At a stopping point....

 lacking passion, I guess---today the first of 4 free days---just what I wanted, but look, here I am on Friday around 7, all played out. Had planned to go to the Bushwcik Starr for a one man shw--but it looks like I am too tired. So try tomorrow--in spite of the fact that snow or rain is scheduled---feel it is important for me to  show support for that theater. They are also scheduled to have a fair of material pertaining to the black community--some books and zines etc. Might be good to get there early---see if I can have a dialogue with one or two of the people there. Can't imagine myself on the L train, coming back to Manhattan while the rain is pouring down---but---well we shall see.

Spent the morning at the Brooklyn Heights library, returning two books, including Invisible, the novel by Paul Auster that fascinates me. Third time I had read it---each time I seem more absorbed by it. I marvel at Auster;s ability to create---the depth of his imagination--can't possibly conceive of myself doing anything like that. The "absence" of self--the creation of life--how is it done? Interesting non fiction book by him at the library but could not take it out---need to dull my concentration a bit. 

Will probably stay in tonight---cold out there and feeling a little tired. I have to remember that at this point, a morning trip to Brooklyn Heights and about an hour of browsing in the library may take up all my energy for the day. So, far tomorrow---take it easy before the trip out to Bushwick---laundry and maybe a trip to Lincoln Center and the two libraries that are contained there. That should be all.  Some other interesting choices for tomorrow as well--- but ofcourse, they were conceived with the idea that I would go t Bushwick today, Did not happen---stay tuned.

Choices for today....,

must take laundry to neighborhood laundromat--then return a few hours later to pick it up. Sounds exciting doesn't it? It kind of moors me in between---cannot go far under these circumstances. Still my imagination is demanding that I stimulate it a little more.  Also have to make one credit card payment---then just wait to leave for the library and my tutoring schedule, which today could be very heavy. Working hard at that---yesterday had three students--feel that my committment to them is strong, but then when I come home I am really tired---no night life. So there we go. Only excitement is to go to web sites and consider what the President  and his cohorts are doing next, and how to deal with it. A whole other issue. Try to move on to another subject.

Hopkins is having its reunion weekend in early April--much too early in  tn my opinion. This is not my year, but I think it would be fun just to visit the campus---hang  around---on the Saturday of the Reunion. I would just dialogue with different people---students-alumni---faculty---campus workers---no real plans, just go with the flow. But can I do it. The two hotels near the campus are charging brutal prices for the weekend---don't really feel comfortable staying in people's apartments or homes with my illness issues--to find a hotel in downtown Baltimore means traveling to and from the campus--about wenty minute trip, but again, don't know how my stamina will manage it. So I am leaving it up in the air---for now. Probably a "dream deferred". (Thank you Langston Hughes). 

Speaking of Black artists, yesterday on  a theater Facebook page, I described a play by Jean Genet called The Blacks---which was a major off Broadway success in the early sixties. The white colonists of an African country summon a black group of citizens to perform a ritual play for them. The colonists who have all the control sit above and watch the blacks perform this ritual---except the colonists are all played by Black actors wearing white masks. Fantastic production which I saw in summer of 62---with Roscoe Lee Browne, Louis Gossett and Godfrey Cambridge among others. Such was the energy of the time that the play ran for over two years.  One remembers that time, totally different then now.

 

Okay time to carry the laundry to the laundromat---rest of the day to follow.

"Obesessed: with Baltimore...

 Monday morning---instead of going for early morning (cheap) coffee, remained in the apartment. Summoned up google maps from Baltimore, specifically a section called Mount Washington-a well off neighborhood, that seems to be insulated from much of the poverty Baltimore experiences. Actually closer to Roland Park then I realized, but its western border is close to a high crime neighborhood. How do the denizens of the neighborhood deal with that---or do they..? Memories of my four years at Hopkins go deep--would love to spend a few days in that city---talking to people who live there--hanging out in neighborhood bars, etc. Not sure if it possible in my current health (and economic) state.

