And now....

Saturday---bought some much needed clothing after South Fourth, then saw Cymbeline---beautiful, if not too bright---said hello to both Richard Topol and John P after the play---that was fun, had some good conversation with both----yesterday had a nice tutoring session with Brandon, find myself longing to walk around the Bronx, explore some more---today, after working with Alejandra, took the bus accross the Bronx via Fordham Road---very nice, really enjoyed it---those buildings---still haunted by them, anyway, worked with Alejandra today, she has really changed in the few months that I have seen her---now about 12, maybe slightly older, she is much more guarded then before, less ebullient, a little suspicious---that is an adjustment that I have to make.
Tonight, New Year's Eve in Williamsburg----what does that mean?...we will see..........

Last night.....

Made my decision---skipped War and Peace for South Fourth---a nice time---a long chat with Sonya, who is going away for the New Years---had some really good moments---also got to know Julianna a little better---had no idea she was a theater person---so some good conversation with her---now to return to the famous Jeannine---really tired, so not sure I want to do this, but it will be nice to see her---tonight, Cymbeline---tomorrow, faced with the prospect of no tutoring, if Brandon's mom cancels, may actually return to Heights Cafe---have not seen Annie for a while, should visit---probably would prefer South Fourth---anyway, stay tuned.........

What is to be done.....

Read Gowanus Lounge blog: it is truly frightening---the city is being torn down around us. Nothing to be done---are we all at risk? Then read about the credit crunch---all those people in their Park Avenue homes, falling on their faces, butwhat is the risk to them? Then simply get it all out of your mind by focusing on the arts. Should I see War and Peace today, or is it too much? Next Thursday will be the last chance to see it---but may have to tutor---still, feel like not taking anything in----had fun hanging out in Williamsburg last night---bartender Adam, truly one of the nicest guys--looking forward to the eve---every time I see a small or authentic building I try to take it in--it represents a New York that I have known for years.......

Thursday.....

Long, arduous night---seemed as if everything stopped. Apartment is so hot---doesn't help, I get up every three hours, no consecutive sleep---guess it is also the holiday, now stuck with a stomach recovering from diaharia (probably not how you spell it)--this was the first thing I could do today. Will proabably go to South Fourth Street tonight---have to get out---maybe check in at a few other places as well...good to hear from Diane and Barabara from California today. Not sure what the future will bring..........

Wednesday.....

Two parites---Monday night at Margo's---had fun---some interesting convesations with Jeannie (about education) and with Joanne, about theater. Joanne looked good---do not want to indulge her in any way---anyway, a nice time was had. It was on Monday evening that Retta invited me to her party yesterday---went---did not have a bad time while I was there, but felt empty when I left--all those environmentalists---well and good---but don't want to pay any attention to the horror going around us in the city. Came home tired, slept a little, then had enough energy to go to a movie--then slept, then awoke about 2:30---very restless---feel tired, a bit played out and emotionally exhausted this morning---have absorbed so much, but what is the opposite of that---nothing just becomes boring. Need to rest my body---but will tutor Jose this afternoon---and after that?......will try to head to Brooklyn. The Lincoln book that I got out of the library on Monday is turning out to be very interesting. That's all......

Sunday...tired

Tired, tired, tired, but much has happened. Carol (Now called Cara) sang really well on Friday night---really want to try to encourage her to continue---she is really good. Experience at the coffee house at Park SLope a trip---felt like I saw the last thirty years of Park Slope in that room---some things to like, and some not to.....Yesterday the two plays---Albee's plays very forceful---will not comment on ALl That Chat---to my surprise, I think that most of the people in Saturday afternoon's performance had not seen the play or knew what would happen, hence, the gasp of surprise at Jerry's murder (I guess that is an adequate word for it) Then off to No Dice---could not stay for all of it--didn't "dislike" it, but just was not up to staying---voices were grating------tonight possibly Make Me A Song---if Caroline's tickets are valid for me. Traveling to the Bronx to work with Brandon, had a vision of a movie created around West Side Story and dating in the South BRonx--almost exploded in front of me, as the train moved through 174 Street---not sure why that street has such memories for me, as I never really knew too many people who lived there---is it because a large amout of my dad's students came from there....?

Today (friday)

Yes, I was right, had a wonderful time watching the basketball games at Friends yesterday, less fun today at the Christmas party, but still everyone likes me there. Still hard to deal with the breaks in employment---have to see what happens first week in January, when they are on vacation---may be tempted to take a job for DOE, on the other hand, with the English test coming up but there might be a lot of tutoring because of the test that happens second week of January.
Tonight, go to see Carol at Coffee House in Park Slope, tomorrow, the play marathon---see what becomes of that. Restless this afternoon, do In want to see a movie, read, listen to records, wander around, head out to Williamsburg, what?

Thursday...

No work today either---off to Friends for basketball doubleheader at 4P.M.---happy to see the girls team play again. This morning----went to library on Columbus and 100 Street-saw all the building going on around there---frightening! Do the realtors need every possible space? All of which leads to the Hopkins Reunion in 2009---will I go? Have not missed one since 79 (84 was the first one I went to---have gone every five years ever since), but if Bloomberg is there----can I sit in the same room with someone who has created this atmosphere of destroying the weak! And if I go, can I express my dissapproval....should I just go to the afternoon event and skip the dinner (assuming he is going to be there)---well it is a long time from now, but still I think about it a lot.
Other than that, had a good lesson with Jose yesterday, his parents gave me a nice bonus, which I did not expect--very tired, did not go out to South Fourth, spoke to Jeannine by phone, she did not seem much upset by it--will see her Saturday, before my marathon, after watching cousin Carol sing at the concert Friday evening---so that is it---concert, followed by Jeannine visit at South Fourth, followed by Peter and Jerry, followed by No Dice, followed by....just kidding.
Still trying to figure out exact conflagration of WSS original cast members at Gypsy of the Year--hope to find out soon.

Wednesday

Not published for four days! How can that be? First day off in a while. So what has happened. Well, the Gypsy of the Year---very life affirming---waited outside but did not say hello to Jamie---just did not want to leach...picture of him talking to George Marcy very affecting....Bernardo (replacement) and Chino 49 years later. Amazed at the life in the musical theater right now, even if material (as far as I know) is not that good.
Then back to Friends, and tutoring, a very difficult and long day yesterday, can't imagine the millions of miles I seemed to have traveled on the subway---taking it easy today (I think), one tuturing, then will drag my tired body to South Fourth to hang with Jeannine and the others. I think I need that, rather than seeing a play or a movie. Have set a nice double header for myself on Saturday---wonder how much traveling I will get done over the holiday or what it will bring.

Saturday....will

Will not visit Jeannine today at South Fourth...she knows that...after I finish here, will go down to the Doubletree on 42Street, and "scout"----that is look for some of the WSS alumni. What will happen? What are my feelings about it? Can't say, would be interested in having some unforced conversations about the experieinces these dancers lived through. But I won't push. The irony is that bythe timeI arrive at New Amersterdam for the Gypsy of the Year presentation, I may be totally bushed from the heavy schedule at Friends. And tonight....will I make both presentations. Will Jenn leave me a comp? Tune in later.....

Friday at Friends

Just finished, and I am feeling very good. Spent three periods with mostly Juniors (a few seniors), and the warmth I recevied from them was very fulfilling---simply proctoring a test that they all worked brutally hard on, was very rewarding. Returning a little later for male basketball game, and next week can hopefully see both men and women's basketball team. Still no word from Gwen on WSS reunion places---she may not give me any, anyway, tomorrow to be busy in evening with Waiting for Lefty and then maybe watching Andi in the burlesque show at the Zipper. Will be quite hard to get from one place to another quickly A(113st to 37 street in about 25 minutes) but I will try, anyway, the Murray Hill show should start late. The afternoon, well we will see, may just need tomorrow to rest until the evening,. Will stop now, report tomorrow.

thursday....

easy day at Friends, but a little disappointed that class of Juniors and Seniors (and sophomores) did not want to stay longer in music....oh well...tomorrow a long day, culminating in basketball game, should be pretty exhausted by then..tonight seeing project at the Kitchen...have never been there before---noticed onAE that there were many other interesting shows that are giving them tickets---really impossible to see all these things---how can one even catch one's breath? Had a nice time visiting Jeannine at South Fourth---intresting considering how ambivalent I was about going--but I went--her boyfriend Patrick is really a nice guy---wonder whether he took her home..? Not much else, things are always hectic at this time of the year, tomorrow should be a good day.

Wednesday.....

Chris, the nine year old I began to tutor yesterday, turned out to be a very nice boy, with a slight reading problem...very easy to work with.....his mother, also very nice, made me very nice spaghetti portion, before I left. Felt very good while I was there, but returned home tired as anything, fell asleep immediately...awoke at 1:00 A.M. full of energy, but not much I could do, then returned to sleeep, woke up at about 5:30 A.M., very tired, very emotionally exhuausted...wondered if I would stick it out, but, as it turns out, had no problem getting to work and opening up the library...decent enough day at Friends, tomorrow a short half day, then Friday a marathon---will try to stay around to watch the Varsity play at 5:15.
Nice talk at lunch with Carla about her Hopkins time, will talk with her again...still trying to figure out my role in the weekend WSS reunion, no help from Equity Fights AIDS, though it was nice running into Kenny in the Equity elevator, and chatting with him about Outpost.

on the train...

Almost 4P.M., and I have already been to the Bronx, once. Tutored Brandon this morning, he seems to like our work...on the subway going, felt a lot of anxiety...visions of the past, 174 Street and Southern Boulevard, particularly haunting....why? Only went on a date there, twice (61-62) and yet, many of the students my dad taught at Monroe lived in that area from 47----6? Remember when dating Seema (that was her name) the area seemed totally white. Can we understand the exact moment that it changed---the last time someone played a Beethoven String Quartet in those apartments (Lethem has something like that in his book of essays)
Anyway, back at Friends, things going smoothly, one more tutoree this evening, first time, named Chris.
A community---when does a community change?

Sunday....

