just read another....

article discussing (that is an incredibly weak word) Hillary's participation in the Libya problem. Also discusses the 2014 massacre of Palestinians by Isreali forces and Hilary's denial of it. Sad, that after all these years, the idea of killing is a kind of "normalcy" among certain people. Somehow when I was growing up, the idea of a "better" world (more peaceful) seemed to have meaning. It is hard to congratulate one self on having reached a certain age in solid health, when this is still going on.  I had hoped that this blog would reveal the good time I had last night at Bushwick, now the whole story seems superficial. Self versus the world. What is the most important image?
       Anyway, yesterday, returned from Brooklyn, rested, went back out to Bushwick to the Starr. Saw Shasta's project---a black sexy show---lots of pelvis moving, somewhat integrated audience, took me a while to get into it, but lots of good cheer among the audience (there was a lot of audience participation) and it was good to see people of the Starr---Noel and Megan for the first time in a while. Really like the theater, happy to support them. Towards the end, found myself for the first time in a long time participating in the dancing with most of the audience. Very happy about that.
   Afterwards, headed to Left Hand Path, the bar connected to the theater,a few blocks down, that gave out one free beer with the ticket. Nice bar, no tv, good ambiance and good beer. I was joined by a fellow audience member who had come to the theater with her friend. The three of us talked: the woman whose name was Dionne was a yoga instructor, her place is across the street from the library where I give my lessons. She also is good friends with the mother of three of the girls who go to Friends, two of whom I know well and am very fond of. Great coincidence, good conversation. Left to go back to Manhattan, feeling very up (and quite tired)---really enjoy the Bushwick experience---want to return there often, and try out other places or hang out at those that I know.
    Today, will see "The Glass Shield" a movie by Charles Burnett that I have always wanted to see at the Reade---not sure what else, tomorrow, probably will make my football "rounds" in Bushwick and Williamsburg.  Aside from what I wrote above, am in a pretty good place, will report Monday, or maybe tomorrow, if I find myself near a computer.

writning this from...

Brooklyn today, why? Because the monotonly of going to my neighborhood library to visit the computer or even to the Lincoln Center Library, another on that I often use, just got to be too much.
Promised myself that I would do something DIFFERENT. And I did. Left Mahattan around 9, took L train to Jefferson stop, went to Cobra, only to find Joanna, a barista who is a friend, working there this morning. Much good cheer (I know that sounds like a cliche, but  it will have to do for now) and good conversation. Yes, Cobra and South  Fourth, my two "family" places that I have created for myself in the last few years. Very welcoming. Also, owner Nikki came by and the three of us talked about early memories of going to school. Yes, just a welcome change from the past few days. And here I sit in the library near the Lorimer stop, when this is over, I will browse the books.
    Last night: thought that I could go to Bushwick Starr, but overcome by tiredness around 4---stayed home for a while, finally decided to see a movie nearbye, if the time was right. Though I had stomach cramps, I decided to see Complete Unknown, the Joshua Marsden movie at the Lincoln Plaza. Missed a few moments, and came in, somewhat surprised that the theater was at least half full. Did not miss much---the movie itself is a take on the "elusive female" vision, so vibrarnlty created in films like Vertigo, Mississippi Mermaid and Pierrot le Fou.  How did this one measure up. Certainly not as good as the others, but still interesting, I was drawn in from the beginning to the end, and the actress playing the "changeable' woman was beautiful.  Glad that I saw it---left the theater at  around 10, wanting to go to Williamsburg or somewhere like that, but the body wasn't willing---still very tired, so simply returned home. Another night of ups and downs---probably why I forced myself to go to Bushwick this morning. But it has all worked out well so far. I have to remember to follow my imagination on days when i am completely free.
    Tonight, looks like I really WILL go the the Bushwick Starr tonight--hopefully i will enjoy the show and hang out a litttle afterwards. Tomorrow some lessons, and I want to see the Charles Burnett film at Lincoln Center tomorrow around 6. Will report (I think) tomorrow.

far more relaxed.....

