight, see about visiting them and Dorothy, funny how it seemed to drop from my mind until this moring, but defiitely should make a visit during this time. Got money thing almost figured out, just a question of how much I want to spend now. All right, cityboy....later!

where have you been.....

cityboy; well, a lot has happened: six days of work, a better understanding of my place at the school-a decent monetary outlook---two weeks (atleast) of rest with no options for other work.
Just finished Wendy Wasserstien biography----moved, saddened, but wonder if there would have been any place for me in her world. Saw her a few times at plays, she never seemed distant, but I never said hello. She lived very much in a world of high achievement and "success". And you, Cityboy? Interesting how all the trips you made around the city, the few times you visited projects to tutor, the harshness that you challenged yourself to endure as a sub---all of this seems negated by the "achievement" of Wendy and her peers. But wasn't that what was supposed to happen? And the "gut oriented" work that you do, why does that make you "inferior?" Maybe Wendy would have admired me and the work that I chose; maybe I would have been totally dismissable to her. Can't say.
Anyway, let's get on (or try) to get on with the rest of it. Meeting Carolyn for a one man show tonight---after that.....?

difficult time....

almost thought I had it made when I went down to Court Street, thought that perhaps they might renew my sub licence right away....fat chance! Was told that I had to start all over again. From where...? Woman at the desk told me in a flat, empty tone, when I left I thought, "what an Edgar (from King Lear) moment! Well, still here, back in Manhattan, will spend the rest of the day (and night) roaming around to my "spots"....otherwise, not much else. The early morning....palapable...hard to get through, will make resume this weekend, anyway, feel more upbeat right now...up to the challenge, will get through....

picked up check.....

bit that is all---another long stretch of not working---dissappointing, hard to accept. Will attend two performances of As You Like It, this weekend, should be fun, but hope for more work before next Friday. city-boy is like Hamlet---does not want to act---he knows that there is probably a tremendous need for a tutor like him in the middle class and poorer areas of the city, parents who would be happy to pay 20, or 25 dollars for his services. Similarly, yesterday took out the resume, could easily send it out two other private schools, since public school work is not available. But he hesitates. Atleast looked at Craigs list this morning, meanwhile the austerity budget life continues---would love to attend the Mahler 10th at Avery Fisher, either tomorrow morning or Friday, but not sure if it fits into my budget. Always thinking, "well, things will work out", too optimistic. City-boy rides hard on himself, but this is necessary. where do we go from here? Tonight play some trivia (I hope) at South Fourth, after that......

finally...

got a call from Friends for full day December 9. Okay, so we can relax a little. Ofcourse, computing things in my head; how much money do we (I) have, as usual. But no sense of not being wanted, my favorite fantasy. Yesterday, toyed with the idea of going to Aqueduct, did not do it, went to South Fourth instead, had my free pizza (one and a half slices, really fills me up)--then, ofcourse another walk, this one from Williamsburg east to Grand, to Bushwick Ave south to Moore, to Bogart Street (where Archive is now called Swallow) then down Central to Myrtle to DeKalb to Broadway to Goodbye Blue Monday, my first visit inside the place. No bartender at the bar; which was fine by me, just wanted to take a pee, which I did. Continued on Broadway, explored a little of Hart Street, near Utica. still fascinated by the way the streets bounce off Broadway, both the east-west and the north south. Wanted to go further, but decided not to; darkness had set in, so had emptier streets, and the area begins to be ungentrified, around Kosciousko Street J station. Returned South fourth and had a nice talk with Evan. Must know more about the geography of that part of Brooklyn, from Kosciousko Street to the junction. Has a mythic feeling for me---though I can't say why.

not today.....

no work---forth straight day---not a long time, but feel a sense of anger at being excluded. Not sure how much work I can count on for the fifteen days between Thanksgiving and Xmas. Alot means I am okay, a few means.....not sure. Should be looking for other options, certainly in tutoring, subbing....feel triggered but stopped. The next step (if needed).....
Nice night yesterday at South Fourth, after another long walk from the brooklyn central library to BAM. Then off to the cafe, enjoyable conversation with Sally; Kim gave her reviews, some interesting political talk.
Will probably return there tonight for movie (Dick Tracy), and definitely for trivia tomorrow, a day that is supposed to be suffused with rain.
Will go to Thanksgiving Assembly this afternoon at Friends, even if I am not working there. Hope to see some old friends....(possibly) Let it happen....

In Brooklyn again.....

at the library, feel a certain sense of relief being here---still a very different feeling from Manhattan, that is with all the building and gentrification, something remains different. Air very soft and fresh. Will be here atleast twice in the coming week for the Thanksgiving celebration and the memorial. Not much else to say.....

so then we.....

walked, what seemed to be throughout Brooklyn---but what a walk! From Library to Washington and Atlantic, then to Nostrand, then down to the beginning of Herkimer street, (beautiful brownstones) east to New York Avenue, up to Pacific, saw nice kids being taken home from school by their parents--back to Nostrand, discovered and identified No_Bar (not opened at that time) then west on Bergen to Brooklyn Ave. up to Prospect Place, across to Kingston and stopped at the Albany Houses---gets a lot different around there. South on Albany (a little grimy) to Union, then to Utica, then---the final frontier! the beginning of Brownsville, finally made it INTO Brownsville, on Pitkin, the beginning of Pitkin, though not that far. All black around there, yet no one bothered me, must take the Ralph Avenue bus at some point. Wandered the five blocks back to Utica and Eastern Parkway, by now hungry, figured that Bergen street would be the best subway stop to hit---got off---went to Bark! a nice hot dog with onions and relish, then finally, after some hesitation, down to fourth avenue for a beer. Stopped at fourth avenue pub, bartender very nice, not much action, after all it was Friday around 5; lots of people there though, found a very nice beer....Gaver Gulch, which I liked very much. After I left, just ran out of steam, just enough energy to get home and collapse. Amazing walk!
Where does all the energy come from? Would rather put it into being in school. Tomorrow, if they don't call me, will go to the Thanksgiving assembly.
Rage continues about city operations, but what can I do.....?

