returned to Friends to...

pick up check, also to check in with Rochelle about tomorrow,,,,also picked up my w-2 forms, pretty much as expected...so still feel in limbo, not quite sure what to do, tomorrow will spend the whole day at Friends; will attend basketball game in afternoon. One day of work scheduled for next week...after that....see if any clues are displayed tomorrow.....lots of feelings about this.
Yesterday....felt good (and tired) after the two tutoring sessions, but they went well. Tired and it was cold outside, so went home and went to sleep early.
Am I imagining this...? Or is it really happening. Have to talk to some people.
Robin checked in about a possible trip to baltimore around Washington's birthday. Okay...? I guess, anyway, on to other things...

still feeling...

discombobulated---lots of things happening at once---two tutoring sessions today---should work out,
yesterday, went to see Saint Joan by this group called Bedlam--really amateurish, kept thinking about being  13, and watching Sibohan McKenna play Joan at the Pheonix Theater (now the movie theater) on second and 12th. Really remember the day, even to the point of watching young hispanic kids ride the back of the city buses across 14th street. Dodgers played Pirates in an important game that afternoon as well. (That was
56, the last hurrah of the Brooklyn Dodgers, as the three last games they beat the Pirates while the Braves were losing to the Cardinals, allowed them to get into the World Series). I thought the production was strong---remember Earl Hyman as Dunois, and Michael Wager as the Dauphin. Also an unknown Peter Falk playing the the English soldier in the epilogue; Paul Sparer, an actor I had been following played the
hangman. Exciting day for me and dad---one of the last shows that we saw together, as by next year, I was going by myself. God! How do I remember so well. Can almost feel being 13 again.
So where do we go from here...? Reconnected with my first Hopkins roommate Jim Simmons, yesterday, first time we spoke since 84--good conversation, will probably see he and his wife at the reunion. Thought I would find work today at Friends, but no phone call---will work Friday, and next Thursday, but wonder what is in store---in spite of the little work, I am financially stable---but lots of plays to see in February (movies and operas too)---how will it all play out...?

Disaster....

yesterday received a phone call from Alem's mother that she was sick and the lesson that I gave up library duty at Friends for, was canceled. Almost exploded inside! Really angry,of course, called Friends to see if the slot was filled, and of course it was. Today, to my surprise, no work. A lot to take, I don't know if something like this has ever happened to me before. Felt a core of emptiness for the rest of the day. Strangely, this issue did not seem to be about money lost, (though there was) but just about the use of time and space. Returned home around 3:00, of course with very little to do. Finally went to Landsdowne Falls, had not been there for a while; luckily the twins were there, they were very warm and accepting--watched the whole Nets game on their TV---left feeling better, but still annoyed about the whole thing. Could have played Trivia with the gang at Boulevard---would have been fun, but felt the walk down Graham Avenue to the BQE, and then the walk along the BQE would have been too cold, especially on the way back. (Cityboy never uses Taxis, you know that!)
 Today, waited for phone call that never came, still, in spite of the cold, HAD to get out of the house. Took the 1 to 157--great coffee place up there, worth the trip.Then back to library. Waiting for me was an e-mail
from Hopkins Alum Association that my first roommate from college, Jim Simmons, wanted to get in touch.
Kind of excited, just e-mailed him, well, let's see what happens....

cityboy is longing...