today---as the apartment is being cleaned. So I sit here in the library, killing time and doing my hour or so on the computer. Why this lack of restlessness so prevalent in the last few days? Let's review what happened last night.
Began the evening at Lansdowne Road, of course my friends "the twins" C and M were there. Always good to see them; they have been so appreciative since I saw their one act.  Very warm, am beginning to see the difference between them (they are identical, so it is hard to tell). I think M is a little more determined about her career---anyway, will visit them again at the bar-restaurant soon.
Thought that this would be my night (it often is) but game got boring, and I ate quickly. Decided that I should go down to Sunshine Cinema to see the Jerry Lewis movie that I was anxious to check out. That is what I did---really glad about it. The movie, Max Rose, was very moving for me; I grew up watching Jerry (and Dean) and his footprints are all over my vision of life from age 7 to 14. So just the many close ups of him moved me deeply---similarly Claire Bloom, who appears as his faithful wife in flashbacks radiated a terrific glow. And the charcoal sketches of her when she was younger (I remember seeing Limelight at age 9, and being fascinated by her) were really stunning. Movies like these---where actors whom I remember in their twenties are now in their eighties, can open up a whole trove of memories for me. End of the movie a little soft, but otherwise, I bought into the plot and the circumstances. Left the theater feeling very moved; also it is important to note that there were only three of us watching the 9:25 showing---all males around 60 plus.the movie will play only one performance per day starting Friday, so I am glad I saw it yesterday., Must call my brother, probably after this session, and tell him about the movie---I am sure he would want to see it---Jerry was part of his life as well.
Plan for tonight is to go to Bushwick Starr to see the one woman show that is playing there. Don't know much about her, but always enjoy going to the Starr. Sure to see some people I know there. Of course, this is all tentative--watching the ball game on tv from Yankee Stadium yesterday at the bar, realized how empty the place was. Might want to go to tomorrow's game. We will see.

entering the no man's...

land between labor day and school beginning. A lot of "aimless" time. Actually today, even at this early hour (12:35) has been pretty productive. Good lesson with student Robert--worked with him on a report about his last trip to the Museum of Natural History, nice collaboration, felt very creative working with him, advising him. He and I have a good rapport---still other students need to be contacted for the weekend. Well, school, at least the Public Schools, begin tomorrow Should be contacted by some of my parents fairly soon, We will see.
Yesterday: went to sleep after library visit---woke up feeling tired---legs felt pretty "boney" that is without the heft that I usually experience them. Hard to determine where to go, however, in spite of a tired body, decided to trudge it out on the subway and watch baseball at Standings. Good idea, since to my surprise, the bartender was my friend Erin, who usually works next door at Burp Castle, but was covering for someone at the baseball bar. Had some interesting conversations with her, while watching the games, also there was a very nice guy who is a Kansas City fan; always enjoy talking baseball with him. Erin and I discussed uses and values of the smart phone---I don't have one, don't want one---feel that all the information would distract me---prefer to organize my non-subbing days around going to the library to work on the computer for about an hour and a half; this creates a structure for me---a smart phone might leave me finished with everything early in the morning---and then what would I do? She, however explained that she likes the smart phone very much---she needs some help in organizing and this helps her. Also, she is a "tech" person, unlike me. So I refuse to have in my apartment a computer, smart phone, i pad, etc. What do I have instead? Space! When I wake up at 2:30 each morning I am alone with all my thoughts, nothing separates me from then. I have to think, I have to plan. Lots of feelings evolve around that time---sometimes this is difficult, but I don't want them to be blocked. Must live through them. This is where it stands for now.
Tentative plans for rest of the week:
Today: visit "the girls" at Lansdowne. Probably that is all.
Thursday: best day to visit Bushwick Starr---don't know there performer., but always enjoy being there, probably seeing people that I know.
Friday: somewhat open---good time to see the Jerry Lewis film, at that point playing only one performance at the Sunshine Cinema. Maybe La Flaca afterwards.
Saturday see the Charles Burnett movie at Lincoln Center---that is really important,have wanted to see it for a long time.
Sunday; Football (I guess---it will get me some free pizza) not sure what else.
Monday (a special day, you know why, cityboy) probably go to Dixon Place to see their Works in Progress evening. Usually lots of people there that I know.
Tuesday: BAN meeting.
That is the tentative plan, always subject to change, of course---what about some wandering in Brooklyn? What week is complete without that. Will of course, let you know...