Tired at this moment (ofcourse I did do a lot of walking and climbed five flights of stairs to Brandon's (my tutoree's) house) still, seem very tired. lots to talk about---yesterday had a good tutoring session with Fernanda, then visited Jeannine at South Fourth Street---then saw the one acts with Jen taher, and the Hamlet project, which, for the most part, was very interesting. Tired afterwards (it was around midnight) and even though the idea of talking to people was viable, decided just to have a slice of pizza and go home. Interesting choice to see the one acts, as opposed to taking a chance at seeing the "much praised" student production of WSS at John Jay. Was it really that good? The present versus the past, that seems to be the theme around here, as I chose to tutor, when I could have gone to the "Fosse's Men" forum at Dancers OVer 40. What next? Well, the WSS reunion is coming up---moves in and out of my consciousness---now one more commitment for Sunday evening if I see Jen's play at Columbia.

slept like a.....

last night---heat finally arrived---totally weird--went to sleep at about 9P.M., after three tutoring sessions---all very fulfilling, I might add---then slept like a baby---as if a terrible weight had been lifted from me---Tuesday night a bit of an ordeal, simply concentrating on heat or no heat, and when the heat would arrive---now, hopefully that is over---ended up at Friends today, in the library, no less---could have subbed at NEST---might have been interesting. Spending the day at the computer---have ordered tickets to No Dice---which should be "hot" for the 22nd, and for the Gypsy show on Monday the 17th. That should be interesting, they published the list of WSS members who will be part of the festivities---feel much more detached about meeting them all, past vs. present---as always, still, would like to talk to them---we'll see what happens. Doubt that I will see the revival (or whatever you want to call it) this week---too busy. Will see Jen's pieces on either Friday or Saturday.

should have, maybe

This morning, no work, got the computer call to work at Brooklyn Tech---exactly the same program as last Monday, same kids, but I said no! Why, couldn't have been easier---just did not want to---was not comfortable with the apathy of those kids-still, in terms of a day with kids I knew, why not? What am I challenging myself for? Did I need the day off? Good day at Friends yesterday, then went down to Broome Street to watch the football game and root for Baltimore against the dastardly Patriots---sad that they lost, but exciting---violin sonatas on Sunday---really beautiful! Was literally in heaven during the second and third movements of the last one, Opus 30, (I think) number 2. Still, won't go back tonight, even though I think there are free tickets for that one as well Why? Want to be with people, the Tuesday evening thing at South Fourth has worked well for me in the past--maybe another encounter with Andi-Honey, the woman performing in Murray Hill's burlesque saga. Tomorrow, tutoring all day? We'll see....

Sunday in the snow...

First of all, Mrs. A cancelled my session with Brandon---ah Freedom! But to do what? Can get free tickets to the Beethoven Violin Sonatas, could anyone ask any more than that on a day like this?.....any yet.....sometimes you think it would be easier just hanging out...but...last night FIgaro......only stayed two acts---was tired from the standing and a fairly long day, but it was more than that.....production super competent, but not striking, similarly, individual performances were extremely proficient---everyone knew exactly what he or she should do, and Kate Lindsay was superb as Cherubino, but felt very uninspired. Terfel fun to watch, animated, has a lot of talent, but seemed annoyed by the smallness of the role, wanted to take more responsability---made one more aware that the Count is the more important role--seemed like an easy role for him to inhabit, but just by nature, he seemed to be looking for more challenges.
After went to O'Neill's for a beer---did not go down to see Bob at 119, too tired, but should have, not much happened at O'Neill's---got into a conversation with a much older man named James---nice guy, but as usual, talked a blue streak at me---still might return. Wonder if there is an opera message board--havn't found one yet......

Two days at Friends

Thursday and Friday at Friends; overwhelmed by the energy of the seventh grade (and I worked with all, I mean all of them). Came home both nights with very little left---then the waiting begins. Should have celebrated, or something, but once I get in the apartment--it is just chill out time. Did what I said I would do, saw Brandon in between classes at 11:00 on Thursday, had no trouble with the time---trains move very quickly. Really a difference physically in the way I feel when I don't sub, then the way I feel when I do.When I don't---evenings are easy--when I do----well, the body is heavy. What is the future for this week---hard to say. So far, only one day planned at Friends, Friday---probably some tutoring during the week---Thursday is the big party at South Fourth---have to be there. The public schools...? Don't know. Strangely enough, for all the warmth I receive at Friends, Monday's challenge of the English program at Brooklyn Tech (my first time there) left me feeling more calm---only night that I really slept well during. Anyway, another crazy quilt---improvised week is at hand.
Just got an upstairs standing room for Figaro (Marriage of) for tonight---looking forward to it--first time seeing Bryn Terfel---can't wait to basque in all of that music. I guess after this it is off to Williamsburg to visit Jeannine.

wednesday...feeling frenetic

had a nice night at South Fourth yesterday, had a goodd talk with a woman named Andi;she and her husband live in Crown heights, Antioch graduate, invited me to a burlesque Xmas show in a few weeks---will go---also should e-mail David patrick F.about listening to some Beethoven chamber music--good talk with him also.
Today about to take the bus, ran into Brandon and his aunt coming off bus, they want to see me tomorrow, didn't think I could do it, but schedule at Friends is as such that it might be possible, from, say 11A.M. to 12. Kind of rushed, but could do it---if there is no extra work for me. This afternoon interview with Painting Center people, wonder if there is work there, wonder about Orthodox Jew in Crown Heights (lives about a half mile from Andi) whom I might tutor, wonder if I will see Marriage of Figaro on Saturday.

Tuesday

First time at the computer in a few days. Have gone from darkness into light! Feeling exhilirated---just finished my secoond session in two days with Brandon---very productive,but yesterday was the key---"forced" myself to accept work at Brooklyn Tech---got through it---not great but---after having done it, I feel very fulfilled. This week later work at Friends, and some in January---also some work at Liz Yamin's art gallery---this plus the tutoring should keep my going---feel very optimistic---difficult weekend, Sunday night---really weird, but seem to have worked my way through it. Something about taking a sub job in a new place---responding to a new challenge (though Brooklyn Tech kids are hardly difficult) that makes me feel strong. How much more work will I do in the public schools.......?

Friday, Friday

Glad to see that my review of QB has been posted on NYtimes.com. Still, could not eat much until sharing that pizza at South Fourth at about 10:00 on Wednesday. Yesterday, got through most of the day before heading to Prospect Heights to have Thanksgiving Dinner with Carol, kayla, annie and family. Fun? Well, to some extent. The girls are really growing and changing--that is good to see.
Today.....bad feelings re playing horses, do not really want to do it, yet a part of me thinks I might implement my income if I am careful. Certainly, could have made money yesterday on McGlaughlin's horse, probably would have bet him, and yet, am I better off without it? It leaves a dirty taste in my mouth, and at this moment I find there is so much more interesting to do in the city. Yet, I won't bankrupt myself if I play one or two today, or try to play some of the interesting card tomorrow. Always a seesaw. Here I am in the library, why not just drown myself in the many books I find interesting. Always something more.
Can think of about eight movies to see today, and a few plays, trying to keep income low, we'll see..............

wednesday....

Wednesday, awoke with stomach ache! Must have been the combination of things that I ingested last evening: asparagus, a small beer, one slice pepirroni pizza, and (I know I shouldn't have) some cookies and cream ice cream from Haagen Daas. Anyway, glad I saw Queens Boulevard (the musical), thought that meeting Robin would be somewhat of a chore, but actually really enjoyed myself, both her company before the play, and the play (musical) itself.
This morning, absolutely no phone calls for subbing! Could not quite believe it---are they cutting back, were they all given out last night? Still the conundrum of trying to get myself to work somewhere else besides Friends if the work there is slow. But no real problem now. Could have probably arranged to tutor Brandon today, but I guess I will wait til Friday. Sort of glad to have the whole day open---absolutely no obligations--don't remember feeling so untrammeled. Also a beautiful day, mild, as will tomorrow be, but this topsy turvy weather still seems like a kind of joke played on all of us. Anyway, going to see Queens Boulevard and enjoying it as much as I did, has me very up---want to see more. Later......

Tuesday....

Another day without work!. Didn't mind too much this morning, since I am meeting Robin for dinner and the play, only got three phone calls---all these speciality schools, just created, how am I to figure out if they are viable or not---hopefully, work at Friends will be strong for December---also, talked to an interesting examiner at Department of Labor, re a claim for summer unemployment---seemed to have a viable understanding of my rights---so what happens now; there is a small chance I will get some summer money-we will see.
Thanksgiving on Thursday with the Schwarz-Baum's, should be fun, the girls are always a trip. Looking forward to it--saw the movie of Charles Nelson Reilly's last show---quite cathartic for me; I wonder what one not interested in theater, 50-64 would say about it. Not sure about work tomorrow---anyway, can visit Jeannine and Frank if I want.

Monday

Eshaustion! Emotional, not physical, this crazy quilt life---so much to do, yet turned down a job subbing at Brooklyn Tech this morning----certainly can't complain about being asked to work there--yet turned it down--simply could not include it in my consciousness, I guess--wonder about the next two days, what I will be able to do. No financial worries at the moment---but----tonight I tutor Jose, then will go to Jenny's reading, I guess, then home to the messages.
Went to see Twelfth Night for the second time Saturday, and amazingly enough, enjoyed it more---very moved at the end---sat next to Monica Witt, we had a nice time, then wandered about Brooklyn as I waited for Nila's 11:00 performance. That was fun---she was the best I have seen her, and had an interesting discussion with Stewart, Nila's dad.
Good session with Brandon A yesterday, glad he feels confident---then home to bed---could not do much else, too tired...then today.........

Saturday....

Second go round watching Twelth Night at Friends, this afternoon; had a beautiful day there yesterday----great relationships with the elventh graders. Feel like my relationship with the kids there is getting very "Checkovian"---what do I mean by that? Can't really say---let it continue---spoke to Adam K last night, tried to get him to send his play "Freedom High", to theaters in England, I think there would really be a market for it there---nice that he trusts me---trying to figure out what to do between Twelth Night and Nila's play at Here, which is at 11:00 P.M.---go to Williamsburg, or see a movie, or simply return back to the apartment---not sure.
Next week may have to really deal with my reluctance to try a new public school---what will happen?..........

Wednesday

The world is out of joint---or so it seems---no work at Friends now til Friday---DOE still doesn't give me enough info about schools to make me want to make a choice---and even though financially I am safe---Want to Blow it Open and Can't!--that is want to get ahead with money---will it happen---yes, I compliment myself on how I manage money, but......
Still, working hard with Brandon---feel that I am providing his mother with a lot of support---she is in a difficult situation---had a good session with Lena yesterday, then a fun time at South Fourth---met Valerie Geffner, who, ofcourse, would be a Julliard graduate---will go to South Fourth again today, around 7, to see Jeannine---still......stomach should improve---don't know why it is hitting me so hard, but seems like it is getting better.

To sub or....

