very tired....

this morning, I think the two sessions (very productive) yesterday, really knocked me out---the usual, sleep until around 2, then up for quite a while, then back to sleep, second awakening around 7, felt I had very little left. Things are better now, as I sit in Lincoln Center library---building up steam and will meet Michael for tutoring later in the day. After that may try to see FRinge encore play about Bertold Brecht, but the way things are going, well you never know. Hungry to see a movie, but that also might have to wait.
Really looking forward to tomorrow, not much else to say......

so different today....

as I have just gotten another offer to sub at Friends this week (Thursday) so things are looking up.
more tutoring as well---a little overwhelmed by all the attention, but I think it will all work out.
Rainy day today, got up full of energy (should serve me well on Thursday and Friday) and finally hit the library around 11. Still not finding much excitement in the books that I have out of the library. Much excitement, however, from Professor Tanner's book---each time I read it more revelations. Still can't take it out of the library---too potent, will probably go back today and read another inspection of one of the plays------intense!
Not much else to report, stayed at home last night, what happens tonight depends on how tired I find myself.
maybe (finally) a movie, but this work at Friends may mean I can actually afford to go to a few of the film festival projects (rush tickets of course). Got to mellow myself out.....

wild and....

wooly, for some reason I am feeling that way now. Just got word that I will be at Friends this Friday, subbing for Kerry, this is good. Yesterday, a really good day traveling through my spots (south fourth, Cobra) in Brooklyn, excellent conversation with many people, really enjoyed my rapport with bartender Susan at Cobra, met several new people watching football (yes watching football). So what is the problem/?
Not sure, mind working very fast, supposed to have tutoring session today, but it seems like it is not going to happen.
Continued reading James Salter's novel, A Sport and a Pastime yesterday as I traveled, still not in love with it, but it seems to be getting better.
Returned to Bronx Saturday evening. Not much happening at art exhibit (though it was interesting to see where different Bronx artists were located), more interesting was the neighborhood itself, now all black and hispanic, functioning normally on a Saturday evening, I watched the families and others walking around 167 street between Jerome Ave and the Concourse. Of course the buildings, what stories they could tell. When exactly did it all change...? Late sixties, early seventies. When was the last Beethoven string quartet played on a phonograph in those buildings? We've been in this territory before, right, city-boy, but somehow I always feel the need to say something eloquent about it---this is inspired by my walking around the neighborhood. Something eloquent but not "magical" Why not...?
After library today, not sure.....possibly Trivia tonight at Boulevard with some friends. Possibly....

so the day....

ended with a brief trip to Mayday (thought there was a party, turns out just an open house tour) but got a chance to say hi to Lucas. He invited me to participate in art work for climate march this weekend, but don't think that I will do that---too impersonal or something. After that stopped off at Cobra, glad that I did, friends were there, good conversation, saw Whitey and Emily soon after---had interesting and telling talk with Emily, she is a social worker, travels all over the city into neighborhoods that even in the day, I would feel nervous about going into, yet she does it---good for her! Yet she was not aware of the Teachout triumph, had to educate her about that and the climate march, amazing how many bushwick denizens don't know about Mayday, urged Wallace and Chelsea, two good friends to take a tour of the place, very important.Stayed for a little bit of comedy, kind of boring, then left, felt to my surprise hungry, so I stopped into the Two Boots on Driggs for a slice, and had a good conversation with Michael re movies. Feeling more comfortable there---thought I might head over to south fourth for a final "hang" but instead got tired quickly, and returned home.
What about today. No tutoring - so totally free.
In the late afternoon will attend reception for photography at the former old people's home on the Concourse in the Bronx. Should be interesting, always see that is a "return" to the world that I once knew. Will probably be out by 7:30, what then....? Will play it by ear. Before that, maybe go to south fourth, fun if Merlin is there, or to library to pick up on Tanner book, still refuse to take it out---need to find something more riveting to read....

so on this day.....