Speaking of visiting Baltimore, I would love to go to alumni weekend at Hopkins, coming up in almost 2 months--kind of early, but what can you do. No planned events, simply hang out on the campus while events are going on and talking to people. Sounds like fun---but can I handle the cost because if I do this, I must have a place to sleep near the campus--and the two hotels that I know of there are very expensive that weekend. Other issues--health and tutoring scheduling---still toying with the idea, but no real committment to plans yet,

Yesterday some warmth in the city-allowed me to travel to Brooklyn---destination the Brooklyn Heights library---like that place--turned out to be fruitful---found two books that my really involve me--a biography of Al Jolson and Invisible--a novel by Paul Auster--I really love that book---started reading it---my third time--I remain completely involved. Also watched a bit of football at Fulton bar and grill, then got coffee at Center for Fiction where I did my reading. Now definitely the oldest person in that reading room-----but it doesn't really matter--the place stimulates me. Must return soon---no movie of extending voyage after that but returned to Manhattan and finished the day there.

that is all-should report soon.

"Trapped!"

 Or so it seems. Monday evening---the beginning of the true frightening cold for the next two days. What does that mean. Will I have students---will I be forced to "remain" in the apartment---if so, do I have enough reading material to sustain me..? Visiting unchartered" territory Will certainly have to go out at some point...lots of unknowns.

This morning, even with snow on the ground---the city was pretty easy to move around in. Finally decided that this was the best day to visit the Whitney, to see the exhibit that honors Alvin Ailey. Visiting the Whitney means traveling on the far, far west side of Manhattan---near 12th or 13th Street. Not a world that I normally hang out in. Before museum visit found a restaurant-coffee shop about a block away---had a really good portion of Tomato Soup---but $12.00 before the tax...my God, where will it end? The  shop must have had eight or nine tables--each one taken--mostly 20 or 30 somethings who seemed very at home with the ambience---and the prices. My impression---they show a real sense of entitlement---very comfortable paying for the world around them. Then on to the Museum.

The Ailey tribute occupied a whole floor of the Whitney---truly vast. On a large screen with ever changing images, one could see moments from his major dances. Also interesting part of the exhibit that shows the visitor his life in the early sixties. Believe it or not, I saw him in a play in May of 61, The play's name was Call Me By My Rightful Name---written by Michael Shurtleff, about a love triangle---two roommates, one black and one white, and the woman who had affairs with both of them. Pete Masterson and Joan Hackett played the other two members of this triangle. I remember it well--had a real sense of power, but has since faded into obscurity---sad, because the play is well written and has three great roles. But it has definitely slipped through the cracks.

There---I have said it all--now all the remains is to wait, and see how my life in the cold plays out.

Been a long time...

 between posts---why? Lots of conflicting feelings, I guess. But today is different. Went to my favorite coffee place near the apartment---the barista, who I think is also the owner---treated me to a cup of coffee-I guess he is really greatful that I, one of his earliest customers, was very complimentary. Anyway, the gesture was really special---I felt wanted, connected, in a way that I had not felt when I awoke this morning. 

A nice warm day outside---definitely the "calm before the storm"--snow is coming followed by brutal arctic air--yet outside, it might even be an early spring day. Makes no sense---bought some food for the future, if needed---I wonder how the cold will effecomt my students and their families---will they want the children to stay home---will the schools be open---and the libraires---do they remain open? Could effect my finances--meanwhile I hope to have enough reading material to get me through if I am isolated in the apartment.

City ballet begins on Tuesday---I promised myself I would go to at least one of the first two programs--both with ballets I saw many times in the 70's when I was a regular at their performances. A strong feeling of remenbrance--possibly a bit too much---but if the first performance is Tuesday evening, will anybody even be there?

Today--will try to see the first movie on the Jewish film festival program--a silent about assimilation around the early 1900's. Sort of the time my parents were growing up--trying to understand the "essence" f that experience---the dislocation. confusion, self hatred that came along with trying to assimilate. Some other movies as well--- but everything depends on the snow and my ability to move around the city and neighborhod.