for work at Friends, so of course, when he is asked to sub in the library this afternoon he can't. Or won't. Why? Because first lesson in a long while with Alem is scheduled. Forced to make a decision on the spot, cityboy chose to work with Alem, even though the money is less.Why? Because the last lesson with Alem about a month ago, was meaningful---and thought it was important to establish contact with her again. Of course, all last week a library assignment would have been  treasured, but that was last week.
Still, feel better about things there, one day scheduled for each of the next two weeks.
But at the same time, more energy than I know what to do with.Well, the next two days will be very cold, so cityboy will hang tight.
Saturday night: Went to Dixon Place, ventured into "my universe" and was rewarded with friendship from Jess, Jill, Linda and Lucy.Good to see them all; I think Lucy and Linda, the two women in the play were happy for my support.
Yesterday, first day without football, still went to Cobra, then took bus through Bushwick into Bed-Stuy to BAM. Realized, as the bus rolled towards flatbush, that 15 years ago and back, this would not have been a trip from Bushwick into highly gentrified Fort Greene. Interesting trip though, as the bus moved through Bed-Stuy to its destination.
Saw Wolf of Wall Street---like a garish nightmare---really did not need to see it, but it was only movie of the four at BAM that was starting at the right time. It was cold, cold, cold, and was pretty coffee'd out so did not want to wait for an hour (at least) for one of the other three movies, all of which I probably would have preferred. Though brilliantly put together, one asks one self while watching it, what was the point in making it.?
That's all for now, we'll see how the tutoring session with Alem goes, and possibly meet Alvin afterwards for some food and drink.

cityboy is...

proud that his budget, at this point, seems pretty balanced. Still, before going to the play at Dixon Place, not sure of what to do, or what to see. Much colder than I thought, my fingers are still freezing---supposed to rise to about a little above freeezing, but that is hardly happening now. Had hoped to go to Cobra to
"hang" with Claire and/or Austen, but really not sure at this point.Plays seem a bit expensive (even the ones that I am going to pay money to see anyway) so it looks like a movie, but have to get myself motivated for that. Why is that so hard...?
Yesterday, hung out at home, then left to go to Friends basketball game with some trepidation, but was warmly welcomed by all. Had a good conversation with Larry, the grandfather of one of the players on the Friends team, whom I had actually met before at the Heights Cafe (remember that place, where you used to hang out) and had a nice talk with (then). He was in publishing, so we talked a bit about Roth and Salter and other novelists.  I recommended that he read Salter's latest novel as well as The Good Lord Bird by James McBride. Hope he does that. Interesting, he told me that now (he is in his eighties) he is doing psychotherapy
and has a practice in Brooklyn. A lot of effort must have gone into that change, he deserves a lot of credit, funny how some people in their seventies simply resign themselves to a repetitive existence, while others, like Larry channel their energy into something meaningful and new.
After the game, toyed with the idea of going to Jack to see Adrienne kennedy's play, but it was too cold, I was too hungry, so decided to go to Standings, where I could watch the first half of the Nets game carefully, and have some of their delicious free pizza. Like the place, although I realize that usually I am by myself when I watch the games there. Still, bartender Aaron is accepting, and there are good things to do there, if I really want to immerse myself in sports.
So, once again, on to the next moment in my life.....

cityboy finds himself....

relieved because he made a phone call to one of the mothers of his students who seemed to have been away, and she set up an appointment for him to tutor her daughter (Alem) for Monday. Somehow, the edition of $20.00 to my budget seems to have been momentous. (not sure why). Takes some of the pressure of
my not working at Friends, Still, will go to basketball game there, tonight!
Yesterday, after a slow day, went to poetry reading by Rachel Z, found it very interesting, brought up, again some points about creativity and loneliness---glad that Josh G took the trouble to invite me. Interesting, how the room seemed almost hermetically sealed in the poetess' favor. Well, many of her students were there.
After went out to Brooklyn, to see Megan play, got a chance to talk to her, very friendly, nice bar to
hang out in, though the chatter was kind of loud during Megan's singing--will have to see her again in a more
quiet space, nevertheless liked the bar, good place to drink a beer by oneself and watch some sports event.
Lots of room in it.
Now, just a question of how to spend the day, up to the basketball game, movie, I think not...

breaking point...