I have decided to, at this point, leave it completely unstructured. Will improvise my way though it, which means what...? Significance of a birthday....? You tell me.
Yesterday, interesting day, continued my 'estrangement" until met student Robert at the library. A very bright articulate boy with some learning gaps, should enjoy working with him, picked up another possible student as well---this one a little more intense, left library feeling (as you might imagine) kind of upbeat and more relaxed than I have in some time.
Tired, afterwards, but worked against my protective instinct and went out to south fourth for the Karaoke session. Glad I did, the "gang" was there, good to see everyone, the group, Molly in particular, were very supportive. Sang two songs, then went home, left feeling that I really belonged. Nice group of men and women simply enjoying each others company and hanging out. Or so it seemed. Nicki is returning to Iowa to be with her dad who has Parkinsons. This, despite the presence of her mother---a lot of devotion there. Not used to a world where children take care of their parents.
Interesting, with so many things to see this weekend, many of them within my budget, I feel such an arbitrary sense, like I can't find meaning in going to any of them. Maybe I am just in to conversation and contact, so would find the world a little more interesting in a bar. Amazing how much of the city I can conjure in my minds eye. Just found out about an opening reception tomorrow for an exhibit that is taking place in a space on the Grand Concourse, my old Bronx stomping grounds (Oh, how I longed for a Concourse girl friend).
Tomorrow at 6, fascinating to be there, if I decide to return. But that is the whole point, just letting things happen......

things are looking....

up, got an e-mail from Kristen, asking me to sub on 10/2; that means two days in that week, really good.
Also got a call yesterday from a mother of a prospective student---will meet then in library at 4 today, looks like another student to add to the list. Still, at this point, feeling very restless---why...? Not sure. Yesterday, met former student Daniel, just graduated from Yale, at Chipped Cup, had a good conversation with him.
Came home and rested, then off to first fringe encore show, the "fatty" play, a bit disappointing. After that not sure where to go. Walked around the south village, MacDougal, Thompson, and of course Sullivan street, looking for a bar or a pizza place. On Sullivan, walked over to where the old Sullivan Street Playhouse was, (or where I thought it was) and "tried to remember" seeing the Fantasticks there. After nostalgic visit, found a pizza place on Bleecker, then next to it a bar named Concord, loud but mellow, where I could watch the end of the Yankee game. Not a lot happening, bartender nice, had an interesting talk with a guy who came in after me and sat down at the bar near me. A very light skinned hispanic guy named Jose Luis, spry and alive who must be 79 now. We compared notes about NYC in the fifties and sixties, he had to leave for a jazz concert at Poisson Rouge, but invited me to join him at Smoke, which is near where I live, on Mondays, when he goes there for jazz. Might do that one of these days, left and returned home, bumped into Marshall, owner of South Fourth at his other Bar, Formerly Crows, but did not go in.
And now, here i am, still restless, probably will be until the meeting at 4.

the dark....

"and tyrannous deed is done!" quoting from Richard III, but actually this refers to my sending my resume and cover letter to Calhoun. Not exactly the same thing as killing two little princes, but seems appropriate at the moment. Now that it is over can give my attention over to....what? 

As usual, the night had its anxious moments, possibly because I was so unfulfilled by trip to Lansdowne yesterday evening, usual time, watched several games, patter with bartenders was nice, but kind of quiet there, no really interesting contact, hard to watch a couple of games at at time though that is what I like. 

Decided to walk home, determination conquered all...no problem getting from 44th and tenth to 76th and West End. Was tired after that...again a wary sleep, but as soon as I was out, felt very positive and alive with things. Trying to put it all together, how is there so much to enjoy, yet I find myself very uuaggresive with money. 

Had a really good read from the Tanner book on Shakespeare yesterday afternoon at the library. Did Romeo and Comedy of Errors, there he really has some great things to say about it. Definitely feel fulfilled by my immersion with this book. Don't know if I will go back again today, but if not there...where...?

Heartened by Teachout's showing against Cuomo, also Wu's showing. Great to see that there is a public groundswell against the current Governor and his ilk.

Tonight, Obama's speech,will probably miss it see the fringe encore Fatty---will get the gist (and more) of it later.Well, it is a beautiful, brisk day....