two more....

good days at Friends, followed by yesterday's "recovery" (physically) and today's dissappointment. Still worried about money. Much time on my hands; Jimmy was nice this morning at South Fourth, it is always nice to see him (the coffee was great!) but what now...?
Anxious not to spend money this evening on entertainment, but what there is to see that is free doesn't quite justify seeing it, and everything else costs about $15-20.00. Would not be so bad if i did not want to see the dysfunctional group tomorrow, and hang out with Jennifer and Ted, but since I do, would rather stay on the cheap this evening. So what does that mean....?
Move on, stick to something positive----sitting in Clinton Hill library---walked to Washington Avenue from Bedford...lots of nannies and pre-school kids in the library. Options everywhere, but what.....? Can always return to south fourth for the evening and be done with it. Maybe....Enjoying "The Marriage Plot", which seems to be a very faithful rendering of graduation day in the lives of three Brown graduates of 82. Brown graduates...mid eighties...do you remember....? Library says time to go and face the world!

two days at...

Friends, very good, lots of long hard work, my relationship with the kids cemented even more with each time I work there. Next time....who knows...?
Today, got the news of Ronnie's death. She is my cousin by marriage, 81 years old, funeral tomorrow in Rockville Maryland. Could go down if I wanted to, though it would mean canceling my tutoring session tomorrow at noon. Somehow I don't want to do that. Could take a bus down this afternoon (late) or evening, find a place (inexpensive?....I doubt it) to stay, then go to the Funeral, return late tomorrow night. Why don't I want to do it? Ronnnie was someone I never had much feeling for---she was a hard person to like----but would like to see Liz and the rest of her family. Still, though it would be possible, just don't see myself doing it. Is it because I don't really feel wanted there. Would be interesting to go...still, at this point, will not do it.

beautiful day.....

not so much to do until this evening; Michael was nice enough to invite me to the opening of King Lear,. such a hard play---still remember the Fletcher production from summer of 63, (an important summer for me; right before returning to Hopkins) and the Brook production from April of 64---drove down from Hopkins that day---spent the whole day in Washington. Parked to go to the Library of Congress in the beginning of the southeast variant. Astonished by the poverty that I saw---black people almost living in shacks---so close to the capital. Brook's production showed me that you could take a play and direct it in a totally different way---Fletcher's production was intense and very straightforward, while Brook's seemed to take place with the world already annihilated by nuclear bombs. Really have not seen a good production since those two---again the play is so hard to do.
Another day before two days at Friends. Long schedules, which I like. Tomorrow if nobody calls me will just tutor and play trivia. Still, the energy in the morning is so geared to going to school.
Sunday, another walk throught jewish Williamsburg (Marcy Avenue) to Bed Stuy. Amazing how Bed stuy sort of opens up. Broadway (the street in brooklyn) odd---first it is parallel to Marcy, then runs along side of it, then gives the rest of the area a lot of room. Still fascinated by the geography there. Time to move on....

garrish playgound....

that the city is takes hold tonight. What does that mean for me? Too tired to see a play, possibly a movie, check out Lady Jay's to hang out with Erin, over some beer? Just found out my cousin Audrey passed away----she was 87; wll see the family twice during the Thanksgiving weekend. Children (really the ones closest to my age) are holding up well, her death was expected...should tell my brother. Other than that...consider the possibilities.

Nice time....

at South Fourth last night---good game of Trivia, left feeling very upbeat. Still no work for tomorrow, next week three days (as of now)---can experience the emptiness of not being there, still there are voyages I can take (very pretentious, I know) when I don't work simply because I am not tired---much more energy to interact. Today, will probably return to South Fourth and participate in the short story read---usually good conversation comes from that---after that....not sure...there is still Haitinck and the Pastorale (maybe tomorrow?) and Shadows at nearbye and convenient collapsable hole. May decide to visit Erin at Lady Jay's, get more of a feel of the place in the evening. We'll see....

the movie....

Milestones, slow but fascinating, a real look at the sixties radicals turning mid-thirties. Had a wonderful lachrymose quality---makes the Secaucus Seven look like spoiled babies. Still,a strange feeling after leaving the movie---being at plays are a much more vivid experience for me. Stay tuned.....

things have settled down.....

two more days at Friends, tired today, welcome the day off---will meet Irene and maybe Stephon tonight at a Brooklyn Heights Pub, should be fun...cluttered weekend coming up, things are pretty mellow right now, should eat a little better---busy weekend tutoring and attending FUREE convention on Saturday which was pretty good. The rest of the day......?

anyway,two weeks later....

I have worked at Friends----three times----all great! Amazing, I feel very wanted there, but still have to wait my turn; the rhythem of the dates this year is so strange.....ofcourse, everything changed on Monday when my unemployment for summer came through.....much more relaxed now re income, but maybe too relaxed---want to work, hate to get up in the morning and feel the void---should I send out some resumes to other private schools...go to DOE about subbing next year----put some signs up for new students, you know with the money now in, my tendency it to wait it out....anyway, some other interesting things...long bus ride though Bushwick, bed-stuy and brownsville (or atleast a small part of it) on Columbus Sunday, some interesting conversations, new freinds, a long lunch with Jamie S., and some Trivia tonight. Astounding movie at the Film Festival last Saturday night called "Policeman", very timely.
The new income means maybe a movie today, before Trivia. We'll see.....