Needed this committment to the blog today---feel a little bit more focused---should report soon.

All Dressed Up....

 and "nowhere to go." that seems to be where I am right now---Christmas Eve--in the past two days have tutored 6 sessions---some very fulfilling ones, and here I am now with tonight and tomorrow free---I promised myself that I would see at least 2 movies during this time---there are about 15 interesting possibilities in the city---but am somewhat lethargic, as 6 o'clock rears its ugly head, and I don't know if I have the energy to stick it through a movie yet I long to get out the apartment! Coffee---somewhere---someplace---oh well--so where do we go from here. 

Remembering a Christmas Eve spent first in Bushwick and then at South Fourth---must have been 15 or 16--no, I think it was 14, Lots of fun conversation---bartender Merlin at South Fourth had several friends in--a playwright from the middle east---we worked on a crossword puzzle together---then joined by others, including another young female playwright whose career has become a major one. Now South fourth is no more---the Cobra Club in Bushwick is too far away---and I am here.  Lower energy, but of course that is the result of extra years---the illness---and other things.

Returned to Friends on Friday for their Christmas Assembly--recongnized by many---nice words from a couple of boys from the graduating class who remembered my subbing for them. nice since that will be 5 years in March. Still feel both welcome and unwelcome there---not trying to work it out now, but I would like to integrate myself more in the community then I am now. Afterwards, stayed around and saw a fascinating production of The Merchant of Venice at CSC. My friend played Shylock--we spoke afterwards and I also spoke to the director, who appreciated my comments. Nice being part of that environment again---felt I belonged, and had something to say. Wanted to see the final play at the Soho rep venue on Walker Street, but could not get to it, Maybe one theater visit was exciting enough for the weekend.

So here we are---still restless and tired---not the best combination, But will report soon.

Sunday morning---9 days later....

 Yesterday night---returned to BAM (why returned?) to see Flako's installation, Mercedes, a memorial to his amazing grandmother, who raised him in Bushwick and was an inspiration to so many others that she interacted with. Her last days were dominated by dimensia, and a documentary at the center of the presentation goes into that in depth. Glad I went: lots of contact and conversations with other people---somethng that my life had been lacking the rest of the week--why...? Many hours of tutoring which meant returning to the apartment feeling very tired--then simply grabbing a prepared meal at Fairway or Citarella and after eating, usually falling asleep. Awake around 10 or 11, then web browsing then....anyway, it was refreshing to talk to people---including Joey, a person who knew me from the indie theater days of the pre pandemic. Lots of memories shared--after the presentation, the production had created a healing room at the Fisher, so I spent some time there---did some writing, actually and then went to Fulton bar to watch basketball and gorge on an iceberg wedge salad. One of the mental health representatives who was part of the project offered me a take home from Meals on Wheels.(this was at the Healing room, not the bar) ; I rejected it--told her that an elderly persn more needy then I  should receive it. Still maintained my independance.

Per last report: did actually go to the Met and see Die Frau Ohne Schatten---at least the first act (a long first act) of it. Memories flooded back to me as I was listening to this amazing music.  October 66--23 years old---trying to put things together---my opera fanatic days---going to the Met on a Sunday evening to see an obscure Strauss Opera--expecting simply to absorb it--remember the fantastic production--the amazing performance of Christa Ludwig in the pivotal role of the Dyer's wife, and the yelling and screaming of the audience at the end of the opera--we had all discovered and participated in something that was uniqe and brilliant. Saw it two more times that season--all about trying to find myself---so last Friday I found myself overwhelmed with perhaps the memory of my own vulnerability in the Fall of 66. Simply too much to deal with so I could not let myself continue at the opera. Grabbed a coffee and cookie at the nearby Gefffen Hall lobby--relieved to return totally there to the present. Same feeling as I listened to part of yesterday's broadcast of the opera--had to shut it off at times---the music--its sound, is totally unique to me--nothing else like it. 

Tired today--will rest a bit--coffee with some young friends who live upstairs from me--should be mellow and interesting Not sure how the rest of the day will turn out..will report soon.