well, not quite, but expected that someone would be sick today, and that I would be called---did not happen, and this on a day that (possibly) included the seventh grade trip. More and more time spent at home figuring out just how to budget for this "slump', or whatever you might like to call it. Yes. cityboy will accept the challenge, but then what? If no work by next week, should I actively seek other sub jobs at different schools/? Who to contact...? Sorry i gave up my city sub licence three years ago, as I could have done very well this week. Well, we'll see, Perhaps another " surge' is coming through, still have to be careful. Really at a loss to know who to discuss this with, where to go with it. Well, I guess I'll just let my instinct lead me---at least I am going to Josh G's wife's reading tonight, should be fun and interesting, after that possibly out to the Slope, (kind of cold for that, don't you think?)  to see Ms. Ceol.
Last night, remained in, listened a bit to basketball game and some classical music, the book about Matthew Shepard saved me, a great read, whether truthful or not.
Where do we go from here...?

and so he....

remained inside.....finished Nell Freudenberger's novel, can't believe that I got through it, but glad that I did, it is a long mosaic that moves very slowly, but the details are solid (I like that better than "rich") and she writes well. Slept unfitfully (nothing new here) but would have slept better if I knew that Friends was closed.
Only found out by talking to Rochelle this morning. So only chance of work is tomorrow and Friday, both jobs that I might have gotten two years ago have been given away...still, this is a tough time, might be some absences that I can replace...we'll see...putting a great deal of pressure on myself to not spend money---all right, so we got a lot of reading done, not so bad---"saved" by investigative book into the Matthew Shepherd murder---it is definitely a "page turner" easy to move through, yet reads like a mystery.
Not sure about tonight---feeling better, after a sleepy morning, but don't want to risk too much time outdoors, even through the weather has really improved...actually seems kind of "warm". Still don't wish to go too far.
By the weekend there will be at least 10 movies that I might find interesting, How many of them will I actually "see"...not sure? Also the plays that you have promised yourself that you would check out. Also....well, you know....

snowing today......

don't want to be trapped inside. Was able to get to library okay. More.....? Not sure.
Weekend: Bronx doc center was full, did not stay that long, throngs of people, the place is really getting a reputation. Loved the energy of the place, even if there were not to many people to actually talk with. Had a good conversation with my friend Louise, who I met the last visit. Hope I can participate further with the group. Thought of going down to the Public, but cold, also I helped a family not get lost and in doing so, got off the five and had to take the 2 to west side.
Ended up seeing the Italian film, This Great Beauty at Lincoln Center Cinema. left about three quarters through, I was tired, and though the film was "nice" no real need to stay.
Sunday, football and socializing--kind of fun, would have moved around more, but it was cold.
Yesterday ate well---most important thing----just hung out in the day, went to Lansdowne Falls for dinner, love their Cobb salad---the twins were not there, but the wait staff was again, very warm and accepting.
Not sure about tonight---will I remain inside or risk the cold for some "adventure"?

the Bronx tonight...

Going to the Bronx Documentary Center this evening, for new exhibit, sounds like it could be interesting---
not sure how long it will last, begins at six, might be time enough for me to get back to see a play at Under the Radar---strange that there are still tickets available to the ones that I want to see.
Last night---did nothing--got tired as I returned from the library and slept---did not feel I could make Brooklyn and the performance at Jack---wonder if I will see it---stayed in, listened to music, read a bit of the Newlyweds, but ultimately a rather listless night, followed by some strong dreams, the one I remember now, has me subbing for the first time in what looks like a math class in some school in the Bronx (middle school). Kids are not difficult, see a para, decide it must be a special ed class, then a bunch of higher staff enter the room, one of them reassures me that his door is down the hall, if I should need any assistance. I am somewhat awed and surprised by how many administrators have gathered in the room, it there is less anxiety on me part, just then, as they are still there, I wake up, kind of stunned.
Today, Miguel canceled session, but did have a nice hour with Kyla, who seemed a little tired, today.
Two more days of vacation, not sure if I will be checking in, tomorrow, with the two football games, should
be pretty planned and structured, not sure about Monday.
Will probably return to the apartment after this session and listen to some Onegin, before heading to the Bronx.