To sub or not to sub, that is the question, that I ask myself every morning when I let the computer from DOE contact me about open jobs. No work from Friends for the second day, nothing awful about that, but I feel reluctant to take a DOE job at a school that I don't know about. Hopefully there will be enough work at Friends and as a tutor so that I can "pick and choose" about where I sub in the city system, but always have to be prepared for........Sometimes I am angry at myself for not taking these risks, but other times, I am comfortable with my self-protective zone. Besides, if I want some evening life, hard to do if I sub, even at Friends.
West Side Story reunion of original and replacement casts on december 1, it is private, but I assume that they are performing at the Gypsy performance two and three days later. Would like to meet some of those people, still do some interviews, wonder if it will happen; so much else is happening at the moment, hard to incorporate everything, anyway, we will see.
Rest of day should be pleasant, very mild, which means good walking weather, after tutoring at 6, can do most anything that I want, but will most probably head to Williamsburg to hang out at South Fourth Street....later!

Monday....

Feeling generally (physically) lethargic, today---strange, somewhat different, nevertheless was able to go to Bronx and have my second straight tutoring session with Brandon...he is a good learning experience in a child's ability to conceptualize and execute---after a great lesson yesterday, he seemed to have forgotten all the math concepts he learned. Had to teach it over again to him---still today, he executed well, right before I left---will see if this remains.
Nothing at Friends, today, wonder if I will only work this Friday---they are nearing the end of the term, so it is possible that everyone is there--maybe in the schools, tomorrow and Wednesday, we'll see. Tonight to see Adam K's reading of his new play; still wish that someone would recognize the value of Freedom High---God, the play is staring someone in the face, don't understand how opaque people can be, or Artistic Directors can be...well, we will see.

No word....

Came to library expecting to check e-mail and see statement from Michael F. about my e-mail enlightening him about Ryder's Hamlet,et. al, of that period. This was a great opportunity for me to release my knowledge of the theater in NY in the late fifites-early sixties period. No e-mail back...well, glad I got a chance to share my knowledge.
Went to sleep early yesterday, pretty warm inthe room, cold seems to be over, today, another score of options---will I finally actually go to see a movie---will play atleast one race at OTB.
Will go to Brooklyn to "hang"with jeannine, in the afternoon---remind her that I won't be there next week---going to see the kids in Twelth Night....rest of the weekend a little vague,as of now....

Friday....

What does one blog about? The past? the coming weekend. Wonder if Bill will actually come over and help me with the insulation, though, things are much better with the heat, now. Seems like a nice guy, should be fun.....rest of the weekend, who knows? Willl probably visit Jeannine tomorrow, not much tutoring as of now---could use the rest, nice time working at Friend, these last two dayts, no work there scheduled for now until Friday---may have to "sweat it" and actually work for the DOE. Anyway, we will see what happens.

Baltimore

Just read City Paper (of Baltimore) on line, read Anna Ditkoff's Murder Inc, states that Central Park Heights has had a large number of murders this year. Strange, how vividly I remember that as the Jewish neighborhood where all my friends lived during college---we dated girls who lived around there---basked in a kind of soft innocence at that time---now, this---what is one's connection to the past...still feel like I could see the neighborhood---long to get in a car and just drive around Baltimore---will I do it----stuck in the city (NY) too many things to find here.....

Wednesday

Things are calming down----still life too much of a crazy quilt; made a decision, even though I was tired to go to South Fourth Street last night---good decision. Had a nice talk with Bill, an artist, who I had made friends with in June; we talked about insulating the apartment, he made a few suggestions, which ofcourse, were too difficult for me to act on, but he offered to come over Friday and help me install some insulation that would keep things warmer in the apartment. As it was, since it was under 40 last night, heat was on more often, did not freeze last night, but needed to use the heater---God knows what my electric bill will be next month. Anyway, appreciate Bill's helping out......
Still find it jarring--the difference between subbing and staying home in the morning---the lack of structure is difficult, still had a long memory about original Music Man, today, and then a nice conversation with myself about WSS, Fiddler, and the authenticity of the original, as opposed to newer companies learning "steps".
Will visit Broome Street this afternoon, then off to tutor Jose, then will go to that invited dress at LaMama---should not be too strenous, cold is almost gone, rejected subbing for DOE today, becuase thought it might be too strenous, since tomorrow at Friends, I am doing five classes.

So if anything.....

Not a bad weekend, but the cold continues, feel like I don't have any control on what goes on in the apartment--today not called to Friends, have a tutoring session at 6p.m., but otherwise feel rootless---not enough to do---listened to Beethoven's second Piano Trio this morning, beautiful, very stimulating, but....not clear why I am in this funk---is it simply because the apartment is so uncontrollable, feel that I am risking something--may go down and visit Frank at Broome Street bar, later---see if I can get out of this funk.....

Frightening night....

Frightening night last night---went to see Misanthrope, basically liked it, said hello to Amelia, afterwards, she was great in the play, as a person, I love her calm---there seems to be something beautiful about her---have known her since summer of 88---she had just graduated from Syracuse---met her at the Playwrights Conference; wonder if I will ever get a chance to talk with her---returned home, after two peperoni slices, went to bed, then awakened at 3A.M. by cold---nothing more, just cold---really panicked---turned on heater, put on clothes, nothing really seemed to work, landlord not repsonsable for heat if it is over 40 degrees at night hours. Heated the bathroom with water, took a bath---lasted through the night, but very nervous about how this could affect me, and what to do tonight and tomorrow. Heat came on at around 7:30, may come on earlier tomorrow----I used the heater with the heat to warm up the room before I left for the day---still don't know what to do tonight, pull an all nighter?
Strangely enough, feel a lot of energy today, thought a lot about Misanthrope this morning, already ran to bank and now library, and then Brooklyn---but I can feel the pushing down on my chest from the cold, maybe it will go away, it usually does---no real problems now, but hopefully the night will be okay---stupid rule under 40 degrees, when it gets freezing in my apartment around low fifties. But feel positive about the day.

another weekend....

Another weekend set to begin; no work today, after two really good days at Friends; still highly ambivalent about taking public school work----see how it works out......Misanthrope tonight---get a chance to see (and maybe talk a bit) with Amelia---tomorrow, what effect will the wind play on my travels to Brooklyn, been thinking about Outpost a lot, but what---just another border place where white people gather---is that all we can say?

Three moments......

Sunday---got restless at South Fourth Street----football games boring, decided it was time to move, so another long walk down Bedford, part I, through the Jewish section, about ten blocks, all of a sudden see nothing but Hasidic faces; part II, the Bed-Stuy journey, from Myrtle to Fulton, about twelve blocks---mostly black, for all the gentrification of the area, seems mostly poor, a lot of churches and church goers, which is normal for a black area on a Sunday---strange kind of nightmare voyage on those streets---almost dark---walking south on Bedford, one could envision a more scary Bed-Stuy than one of the present, almost feel its set-off-ness from the rest of the city---people lurking in the small houses on the avenue---then at Fulton walked back towards city, out of ghetto (or appearing to be so) finally hit Outpost (aptly named) which seems to be the meeting place of the new (mostly white) settlers in the area---Outpost exists just west of Franklin, or maybe Classon, not sure---seems like a happening place, though nothing really new---somewhat of a predictablity about places like those now.
Yesterday, hectic but nice day at Friends, lots of fun with the younger kids, then, extremely tired, but went to the Reading that Nila was in anyway, nice to see everybody, people seemed happy that I was there, opened up another whole can of beans----would like to attend more readings, be more active---have more conversations, but...time...now rest of today free, as I prepare for a very hectic day tomorrow, my Halloween, after a long day at Friends, and then tutoring Jose, will probably be full of sleep. Check me out tomorrow.....

Three days later.....

Sunday morning, finally the rain is gone, a really beautiful day---it actually is Fall. Had a great day at Friends on Friday---looking forward to tomorrow, will work for John B on Wednesday---pretty sure his jury duty will last another day.
Strange, today I wanted to justs enjoy the openness of the day---will hang out with Lana at South fourth for most of the afternoon---just watch whatever football game is on---have a chance to see Karen Finley tonight, for free, yet can't bring myself to book it....why? Maybe I just want to go with the flow in Brooklyn tonight---don't want to have "to be" anywhere---maybe end the day with a movie, or something.
Again, the options of what to do----amazing!

how could i have....?

Decision to eat at China Foods, on west 84 street, not good. Stuffed myself with chicken and soup, generally decided to take myself out of any socializing by doing so---could have gone to Toast---would like to see Shane, the bartender, but talked myself out of it---wanted chicken and soup; sounds good, no? But got up in the middle of the night, feeling stuffed, nowhere to go, now my stomach is dead, for a while---what about tonight? Can see a free concert at the Y, chamber music, I love chamber music, but what about going to Williamsburg and simply "hanging out"? ---Seems like the better alternative, since I have not been to South Fourth in a while. Watch the baseball game? Tomorrow, heavy day at Friends; guess I really needed today off---next week, lots of work---finally will get to see the English play at Roundabout, Saturday---really should go.

alot going on.....

Subbed one classs this morning, then picked up my check for the plays that I read, from Jennie---yesterday, subbed three in a row in the afternoon, then tutored Jose, not much left after that---as I went out to "reward" myself by getting bread chips (they fill me up, don't do much that is positive for my stomach) I ran into (literally) Johnny P. who looked at the bread chips, which ofcourse I had already taken out to eat on the street, and said, "the anti-Atkins diet!" He got it right, ofcourse---really fun running into him twice in a couple of days, will have to see Cymbeline soon, and say hello--then woke up about a little after midnight---thought I might be in distress,but actually, not much more than the bread chips fighting with my digestion system---everything calmed down this morning---watched Tom's class watching a movie---hardly heavy stuff, then thought of a few movies that they also would like.
Will tutor Lena tonight, then (weather permitting) off toSouth Fourth, to say hi to Adam and 9P.M. bartender, and maybe go over to Bembe's to see Derek, or to East River to see if Sara is there---havn't seen her in a while, would like to know how her job is going. Really inhabited much of South Williamsburg this summer, seems like a distant memory now,with all that is going on in Manhattan, stiill would like tokeep the continuity going......