A beuatiful day.....

feeling very upbeat. despite still no word from Friends. Spoke to Monica yesterday, she was reassuring, possibly it is just a matter of time. Slow and restless day yesterday until visit to South Fourth--good talk with Natasha----today a sense of anything being possible, a million things to see on stage and movies, but no money, still better to be outside today---will probably go to Brooklyn this afternoon, then wait for the baseball games this evening, probably will wind up at Standings for them.
Tomorrow three tutoring sessions scheduled, first time to see Chelsea, let's see if it all pans out, may be very tired after that---might go out to the free food park in Brooklyn if there is time, or to La Flaca to see Shayla, or the South Fourth to chat with Becca and find out about her mom's reading, if it will happen---then maybe home to collapse---or may not.....?

fun night.....

last night, after seeing the last Fringe Encores series, all went to Panchita's for some food and drink. Good conversation---interesting that after 5 years, Fringe is really part of my life. Nice walk with Dale afterwards...then a bit around Chelsea, and home. But what of work...? Not much to report, still no word from Friends, called Helli today about working with Chelsea, will see her on Saturday, but now I have to move Deyra. Chelsea now in afterschool program where she does her homework, which is why my hours with her will be curtailed. Not much i can do.
Yesterday, finished reading JC Oates' memoir, A Widow's Journal---very powerful, a lot of insight, a lot of things for me to consider as I think of my own life. Today the goal is to save money--see how that plays out--have not seen the inside of a movie theater in........long time. Nevertheless, much to do, still a lot of reading, may pick up some music after this (I am in Lincoln Center Library now) . Tonight, not sure, maybe south fourth for the movie, or my friends at Standings.....depends on a lot of things.....

nice weekend....

for tutoring, three excellent sessions, though I should be more focused with deyra, still, did help her in math---really pretty successful, but still wait for the others to call back---don't aggressively pursue more students, even if I know they are out there, and could really make use of me. Hoped that I would receive a phone call from Friends last night or this morning, but it did not happen, have to hold on for a while.
Saturday, after tuturing tired but went out to Bed-Stuy and participated in the free food event at Marcy and Lafayette. Met interesting guys, Noah and Eric---interesting trek to their house on Pulaski, east of Throop---have to say that I have never been that deeply into Bed-Stuy. Afterwards, followed Throop down a few blocks, the f elt more comfortable on Tompkins (less apartment houses), then to Park and then to Broadway---somewhat disconcerting feelings about being so deep in---I don't think the guys share that. Anyway, will probably see them again next week---tonight the belated Fringe party, hope to see some of the old group---let it happen...

How is it....

that after a successful day, good time with Patrick, Kim, and the others at South Fourth, a nice walk through Jewish Williamsburg, interesting walking there after school, oodles of school children moving from place to place, the atmosphere almost seemed wholesome, not controlled, which is what I usually perceive when I walk through there, then up to Lafayette and Nostrand, had a coffee (which i probably did not need) and sat outside, observing the look of the neighborhood. Call it Bed-Stuy west, half black, half gentrified, not as big a contradiction as on Marcy, was it mellow...? Not exactly..but...should return, then on to La flaca, then to watch the games at Standings, nice welcome from Aaron, left feeling accepted, a good day! But awake at 3, filled with a kind of emptiness, everything seeming to focus on not working and not tutoring. Seems to me that I can't fight the anxiety at that time---stuck in the house, everything is microscoped to the frustration----once I am out, things are better, it's not that I mind the intense budgeting that I have to do now....can handle that, more the sadness at having the day empty. Have received e-mails from Jamie, Sue and Zennie, ressuring, is it possible that no one is simply sick there....anyway, will wait it out---found out about applying for back unemployment if now work is available.
Tonight, must play Trivia at South fourth, need to be there, invited to an interesting political talk at Baruch, early enough so that I could make Trivia, but somehow, I don't think I can bring myself to go---a demand for a third party---very important, but dooable...? Will probably skip it, tomorrow Becca will be on the bar during the day at South Fourth, really look forward to discussing her mom's book with her; hope that the night will be calmer....

Good conversation....

with Frank, this morning, wonder if he will get me comps to Sun Also Rises. Would enjoy seeing it again. Otherwise, still nothing new in the work department....woke up this morning feeling angry---now, however, in a much better mood, more accepting, will go tonight to South Fourth for Trivia. Yesterday after Furee meeting, which I contributed a good deal to, took the F back to La Flace, ate, and then stopped off to watch the Orioles step on the Rays' playoff chances. Not much happening in the bar (One on One) but watched without disturbance. Also a long walk from Grand and Suffolk to 14th and 7th. Had to, since I was out of money. No bank fees for this boy. Anyway, let it continue......

so today...

I find myself with another full day of no plans, until FUREE meeting tonight. Still on austerity budget; had a really nice night at South Fourth yesterday, Lana was great at revealing my birthday. Really have a nice niche there, unemployment arrived today, feel a little bit more at ease, still would like to have some students back. Beuatiful day, perhaps will head out to Brooklyn a little earlier.....

after listening to.....

State Rep Eric Adams on the Lehrer show, can't help but feel overwhelmed and depressed by the subject. What is to be done....? Meanwhile, only one offer from Friends, and it is kind of a long time away......hopefully that will change. Stayed hard yesterday, had a very good time at Trivia, may go out to South Fourth again for the short story meet-up (for want of a better word) and football game this evening. Should stop in at La Flaca too, at some point. Many interesting movies this weekend, but austerity budget still holds, still will see Nelson's play on Saturday, and Adam's play next Sunday evening. Things should be clearer then.

sadness.....

lesson has been canceled, leaving a hole in my day, and also not getting much needed money that I really need. Feel sad, wondering how to fill up the time---the one book that I am reading is not that interesting---possibly go to Brooklyn and see what is out there....maybe I can find the biography of Wendy Wasserstein, which is what I really would like to read. Other than that, not much else to say...will play trivia tonight at South Fourth, and continue on...many interesting movies seem to be opening on Friday, plus the plays that I want to see (Richard Nelson's, Adam's) but today, will probably opt for austerity. Not much else.....

