Friday 10/28 first post in almost two weeks

 Alot has happened. But I want to focus on my energy, or lack of same. Yesterday I visited my blood oncologist, who supervises my treatment. The news was good--they are comfortable with my status--I simply must contnue the three week infusions and pill medication as I have been doing for the past few months. They are pleased, will wait for the results of my next ct scan in early January before deciding the next move---assuming that there is one. Meanwhile my energy has been eratic---usually in the mornings, like this morning, my energy seems normal---can do or go almost anywhere, but that is subject to change at any moment. Yesterday, feeling really good as I returned from the doctor's I found myself almost immediately in need of sleep. And then waking up, the energy was less---gone was the sense that i was as strong as I was pre pandemic. Ah, yes, the summers of 2018 and 2019---still a sense that I could walk anywhere---long distances, without tiring. How many walks through Brooklyn, from Bushwick into Bed-Stuy, from BAM to 5th Avenue and 16 street, up and down Cotelyou Road, then south on Coney Island Avenue to Newkirk---streets that if my father and mother had taught in Brooklyn, I might have been raised on. But now, mt body, so different has to be carefully managed. Last night I reminded myself that my life centers around my tutuoring; I now have at least one student every day of the week--have to make sure that I am primed for that. Yet I want to leave the apartment---tired of waiting around until 3 or 4 when I commence my travel on the 1 train to the two upper Washington Heights libraies that I tutor in. This afternoon just one student at around 4; should get out before then instead of just staying in the apartment watching time move slowly. We, we will see.

Monday evening, a party in Brooklyn at Jack---the theater-community space situated where Clinton Hill merges into Bed-Stuy. In honor of its founder---Alec, who is stepping down after 10 years. I wanted to go to show my appreciation for his vision and the space in general. How many performances, not to mention a few important forums have I attended at that space? It is where I met Imani, the leader of BAN, an organization that, pre-pandemic, I was part of for a lot of events. Getting off the C at Washington Avenue, walking east along Fulton for a few blocks I felt a calm and gentle energy unlike anything I feel on the upper west side. Yes, I know, Fulton around that area is now saturated with new luxury buildings that only cater to one class of people, nevertheless, I felt so much "happier" there (for want of a better word)  and calmer as I walked to the theater. Party was fun---had some good conversations, but it was those three or four blocks to the theater that really re-defined me. 

Tasks for today---maybe buy some undershirts--that is about it. I wonder if I will have enough energy to spend the evening out of the apartment after my one hour of tutoring. So that is what we will find out.

Monday morning....

 eight days later---the day last Saturday did not really lead anywhere, as I remember it. A kind of torpor---tired---but that usually happens on days where I have no major places to be. Cant remember anything else about it---oh yes, went for dinner to the diner on 17th and 3rd---a good place for me to be. Watched baseball game---I think Seattle against Toronto in the wild card series. They are both out of it noblw---but the diner---with its nice tuna fish, is a laid back place, and I can watch sports there, and not think about not ordering alcohol. 

But enough of that---I actually wanted to talk about today. Restless---I have one tutoring session but it begins at 5, so there is a lot of time to kill. Financially I am tough on myself---refuse to let myself see a movie early in the afternoon---so how will I kill time? Probably will go to the Lincoln Center library and do some browsing there. Always return to Tony Tanner's amazing book, Prefaces to Shakespeare. He discusses every play--great inisights and yet very easy to follow. Last Elizabethan play that I read not written by Shakespeare, or at least not attributed to him, was The Spanish Tragedy, by Thomas Kyd. Interesting play, some strong echoes of later Shakespeare plays, but very convoluted plot---like so many plays by Shakespeare's contemporaries, it jumps from event to event, but never really gets inside it, nor does it take time for incisive character work. You can see how Shakespeare grabbed the form and pushed it inward---almost forced personal issues of the character to come out. Anyway, the next Elizabethan play I would like to read (or actually re-read) is Marlowe's Edward II. Ironically, though they have his other plays on the shelf, for whatever reason, that one is not there. So I wait. 

On Sundays, I tutor an adult student who lives in Jackson Heights. I go out there and work with him at his apartment.  A block from the 7 train, I find myself entering  a world of stately apartment houses---set up completely different from those in the other boroughs. I wish I could describe the soft energy that I feel as I walk towards my student's house. I am transported, absorbed by the tranquility of the streets that i find myself on. I really love going out there---next time probably in two weeks. 

Time to finish, and get back to the real world. Will report soon.

Where are you now...?

 Beginning of a long weekend. Body tired. Activity galore in the last few days. Thursday, constant falling apart of new ostomy bag---finally had to call my surgeon's office for some help. They gave me some new supplies---have not used them yet---will see. A trip that should not have been necessary. Friday, had to pick up medication of east 86 street, then head to my ostomy supplier---a drugstore on third avenue and 122 street. Made the trip; no problem---but a lot of ground covered in two days---then back to the library for a tutoring session. One session today---body feels taxed, but strong.  After that----well, the city is awash in movies and plays, all just waiting for people to come and see them. Decision to be made after session--will depend on energy level.

Sunday October 2nd--left the house at 7:40 to head to Bronx Science to participate in college interview preparation for this year's seniors. Two subway rides: the 2 to 149 street, tben climb the stairs (those stairs that as a child I would climb as I was heading to Yankee Stadium) and take the 4, to the Bedford Park station. On the trip, still fascinated as I pass the apartment buildings one can see from the 4 train windows. All of us were Jews---all of us were safe. As I look at the addresses of my graduating class in the class yearbook, it would seem like at least half of my class lived along that route. In how many of those apartments lived girls who I would have given anything to go out with?  Does my memory refuse to accept the life that is living there now?

Just found out that my only session today has been canceled. A whole different vision of time---and money. Where do we go from here?

I had meant to report on the Science experience---well, it was wonderful---I interviewed six students playing the role of a  college admissions officer. The kids were great! Eager to speak, sometimes full of ideas; I tried to be as empowering as possible--to create an atmosphere where I felt they enjoyed talking to me. Certainly the school as constituted now, offers them much more in terms of electives and life itself then the school did in my years. Still, enjoyed telling them stories from my time--not all positive, but interesting, now in retrospect. "Wounds", if you want to call them that, have healed over the years. And, oh yes, five of the six students I interviewed were the children of immigrants---and living in Queens! This is my strength at this time in my life--a kind of empowering. I am also feeling a stronger bond with the six or so children whom I tutor---getting more out of it, since it is the only scholastic event of the day (not subbing at this point),

So, the day begins---lots of choices now---will see where it leads....