After three days....

have not blogged in three days.....why? Friday and Saturday lots of work and action---Sunday, just decided not to.....strange how on days when the structure line is finally broken (in other words, plenty of free time), things seem to collapse. In all fairness, I was tired, God knows, I was everywhere on Saturday, four different stops, really loved the concert---will return? Perhaps.
Watching Red Sox game in Standings, kind of obnoxious, but anyway........now, back at Friends, for atleast three days......so say (or write) something profound, Bob, can you?
Well, Saturday, at the wedding of Michael and Kimberly, felt a little world weary, good to see old theater friends, (especially Julie Boyd), but also felt a tiredness about the whole proceedings. Understand that it was a special day, but for myself, conversations a bit to what....predictable....as if I have gone over this territory before. Ofcourse I love to talk theater.....but....felt more invigorated by the Philharmonic concert, really admire James Conlon (the conductor) ---I wonder if he remembers those days back in 66-67 (forever?) when we both stood at the Standing Room line at the New (and old) Met. He was part of a group that was a clique, so avoided him mostly at that time, still there was that one time at the line of (ironically) Philharmonic Hall, when he came up to me, and recognizing me from the Met line, asked me very decently if I was looking for the ticket line for a concert version of Fidelio. I remembe being surprised at how nice he seemed to be. Anyway, a nice memory....continued.....

Well, here we are....

Back at Friends yesterday, a s usual, a lot of warmth---really looking forward to the next couple of days there----was offered some work by DOE this morning, but chose to rest---better to prepare for the "marathon" that comes tomorrow, and then Saturday's college board proctoring, followed by Michael's wedding on Roosevelt Island. Amazing, Michael and I have known each other since 1989---seems like yesterday---anyway, very happy for him---looking forward to meeting the woman whom he is going to marry----what to do today, kind of a free day; if I choose to see something cultural tonight, have lots of options---but really can't come to terms with any of them--we'll see---should go to Ron's wife's exhibit after this---seems like a good time for it---then where---to WIlliamsburg, or back to UWS to use the computer at Lincoln Center---again the crazy quilt of options, anyway, we will see soon.........

Another open morning.....

Felt better this morning, decided not to take any jobs because I have the two private students this afternoon, though one of the DOE jobs, the one at a magnet school in Queens, sounded good. Maybe Thursday----anyway, in a bad mood now; most recent articles in New Yorker, about a guy named Niederhoffer, my class (64) , and his speculation---a kind of God in his own mind, with the money markets to back him up, then an article about the okay of that parking lot for the new Yankee Stadium; more exploitation by Bloomberg and friends of the people who live in the neighborhood---I am exasperated by my inability to do anything to prevent this---other than that, a nice day yesterday, enjoyed being at the Reading-still people seem very unaware of how to really create something unique in the musical theater form; or am I simply stuck back in the fifties---see what this evening will bring.......

After the library...

walked down Vanderbuilt Avenue, smack into the DDOB march, or the end of it, which I had decided not to take part in. Anyway, got into a long discussion with a guy named Jack, a little older than me, about what was going on, and how much we both detested it. He and some of the other marchers were heading towards the Soda Shop a few doors down, but since I had to get home to hear the DOE phone calls, I didn't go with them. I thought about it for a while, why I was not joining, but thought it best to return home. Heard a gazillion messages, but not one that I wanted to take. Then today at Friends, picked up four (actually two halfs, and two fulls) more days of work. So it wasn't really necessary--woke up this morning typical middle of the night thing with anxiety and some physical craziness---better now--had a nice day at Friends (actually a morning) and hallelujah! actually got paid for my past work! Still feeling slightly at odds---I think the hiatus at Friends (seven days actually) was weighing on my mind---after five straight days, felt so at home there---then the last four days without work---anyway, have a lot of work now for the next week or so---should settle in.........

Sunday at the heights cafe

nice time at the cafe; Annie, as usual, very gracious and talkative; everyone else quite friendly--glad I pushed myself to go there---a good idea.
Ah, Brooklyn, again, one more time---beautiful day----I guess made more beautiful because of the scratch off $15.00 that I won this morning. Good article by Frank Rich in today's News of the Week in Review; he blames everyone for their passivity---a malaise, partially caused because by not instituting a draft to fight the war in Iraq, Bush separates the mainstream of people, whether they be liberal or conservative or in between; they are free to go about their business, whatever that is, capable of tuning in and out the war as they wish. This is true, but My question to Mr. Rich would be: then what? If one allowed oneself to feel the pain of the war and the frightening hijacking of the democratic process by the Bush administration (though what about previous ones) how should one ACT? What should one do? And yet as I write this, I hunger for the outside world, a world where the Iraq war is pushed into the background.

Second time trying

I fear this to be impossible; my urgent and meaningful blog post interrupted by pushing the wrong button---anyway, after South fourth walked up to Graham and Metropolitan; waited for 43 bus going South; first bus took forever to come, packed----debated on what to do, but the next bus came along, and was empty. So the journey began! First through hispanic Williamsburg, a long stretch from Grand to Broadway on Graham, then accross Broadway to Bed-Stuy, up Tompkins Street. What a journey! Beautiful Brownstones galore on every block (or most every block) both east and west; nicest seem to be on Putnam Avenue, as I look at those Brownstones and streets I ask myself: was this neighborhood always like this? Ofcourse this is only one street in the neighborhood, but when you consider the reputation that Bed-Stuy had, as "dangerous' and then you see those brownstones, well.....ofcourse it was always well known that a large part of Bed-Stuy was home to a successful "Black Bourgeosie" (for want of a better title), but well, the streets are amazing. Then accross Fulton into Crown Heights, and to my surprise, even more beutiful Brownstones, and also, many stately apartment houses; this ofcourse was a primarily Jewish neighborhood fifty years ago
And I ask myself: What are the stories of these streets? who lived there, how did the streets change. Finally got off Bus at eastern Parkway and Brooklyn Ave, walked here to Library, to do this blog.
Bedford and Eastern Parkway: wide open---looking north---still appeared stately and meaningful; could I have stood on this street fifty years ago, and seen the Jewish neighborhood that it was in all its glory? Have to return, more bus rides, want to discover more.....

Saturday......

So I walked from the Library in Brooklyn, more or less to the Borough Hall Station, with a few stops (oooh, that icky Oreo bar at Ozzie's, delicious, but so heavy---do not do again) then checked the Dept. of Ed web site, ofcourse, the Salk School is very good---very angry at myself for rejecting them---still no money, everything comes next week-we'll see how I feel, or how much I feel like spending, then.
Today, off to South Fourth, to see Jeannine---how long I will stay there I don't know, might want to take that bus down Bedford---Nostrand---see how far I can go, there is also that really interesting bus ride at Graham and Metropolitan, that goes through what is left (actually a whole lot) of Spanish Williamsburg, then Bed-Stuy, then Crown Heights---a great day for either trip---depends how long I spend with Jeannine---who knows who else will appear today---tomorrow, probably tutoring, would love to see Misanathrope in the evening, but need to stay home to see what advance work is being offered by DOE---kind of strange mystery, getting those phone calls by the computer---then maybe out, depending on what is accomplished---good news about my private student Diamond Blair,who apparently was the only student in her class to pass her math test--the material which we worked on....all right, see what happens....

Brooklyn....Brooklyn....

Well, here I am out here again; still marvel at how differently being in this borough makes me feel---still another day without work---restless, but I spoke to John B. yesterday evening, everything all set for Monday, that sounds really good...all classes in the morning, maybe I will pick up a few later---anyway, a little more relaxed, after speaking to him on the phone---this morning, must have gotten calls from the computer from atleast seven schools---turned them all down----why? Wasn't up to it physically? Still can't deal with emotionally walking into a school that I don't know? Hang in there...
Yesterday evening went to Giron's Coffee Trees, his take on Cherry Orchard, really kind of weak, adequately put together, I have come to the point where if I don't feel a total integration with Chekovian characters---that is all actors on the same page, of the same talent, there is really no point in my being there---mistakes to me seem so "obvious"---then came home, very tired...rest of the day.....not sure......

Thursday....

Still no work, not even a phone call from sub central this morning, wonder about tomorrow, vowed to spend very little money today----yesterday went to NY Philharmonic, enjoyed Swan Lake selections more than I expected that I would, loved the opening phrases of the Roccoco variations, beautiful tune----the 5th----good at some points, still enjoyed being there, after went to All State, spoke a lot to Lucy, who was in Frank's play, part of The Team; she seemed happy that I had seen the rehearsal, strange that she rooms with Jesse---the Fort Greene girls, Diane looked great, she seems in a very good place, hope I can see her work soon.
Picked up scripts from Jenny this morning, very restless, all this energy, no real outlet for it...where do we go.........

Wednesday..after sleep

Came home after tutoring Lena last night and had nothing left---no trip to Williamsburg or anything, just wanted to sleep, and that is what I did---was asleep at a little after 8P.M., woke up around 11, then back until 5A.M.---now, full of energy, and feeling annoyed that I havn't been called---subcentral did not even call me today, that is strange, as for Friends, well maybe tomorrow or Friday---still, I feel all this energy now, and not a lot to do with it, sitting at the computer blogging or visiting other sites, not terribly fulfilling, what to do tonight, the possibilities are staggering, but what do I WANT to do? No answer---it seems that I have become too work oriented; I think that is my focus, so everything else, all my evening choices mold into a giant blur---should check out All State today and see Diane, havn't seen her in a while, and at the same time, could pay a visit to the bar by 125 street, feel like checking in on Shane, a really nice person, and finding out how his post graduate work is doing---still all WIlliamsburg stands before me---perhaps this will be a late night--anything else, not really....

Thanks to David....

Dave's check arrived yesterday, a very opportune time, very nice of he and Kathie to send a present, will be used carefully, anyway, makes things a little easier because of cash shortfall, since paydays at all the schools are next week. Friends did not call today, what did I expect? Turned down atleast three schools on the sub service line, investigated them all today on the nycenet web site, they all sound good, but who knows really.....tutoring Lena today, felt really good about tutoring when I left Jose's house yesterday, he really needs input, but a very nice kid. Movie, yesterday, Valley of Elah, haunting, powerful and ugly, but being in the movie theater and watching it really did not turn me on; maybe I have done the right thing this summer, after all----not much else, spending a lot of time in Williamsburg, left Bembe early on Sunday (though later than usual) because there was no one to talk to, maybe go back today, and see the guys at South Fourth and Derek at Bembe as well, on the other hand, I am feeling tired now, already went shopping and (finally!) bought to new pairs of dungarees at Old Navy...not much else...will see how the rest of the day turns out.

Sunday.....