I have given....

myself twenty minutes on the computer, here in the "mall" that sits on Bedford and N. 5th. Wander through the bookstore, then come here....the Prophet.....remember Joan telling you that it gave her permission to love more than one man---struck by that memory, so many years later, there is no way I pass a copy of "The Prophet" and don't remember her saying this.
Finished the lesson with Jhennifer, then a long walk through the Bronx---passed Boynton Avenue, that is where my father taught for so many years (Monroe High School) , again a street sign that never fails to evoke the memory of my father's place.
Yesterday a long walk down Myrtle Avenue from Wycoff to Bushwick, mostly Spanish for the trip, then as you approach Bushwick you begin to see white people. Saw the two "mystery" hang outs that I have heard about for so long, Gotham COmedy club, by the Central Avenue M train, then Goodbye Blue Monday, both a bit dark and forboding...return to home, tomorrow the "new year" begins (labor day definitely the "death" of summer) Tonight will possibly see Don Carlo at the plaza outside the Met....will see what happens.....

where to begin....

yesterday, gave out food in the park at Lafayette and Marcy---interesting how bed-stuy is becoming more and more familiar to me---remember the time you picked up a foster child from the bed stuy foster home in 1968. You marveled at the calm of the area. Wonder what street that was---have no idea, no way definitely of finding out. There is almost a suburban feeling on some of the streets that you walked on. Then tried to find Goodbye Blue Monday....didn't...must have passed it by, walked all the way up to Flushing on the J train. Why am I so fascinated by the way the streets go begin both perpendicular and parallel to Broadway...? Might return there today.

Went back to the Plaza at Lincoln Center and stayed for all of Boris Godunov last night, even though I was really tired. Amazing the depth of the piece. Will probably return one more time tomorrow night and see some (all) of Don Carlos. As for today....off to La Flaca.....

To Brooklyn....!

And so to Brooklyn today, this afternoon, to support the 82 year old woman forced to leave her home in Bedford Stuyvesant. Should be an interesting trip---will begin at Bank on Fulton and Nostrand, then probably stop off at one of the coffee places around there, then wonder east to Tompkins (have never been east of Nostrand). Then probably back to Bob at La Flaca, and then to trivia at South Fourth.
Yesterday, after the meeting on Willoughby Street, took R one stop to DeKalb, got off and walked to Mullane's, nice Caesar Salad and decent company to watch Yankee Boston game, which was the idea, then decided to check out Fulton-Grand, so took the long walk up Fulton Street in the dark (really not so dark) to Grand. Nice bar, you can read there, bartender very cordial, drank my Pilsner, no television, not much else to report---like most city bars, a nice place to chill if you are with someone interesting---for me, alone, sort of a blank adventure, but, that is the way it is. Cleintele very similar, most young and attractive, but what can you expect on a tuesday evening at 10:00. Took Halsey bus back to downtown, then home.
Tonight, had a dream that included my downstairs neighbor's cat. First time I recall ever dreaming about a cat---ever! He was running around my apartment, how he got in I will never know.
Plenty of options for the weekend...bus rides around Brooklyn......maybe....?

after two days....

well, Fringe cut short by hurricane---last thing I would have expected before it happened. have to say now that I really miss it---best Fringe ever, atleast from the work situation. Good group of people, nice team work between most of the four theaters at CSV. Memories of fourth street as being so incredibly hectic----also found a lot of coffee places to hang out at and read on LES; so many more than around here. Last two days, strange and solitary, got through it, looking back on it almost surreal. Want to get back to Brooklyn, will probably go today to La Flaca, check in, and then probably to South Fourth. After this will probably look for some classical music records to take out (I am in Lincoln Center library). Went by closing Borders today, looked for Wendy Wasserstein biography--want very much to read it---so many people in it that I knew peripherally, some better, some not at all, anyway it should be a study of the people who changed theater during the late seventies and eighties. Still very sad that she died so young...wonder how much time in the next week I will have for traveling, etc.....

second wednesday at the Fringe...

sitting in the nearbye library filled with sweat! yesterday, two fringe plays, Jeff Sweet's, another one that lacks focus, still it was nice to direct Sheldon Harnick to the Cherry Lane (surprised that an old timer like he did not remember it!) and also thought a lot about the "Pat Birch" group, people in their late seventies or eighties who were appearing on Broadway in the 50's and early 60's. What knowledge is there to be gained from then....it is possible? Anyway, continue with the Fringe for the next five days, then it is over....and back to the real world. Maybe even some movies....?

two more days.....

till Fringe starts----everything now seems in preparation for this. Yesterday, quite an interesting day, began with a great conversation with Michael, about, ofcourse, theater, followed by the FUREE meeting---very glad I came , don't know how much I can contribute, but need to stay involved...how do you fight a monolith.....? Still, very productive, possibly I can give some tutoring sessions to the teen-agers for free...that would be meaningful. Rest of today, wait for the evening, first La Flaca, then South Fourth and Trivia, my last for atleast two weeks. So each moment has its own meaning...let it go........

spent a....