much to report....

re the weekend, full of ups and downs. So let's begin with Friday evening:
Went to Bronx Documentary Center to see movie on Jackson Mississippi's last abortion clinic---a powerful movie---really harsh in that it demonstrates the fervor of the anti abortion movement (perhaps a little too much) , and shows how dedicated the abortion clinic doctors and social workers and organizers are. Very upsetting---returned home via the 2. Too tired to "hang out" and had to get ready for the next day. At Bronx Doc I sat between two middle aged women, one black, one white. Both lived in the Concourse in the 160's. The black women had been there for quite a whil;, I wanted to question the white women as to when she moved in (she was Jewish, a small possibility that she was actually raised in that apartment and never left) but she was not near me after the film, and I also felt she might be defensive about answering my questions.
 Saturday, after lesson, went to Cobra to hang with Susan, my former bartender now moved to Richmond VA, returning for a one afternoon stand at the club. Really good to see her---she discussed in detail her life as a social worker in Richmond, and also some adventures in NYC this weekend. We were joined by Chelsea and Wallace, a couple who used to live in the neighborhood and be Susan's  regulars. Wallace talked of some band dates that I might go to, and we discussed a "processing fee" that her landlord had asked the couple to pay when they signed their last lease. I said it might be bogus, and encouraged then to check it out---I gave them some web sites that help tenants where they might get that information. At the same time, had a good conversation with a painter who dropped by named Jason---he invited me to his open house when they take place in Bushwick during the first week in October. Already some many commitments during that time. Just as things were sailing along and I was feeling very popular, decided to leave---thought that I might go to Metrograph to see a Kurosawa movie that I have never seen before (High and Low) but felt too tired. Yet did not want to return home. Result: I returned to Manhattan, stopped off at Standings but found that they were watching mostly college football---not my crowd---hated the obnoxious screaming of the UCLA fans.
Wanted baseball and got hungry at the same time, so went to Professor Tom's a bar on second right off 14th that I had enjoyed previously. Got my wish---Yankee game, which I wanted to see, was on, but stuffed myself with a spinach avocado dip---left very full and at the same time, emotionally undernourished. Worried all night that I ate too much. Woke up Sunday morning feeling very full----finally let my stomach get back into good shape, vowing that I would not eat like that again.
   Sunday, first a movie "Morris From America" at the Angelica---a black father and son in Heidelberg Germany where he coaches soccer and the son has to stay. Some nice takes on hitting puberty and some good father and son talks, I was never bored, but movie was slow and deliberate---glad I saw it (it will probably leave the Angelica soon) but would have liked something a little more sophistacated.
 The plan was to arrive at South Fourth around 5---was able to do that---refused to have a beer and watch more baseball. Olivia was there and basically had a good time. Stayed until about 8:30. A nice talk with a subway engineer named Eddie and read most of the day's Times. Returned home around 10.
Monday morning, stomach much better because I really took it easy on Sunday. Would it rain? No, so it was time to go to the West Indian Parade and table with the Brooklyn Anti-Gentrification Network.
That I did---energy was very intense, but people I spoke with (almost all black) were very friendly and courteous. Overate, of course (pork!) but stayed at the table for about 3 hours. Then came an interesting walk through the northern part of Crown Heights---walking north on Rogers for about 4 blocks---the apartment houses on Rogers are not art deco---seem pretty rudimentary, maybe the poorer Jews and Irish lived on them in the 40's and 50's. When did the neighborhood change? Continue to be haunted by that question. Needed coffee---found a spot on Rogers and Park Place or thereabouts, walked in to find a completely young white crowd immersed in their computers. I took two steps, then headed out---could not deal with a completely alternative universe that seemed to be presented to me. While walking passed many black groups still on their way to the parade. Everyone very cordial and friendly. While walking on Park Place from Rogers to Nostrand, one fellow stopped me, spotted my Brooklyn is not for Sale polo shirt (I had been wearing it all day) and complimented me very warmly. All along the route from Eastern Parkway to Fulton, got some nice compliments about the shirt, including one from a black policeman. Arrived at Fulton, then took the bus to the BAM area,where I had ice coffee and read at the usual place. (I can't think of the name; it is right across the street from Green Light book store---a great place to browse. Also while I was at Greenlight, Soraya, a member of BAN, chatted with me. She asked me about the march; about the police behavior at the march (I told her they were professional, and non-harassing) and we spoke a little about BAN and life in Prospect Lefferts where she lives. Finally returned home around 7, very tired. I could have gone out, maybe to the opera movies at Lincoln Center but quite frankly did not want to take in anything "meaningful" at the time. Slept intermittently until around 3 Tuesday morning, then awoke---lived through a really restless two hours and then began my day.
   So that is it---thanks for getting through it (if you are reading this) and will report about tonight, tomorrow.