Well., Here I am, in...

the library, Friday morning--worked yesterday, great success! By that I mean that everyone was happy to see me and the kids (sixth grade mostly) were happy to work with me, and aside from some trouble with the projector, fifth period, which was fixed, later, everything went well. But no work for next week---feel very wanted there, but if,(and that is a big "if') the work diminishes, what do I do? Possess a surplus now, but still being very careful.
Long weekend ahead--only Sunday worked out, will be  watching both playoff games, probably at Cobra---also spend some time at south fourth, tomorrow I tutor in the morning, then will probably go to Bronx Documentary Center for exhibit opening, tonight....? not quite sure, but should see the short show by Adirienne Kennedy at Jack.
Yesterday after work came home physically exhausted, stayed home and listened to Philharmonic concert broadcast, same one whose rehearsal I had attended, the one in which Richard played the Mozart 18th.
Was really thrilled by Zinman's reading of the Mendelsohn Third Symphony, probably the best I have heard, loved the sweeping long lines that he took with the slow movement (the third) and find the first movement riveting and fascinating--all its stops and starts---they seem to represent me at my most turbulent.
But it is time to move on...we will see what the weekend brings...

yesterday, went to....

see Lear at BAM. Glad I did; it is, of course, an amazing piece. Got stronger as the work went along. Second act, you really experience the void at the center of the play.
Watching Lear is like watching a unique experience, unlike watching any other play---
it gives you nothing! Spent much time considering it this morning---lots to think about.
Strange experience after the play, which ended around 10:35. Decided to get something to eat in Brooklyn Heights---at around 11---everything closed---unbelievable. Finally ate at a diner on the eastern border of the Heights---not a bad blt, but I was the only person there, a really depressing experience---got in and out as soon as I could. Bar nearbye had closed its kitchen--or so they said. Returned home around
midnight.
Today, picked up check at Friends, working there tomorrow, have three tutoring sessions scheduled for today from 3:30 to 6:30---still watching my money carefully, afterwards will go to FURIE, for another meeting---hope it does not get too raucus, then probably home, will miss The Record; but maybe tomorrow.
Let it happen....

No work...

today, but had a good time yesterday once I left the apartment. First stop Friends, where I watched the basketball game and had some good conversations, then texted Hannah, wondering whether she and Tom and the others are playing Trivia, and found out that they were. Went to Boulevard---L train was crowded, of course, but arrived early, had a nice talk with Tom, and then played an enjoyable game of trivia. Tempted to try Trivia at the Video place today (it is conveniently located near South Fourth, so if it does not work out...) but at the same time tempted to try to get into King Lear tonight, can easily get a cheap ticket, but want to see if I can get senior rush.
So it continues---tomorrow I get paid and ss check arrives, that should make things a little easier---still, would like to have more work planned in addition to Thursday's middle school assignment. No tutoring today, which, like yesterday, leaves a lot of time open, but allows me more leeway in planning my evening.
Still, a lot of options, that is good, wonder if I should try a bar that I have never tried before, intriguing, but always can end up with nothing happening. That's the chance you take, cityboy, you know that.
Alone in Lincoln Center library, remember the early days here, summer 1966, when the library was actually opened on Sunday. Rumaging through the opera stacks to find recordings of operas that interested me. Funny, I think it would be impossible for me to listen to a whole opera at this point..
Anyway, time to move on.....

nice weekend....

filled with ordinary events, two good conversations---Saturday evening with Frank, when we could not get into the "catch" performance at Invisible Dog, and yesterday at Cobra with Devin, a bartender who enjoyed to football game. Sounds like a nice weekend, yet today, awoke from a dream with a lot of anger, in the dream, I yelled at a roomate and his friend who were taking advantage of me---it all seemed to take place in
Chicago--when I awoke I was sure this anger was about what I was feeling now---however I got through it, and even though there is no work today, am feeling rather mellow at this point, just ran into Wendy W on the street---nice conversation---and today will probably go to basketball game at FRiends---only one I have been able to make so far.
So where are we...? Well, after last weeks burst of work (actually three and a half days in three) am more relaxed about things, but eager to continue working. Otherwise a lot of reading in store, not sure what else.
Not much to do today before games, but as it is nice out, should be able to enjoy being around...