tough couple of hours this early morning, chastizing myself for going through $20.00 last night, most of it spent at Bowery Electric. Still, constructive because I got a chance to hear Layla play, and it meant something to her that I came, she is really on the way, her musical vision seems to be improving and building. Also had a nice talk with Ruth, so that was valuable. Very tired when I left, but knew that going home early would provoke a three thirty A.M. evaluation. (for want of a better word) Got some sleep, then woke up, my body feeeling tired, but seemed to have worked thought that. So here I am (in real time) sitting in the library, waiting for the time to pass, before I attend Jerusalem. Ideally, this might not be the right afternoon to watch Mark Rylance's explosions, but the ticket is there, must use it. Rest of the weekend, kind of improvised, maybe meet with cousin Matt tomorrow evening for a beer, if he is available. Need to catch up on that part of the family, see how Audrey (Matt's grandmother) is doing in Amherst. Any surprises....well, one always lives in hope........

so what's....

the problem City boy. Well, we were determined not to spend too much money today, as we added some extra money that we hoped we wouldn't have to, to our checking account. Should hold you until the Fringe begins. Speaking of that...last weekend before the Fringe, today is going kind of slowly. "Holed up" in Lincoln Center Library trying to pass time on the computer. Can't find any book, fiction or non-fiction, terribly palatable for the weekend. Tomorrow, Jerusulem. Last night, bit of an "identity crisis" in Williamsburg, as I could not choose a bar to go into after leaving South Fourth, so took an incredibly nice walk west of Berry between s fourth and metropolitan. Still, why feel that stigma when approaching a new bar...? Something enchanted about those blocks in williamsburg that I walked through, still very quiet and roomy in the evening. Finally had a "smoothy" instead, gloried in the fact that fruit is much nicer to my body than beer. Then returned on L train. So this is the last weekend before Fringe madness, let's see what happens....?

fighting with....

anger---well it is "that man" in the news again. God, the way The Times fawns over him! It leaves me feeling angry but afraid (that's right, that's the proper word) to express that anger. I could add something to the city room blog, but I fear doing so. Better to keep tomy comments about Shakespearean performances in the 1980's or plan on talking about Clyburne Park. So what do we do? Calm down, then we will work it out. Otherwise, life interesting, good trip to DC this weekend, glad I did it, but must remember next time to stay closer to downtown, and in spite of using AMtrak to go home (well, I was tired!) Now time is closing in until the Fringe begins---if we return to our "arts" track, how many movies are there to see before it begins, also what plays to check out.....what about Jerusalem. Well, it will all work itself through, continue to be "passive" or try to find some constructive outlet for your anger. Need to take a walk in Brooklyn again, soon,,,,,,,

so it turned out well.....

glad that I went, the "money with mouth" thing was a little exageratted. The march-trip was very well organized, the people, both black and white, were extremely cordial, I believed in the March's sense of purpose; basically, very glad that I went.
what emerged for me from all this, was the sheer insensitivity and aggressiveness of the developers---they seem to lack any kind of human feeling for the protesters or neighborhood people. Are these people so irrelevant....? Anyway, will do more with Furee, if time allows, and hope to talk to others about this.
After that, a fun game of Trivia at South Fourth, lost a chance to see Silver Tassie, but will hear Leyla tonight at Pete's.

putting one's money....

where one's mouth is---today at 12:45, appear at Furee, for their march and "action". Will go, gave my word to the gentleman from the group, but I am still nervous about what "action" means. Still, want to give my support--it is important to make a statement by "doing", rather than by thinking. we'll see how it plays out, and cheek in later.

so yesterday.....

really interesting day, met up with Fred, quite by accident at the Film Forum; good to see him, will contact him probably on Monday; even more interesting event Friday night at The Illusion. Middle aged, plump woman (Kind of attractive) introduces herself to me; dad was her teacher at Monroe, 1965; also told me we dated at one time. Looked in the memory bank long and hard, could not place her; during college I dated dad's students, but not one as you as to have graduated Monroe in 65. Still, she had plenty of information, a really good discussion as we waited for the play to began about parents and children. Then, just as the play was to begin, she told me how we were fixed up; I went out with her twice, but not in college; in 74 right after the break up of my marriage. Totally different physically, she was thin and had a very quiet voice---also remember that after two dates it was clear that we were not going to go to bed---she liked different types of guy---my vulnerablity came into play, it was a time that I was feeling very vulnerable. Immediately after intermission I told her I remembered her, and that she was hung up on Michael Moriarity (big at that time). She acknowledged this, and then something changed---the rest was all "real" banter with her and her husband (nice guy).
What was fascinating was that it was really dad that she remembered, and that so much of the content was about him. So again, it leaves me wondering about ageing---how much do people remember---if you dissappointed someone 36 years ago, what does it mean now (anything?) And if Beth (the woman's name) was so attentive, what of some of the others, some from Hopkins, Darlene, and karen....both of whom now live in the Maryland area.
what would contact be like with them, what value, what can I, with my strong memories, but with this incredibly specific life that I lead now, receive from them or want from them?
Thought about this a lot this morning as I woke up, and lay in bed...today, off to La Flaca, then try to see the play at Collapsable hole this evening.....in between.........

do you remember.....

walking from Flatbush to the library today; God! remember when Prospect Heights was an area you didn't want to go into? How it has evolved to today. As you walk, you try to see the whole 40 years of awareness that you carry with you. Otherwise, faced with the fact of very little work until the Fringe. that is just about a month...so what does that mean....that i have to create my own structure. Hard or easy.....? Not sure....ambivalent about contacting some friends....the heat.....shoot for Measure for Measure tonight. (All star game is boring). So it continues, got to get to Public web site....goodbye blog.....

holday over.....

a new beginning...? Well, atleast I got my teeth cleaned today. Lots of time in front of me. Will probably try to see Measure for Measure tonight; seems like I have to. Yesterday in the broiling heat---took J train to Halsey street and Broadway, the meeting place of Bed-Stuy and Bushwick. Some intresting architecture---not very gentrified around there at all---idea was to then walk back at least to Flushing ave, but heat and bathroom use changed my mind, and I returned to South Fourth.
Nice conversation with Bill about parents' problems, really admire him for going to DC and dealing with it---wonder if I actually will go twice to DC; probably will go for the Clyburne Park adventure.
Fun at South Fourth yesterday---good conversation---meeting people; will definitely return on Wednesday for TRivia---after that who can say....still have not seen a movie...why....?

