Being Alone on New Year's Eve...

Should it make any difference? It shouldn't but it does. Even at what you might call my advanced age, the idea of being alone does not make me happy. Okay, let's examine why you aee in this place. One, it is freezing outside---to go to my friend's bar on Avenue C and ninth street would be foolhardy--could never negotiate it in this weather. Think about riding the crosstown bus (14 street) after midnight. Simpy too much. Secondly, I am experiencing the "torpor" that comes from (I guess) the chemo infusions I have been getting. Have they become more potent? This morning I was full of energy---got to the library on 145th near Amsterdam in good time---taught her 3 interger division---it really helped her---very constructive--and then the "torpor" took over---already have had two naps---now my body is painless, but not a lot of energy, About 4 hours now---have to tough it out.

I think part of the problem is that tomorrow is another infusion---my first in four weeks. 4 to 5 hours at the center, then "stuck" in the apartmendt for the rest of the day. Plenty to read, and some cd's to listen to, but that day is always problematic.. Still, stuck in the aparmtment. Well, there are two Mozart concerts this weekend at te Philharmonic--that is something to look forward to--will sit in the lobby and watch the concerts on the screen that streams them.  Hope it will be possible.

It was not always thus. New Year's Eve 9-20---at La Flaca---lots of contact. Some good convesations. La Flaca was my "go to" place for this day, especially after South fourth closed in 18, Before that, I might begin at South Fourth, hop in the J around 10;30 and hit La Flaca. Sometimes it was just trying to wait things out---othertimes, meaningful. Would leave the bar at around 12:30, take the F, and then the D and then the 1 back to the apartment. Subays crowded but very safe---no issues

Ofcourse in the heady end days of 2019---who could predict the "horror" that was to come---that would change everything. That barrier which I had to cross. It will be six years in March. So much of my life has changed.  Now what? Will end this now, perhaps report on the continuum soon.