The "slope"

 December 1968---trying to find myself. A friend and his wife have just moved to this strange area in Brookyn. They are always having company, so they invite me over for the evening. I am on Irving Place in Manhattan. "Take the F train" they tell me, and get off at the 7th Avenue station (this is Brooklyn, remember) then walk about 7 blocks to Garfirld Place and find their apartment. And so I do it---a journey to a strange land. ONly the second time on the F--when the train becomes an elevated and circles near Smith Street, I wonder if I am really on some surreal journey.  Finally I arrive. I know nothing about the neighborhood. But 8th avenue towards my destination is pretty deserted--those people I see walkkng on it seem very non threatening. But it is quiet and somewhat eeroie; finally I reach my destination, a brownstone on Garflield Place,between 8th Avenue and the park. My friend and his wife are paying 90 dollars a month for a large floor through. I visit wih them, then return to my apartment in Manhattan. 

I don't remember anyone referring to the immediate neighborhood as Park Slope. Did that come later. Actually soon after this journey I make several visits, not just to my friend, but I am in a therapy group that every other week meets in one of the participants house, and several members of the group live there. We are all in our early to mid twenties. The neighborhood becomes more and more familiar. Yet nobody crosses sixth avenue---everyone settles in close to the park. Two years later my ex wife and myself tell a close friend about the neighborhood---we take him there---he is enchanted and immediately moves to an aparmtne   on Berkeley Place and later buys a brownstone on Saint Johns Place between 7th and 8th. Other friends and acquaintances gravitate to the area.  Now a visit is pretty normal. By the mid seventies I am in the area a couple of times a month. Nobody dares go or taks about going to  the "other side" of Flatbush,  an almost completey Carribean neighborhood. 

My friend buys his brownsone on Saint Johns Place for about 270 thosand dollarrs. This is around 1974. In 1988, he will sell it for around 800,000 dollars. Two girl friends, sevearl mornings waking up in Park Slope and returning home, or to work. And then" nothing.

So it goes---my firsr encounter with the area---post pandemic I think I have been in "the Slope" maybe two or three times---not a lot in what will soon by six years.  By the mid eighties, people I know are living near 5th Avenue, a once dangerous area.--they are mostly the next geneation, in their twenties. It comes as no surprise to most New Yorkers that fourth Avneue has been gentrified---I even checked out a bar once on 3rd, Ah Brookyn---how you have changed. The last time I was there, I wandered west from 8th Avenue to 7th, looking at all the Brownstones, remembering the "cool" that the neighborhood once was considered as. You see it all, the nurses, social workers, actors, real estate people, all in their twenties and thirties, all thinking that the "Slope" reflected their individuality. Now a world of "what"? Complacency. acquried wealth. Leave it alone. Accept the present for what it is.

Hey, "two out of three ain't bad"

Was able to attend the Christmas assembly and the after party at Friends, yesterday---all aruund a terrific afternoon. Recognized by lots of faculty members at the Assembly---very gratifying---still, as I was sitting there, taking it all in, felt a kind of sadness for not being able to be "part of the community" more often. What to do? Is it possible, with all the tutoring that I have, to spend more time at Friends. Not really---and under what circumstsances. According to the  administration, or some part of it, I am not welcome as a worker (i.e. substitute). Still I have never received a written statement from the school that I cannot work there. Since I am always welcomed when I come back for an assembly or a play, or a reunion day, I don't feel like playing with that. That is how it stands now--can it chaStinge? Do I want it to?  At the moment, simply suspended in mid air. Still, had some great convesations at Little Rascal, the bar where the afterparty was held. Not much more to say.

So the third Friends experience was to see an off off Broadway play that a graduate of Friends was in. Closing tomorrow---I simply did not feel strong enough to go this evening. One more chance, tomorrow afternoon, though I don't think I will make it---I hate (for some reason) being at closing performances. The former student, a woman, is very talented and building a career in the city---I am sure I will have other chances to see her. I watch the cast lists on the various theater web sites like a hawk. 

Spent the "free day" mostly in the apartment, though I did get to Lincoln Center Library in the afternoon. Read, for about the third time the essay on Hamlet contained in the book by Princeton Professor Rodhe Lewis. The essay is extremely stimulating---helps me as I tty to "get at" Hamlet. Other published plays that I looked at , but none that I decided to take out. Currently reading a biography of James I of England, the King who replaced Elizabeth I. Shakespeare wrote his four major tragedies during the first years of James; reign. I should be reading other books about England while Shakespeare was writing his plays, but I have put it off somehow. What don't I want to know.

Longing to see a movie, but hard to get out in this really cold weather.  Also must obey the messages that my body gives me.  So tomorrow could be anything.

"Trapped" in my apartment...

 Sunday evening---of course--must stay in---it is freezing out. Any point in going out to a movie in this weather---impossible---have to protect myself.

Just let in a delivery person from, I guess, Amazon---they  always ring my bell---on the second floor---really did not want to respond, but it was cold out there---might have been someone from the apartment who lost his or her key---that has happened before---anyway, it moved me from reflection to "action'--even the demands it makes on my body are different. 

Anyway, what else? Attended the Friends Seminary winter play, yesterday evening--had the energy to go there---it was Hamlet---yes, believe it or not. Still some students in it whom I worked with---but basically from a social standpoint an uneventful evening. One of three activities in the next week that will mean interacting with the Friends community or at least one person from it. Some anxiety there, but yesterday was basically uneventful. How was the production of Hamlet? Well, it has given me a lot to think about---going over the play in my mind, looking at all of its contradictions. The text, even when delivered by High School students is so stimulating. Part of the duality of my life at this moment. My work is with the students at the library with who I tutor math, but at home, my memories, interests, are all about theater. Can U resolve this? Do I want to? 