so in the morning....

from his window on Saint Paul street he watched the small city come to life. Now the rest of the day to be experienced before meeting with Robin, trying to take it easy, after the hurly-burly of yesterday. That means I can't go anywhere before the evening, so no trip to Jewish Museum, which sounds like it has a very interesting exhibit. But then what...still a lot of time. Interesting time at the ballpark last night; the fans seemed to include all economic levels, but mostly white. Still, the trip is full of contradictions, if I had one more day, I could try a few bars, make a few more trips, but I am anxious to return to the "real world" of New York. Not much else to say, I like the library---maybe possibly go to a bar or coffee place after dinner with Robin....leave for NY early tomorrow morning...then it is over....

and so I returned......

Here in Baltimore about three hours---not even that----what can I express----memories are strong.....visited the new Gilman hall; they have done a nice job with it---will probably sit in their new coffee lounge after this and have a coffee. Three and eleven buses still exactly in place, coming out of the train station, looked south on Charles Street, could have been the same fifty years ago. Will take the bus again to the game, probably leave Andrew's apt. where I am staying at around 5:30, or earlier. But don't get too early to the park, not that much to watch, will continue the journey tomorrow and meet Robin for dinner. Still not sure the meaning of all this...later...

Interesting week.....

ofcourse including the marathon walk on Tuesday (very sweaty) fun trivia Wednesday evening, and the play at Brick Thursday, and working at Lab on Friday, doing that made me feel very good; slight chance I will get work tomorrow, should the school be good I will take it; but don't want to tire myself too much before the early morning trip to Baltimore on Tuesday.
Really enjoyed Civilization yesterday at HERE---found myself totally involved, away from anything else. Today, reading article on Jenny Lumet, felt very sad.....why......too many issues that you havn't resolved, city boy....? Well, there is life, and we will live it today, and see what happens.....

another hot Sunday....

which ofcourse, meant I had to walk all over Fort Greene---Clinton HIll, etc. Still, an interesting walk down Myrtle from Vanderbuilt to Bedford, could have gone all the way to Broadway, would have been interesting. Myrtle (as we all know) is much built up, but walk by Grand Avenue, slightly north of Myrtle, and see two empty buildings that seem to have run out of money. Otherwise, a nice conversation with Shayla at La Flaca, baseball etc. and going home early really tired. Today turned down (natuarlly!) a few phone calls from DOB, wonder if I will work at all this week. Certainly money could help, though at this point, I am pretty complacent about money for the summer. Plenty (probably too much) theater and movies to see, how to do it all, read, socialize, etc....your guess is as good as mine.....

Sunday morning frustration---

canceled lesson, then could not get the computer to work to purchase Bolt Bus ticket---my credit card number might be lost in cyber space. Other than that, a nice weekend for going to the theater----today is unsure---wonder whether I will finally accept a job at public school this week---really should get myself out there----other than that, two plays off off broadway that I should see this week---and made arrangements for trip to Baltimore 6/28-30 that is definite. That's all, soon off the La Flaca with Zak......

tonight's the night....

Graduation at Friends tonight! Can it be this will be my fifth graduation? Seems amazing, but this will be the fifth. Waiting until I meet Monica to go over her speech.
Yesterday, wandered through Fort Greene, Boerum Hill, the former now has what seems like five new bars between Classon and Vanderbuilt on Fulton. Amazing! How can there be enough people for them? Nice coffee place on Franklin directly north of Fulton, then ofcourse stopped off at Outpost---still feel very comfortable there, although no one ever talks to you. Like the austere quality of the place. On the way, looking at a building accross on Fulton, almost got run over, got cursed out by the driver---I tried to explain, I did not think I was that close, but nothing further. Ironically I was lost in the middle of trying to construct a short story---1958 or thereabouts, an attractive teacher (male) moves into an apartment in Crown Heights, maybe the Parkway---it is an all children apartment house---some young adults still moving back in---last of their kind....? What happens to him...does he remain, could I find him in the same house so many years later....why...? That's what I have to create to make the story real......Anwway, soon it will be time to move on, and then.......

so here I am.....

sitting in the library, fun time yesterday evening at South Fourth---today, wait for the two parties at Friends---8th grade and senior dinner. Coming to more conclusions about myself but.....what....New York still full of options, far too many to even consider. Just got a blurb for the northside festival in Williamsburg---Greenpoint next week...will I go.....should I run from a play to the north side, to South Fourth....hard to tell, or plan...let's see what happens......

played out.....

This is just what I feel, first day that I have not worked in a week, seriously long days at Friends for the past few days. And now.....well, Chelsea's dad called me to tell me that she is sick, so today's lesson is canceled. Luxurious time comes before me...no need to do anything---check out a movie....? Seems like an odd thing to do, probably will wait it out and watch baseball (baeball immersion!) tonight and then maybe the basketball game. Odd sense of exhaustion, both physically and mentally, don't want to do anything, but then feel a void so.....tomorrow Jen's birthday party, should be fun...everything else.......

today in

south bronx---another trip to tutor Jhennifer. Enjoyed the tutoring, but during the ride there by bus and waiting at the site where Southern Boulevard and Westchester Avenue intersect,conceived this short story---but can I write it? This was an old Jewish neighborhood in the early fifties, then began to change quickly....how quickly....how can one see the last Jewish person in the neighborhood, how can one understand the confusion, despair, fear they must have experienced by the arrival of the Puerto Rican community....Or did they.....? Only the tutoring brings me back, this is not like my trips to Brooklyn, far more pastorale....yes, the walk up New York avenue was great----stimulating, as were the other walks in Ditmas Park and around Boerum Hill, where Sarah lives. Today more tutoring this afternoon, tomorrow, relax a bit. Still, wonder if writing the short story is possible, the spring and summer could have some terrible and illuminating prospects....must live them through.......

