Difficult day....

 yesterday, two days after infusion. Did not eat much. Slept a lot. Awoke this morning with more energy---body  should be warming up today---I think it would be a good idea to move around. But where?  Cannot make plans,---simply follow the messages my body gives me as the day progresses. Have to remember that the first weekend after the infusccuion has always been somewhat difficult ---but not this difficult. 

Earlier on one of the web sites about the city, I read of a murder at a bodega in East New York. Went to google maps to check it out. Saw many buildings that reminded me of the neighborhood that I was raised in in the Bronx. As I was growing up, this was mostly a Jewish neighborhood---now of course, mostly black and hispanic. Does it make sense? As a teen-ager, I could have been set up on a blind date with some young woman from East New York---that is all I can come up with. But where are we now?  I know no people from my generation who want to talk about their childhood---and when they do---when I meet then---the memories are basically superficial--an outline of the past but not a look into it. What does it mean to be raised in a certain way---or in a "crimeless" neighborhood? I want more depth!  The protection and security that I felt as a child has brought me to this place now. A through line. So  now I wait....I am alone. On my last trip to Bronx Science for their reunion, instead of going right to the nearest subway, I took a bus that goes west---felt very moved by what I saw. More visits...? Possibly.

Looking forward to the next weekend---should be much stronger--hopefully some longer trips. Today, if I want to see a movie--have almost two many choices. Still must dialogue with my body to get through it to figure out thow far it will travel. That is all for now.