much better today...

as yesterday was by far the best of my "post fringe" days. Why? Brooklyn, of course. I went to Cobra to meet friend Adam G---arrived about 1:30 about an hour too early (I have great time concepts--maybe a little too great) but found my friend Whitey there--had not seen him and his girl friend Emily, two people I became friendly with at Cobra, in about a year. Really great to see him, he revealed to me that he and Emily are getting married in about 5 weeks. Great news! Lots of conversation, then Nikki, Cobra's owner told me that Susan, a former bartender and friend who moved to Richmond, after her father's death, will be back at Cobra to bar tend tomorrow. All of a sudden, structure in place for Saturday. Then, as I continued to wait, had a nice conversation with morning bar tender Matt, who invited to some shows he and his band are doing in September---will probably go to the one in Crown Heights on the 23rd. Really feeling good; Adam arrived kind of late, but we had a good discussion and made tentative plans for me to join a group that he is starting.
Left to go back to the city to see the play I had made a reservation for called, The Wolves, but as soon as I hit the J, found myself feeling very tired. Considered missing the play---just was not in the mood for it---but did I really want to miss this? Got to 42nd Street where the play was playing, had a pizza slice for energy and arrived at the box office to pick up my ticket. But the idea of watching a ninety minute non intermission piece seemed overwhelming to me; I was still feeling fatigued, so I told the box office woman that she could do what she wanted with the ticket, I was giving it up.
      Was this the right move? Did I miss a special play? Don't know, but really just made it home on the subway----fell asleep very quickly and slept pretty well through the night. Right move---yes! because I needed the rest---I feel very refreshed this morning---I was really in no position to sit through ninety minutes of any play.
      That is all for now...probably will not blog until Tuesday as library is closed tomorrow for the Labor Day Holiday. Many plans for the weekend---Caribbean Day Parade--manning a space for BAN, weather permitting of course, lots of movies to see, doubt if I will see a play. Will be social as well, as Susan's return to Cobra should bring back some of her regulars and a stop off at South fourth on Sunday, as well as the cook out (possible?) on Monday. Labor day always the "end of summer' for me---everything fall begins on the next day, at least in my head.  That's it for now...

a restless time.....

but lessons are beginning to take their shape. Takes a little bit of the stress off, but I continue to run from place to place. Today--should meet Adam G in Bushwick for a talk about a group to discuss current issues (race and class) and the see the play The Wolves, which I ordered tickets for during the Fringe. Don't know how I feel about going to it---the tickets were so cheap ($l.00 plus a three dollar service charge) that I simply took them. So will go and figure it out.
Last night: as usual, decisions had to be made. But I wanted to play trivia at Pine Box Rock Shop, and pushed myself to go. First took M train to Flushing Avenue---fascinating spot as it intersects with Bushwick vis Flushing, east; Bed-Stuy via Marcus Garvey; Jewish Willamsburg to the west and hispanic and gentrified Williamsburg to the northwest. Never dreamed that Graham and Broadway would be actually in walking distance of the projects of Bed Stuy. My goal was to walk up Graham from Broadway to Metropolitan, but a bus was coming and I was tired. Then took L to Morgan and Pine Box. Atmosphere noisy but bartenders were very friendly and helpful. Waited about a half an hour for trivia, when it came, I played, actually came in fourth with some help from Julie, a friendly bartender. Proud of myself for doing this; I shall return for more---liked the vibe from the bar.
Jumped on L and arrived home via the 3, in decent time.
Not much more for now--interested to see how my visit with Adam and plans for a discussion group turn out...will let you know...