Returning to computer place on Amersterdam, after two tutoring sessions: good sessions, made a little bit of extra money, now, amazingly enough, feel at loose ends.
Horse racing actually went well, yesterday, bet cautiously on two races; ultimately made my money back----maybe a little more time....what else....enjoyed the football game last night, but it took up too much of my time, sort of like being in an alternate universe---long and mysterious trip down Flatbush Avenue; luckiy met a Xavier student on the bus, who showed me the way, once we got off---still it was interesting looking at that part of Flatbush, now there seem to be only parts of Brooklyn that are not changed---still would like to take the Bedford Nostrand Avenue trip from Williamsburg to......perhaps soon---what about tonight? Well torn between some movie, or maybe even possibly a play (Misanthrope!) but will probably end up resting after this, and then making my decision after that. Would like to see the Yankee game on TV, on the other hand, might be able finally to catch up on a movie, on the other hand, would like to see what Bembe is like with people in it (say after 10:00) and this might be my only chance, or perhaps a chance to see the whole Williamsburg society, out after midnight. Well, we'll see,

Saturday....long weekend....

Three day holiday---I have done as much as I can to work this week; all five days in the heat---well it turned out all right. Strange day today, will have a lot of structuring to do. Tonight I take that bus ride out to Aviator Fieldi in Floyd Bennet Park, to watch Howard's son play football---a little nervous, checked out the bus ride, Howard took it two weeks ago, says it is not long from the Nostrand---Flatbush junction----checked out the map, seems pretty far, but who can tell---it will be dark while I am traveling---would prefer to take the first trip in light, but what the hell----should be an interesting jaunt.
Also playing the horses today for the first time in a long time---why? Because I feel I 'deserve" it after the long, hard week---anyway, just going to play two races, won't lose that much money, if I do lose, and don't really feel much of a need to continue for the next two days, whether I win or lose----ofcourse, if I win......
Just read the article on the Gotbaum woman who died after fighting the cops at Pheonix last week---hard to say what it makes me feel, on one hand some compassion for the husband and the children, on the other, here are people who just take money and the privileges of wealth for granted---this woman had "everything", shows you how personal insecurities can be so overpowering---not much compassion, though........
Bush still defends torture methods....what then....

the heat, will.....

The heat, will it ever end...that's what I was asking myself as I headed to the Brooklyn library after a long day at 163---woke up this morning early, not sure if I could make it, long talks with myself, thought about being available for Friends, but finally left to face it---as it is, had a much more fulfilling day, great class this afternoon---a large kindergarden class---they really need a para or assistant---had them in music, but, despite all of the destractions, was able to handle them successfully....then a really nice sense of recognition from a third grade class, many of whom I worked with much of two years ago, when I was there a lot. Anyway, have fulfilled my financial obligations for the past two weeks, feel pretty secure with that now, nothing scheduled for next week...but three the week after that at Friends, and who knows what else; weekend could bring anything (or nothing) we will see......

value at....

Exhausted! Spent the day at 163, somewhat missing Friends, but who knows, maybe they had no work for me.....what can you say....kids are nice, I really like them, but so frisky....not out of control in any way, but the impulses.......and had to improvise my way through the day, still feeling tired, but.......what else....found a nice place to be in Fort Greene yesterday night, a sort of upscale alternative to Tilly's but the food looked great, and the ambience was really nice; Layla was really good....I think it is hard to appreciate just how good she is...walked back to the subway with Jeannine, will see her on Saturday, I guess---still puzzle by the contradictions of the city---never has there been a more aggressive and stultifying push by realtors to transform the city into something ugly, yet never have I found people to be more friendly and receptiv...so who knows, there is atleast a populist movement brewing because of all this building...we'll see.

Friends, third....

Friends, third straight day, working with fifth and sixth graders, felt very fond of them, all of a sudden thinking that I want to be here when they graduate---for fifth graders that would be 2015--kind of a long time from now---strange how the fifth graders of 2000 and 2001 (those who have just graduated, and those who will) seemed so natural to me once, and these kids seem so "young" (Could make my point better,...) anyway, tomorrow, back at 163, feel a little sorry that I made that commitment, thinking that there would be no need for me here---well maybe there will not be. I still like 163, sure I will be able to get some value out of those exeriences.....

Monday....

Back at Friends------what kind of weekend was it? Really a no problem one, made some much needed money----hung out with J. again, at South Fourth Saturday, then visited Bembe and talked with layla yesterday evening (early) Bembe a fascinating place, just being in it creates something different, a quirky atmosphere----good talk with Frank on Saturday, after his work in progress-----will visit him at Broome street sometimes during the week---wonder how much spare time I will have, or whether I will actually see a NYMF---anyway, later..........

Saturday.......how.....

How happy can one be? That's the exhiliration I felt after yesterday at Friends. Great contact---interaction with all. Happy about returning there on Monday...now to the weekend: Friday evening: went to Luna Lounge, smack in the center of Williamsburg, to see the band of the guy I sometimes hang out with at South Fourth (can't remember name, Vassar '05) play. Very loud, looking forward to far more variety---don't quite get the appeal of this kind of music, which really doesn't stand out---smallish crowd, but very appreciative----many, many venues for this kind of music---would like to go to Pete's at some point, but.....liked the space of the lounge and the ambience---still feel there is lots to explore in Williamsburg--will go to see The Team this afternoon (late)

At Friends.....

Well, here I am at Friends, nice group periods 3,4, body still aches from yesterday at 163; will probably visit cousin Audrey at Rusk inst. if it is not too hot.....God, this heat! Impossible for Setpember, I can't remember anything like it this late----Indian summer gone beserk! WSS tribute last night adequate, but didn't really tell me anything I didn't know....nice sense of the excitement between Robbins and Bernstein when creating it, or the way they all bounced ideas off each other.....anyway, let's see what the future brings

Tuesday....

Missed yesterday because I was so busy...today my only day off---tomorrow, back to 163, never thought that I would return there, looking forward to a quirky, hardworking day, then back to Friends, for atleast 4 days...sounds very good...yesterday worked hard at Wagner, had one okay group, one fairly good group, and one.....well, you know, luckily I only had them for one period...two, well anyway, now I know what to expect from that school, doubt that I will return, the school that called me today in Queens seems interesting, maybe I will try it once if I need to...anyway, yesterday, one of those days that really makes me feel active, that I am doing something useful, good lesson with Lena after the subbing; I really work well with her---then off to Williamsburg, thought I would hang with Sara, Jackie there instead, which was fine, we were both a little spaced, but had fun...couldn't stay long, just enough to really get tired, and get the bus back to North 7th Street station...still amazed at the "setting" when one looks outside of South Fourth, seems like a movie set...anyway, today my only "day of rest", read that Lynn Nottage one a McCarthur, sure she deserves it but her husband did the movies in Rent, how much money do they need? Slight frustration, maybe I should check the baseball scores with what time is left, lighten me up..........

Sunday.......

So where are we now? Well, tired....spent Saturday afternoon with Jeanine at South Fourth....I wonder how long this will go on.....then an incredible walk through Jewish Williamsburg, sometimes I think that is all I should do...anyway, South from South Fourth, then via Lee Avenue, the heart of Jewish Williamsburg----really interesting, did you know that Lee becomes Nostrand, find myself after about ten blocks, as we approach Flushing Ave, deep in the heart of Bed-Stuy---saw a storefront, guys hanging out, made an abrupt right, followed Flushing (pretty desolate, even at 6:00 P.M.) over to Bedford, which is still Jewish, right up through Myrtle Ave. Bus to Tillie's, then after some unnecessary coffee, walked to BAM, streets of Fort Greene truly beautiful last evening around twilight, wished, for a moment that I lived there, still, remember that I am white...would I simply be one of the gentrifiers, my sense of fairness is strong, I pride myself on being a fair person, how much outrage should one feel at the plight of the people being forced out---what can one do? Is the city a sewer where the rich are overwhelming all of us, or just a place that is changing, that one can have a lot of fun in? Or something in between
Too many choices re what to do today, also I am tired, the walk and the two days work seem to have exhausted me, atleast physically...perhaps will go back to apartment and rest...or maybe...

Saturday....

Two days of work---what a difference in attitude and looking at things. Would like to say more, but can't think of what...will write a statement re WSS on the Bernstein web site, havn't visited the WSS on stage web site in a while---well, onward, Williamsburg soon........

tomorrow....

really can't wait to see the kids at Friends, just thought of it now, and am very excited...well, can't believe it, just spoke to Arthur Laurents, really, I explained to him who the gentleman was who interrupted the questioning, was very nice to me...wow, quite a day, subbed at is 447, quite a feeling of accomplishment, then listened to Laurents talk about his contribution to WSS, nothing really new, but glad I could clarify something for him---vast expanse of my own history with WSS, now it all comes around..."Ballet as rage" he actually liked that, good for you Bob, following through on your vision...anyway, let's continue......

Saved by cousin Carol...

Had a great conversation with Carol (the daughter of my first cousin, but only six years younger than I) that calmed me down a bit. We spoke about the new sub system, and she informed me that one of the schools that called me was very good. Unfortunately, I had turned them down a few minutes earlier, but...hey. atleast I know---we talked for about half an hour, something about the conversation was very reassuring, also her mother is in New York, undergoing some therapy for her health problems, so perhaps I will get to see all of them (Stan, Kayla and the two girls, Molly and Jessie) fairly soon. Be nice not to wait until Thanksgiving. Carol told me she is dating a woman, apparently they spent most of the summer together, she seems happy---all to the good. Then Jamie called confirming Friends on Friday, ninth graders, I really enjoyed working with them last year, three classes, things are beginning to shape up there...too tired to go out, instead, gorged myself on Bagel Chips, probably shouldn't have, then around 10:00 P.M. fell asleep, awoke close to 5:00 A.M., body totally relaxed, cleansed, almost...feeling much more secure---ironically no calls from DOE this morning, not what I had expected, but went to Old Navy, bought a belt so that I could replace the one Trevor gave me on Monday, and brought myself here.
Interesting review by Michael Finegold on the two plays at BAM, glad I have not seen them, though I suppose it would be interesting to hear Lear again, however what he gets at---no through line in the production, no real coherence, that seems very easy for me. Will I ever get to do either of those two plays---is that necessary---can I really bring an honesty to them that will come accross---Sea Gull, really see Nina, the same way I did forty years ago...well whatever...anyway, back to the real world, possibly some NYMF in my future, we'll see...

Tuesday...

