All Dressed Up....

 and "nowhere to go." that seems to be where I am right now---Christmas Eve--in the past two days have tutored 6 sessions---some very fulfilling ones, and here I am now with tonight and tomorrow free---I promised myself that I would see at least 2 movies during this time---there are about 15 interesting possibilities in the city---but am somewhat lethargic, as 6 o'clock rears its ugly head, and I don't know if I have the energy to stick it through a movie yet I long to get out the apartment! Coffee---somewhere---someplace---oh well--so where do we go from here. 

Remembering a Christmas Eve spent first in Bushwick and then at South Fourth---must have been 15 or 16--no, I think it was 14, Lots of fun conversation---bartender Merlin at South Fourth had several friends in--a playwright from the middle east---we worked on a crossword puzzle together---then joined by others, including another young female playwright whose career has become a major one. Now South fourth is no more---the Cobra Club in Bushwick is too far away---and I am here.  Lower energy, but of course that is the result of extra years---the illness---and other things.

Returned to Friends on Friday for their Christmas Assembly--recongnized by many---nice words from a couple of boys from the graduating class who remembered my subbing for them. nice since that will be 5 years in March. Still feel both welcome and unwelcome there---not trying to work it out now, but I would like to integrate myself more in the community then I am now. Afterwards, stayed around and saw a fascinating production of The Merchant of Venice at CSC. My friend played Shylock--we spoke afterwards and I also spoke to the director, who appreciated my comments. Nice being part of that environment again---felt I belonged, and had something to say. Wanted to see the final play at the Soho rep venue on Walker Street, but could not get to it, Maybe one theater visit was exciting enough for the weekend.

So here we are---still restless and tired---not the best combination, But will report soon.

Sunday morning---9 days later....

 Yesterday night---returned to BAM (why returned?) to see Flako's installation, Mercedes, a memorial to his amazing grandmother, who raised him in Bushwick and was an inspiration to so many others that she interacted with. Her last days were dominated by dimensia, and a documentary at the center of the presentation goes into that in depth. Glad I went: lots of contact and conversations with other people---somethng that my life had been lacking the rest of the week--why...? Many hours of tutoring which meant returning to the apartment feeling very tired--then simply grabbing a prepared meal at Fairway or Citarella and after eating, usually falling asleep. Awake around 10 or 11, then web browsing then....anyway, it was refreshing to talk to people---including Joey, a person who knew me from the indie theater days of the pre pandemic. Lots of memories shared--after the presentation, the production had created a healing room at the Fisher, so I spent some time there---did some writing, actually and then went to Fulton bar to watch basketball and gorge on an iceberg wedge salad. One of the mental health representatives who was part of the project offered me a take home from Meals on Wheels.(this was at the Healing room, not the bar) ; I rejected it--told her that an elderly persn more needy then I  should receive it. Still maintained my independance.

Per last report: did actually go to the Met and see Die Frau Ohne Schatten---at least the first act (a long first act) of it. Memories flooded back to me as I was listening to this amazing music.  October 66--23 years old---trying to put things together---my opera fanatic days---going to the Met on a Sunday evening to see an obscure Strauss Opera--expecting simply to absorb it--remember the fantastic production--the amazing performance of Christa Ludwig in the pivotal role of the Dyer's wife, and the yelling and screaming of the audience at the end of the opera--we had all discovered and participated in something that was uniqe and brilliant. Saw it two more times that season--all about trying to find myself---so last Friday I found myself overwhelmed with perhaps the memory of my own vulnerability in the Fall of 66. Simply too much to deal with so I could not let myself continue at the opera. Grabbed a coffee and cookie at the nearby Gefffen Hall lobby--relieved to return totally there to the present. Same feeling as I listened to part of yesterday's broadcast of the opera--had to shut it off at times---the music--its sound, is totally unique to me--nothing else like it. 

Tired today--will rest a bit--coffee with some young friends who live upstairs from me--should be mellow and interesting Not sure how the rest of the day will turn out..will report soon.