the next Sunday morning...

 So, here i am, getting ready for a full  Sunday. Yesterday i finally got to see Leopoldstadt---I had to see it soon because it is closing in a week. Got to the rush ticket line about 9:35--actually a little late---was about 15th on line. But got a ticket in the second balcony for my $35.00; not really a bad seat and saw the play. Well, a full and passionate evening of theater--a very strong production--but Stoppard's sense of control was very apparent to me. You could always feel the wheels turning as each scene progressed. Very intellectual---I learned nothing that I did not know, but the abhorrent Nazi vision that destroys this upper middle class Jewish family was very evident. But what does Stoppard want the audience to take from this grim story of destruction.? Should I remember how, as a middle class Jewish kid in the fifties how removed my whole family---and the families of my friends and my parents friends--were from what happened in Europe? Is that what Stoppard would like? At any rate, the play was very well performed and directed--what seemed like a million American actors running around with perfect British accents. One step in my current "theater extravaganza" completed.

Amd what next. I think I will try to see In Corpo-a musical created by a friend of mine with one of my favorite groups---Assembly. Playing in a theater far west on 42nd---won't have to deal with the enormous crowds and garish and bizarre comings and goings of people around Broadway--as I was last night. If I see it today, it will complete the "obligatory" part of my current theater interest. Waking up this morning I wondered if maybe I should spend some of the free time i have alotted for theater going with friends--who I seem to be pushing away, as I try to figure out what play to see next. Maybe I should shift priorites. Although there are many plays around to check out that I find interesting, I think that Comeuppence, by Brandon Jennings-Jacobs is the only one I really want to see. And that ruus until the ninth. This morning I felt a desire to return to Hansberry's The Sign in Sidney Brustein's Window--you know I left after the first act at BAM. Would like to see the second act--but of course it finishes its run in a week.  Will I go? Who knows.

I see my nurse practioner this week---I assume she will inform me about when the doctor wants me to get the port. I guess my body will handle it will---I am really not thinking about it much--right now just taking my medication and going with the flow---will report soon.

Surreal Saturday night....

walked up and down 23rd between 7th and 8th --around 9:30---kind of surreal. Why? Can't really say---street full of people, there is a comedy club close to 7th--a bar that I would sometimes go into and watch baseball--pre pandemic of course is also there--could have just got into the subway stop and gone home, but had just come from a dance concert at NY Live Arts nearby and wanted to "take in" the neighborhood. So I did, When I approached the uptown subway station on 23rd and 7th, I saw it was closed, so I had to trek up seventh avenue to 33rd to get my train. Long walk---left me wanting desert---tired somewhat this morning. 

My being in the neighborhood was to take in a Dance Concert at New York Live Arts, a really good space about halfway west of 7th on 19th street. Orlando Hernandez. a student from Friends who graduated in 08 was part of a group of 5 choreographers showing their work. Had to wait to see if I could get in (I did); then sit through some dissappointing projects to get to his. His were the best---tap dancing and very fluid choreography--dynamic use of space---I was happy for him. Afterwards said hello---he was quite happy to see me---also surprised, i guess, Other Friends people had been there the night before---I guess I was the only one there last night---still, a kind of surreal quality about the whole evening. 

Lots of energy in my first two days after last infusion of Avastan and Iranitocan. Also learned that I must switch my medication to a port since veins are pretty shot, according to the staff at NY Cancer and Blood. Do not have a date for change to port yet---probably sometime in July---not really worried about the change, but hope it won't interfere with my teaching or my need to move around the city on my days off. 

And today...not sure? There is a play about the Freedom Summer of 64 at Theater for the New City that I would like to check out. I feel very linked to that time (I graudated from Hopkins that summer) and try to check out any play or movie that deals with it. Yet, somehow, I really don't want to go. But what then? Would like to end the day at my friend Bob's bar on Avenue C and ninth---just chill and watch some baseball. Tomorrow the library is closed---so no tutoring---another day of choices---might be nice to go to Bushwick and see if I could find some old friends from there--but who knows; everything changes so quickly---will report soon.

Should check in....

 the "long weekend" ended up being just that. but on Saturday afternoon I did go to the Met and saw this wonderful production of Don Giovanni--a really joyful experience. A great cast that worked beautifully off each other---every moment clear--some of the staging worked---some didn't, but it did not matter, because the flow was so meaningful. The arc from that first time---in February of 66 to that afternoon seems incredible--a 'sung" opera with major singers, but with staging that was just workable---acceptable for its time---to this totally integrated production using every part of the stage. I left feeling completely whole.

Sunday a slow day---kind of in a physical torpor---not much energy--to be expected after the two days before.Still it was difficult. Finally, around 5, spent an hour in the neighborhood Barnes and Noble just browing, and kind of felt excited by being part of a different energy. Of course did not buy anything.

Monday was able to visit my friend Bob's bar, in the afternoon, hang out, and absorb myself in the baseball game between the Mets and ....can't even remember. Still, enjoyed absorbing myself in it.