Two chances to work at Wagner JHS---turned them both down! Why? It has the reputation of a good school---what do I fear? Have got to come to terms with the automated voice---the whole system---got to work through it---would like to wait for Friends, but......
Last night at South Fourth could have been a disaster when I broke my belt--but thank goodness I new enough to ask Trevor, and thank goodness he had a spare belt---can't imagine myself going back on the L train, and the 2 train, holding my pants up---yeah, it would have come to that! Will buy a new belt today, return his...
Went to first half of Philharmonic free rehearsal today---nice to hear the music again, Dvorak...very programmatic, easy on the ears, but occasionally hits a moment that is very beautiful. Yo Yo Ma was the cello soloist---he walked in in chinos and a nice blue shirt, incredibly relaxed, seemed during the time when he was not playing, more intent on looking at the faces of his fellow musicians---like he wanted to talk to them---segued beautifully into his playing moments---philharmonic musicians all in casual attire---looked really weird, did not stay for the second half, Dvorak symphone no 7---felt I had seen enough, restless, wanted to get to the computer, and hungry---will get to the symphony another time.

In the morning...

Phone rings---the automated voice from the DOE---calling to work at a school I know nothing about; possibilities endless---that is both the good and bad news--an incredible crazy quilt of possibilities in the racial, ethnic, emotional, energy level that I might be encountering. But so far have not committed.....other than that, nothing new---in library now, lots of reading choices, but feeling a bit too frenetic for a serious choice, we'll see what happens when the time on the computer ends.

fast times at...

Quite a day yesterday---afternoon at South Fourth, then the trauma of the lost mailbox key...found it thank goodness, then back to Bembe---just me and Jess---watched her prepare for the Saturday night crowds, guess this is not a neighborhood spot...nice green coloring though, looking back at the day, interesting, full of action---quick train ride to Myrtle, then back to the city---should do more exploring in the Williamsburg, Bushwick Bed-Stuy border, looks interesting----still no "art" not that much to read...will listen today for 5:00 calls from Department of Ed....that's all for now

saturday morning....

woke up this morning......great day to go away, no teaching today, fun to get into a train to Philidelphia, or New Haven, something like that....but no, I will go to South Fourth, read the paper, both today's and tomorrow's Times....then what? Definitely should stimulate myself by going to a movie or something...but which one? Old? Polonski or Mamoulian? New? the Tommy Lee Jones movie which sounds very strong, or one of the dumb comedies I havn't seen, or the Charles Burnett movie at the IFC (probably later for that)...we'll see...strange that I don't want to see a play, havn't really seen one since the Fringe...well, NYMF next week,....later........

Friday..........

Nice sense of exhiliration today---won $20.00 in a scratch off game, had a good tutoring session with Brandon, (maybe another one on Sunday), got a few dates at Friends---feeling very up! Never did get to Freddy's last night---exhausted after my session with 7 year old Lena---went to bed early (for me), wonder why I scrupulusly seem to avoid Freddy's, a bar that could possibly be destroyed by the Ratner Atlantic Yards project. What do I expect to find there, do I fear that the activism won't include me? At any rate, will go to South Fourth tonight to relax and watch Red Sox-Yankees...see what the future brings.........

so what do we....

Read Hentoff's column in the Voice, yesterday---the statement giving the President power in the case of a "catastrophe" to declare "martial law"----pretty frightening-----yet discuss this at a party or at a bar with new acquaintances, and.......forget about it.....how do we create a more aware public....is it necessary...will the Bush administration, assuming it is defeated by the Democrats, simply leave the White House quietly, and bow out gracefully....how can you demand change from people, whether they refer to themselves as "liberals" or "others", who believe that the accumulation of wealth no matter what is a "good thing"...these are all questions that are biting....but people are behaving socially as if it were still the nineties, Clinton is President, and the worst problems are his indiscretions with interns---there are absolutely no strong statements being made....art abounds---more plays, movies and operas to see than ever, but.....

On a lighter note, had a nice time at South Fourth yesterday, slept fairly easily for me---possibly will head for Freddy's tonight, to see "Opera On Tap",---never have seen it before, or been to Freddy's, wonder what the vibe will be there tonight....? We'll see......

wednesday....

What is one supposed to do one one's birthday? Who knows? There is some quiet in my heart today---waited for the computer to offer me 163 one more time---it didn't--so no work at all this week, except maybe Friday if someboday needs me at Friends. Will probably return to the Lincoln Center Library today, and continue to look at the Laurents biography--why? what secrets wiil it reveal to me? Thought maybe of going to Brooklyn this morning but ended up at Donnell---this evening, back to the "burg", probably, I wonder if J. is taking over the extra shift...other than that......

and so on....

Tuesday morning---how many things are going on in my head; slightly over the top---met Peter F. on the train today, forgot to tell him about Steve's death, probably knew him---they must have worked together on some television stuff, probably also went up for the same roles---yesterday night---somewhat dissappointing, I guess in comparison to previous evenings and afternoons, not much contact, bored this year by football---seemed to walk forever---again all through Williamsburg---this morning, being called by the computer at the last minute to work in, of all places, 163---really could not believe it---simply could not do it, I would get there about 10, and I was not ready at all---really sweaty---if I could have called maybe they could have convinced me to do it---felt bad afterwards, but it seemed impossible at the time---today, I think back to Williamsburg this evening, see what happens, maybe be more prepared for tomorrow, read Laurents re WSS yesterday, he made some interesting points---later.....

48 hours...

Wow! seem to have experienced so much in the last 48 hours; yesterday a great day tutoring---three different children, three different dilemmas--have never felt more productive---came early to my first appointment which is a block and a half from the apartment house in which I was raised. Wondered around the area for a while---quiet, almost pastoral, for a Sunday morning---tried to get a bead on the racial and ethnic make up of the neighborhood now (I assumed it was mostly middle class black and hispanic) but very few people were out on the streets, saw one black woman leaving for church---went into the lobby of an apartment house where an old friend had lived 13 years ago; did not find his name, checked the directory---still many Jewish names--many women's names---widows? never marrieds? I felt like I was at a Mixer 50 years ago--wondered on Bronx Park East, still looks very peaceful---what an amazing number of new buildings that were built 1957 plus---some apartment houses have terraces, must have stabilized the neighborhood---remember growing up all the lots and empty spaces around the area---then the WSS tape, learning of the death of Steve Ryan, my brother's frend from high school----everything put in perspective---finally just a feeling of being very productive, want to do more tutoring...see what happens...

and so we walked....

walked endlessly through Williamsburg last night---just an attempt to make sure I returned home tired---what is Williamsburg, well many things, first of all the young white (mostly couples) who inhabit or visit the place, then out of nowhere one hears loud voices speaking spanish, or as one goes north speaking polish---kind of jarring--what---a picture of the neighborhood as it once was, then there are the empty spaces---the gaps for possible (or truly planned) buildings---it seems like there are millions of them---right now they emanate silence---the spaces seem to be waiting for something---the expectation---kind of reminds me of May in 1962, that Saturday afternoon in Baltimore, Hopkins--totally moist, humid, guys on the lawns studying---records playing, but a sense that something more Should Have Been---something needed to be filled up. Ofcourse it was, five or six years later, by "the sixties", had no way of knowing that that would be the content of the change.
Can't get that beauatiful variation of Beethoven opus 1, no 3 second movement out of my mind, really incredible.
Still, in parts of Williamsburg, even on a Friday evening, one can hear the quiet......empty soft streets......

Middle of....

Middle of the day.....heat, not much else....picked up a NYMF schedule, about four or five musicals sound interesting----most of what has come out of there has been very self-referential---still about five musicals sound interesting, will find the money somehow to see a few, or perhaps volunteer or even work---don't know if this is possible---amazing how much input into making musicals at this point there is---how can these artists be "struggling" if they can take the time to write a fully conceived musical---just another of NY 2007's many contradictions.
As for this weekend...it will be all improvised, atlesat tonite and tomorrow, probably head to South Fourth tonight----return home tired, will sleep for what?....a few hours if that much....refuse to break the "flow" of my sleep---if I get up, I get up----really proud of myself for not giving in and staying in the apartment last night--very important---any movies?....maybe This is England, or Rescue Dawn, but who knows.....have to find another way........

looking up....

Several conversations today with parents of children I will tutor, also Sarah S from Friends called about 9/28---that's good---have to remember that this is a time of transition for a lot of families and for schools themselves---must learn to wait "easily"---a good day for musings---about what? I think that over the years I have evolved a series of categories in my head---say, theater, sports, classical music, that I can visit when I need to---all to the good, but sometimes there is a feeling of not wanting to visit any of them---the battle of the immediate over the memory----what now?
Have eaten very little today, one of those "stomach shutdown" days---probably too much cheese yesterday---amamzing how sensitive my stomach has become---began to choreograph in my head a ballet to Beethoven's Piano Sonata Op. 109---ofcourse I don't know steps, but could see a lot of it---fascinated by the beginning and end of the third movement, that all comes back to the opening theme....later

hectic.....

dentist's appointment, had my three month teeth cleaning----do you know I have never missed an appointment for a cleaning since 1977 probably why my teeth are so healthy, found out that my blood pressure is good too...nice to know. Will tutor Lena today, maybe longer than usual, this means I might have to go to South Fourth earlier than later to talk to Jackie....its possible..still I feel full of energy, would like to be subbing now...see how all this develops, not really comfortable with this transition time, wonder how Friends will use me...also, what about NYMF, do I want to get involved? Anyway, feel a little more relaxed now, will continue on with the day...........

the crashing chord.....

Wiated for the crashing chord this morning to signify summer being over, but it never happened---fairly tired this morning both in mind and body, nevertheless walked to the bank to deposit check and take out some money, then off the library and blog (and e-mail and such). What next? Not clear, do I want to just go to the sports bar tonight and watch the games, or actually go to the minor league game at Staten Island, or ....probably will opt for something fairly simple.....not sure how time will be apportioned in the next week, we'll see...

And now....

Back in the city after a long afternoon at South Fourth, glad it was there, but got a little played out in the end; I get restless easily, anyway, surprised at how relaxed I felt on my first steps in Manhattan.
What happens tomorrow...a whole new world...we'll see.
Thought about Joan while sitting at South Fourth...probably lonely, so she came to mind, I wondered where she was, my guess is on some lawn in NJ, a very splendiforous house---anyway, may not be the issue, the real thing here is that 43 years after our relationship for all intensive purposes ended....43 YEARS!----there is someone who experienced something with me at a given point in time--someone much older, who still exists...not as poetic as when I imagined it, but will do...want to do some more traveling, let's see what happens.....

the absense, II

Quiet, easy night last night, did just what I said I would, went to South Fourth, laid back, talked only to guys---not that great---but that is how it turned out. Pleased, because I challenged myself to not spend money, and I succeeded, but woke up feeling a little empty. Well it is that kind of weekend, will probably work with Brandon tomorrow morning...means that once again I will miss going to see Annie at the Heights..wonder if Tampa Bay will ever get some pitching help for their hitters...enjoying reading the book about the 1912 election, learning a lot about TR, Taft and others...strange that the issues of those times have not changed much...beautiful day today, will probably watch Yankee game at South Fourth, then see...small possiblity that I will go to SI Yankee game tomorrow...hard to tell...what about that bus trip down Bedford Avenue, through Brooklyn, is that a possibility? Tomorrow will tell......

the walk....

