Where do I belong? A good question. Yes, the colonoscopy was a great "success" from an emotional point of view---I had challenged myself to do something that I felt was impossible and I did it. Nice sense of accomplishment there. But since then---the stomach makes it own rules---things have not gone back to "normal" and I wait for some kind of change. So I am stuck, for the most part, in the apartment. Not really what I wanted, but at times, I think of the chance this will give me to really immerse myself in the novels I am reading---also, all sorts of classical music adventures out there, either on you tube or WQXR, that I can take from. Listen to all the Mozart piano concertos that I don't know (about 4 or 5 not counting the really early ones); watch one of the really early Verdi operas (like I Due Foscari, or Giovanna D'Arco) and try to find some brilliance in these early but obscure works that could be linked to the later work. It all seems very good.
Yet I want to be outside. But in the middle of the day, I am sometimes very tired. Why? Where does the fatigue come from, sometimes very quickly without warning? Is it because in this new pandemic normal I have created for myself, I am usually up at 3A.M., feeling very strong and ready to start the day. But to go where? I let the next two hours go by, any way I can, then by 5, know that I can start to get ready for my "coffee trip" to the grocery store four blocks away. And that is the beginning of my body at its strongest. But what toll does that take on my body later---sometimes by ten in the morning, it wants to sleep for a short time, to get back some of that rest that I lose by waking up at 3. Or is it what my blood tests revealed a short time ago--lower red blood cells, slightly increased white blood cells, or the growth that was discovered during the colonoscopy? Or maybe it is just that the day has no structure---no goals to be anywhere, so the body just decides it wants to rest? Can I come to a conclusion about this any time soon? Well, the cat scan is Wednesday--hopefully I will get some answers then.
So no recent trips to Brooklyn---no walks southeast on Broadway from Myrtle Avenue to the Junction to watch the change in the area. No travels in Flatbush or Ditmas Park to see the lay of the land there, or perhaps a nostalgic trip on 5th or 7th avenue in Park Slope to remember the time in my life when i spent much time there. No, now there is only watching the opening number from A Chorus Line many times on youtube, or taking one of the neighborhood rides that have been posted on it. Or getting involved in the baseball match ups---i could turn on the Yankee game right now, except that the two narrators of the game are becoming too predictable for me.
So here we go---happy Sunday---at least lets see if I can get to Barnes and Noble, six blocks away, to do some heavy browsing. Will report soon.
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