Tuesday and Wednesday---some tutoring but mostly tired. The new medication, more potent, seemed to be catching up to me. On Thursday, however, had three straight hours--worked very hard--and left tired but very fulfilled. So ofcourse, Friday my body was very slow---I got through one hour of teaching but just by luck. Had to stay home the rest of the day. Same with yesterday--wanted to take it easy but often feel stymied by simply being in the apartment. Outside is so much more interesting. But last night I opted to stay indoors---enjoyed reading Either Or by Elif Batumin--still, a very restless overnight--which brings us to now. Sunday morning. 

Could have tutored in Jackson Heights--with my adult student whose company I enjoy, but skipped it, because I wanted to store my energy for this afternoon. I am finally seeing Without You, the one man show created by and starring Anthony Rapp. I had been putting it off for God knows how long, but finally an going to it. Anthony and I were close friends mostly in the years 91-96---we had a really terrific rapport, but I really have had almost no contact with him in the last 15 years. So i am going this afternoon, and will say hello to him afterwards---I hope he greets me warmly---but---you never know--young impertuous actors can sometimes turn into cautious adults==a "morphing" process. I will accept  any reaction from him--certainly hope we can rekindle some of our old friendship. But I could not see myself bypassing his production so here I go.

Still wondering how the new infusion---much stronger---will effect my life. Feeling kind of overwhelmed by the choices available to me---a heavy week ahead with tutoring and the Friends graduation on Thursday. We'll see how I feel when I get through it....

so the long weekend begins....

 And a weekend so different from others that i have particpated in recently. Why? The absense of any tutoring chores---meaning a have a 'deluxe" amount of free time. Ah free time. Always seems so inviting when you don't have it---but when it arrives...? Lots of choices to make---monetarily and otherwise. So where to begin?

Chioice number one: Don Giovanni this afternoon at the Met. Practially my last chance to see this new production by a director whose work I have always found interesting, and who, from the pictures and the reviews that I have read has created a very special entity and look for this opera. But will I get in and how? Even family circle, where I usually sit and enjoy sitting there has, if my last look at the seat map is accurate, almost no seats left. So can I stand? Well, that is a much cheaper alternative---right now my body feels incredibly strong (a new infusion two days ago seems to have charged my energy) so standing through act I---an act of almost an hour and a half, might be possible. Interesting, I remember the first performance of the opera that I saw---February of 66---one of the last productions in the "Old Met" which was to shut down and move to Lincoln Center in a few months. I think it was also the day that I "failed" my first army physical--a great relief at that time. Then, also i stood---in the orchestra. Siepi was the Don and Geraint Evans, a most specific Leporello. How many years have passed since that Monday evening---how many thoughts and conversations have you had about the opera since then. If I miss it? Well, that is that--one more performance this coming Friday I could try, or probably this production will be shown on the screen in the last week of August when the Met has their outdooyr screenings in the Lincoln Center Plaza.  But I really want to live through the performance this afternoon. Strange, as I went out for coffee I thought--"what a great day for a walk---maybe instead of the opera I should just take the train to Brooklyn an wander down Fifth avenue in Park Slope, or walk east on Fulton to where Clinton Hill meets Bed-Stuy. Something very soothing about that fantasy--well maybe tomorrow or Monday, if I have no plans for the evening. But most weekends--- only two days---seem rushed. This weekend does not.

Time and space---yes, how to use it this weekend, that is the question. And will my body cooperate with my choices? It seems very strong this morning. Oh well,we will see. Have recently read two autobiographys ; one by Mary Rodgers and the other by Chita Rivera. Very different takes on life, but both fulfilling to read. Now, my one book for this weekend is about Martin Luther King and his partners in the Civil Rights Movement as they plan and try to break through the frightening segregation and rage of white Brirmingham in 63. Quite a different voyage from the last two, but I chose this book for my long weekend reading  to move to a tougher and more focused topic. Will I finish it...? Well, will report back soon.

Has it been this long....

since I last published? Come on, cityboy, isn't life more interesting then that? So what's new? Just about everything. Where to begin? 

Health: Took first infusion of new powerful drug last Thursday (a week) and its effects have been strong. Last two days quite a lot of torpor to fight against, plus changes in digestion. This is after I added my "mandatory" pills to the mix on Tuesday. A real sense of fatigue--some different digestive calculations---but---I did not stop my tutoring assignments and have a few today, so I worked though it-nevertheless there is a different feeling---so far. This morning I awoke feeling a greater sense of energy then I had for the last two days---but I still have not added my pill and who knows how long this will last? But at this point I am experiencing a sense of vitality---perhaps stimulated by all the contradictions I see around me. Not too much to do just to let it happen.