Yesterday early evening...decided against a movie, decided to explore Brooklyn, Fort Greene, I had not been there in a while....took the B to DeKalb, got off, walked east on DeKalb into the Fort, once you get past the first three streets, which look lost in a time warp, small stores, undefined, downtown Brooklyn, the area opens up when you reach the park---Fort Greene looked beautiful, pristine in the early evening, everyone walking around, multi-racial, restaurants and bars pretty full---no sense that the gentrification of the past few years has brought any conflict--met Tracy outside of Tilly's, the coffee place I usually stop off at when I am there---good to see her---might hang out with her later in the month (or next month) still no appetite, amazing since I had not eaten for a few hours, then walked up Vanderbuilt, past Fulton, gee, the street between Lafayette and Green is long---no wonder all those small streets go off them as Clinton Hill moves into Bedford Stuyvesant---crossed Fulton, then Atlantic, then up Vanderbuilt to Prospect Place, checked out Soda Shop for Sara, but did not go in.
Finally stopped at the coffee place on Flatbush north of Prospect---did not want any coffee but had to pee....then where?....well, into Park Slope---down seventh, to Union, to fifth, looked at Union Hall, still no desire to go in----finally walked down fifth past all the bars to Commonwealth, on fifth and twelth, but did not go in. Still walking, I finally ended up at Barbes, finally got to see what it was like.....had a nice Stella Artois, bar pretty empty---then on to the F and out of Brooklyn, FInally! Stopped off to see Bob at 119, before returning home.
Still amazed at how far I walked, body feels strong today, like I needed it.
Still, just when one feels that one has seen everything, there is always the city itself, its blocks, houses, amazing transitions from one area to another, to fascinate.

Thursday....

had fun last night at South fourth and east river---will probably spend a good deal of time there this weekend...today seem to want to withdraw a little, played some horses, probably not a good idea, should use the program, but just bet on a hunch, two more to go...betting and losing always makes me feel a little empty, even if I don't lose very much...still have not receieved pay for last Friday's lesson, figured on that and atleast one more for the weekend, but now, don't know. Labor day, always a strange time in the world....let's continue......

the absense.....

Woke up this morning, decided I had had it! Wanted simply to do NOTHING, just clear my mind, no input, no movies, even tired of baseball---it is amazing at a time when so much is being thrown at one, how sometimes I feel the need to not take in any more, even the memories, sometimes so odd...this morning in the bathroom, I remembered talking to the guy who played Riff kind of blandly in a summer 1964 production of West Side Story--I remember him being very open; it turned out he was Christopher Walken..strange how a memory like that returns to you--I had just started my playground job in the Bronx---playgr0und on 177 or 180 street, rapidly changing neighborhood, still some Jewish families left, Puerto Ricans and blacks moving in, ---had spent most of the summer before there, mourning the girl who had rejected me at Hopkins, that year (1964) only stayed there briefly, then assigned to playground in Hunts Point for the rest of the summer, the summer before attending Yale Drama, strange way to spend a pre-theater year, but hey, it was 1964....anyway, today (2007 that is) decided to do very little, thaw myself out, maybe go to East River in late afternoon and talk to Sarah about movies, then to relax at South Fourth....feel like listening to Schumann's 3rd with its haunted fourth (but not last) movement...that's all,,,,

Last Days of Summer.....

Tuesday before Labor day----next week schools open, fall begins, a new year is set in motion---so this week perpetually becomes the "week of waiting" , a kind of dead week which simply seems invented to serve as a bridge to the fall. Strange, I can remember as a child, treasuring this time---the time after camp, the time before school began---a kind of limbo that I could enjoy---and the amazing thing is that the identity of the week has not changed, in all these years.
Last night after watching the game at South Fourth, tired, butwalked up Metropolitan Avenue to Lorimer--fascinating the way the streets move into and off each other in Williamsburg, also how short the walks are. Feel excited about having the time to walk and explore again, maybe some Monster walks this weekend, Williamsburg to Fort Greene, or even to Eastern Parkway? Possible?

Afternoon...after

Back at the computer shop in Harlem (143 and Amsterdam) nice to be here, a little more relaxed than in the library. Woke up this morning feeling I had nothing in common with the man bearing my name who woke up on August 10; he was nervous, edgy, angry about not having any money. Today I felt like I had crossed a rainbow, done my work now was financially secure.
Fascinating how two and a half weeks of solid commitment can make such a difference. Also woke up wishing that I could immediately visit another city---get on a bus (or train) and go. But that probably won't happen; nevertheless will check Craigslist after this to see if somoe cheap lodging exists in Boston, Baltimore or Washington.
So I enter a new zone where time is not pressured, have to make my own structure...what will happen...?

It's Over

Final day at Fringe yesterday, at times, didn't think I would last, but did---saved myself on smoothies and coffees. Today (Sunday) caught three fringe shows, one satisfying, two interesting---am I relaxed because the work is over, now for the first time am a little bit ahead financially. Party tonight...should be fun....saw G. on Friday when she came to look over the theater space being used by the Fringe, heard her name, somehow immediately new it would be her....twenty three years later...amazing...spoke briefly, there was some opening for me to stay in touch, didn't take it...had a long talk with myself afterwards re getting involved...somehow I am enjoying my freedom---looking forward to a week of doing what I want, which means what?...Williamsburg, other parts of Brooklyn, perhaps one of my long bus rides, we'll see....

Quckly....

just a quick post, I have to be back at the Independant Theater for the fringe, in about 20 minutes. Interesting day, today---I tutored Brandon in the morning, the first time I have tutored in about a month---good work felt invigorated---then on to the fringe, to pick up my tickets for the four plays being shown today. Good box office banter---enjoying it, crowds not as much as I would have thought...reading posts on WSS on the Leonard Bernstein message board. Should I go down and see it next week? Really don't want to, but might be able to make some well defined statement about it. What does it mean to me, past or present...we'll see.

Night...from Williamsburg to.....

Another dark night, did my mood mirror the weather? Had fun last night, helped out at the Fringe, then off to Williamsburg, visited with people I hadn't seen in a while, fun, but then....gorged myself on bagel chips---hey that is not funny, decided not to stop in to All State and socialize there, told myself that I had enough socializing for the night, but maybe I needed that one last.....woke up this morning, tired (naturally) but also fearing my stomach was on overload, it wasn't but---did I have to gorge myself before going to bed?
Anyway, energy seems to be picking up, off to Fringe central soon...moving along....

haircut...finally

Who ever thought that life could be made lighter by a haircut? And yet this is exactly the case---finally, looked in the mirror and got sick, and decided that this had to be. Found Aron, my old barber from under the subway at Columbus Circle, working on Amersterdam Avenue, very convenient, really happy to see him, he had the same response, happy that I found him in his new store. Haircut cost, $13, gave him a four dollar tip, guess I was feeling very expansive, anyway, I feel really up about things now.
My Fringe day off, will try to see one or two shows, maybe end up in Williamsburg (the neighborhood, not the new musical). Only four more days, but actually, for all the hard work, am having fun.

Sunday...

So immediately after posting this carefree, not much of dimensional statement for Saturday, I go to NYtimes.com, and see that Congress has given Bush enormous power to stop "enemies". My god, how can we live with this? Then I read about Bloomberg's persecution of the vendors around Red Hook park. Rage, a sense of not being able to stop either thing from happening---also, how cut off it is from all the rest of life---one could easily pretend that Iraq or the problems in the city, simply arn't there. One can just immerse oneself in theater, sports, the city, even with all its changes. How to reconcile the two, is it possible? Is everything really "all right"? Why can't I discuss these issues with people I know? Contradictions, contradictions, all right, that is as far as we can go now..we will leave you with this.

Saturaday.....

here I am, taking a break from the fringe...what else is happening? Well, not much, could have checked out of fringe play during this fairly long break, but couldn't...something about the energy of ticket selling, being directly opposed to the energy of watching...met many people today, going to several, great that they do it, but don't really know how...oh well, break is over, got to run... tomorrow.......

silence, darkness, restlessness

Returned home, tired---definitely did not see a late fringe show, much too tired, fell right asleep, and then awakened at 3:30 to what? Silence, darkness, restlessness, strangely enough, for someone who was so tired at 11:30, I seemed full of energy. Did not sleep for a while, later slept briefly, now, as we approach 11:00, physically a little tired, only three shows to be the Treasurer of tonight, tomorrow starts the grind. Still, I look forward to going down to Fringe Central, picking up my tickets etc. both enjoying it and feeling the grind. Wish I could go to Williamsburg, but can't now. Hopefully last week in August, I will get a chance to relax.

wednesday...

Okay...ready for the long week? Sure, I think---yesterday, a little weird, finally got to see my one fringe play, Walking in His Shoes, a one woman show about the narrator's grandfather, a holocaust survivor. Knew what it would be like, wanted something "simple", uncomplicated, was not dissappointed, a little self indulgent in the narrative at times, but ofcourse, striking images of the barbarity of the Nazi slaughterers. What can we do? Even sixty plus years later I ask that question. Strange, but there was "comfort" in knowing I would see a holocaust monologue, would not get tangled up with images or feelings re sex, or annoyed at a play's self indulgence, which is possible at the Fringe. Could not muster the strength to troop over to the Bleeker Street theaters, to catch the musical from Toronto. Tonight, after my box office term? Sounds good, (the same musical), but when I am finished.....the head is always stimulated, the body deadened. See what happens and what is reported tomorrow.

Tuesdsay....

skipped yesterday, today, off, possibly will catch a few fringe shows...go into Williamsburg afterwards, maybe?
Yesterday, thought about getting to musical of Winter's Tale at the Fringe, just too tired, emotionally exhausted, instead headed to Standings to watch the Yankees win again. Hard to sit through a fringe show, sort of a Yin and Yang thing, taking tickets and helping to manage the space is an emotional opposite from being passive and watching a show.
Yesterday, standing on the landing before the theater---looking accross to the brownstones on eighth street----they are brown, incredibly burnished, different coats of paint on the outside walls, all of a sudden time slips away, you can imagine that poets and writers and other kinds of artists are struggling in those buildings. Really an incredible sight.