what a ......

beautiful day---finally no tutoring or plans in general. So, I decided to just walk in Brooklyn. Got off the A at Nostrand, up to Pacific, then right on Pacific to New York Avenue. Pacific and Nostrand seems full of people, an urban essence of movement, but no sooner walking east between Nostrand towards New York ave, the brownstones become beautiful. Followed that by going up New York Avenue, a beautiful block, many brownstone streets up to Eastern Parkway betweem New York and the next Avenue, Brooklyn. Old synagogues, now churhes. Felt a sense of excitement on this walk, up to Eastern Parkway then down to the Library at Grand Army Plaza, still not hungry. After this...not sure, probably walk some more,at some point I would like to get to Cortelyou Road, what about watching sports.....? Maybe later.

quite a weekend......

but no work today---well, I am tired....but Saturday evening---in the grueling rain, making my way to the Schimmel Center---stayed there for about 25 minutes, lost a hat, but got out and made it to Reservoir---perhaps the oddest place to find theater people but----there it was---had a really nice conversation with a guy named Jeff Beale, who is in a Master Builder project around the corner--will try to see it, then yesterday, after tutoring Jesus, took the Friends group on a trip throught Jewish Williamsburg and Bed-Stuy, and then lunch with Pam, and later joined by her friens David and Jason---good conversation all around, had a nice talk with the owner of Black Swan, the bar restaurant we were at, he invited me to come back, seems like a very nice guy, like the place, could see myself spending more time at it, then down Bedford to Dekalb, passed another coffe bar with another set of young white people, thought to myself that's nice---later asked myself: "where will it end?" Soon will there be coffee bars on Nostrand, Marcy, Tompkins, Throop, all the way to Utica? Is this the promised end....? Lots of thoughts about race and class, also the dissappearance of same at certain times. Certainly an exhausting and meaningful weekend, feel like I have grown alot....tomorrow at Friends, long but should be fun....maybe tonight at South Fourth, we will see...havn't seen a movie in a long while.....perhaps soon.

cityboy is tired.....

A long week---just when I thought there would be some down time, wound up working every day at Friends---this week, tomorrow and Friday atleast, lots of other things to do. Reading Paul Auster's book Sunset Park, very good, one of his best....wonder when I will return to Brooklyn to wander around, as for today, it looks like my session with Neal is on (although one never knows) then some hanging with Zak, and after that...wow am I tired, might go home and simply go to sleep. Not a big day tomorrow (yet) but three periods of eighth graders, well, atleast two are in the morning...hope to have some time for entertainment sometime next week but when....? Not to sure at this point. See ya.....

two new bars.....

last week, Freddy's on Tuesday, and Black Swan yesterday afternoon. It is an aimiable enough place, very nicely furnished, but if you stand outside it, you feel like you are in an all black working class neighborhood. Then you go into the bar, and everyone is young (or sort of young) and white. Makes sense...? How do you reconcile the two worlds, do you, is it necessary? Back to work at Friends on Wednesday, (not called for tomorrow yet, maybe) still rejecting DOE schools, it is obvious I won't make the around May 13 cutoff for 10 days, (well, not obvious, but extremely doubtful) . Long walks yesterday, followed through on my "adventure" quotient...but what next....?

so why.....

is it so difficult to accept a sub job from a public school. Today you received atleast two calls from schools that are probably very good and not hard to work in. Nevertheless, City boy, you rejected them. Is it because Friends has gotten you so accustomed to it (yes, you miss it these two weeks) that you don't want to start another "relationship"? Do you want the time to yourself? Today, visited with Jimmy at South Fourth, had fun, relaxed read the paper, feel wanted there, all well and good, but.....perhaps I want to see the movie at New Directors tonight, and then go to......where...feeling healthy and strong, perhaps out to Brooklyn. Tomorrow, face another dilemma, if I sub, will I have enough strength to tutor Deyra (if she appears) and Neal (if he needs the work) and then go to South fourth to play Trivia, which I really want to do. Like the friendship there, anyway, these are the "problems" that I face---seems like it is time to return to Manhattan, although the prospect of wandering East to bushwick is fascinating, but not enough time. Later....

Here we are after....

most of the month has passed. Some very good subbing at Friends. Still fighting subbing during the school's vacation in the "real" world. Why? Do I miss not having a real person at the other end of the phone? Other than that, this has been a productive week---several interesting books, a little ahead on the money thing, some good encounters with people, enjoy playing Trivia at South Fourth, not sure what the weekend will bring. It is still cold, which inhibits moving around as much as I would like---but lots of tutoring, which is a good thing. Will try to post a little more often in the next few weeks, that is what having a blog is for, right....?

It's been a...

long time, city boy. Why? Probably because in all the work you have had at Friends, the action is all. So, what do we want to write about today...? Read about fracking, enviromental pressure from politicians, then go to Yelp, to find out about a bar.....does that not make me as guilty as anyone else. Do we live in a dividied nation, or is life simply about "enjoying oneself". Certainly it is easy enough to do that in this city. Today, probably read or listen to music until around 4:30, then go off to Xavier to see the boys play basketball. After that.....? Hard to say exactly how I want to fulfill myself. But it is cold, so not a lot of possibility to move around the city. All for that, leave it be......

brooklyn, again.....