Theater: a million projects in the city---trying to at least see the ones with people that I know involved in. But that will also be an energy and time issue. Yesterday i read an article in one of the theater magazines about a black artistic director, hired pre pandemic--who has just stepped down after dealing with the downs of the last few years. She's had enough, and I can't blame her. The contradictions in the not for profit theater in my opinion have reached a boiling point. Does anyone in New York theater want to discuss this? Might try to organize a forum in the next month with some friends who are active in theater---its a possibility.

What else? Trying to consider the housing crisis in the city---nothing accomplished to help it in the State Legislature since the Democratic party is so split between the "moderates" and progressives. Meanwhile even as rents go up and there is a lot of competition for apartments--every e-mail I see about a play being performed in a small theater--which means there is not a lot of pay---has a large cast. So how are these people making it? About 50 choices to see this weekend---not counting movies--if I am up to it.

Some good news---just about every major league game this weekend will be shown on the computer for free. Amazing! I don't have to leave the house at all if I don't want to. But if I stay in, I go stir crazy. You figure it out.....

time to kill...

 so at a certain moment, everything stops. Sunday morning---all tasks completed---no move to make until about an hour from now. Interesting that when my adult student in Jackson Heights cancels, instead of enjoying the extra time at home, i find a gap in the time which is frustrating. I will probably end up going to my friend Bob's bar on Avenue C and ninth and watching some of the Knick-Cavalier playoff game. After that....who knows---I would like to make a trip to Brooklyn---at BAM there is one movie---called A Thousand and One Ways, which is in the last week of its theater run. I would really like to see it---I think today is my only possible day to do that. But will I...?

Its been a busy week with not much time allowed for outside activity. On Wednesday I found out that the doctors who are working with me do feel that more medication is needed to combat my illness. So in two weeks a new infusion will be added to the one I already have, and I will also, I think continue with the chemo pills. No real problem for me, at this point, my body feels incredibly strong and with a week and a half to go, I don't think anything will change. I am assuming that this new drug will not change anything---May is going to be a very busy month for me---at least two plays I must see---some more I would like to, the tutoring continues and on the 20th the Friends reunion---something that I am really looking forward to. Last year's was not as well attended as I would have expected---so I am hoping that this year there is really a large group---it is the 10th anniversary for the class of 13; a class I really felt close to. I don't want any obstructions to my enjoying that---I am making that clear to the new infusion.

Last night had some choices---in light of my energy level around 6, I chose to go to the movies at Lincoln Center and see Twilight---a Hungarian movie made in the early seventies---about a detective's obsessive search for a child murderer. Very bleak and determined---slow moving---lots of rain---almost no sunlight. The people in the movie are sad and alone---extremely isolated---I absorbed that as I was watching the movie. I left the theater and went to David Geffen hall lobby and tried to watch some of the Philharmonic Concert on their large lobby screen, but tired easily and headed home. It also did not help that the work I was watching was a Bartok piano concerto, which did not stimulate me. Would have liked to stay around for the piece after intermission---the Jupiter Symphony by Mozart, but that did not happen. I needed to get home and rest. 

So I wait for the next hour and it is time to make my move---will take it easy, I suppose until then. 

So on Sunday I saw Fiddler...

 at Friends Seminary---I have to admit I was awed by its execution. Steve the director, seems to have an incredible rapport with his students---everyone was on target--also a remarkable small orchestra and orchestrations that were totally in keeping with the vision of the piece. Steve has a great group of student actors around him--many are juniors or sophmores, so he can work with them for another year or so. Could be lots of meaningful theater at Friends Seminary.

But what did the whole experience--so overwhelming---mean to me? The original musical came at such an important moment of change in my life---three weeks before I saw it for the first time, my parents and I had to admit that my matriculation at Yale School of Drama was failing---I would be forced to take a new path.--enter the "real" and, like so many others of my generation deal with the draft. But watching this production---so spot on--I realized that not just Robbins, who invented Fiddler's vision, but also Bock, Harnick and Stein, were somehow galvanized into writing music and lyrics that were so honest in creating the world of Anatevka. Then of course, my complete interest into the life and work of Robbins---trying to put together the enormous contradictions of his art and personality. Many people he dealt with had "problems" with him ("problems" is a very polite way of putting it), but. as I watched Fiddler's opening procession---so real and potent---I remember what his scene designer, Boris Aronson said something like "when he creates something like that I forgive him everything" So my fascination and memory and attempt to understand his work continues---at 14 I felt I was defined by West Side Story, do I still feel that way? And if so, what has it given me?

In the program, the director says working on the musical brought forth a lot of discussions from the students on the different issuues that the musical brings up. I would have like to have sat in on those discussions---also wder if I could have added some important information on my own. But that is not happening now---and I wonder if I was still very active at Friends, would my input be wanted. This brings us to another aspect of my situation there--have not solved the "work" problem. but should be able to enjoy the next alumni reunion which happens in about five weeks. Who am I in that world? 

So enough of this---much more to express at future times. Tutoring continues---the next two weeks should be very full as the state wide math exams for grades 3 to 8---can I get to see some plays, movies or friends? We shall see.