Cityboy is tired...but

Sunday morning---woke up tired, after five plays yesterday that I box officed ( I guess that's how you might call it). Still, now with about an hour to go, think I will make it through, no problem with the interaction, however, in terms of giving change, I would say I have a "Slow hand". But should be okay.
Walked down Downing Street in the village, while looking for this shop (computer) Amazing, just at the moment when you think the city is lost to development, a truly beautiful street, one could just stay there forever.

Cityboy has a job.....

Unbleievable---I awoke yesterday to the usual anxieties, but soon found out that a job was available at the Fringe, so I took it. Box office at the Independant Theater, venue 12. So have gone from one extreme to another, now rather than obsessing about budgeting, I am wondering how I can pace myself to get through this day, and almost, (almost, that is) thinking about the possibility of taking a taxi home.
Ofourse, this means I will not see many plays, but whatever, need that money, will make it much easier in September. So far so good, last night three different plays, three different box office experiences, but everything went smoothly. Like the people I am working with. Anyway, this means an incredible focus for the next two weeks, something that is important.

Beautiful morning

An incredible morning! Soft winds, no humidity, almost as if the weather was determined to erase the stifling heat and humidity of the past few days. Feel exhilirated, for the first time in a while, slept straight through. Why? Good decision to go to Standings and watch baseball for a couple of hours, relaxed, talked baseball, watched seven or eight games. Very tired by the time I left. ....One day left before the fringe begins; will this mean that I am going to be very busy for the next two weeks? How much time do I want to give to it? Anyway, the weekend will tell all.

Can't get Rent out of my head; how I love it---don't really know why I have incredible chemistry with the musical, but I do. Sometimes I wish theater could be all...that is, one could simply eradicate the rage one feels at the parts of society that are failing or show such arrogance to other people's needs.
The plan is to go to Greenpoint after this....visit that coffee place on Java (makes sense) and Franklin Street, then maybe come back, go to Midsummer in the park, or perhaps stay in Brooklyn and visit South Fourth. Really glad that place has come into my life...it has really worked out well---on a day like this it seems possible to go anywhere. That's all for now.

No day but....

Finally wrote an e-mail to Duane yesterday about the unemployment statute---have heard nothing yet. Just received an e-mail from Anthony Rapp, actually one that he sent yesterday, that I missed because I left the computer at 3---showing me how I could say hello to him after the play---ofcourse I didn't get it, and missed him--feel bad. Rent the musical, is still an incredible piece, at best there is nothing like it, peformances a bit of a let down, everything played straight out---very obvious---have no idea if it was "directed' or what, but seemed very deliberate. I expected more that Anthony and Adam would be allowed to almost by osmosis, exert their originality on the others, and that they would all breathe together, instead, just got a series of performances that did not really jell. Audience, loved it though, I suppose, just seeing the two guys for the first time was enough. Would have like to have stayed and said hello...
What else? Not much, morning and afternoon sometimes besieged by memory--want to spend some more time in Williamsburg before Friday when Fringe begins.

Rent this evening...no day but...

Woke up this morning exhilirated about seeing Rent, with Anthony and Adam. I'm sure they will bring so much to it---hopefully it will be quite an event.
Still in the dark ("foucs on Mark---who is still in the dark") about contacting Duane or Rosenthal re unemployment, and my inability to receive it during the summer. Embarassment comes from what-----a reluctance to admit I need help---why, because I wan't "raised" to ask? Still, it is probably a very small thing in relation to the problems of others that they deal with.
Strange duality that I am dealing with: the "artist" versus the "pragmatist". Well, we'll see.

Monday Morning

Wow! Frenetic! Fenetic! Frenetic! that's about how I feel, at this given moment. Yesterday marked the culmination of my brooklyn travels, in that I spent good times at South Fourth and at Stain, feel very at home now in Williamsburg. Had a good talk with Kristen, the proprietor of Stain, mentioned the possibility of her doing staged readings in her space---she seemed interested, my involvement would be just getting it started, don't want to "curate" a reading series like I did in Cornelia Street some years ago (1992 to be exact).
Afternoon began with a surprise encounter with N., a woman who about 19 years ago, I felt very attracted to---she recognized me---we talked a bit, left her feeling still moved by my feelings, but after the two stays at South Fourth and Stain and encounters with other women, don't really feel that much.
Most interesting part of the day was the bus ride down Graham Avenue, from Grand Street to Broadway, about eight blocks, this part of Williamsburg is still heavily Spanish working class, but saw a smattering of whites around...got off one stop after Broadway, on the very fringe of Bed Stuy--looked up Throop Avenue, moving South, what is there? Have taken this bus ride through Bed Stuy and Crown Heights to Eastern Parkway, very interesting, wonder if I will have time for more wanderings this summer, now that I have committed to all that volunteer work at the Fringe. Still some fascinating trips to take. Tomorrow evening, Rent...more about that later.

Sunday the 5th

Noon...nothing yet...not sure if I will go to Williamsburg or not this afternoon, wanted to see a play at SPF (summer play festival) but I guess not, wish I had access to some scripts but....maybe stop by at Stain early evening, see if my friend from last Monday Jethroe is bartending. Been humming a lot of Gilbert and Sullivan this morning, thinking about the works, still remember learning all of them as a six year old most Saturday afternoons at the Jan Hus playhouse---most vivid memory---as we would walk down 74 street and go east after crossing 2nd Avenue we would pass atleast one drunk lying on the street, in full view of everyone. Seemed very ordinary for the neighborhood, never saw anything like that in the Bronx.

Calm After the Storm

Satrurday morning---a much calmer, less pressured evening---went to South 4th to watch Yankees---good choice! Everyone there very nice--easy to follow the game, walked a bit around Williamsburg, before hitting the L back to Manhattan. Interesting image on Bedford, about South 2nd or 3rd: Young white couples walking by while Salsa music played in the street and a few hispanic people milled about---contrast of the two worlds---at this point they seem to coexist peacefully. Since I have volunteered for the Fringe, and it runs through 26th, I wonder if this will be my last free weekend---will miss Williamsburg if I volunteer for all three weeks (nothing definite about that, though). Not sure what the plan for this weekend will be, maybe a play, back to South 4th for the Yankee game this afternoon, possibly a trip to Trenton either Sunday or Monday for an afternoon game.

This morning

Should have been an easy evening---had a good time at Fringe, committed to three almost whole days next weekend, Taty, the woman who runs the volunteer section of the Fringe was very appreciative; she remembered my volunteering from last year, so left there feeling excited about the whole thing, then went to Standings where surpisingly I watched little baseball but had a good conversation re teaching with another patron named John. Left, prepared to visit Bobby at bar 119, had a hummus sandwich on Saint Marks, should have felt good, but then my body seemed to stop----decided just to get home, rest---no problem there, and I feel good this morning, but did not sleep well---the time between returning home and leaving the apartment in the morning for the library, or whatever, is usually when I revile myself for not having as much money as I should, wondering how I can sometimes be so passive when it comes to earning money. Strange time---never have I felt more popular, more able to go into a new situation and make friends, have strong conversations, everyone it seems enjoys being with me, and yet.....at any rate---lots of choices for the weekend, woudn't mind seeing a play, but probably will "hang" at South Fourth Street and watch baseball, nice and simple---it is very easy to concentrate on the game there.

Somewhat annoyed and Greenpoint

A little annoyed now, why? Some guy was talking on his cell in the library, pissed me off, I don't know why it should bother me so much (it is not allowed) but it did. Anyway, heard from Dominick today---real good-- he wants me to call Herb Rubens and try to plan for a lunch for the three of us. Sounds like fun---takes a little bit off the edge that I am feeling about money. Anyway I will contact Herb tomorrow.

Yesterday evening---my first shot at Greenpoint---had been meaning to explore it, finally, not feeling very hungry, took train to Lorimer stop, then walked north to Greenpoint Avenue, Manhattan Avenue still very Polish---finally hit Greenpoint Avenue---walked west, passed a few bars, finally turned right on Franklin (which was the plan anyway) did not really want a beer, found a nice coffee place on Franklin and Java---a bit of a restaurant as well, had a great (and I mean great) glass of ice coffee---really like the layout, could go there in the afternoon and read, if I wanted to---bartender-barista was very nice, also had a nice conversation with a young couple sitting nearby; they are from the south. Will try to return there---how many places am I collecting, I wonder? Well I wanted a change, so I have got one,

Earlier today debated the possibility of calling either State Senator Duane, or State Assemblywoman Rosenthal, and discussing with their assistants why the "reasonable assurance"statute can't be revoked. This is such a discrimination against people with lower incomes or those like myself who have chosen to remain a sub. Somehow feel embarassed about discussing it, like they will dismiss it, or will simply pay it lip service--well we'll see.

Volunteer meeting at Fringe tonight.....see what happens.......

Wednesday morning---feelin' good

Wednesday morning-as I sit here I am feeling incredibly optimistic about the next couple of days, New York seems to be full of everything---atleast 10 movies I could see (will I see any of them?) one or two of the new play festival's productions, and a gazillion other things. Promised myself I would go to a Trenton Thunder (Yankee class Double A) farm club game, and there are a couple this weekend, but will I really get there? Lots of other alternatives.

At Cosi last night to hear Henry sing--fun with the two little girls, Raleigh and Kiona, always looking for more cognizance from them---they grow slowly---can't wait to hear them talk. Dylan M and Mark from Friends came by (separately) , and it was fun to see them. Glad that Mark is working at Legal Aid, important that he sees that part of the city, anyway, really nice vibes from them and Will, who is the brother of Friends students Jessi and Adam.

The rest of the day--who is to say---wonder how much time this summer I will have to explore the parts of Brooklyn that I wanted to---some really good bus trips through Bed Stuy and East New York, also check out Greenpoint, apparently there are a gazillion new coffee shops there. Remember the trip I took on a Sunday afernoon in August of 02 getting off the Fulton Avenue bus at Saratoga Avenue, then taking that bus through Brownsville and onto Kings Highway, into (what I like to call) Willie Loman territory.

Tomorrow is the volunteer meeting for the NYC fringe---will go but not sure how much volunteering I want to do this year--things are very different, I don't want to stop going to Willimasburg---anyway we will see.