Holidays approach--no real plans---will do some tutoring (many students will have vacation packets) and try to get out a bit. Some trips to Brooklyn, if possible. I have long promised myself a trip back to the apartment house I was raised in, 620 Thwaites Place in the Bronx, but have not done it yet. Like Hamlet, I hesitate. 

All for noow.

To cntinue....

 The forecast is cold for tomorrow. Have some tasks to do---pick up my ostony supplies from the Pharmacy on 122nd and 3rd avene. Can I make the trek from my apartment on the upper west side to Spanish Harlem in this cold weather. Usually a good adventure---I take the cross town bus and the at Madison and 70th street switch to the bus that goes north to 122nd street, Still many changes after 96 strxuryeet, but not as much as there used to be. Lots of luxury buildings on the way---several on 125th street, even one near the new library that is close to 2nd Avenue. I love that library--feel very much at home in it. But may put "the journey" off for a day---can't see myself carrying the supplies in the cold---Tuesday might be much better.   

I have two planned trips to Friends in the next two weeks. Next week is the winter play---Hamlet---beieve it or not---interested to see what they make of it, though kind of heavy for a high school. Then the Friday after I will return for the Christmas Assembly and semi-reunion---looking forward to those events, but not without some ambivalence. Do I belong there or not? Still have not resolved that. Still, must play it out---let it happen---see what evolves. 

Moving through time.....

 Has two meanings. Today is first Sunday after infusion---still trying to get messages from it letting me know what is possible. Moving back and forth between resting and reading (English history). But on a second level, I find myself constantly considering the time since the pandemic began---six years ago---yes, six years ago from the coming March.  A journey---a voyage from one kind of life to another--trying to understand, and possibly mourn for, what my life was before March 16, 2020. A gap of time. In the weeks before the pandemic I was very active---had no inkling that a few months later they would find the cancer in me. And that changed everything---or did it? Much less energy now---has to be "husbanded" but also my exit from the world of subbing at Friends---not one I had planned for---and my "reinvention" as a full time turor. For better or worse? I miss the comradeship that I received at Friends---do not have that any more---adds to my isolation at times---yet I have also discovered a much greater "wholeness" as a tutor.

odd weekend....

 Saturday was able to accomplish a lot. Went to my bank near Union Square in the morning to make an important deposit---then returned to the apartment and rested until the evening when I felt strong enugh---actually very strong to see the play that my friend directed at a small theater pretty far west on Chrisopher Street. Walking west down Christopher---felt like I was visiting an enormous stage set--low lying buildings with stories from the last fifty years. Finally arrived at my destination--still very strong and saw the play, entitled "the Jewish Plot" an incredibly effective piece---it begins with what simply seems like a sharp"take" on a victorian melodrama, and then evolves into a passionate and somewhat difficult diatribe by the playwright on his vision of being a Jew. It was totally unexpected because  the set up is so skillful that the final monologue---spoken by an actress who is a friend of the playwright---is almost a diatribe--harsh and a little overlong, but nevertheless very passionate. Lots to think about in terms of both content and structure. Afterwards a talk back---when it was over I introduced myself to the playwright and found out that his mother and I could have been neighbors growing up in the Bronx. Does he want to know more about what that was like? May contact  him to find out. Tired as I left the theater but made it home okay.

Yesterday very different. Not sure of what I wanted to do. Body tired--I have to come to terms with the fact that one "active" weekend day may ause my body to insist on rest the next day. Thought this would only be after the first Thursday of chem, but now it seems to be the other two weekends as well---though it does not seem to effect my tutoring. But yesterday---sort of at the mercy of my body---a brief visit to a crowded Drama Bookstore was disappointing--then returned to the apartment feeling empty---rested as my body told me to---then went to Lincoln Center with the thought of seeing one of the four very interesting movies there but felt tired are returned home---very frustrated. "Saved" by a surprise phone call from my cousing Kara--we chatted, believe it or not---for about an hour; the ostensible purpose of the phone call was the invite to the family Thanksgiving at her sister's apartment--but the conversation had a really good flow, and I understood it was reviving my "life feeling" Still, when it was over, my body's demand for rest continued and so a emotional torpor continued through the night---until now, which is why I decided to write this.

So we move on---today must go to the pharmacy that provides me with my ostomy supplies---they do a great job but must travel to 122nd and third--the trip is usually easier then I imagine, but is another "task" that I have to follow---then return to the apartment until time to go up to the library on 145th and Amsterdam. Other obligations as well---might as well begin them.

so it is over...

 a bit of a letdown, but still happy with the Mayoral elesection results. Interesting now to see how the new Mayor puts together his inner circle===that is his deputy mayors and commissioners.  Upset at just how much fear mongering goes into public statements about different politicians of different stripes. Still have never participated in an active discussion about the current state of the city---would really like to, but I have no idea where this is happening, or if it is happening.

Yesterday, 4 straight hours of tutoring---less today, I think , but still some rigouours demands. Outside the world of theater, movies, etc, moves on---almost independently of much eles happening in the city. I am very aware of it, but it escapes me.A friend of mine is directing a play performing in a space in the west vilage---I was all set to go Sunday around 6 but could not leave the upper west side because the subways were overwhelmed by marathon "revelers"--such a sense of self entitlement I have rarely scene---another garish celebration without humility.How do there images dovetail with the new Mayor's victory---hard to say. It would have been fun to join a victory party last night in any bar that was celebrating, but my body was really tired so I got the results in the apartment.

Apartment finally will be "cleaned' today---of course it means I have to spend much time cleaning up the apartment to get ready for the woman who is cleaning. More work; more preparation---so it goes.