So here I am at the brooklyn public library at grand army Plaza----a long walk from fulton and Nostrand, where I got off the train. First time in a while, since the weather allowed it....now. the thought of walking all through brooklyn this spring and summer, going down Nostrand all the way to the south end, or taking streets east through bed-stuy or Crown Heights, holds excitement for me. Lots to look forward to, still walked away from a pretty easy sub job at the Museum school, this mornng.....why.....? still not sure, (so i could come out here) How will all this play out as the school year goes along, tomorrow and friday at friends.....trivia tonight at south fourth........play it out!

so I did ......

work at Friends yesterday, and a good time was had by all (atleast all the eighth grade). Now, faced with the defection of Chelsea, the young girl whom I had been working with since summer of 08---her father's moving out really surprised me---he claims to be having money problems, but from his tone of voice today, is there a possibility that these lessons with Chelsea may be over....? Have had a lot of fun working with her---hope she will keep her strengths, her defection effects me financially as well--means the austerity budget will probably kick in, no movies...plays....etc. Well, glad I chose Lost in the Stars, really a great feeling hearing that music just rush up at me....? So what does this mean about work at the DOE? I would love to do kindergarden---5 work. How to get it when I am not working at Friends....and if not...what. Anyway, the day looms before me...plenty of choices, still would love to see the Phil Ochs movie, or visit Brookyn, but......

will I ever.....?

ofcourse i will work at Friends again, but missed a message on my phone---it is a no number, so was it from Friends...? Hope to return before next Friday--still I am up today, made 20 dollars working with Roberto, keeping things cool with the money, looking forward to Lost in the Stars tonight.....some good movies I could see this afternoon, but I probably won't---last night saw Gentrifusion, six takes on gentrification, really none of them satisfied me, two were pretty good, the rest......made me think about conceiving my own short play---so many ideas, want to go back to Brooklyn, then after the play went to 119, hung out with Bobby and was joined by Kathy, who waitresses at La Flaca (bobby's place) and also at the nearbye Heartland Brewery. Had a good conversation amidst some loud goings on, all in all a pretty nice evening....guess it is time to return to internet browsing, stil have not settled feelings about subbing in city schools, but the pressure is on me---nobody else, we will seee......

Patience, city boy...

A tough day today, after a great day yesterday---got the call at around six, came in for Larry at Friends, doing great, relating well to the kids, looking forward to the next to days subbing for Pam, her kids excited----then Pam told me her conference in Albany was called off. Did not feel so bad about it then, because I felt very welcomed, but today has been dificult, almost lost it in the cold as I went from City Center to the library, where I am now. The cold really limits me, can't walk, and do not want to spend money---what to do....? FInally decided to get a comp for Gentrifusion at the Y on 14th street, although I don't know anyone in it, yet it seemed interesting, a take on gentrification by what I think will be a mixed cast---strange, it is so odd for me to go and see something where I don't know anyone who is involved. Anyway, too cold to go to williamsburg, not sure about the next few hours, should see the Phil Ochs movie, but......will work it out, interesting movie at BAM tomorrow afternoon, might be worth going to, still hope I will be working, if not at Friends, then maybe accepting a job with the DOE. Could be better then I hoped for, let's see how it all plays out.....

a long time ago....

is what I felt as I read the last blog---well it was almost two weeks, but certainly a different feeling than I feel now, totally exhausted after a nine hour work day at Friends, ah, but things now seem to be going so well there. Must rest today---did not call my friend Roberto and offer him an english lesson---simply too exhausted. Will try to get through the afternoon as easily as possible, tutor Neal around 6 and hopefully feel strong enough to play Trivia at South Fourth this evening, and touch base with some of my friends there. Weather in the forties---almost balmy---finally was able to see the Neshoba County 2004 movie at BAM on Monday, what an incredible experience! Still wonder if I could have gone down to Mississippi and registered black voters at that time---felt too self protective--did not consider going, what a sense of bravery those young people must have had. Movie really moved me, did not do much the rest of the day, expected to have an easy day yesterday when the phone rang at 7:30, and the rest is.........
Will return tomorrow and Monday and a few other days, wonder how much time I will have for movies, plays, operas etc. things are piling up, time is short, so much to do, but I am tired......

last night...

on the way to the performance piece.......did not realize that Brooklyn museum was open late---nice place to stop out of the cold and have coffee (kind of steep at 2.50) but that is life in the big city. Then onward to Five Myles. Amazed as I traveled east on Eastern Parkway that first two houses east of Classon on the Parkway have doormen! Yes, I wonder how long this has gone on. Walking down Franklin Ave from the Parkway to Saint Johns, looks like two worlds, one white and one poor and black. Look in the storefronts. Kind of weird. Still no work at Friends, not sure why, isn't anybody out....? On an austerity budget today---helped by the meal I had yesterday at Vanderbuilt's after the play (performance piece...what have you) Anyway, the party was fun, made some new friends, this was a good idea, to go to a piece where I knew no one and see what happens. Felt good this morning,because of this....tonight La Bete, tomorrow lots of tutoring....we're off...!

and so...

we head into a new year. New Year's Eve, garish, loud, kind of a circus, have to figure out a better way of doing it, but how.....ran into Krystal and Claudia quite by accident on the subway as I was coming home, was the highlight of my evening---yesterday stayed at home until I saw A Free Man, nice meeting Veanne afterwards while I was waiting for Jeff,, really good to see him and be part of his leaving the theater---I really enjoy that. Amazed that the Guare play was dismissed by critics, is there something in the indictment of American racism that they do not wish to see......weird. Blood from a Stone was very well done as well, Ethan---well another incredible performance, but he allows everyone to be so much better. A really strong family drama (that is kind of one dimensional, doesn't really allow for its power----really good actors all around. Looking forward to seeing La Bete, but when.....probably Friday--no work yet, but that could change, enough tutoring, etc....