so here we....

are. after three days of non-stop work---kind of strange how things have changed in three days, have for all intensive purposes helped myself financially immeasurably, but now feeling restless---not sure what the rest of the day will be like---three calls sent out--none returned--but at least more financially secure. Also, helped out a lot during those three days, my stock should be kind of high. But is it?  We shall see...?
Reading city and the pillar by vidal, like it a lot, very sharp, clear vision, yet writing is extremely economic.
Hard to deal with the difference in the two realities. Well, let's see how the day evolves---hopefully will see Michael and Abby's piece tonight at Under the Radar.

ah....Brooklyn....

monday afternoon---off to Brooklyn arrive at Nostrand on the A. walk to Franklin then have coffee (very good coffee, actually and a blueberry scone) at the coffee place a little north of Fulton. Oh yeah, it is called Daily Press. Very crowded, no place to sit, sat begrudgingly next to a woman reading, got out quickly,then full of sugare, walked to Eastern Parkway, up Franklin. What a walk! Still fascinated by the architecture one sees between Fulton and the Parkway, vastly different varieties, actually next to each other, architecture on Bedford seemed  even more interesting, but did not take the one block east---preferred to stay on Franklin---kind of quiet until Saint Marks, or even Prospect Place, but then the action begins. Kind of slow in mid afternoon, but you know what I mean.
Then west on Eastern Parkway to Museum, to Library. Here I am now. How long will i stay...? Not sure, or what we will do after that, as the temperature continues to slowly drop....

What now....

cityboy? Just got hired to sub thursday morning, wonder about tomorrow morning, which is supposed to be deadly cold? What happens tonight? Stuck in the apartment? Tomorrow, if I don't sub...? Better get some solid reading material; weather people are saying that this could be the worst cold we have dealt with.
Weekend: had good time both Saturday and Sunday, mostly at Cobra, had some solid conversations, watched football, kept occupied. Plans for this week a kind of blur, because of weather, not sure about tutoring etc. Will have to let things develop. Movie today.../ I doubt it---will try to read The Newleyweds, really respect it, but it is slow going. Stayed up a lot last night because heat seemed to be turned off (it wasn't)...but feel full of energy now. Let's see what happens....

Another day of...

snow; do not want to be locked in the apartment--nothing new or interesting on AE, will probably go to
IFC and see either Blue is the Warmest Color, or LA plays itself. Yesterday, went to another Cukor movie, the Virtuous Sin, loved it stylistically---feel like I have seen enough of his work in the festival to get a sense of his style.Looking forward to some other movies at Reade in the next couple of weeks.
Tomorrow, possible tutoring of Kyla, if she can make it, then the football games, which should take up much of the rest of the weekend. Still, would like to do something on Saturday night, since that game is not too important. Will continue in library for the next couple of minutes, ah, my time has just been extended.....

Not much...

to say at this moment--sitting in Lincoln Center Library--next two days, "free" for all intensive purposes.
Probably a movie tonight or late this afternoon, fearful of weather--might be intense, nobody really knows how "bad' tomorrow might be.
Tuesday night, New Years Even celebration---Olivia and Will were nice enough to invite me to their "semi
party" above South Fourth---stayed until eleven--South Fourth very crowded but with nobody I knew,
was able to return to city very quickly, stopped off at Bobby's at La Flaca just in time for ball to drop----
glad I was there, but left soon afterwards, trip home on subway loud but really uneventful
Yesterday listened to inauguration---wondered what changes deBlasio will really make--so much need---
then off to Ron and Liz' party, a really good time, nice conversation with Laura and Peter, especially as we
"riffed" on classics.
Not much else, today, I might even be forced to pay for two movies----possible...?