don't want to go back to bed as yet---if at all---body stiff when I wake up, seems to want exercise at this point---but where does one go for exercise at 3 A. M.? Apartment is small---so here I sit at the computer---trying to pass the time, and consider what the next few days will be like. The chemo has made its mark---the strongest part of the day seems to be from the morning till early afternoon---one activity for the afternoon, then lethargy sets in. Yesterday a long awaited visit to two venues in Brooklyn, that were once---pre-pandemic, simply part of my normal activity. First time back at the Central library--Grand Army Plaza---checked it out---really not a great deal of change, but the lighting is warmer, and the bathrooms are less scary. I found an interesting book that explores several Shakespeare plays (not great insights so far, but evokes some meaningful thoughts about the plays for me) and a play called The Baltimore Waltz--an off Broadway success in the early nineties, that I never saw. Readng it I am a little put off. From the library to the Center for Fiction, about a mile north---previously I would have easily walked it, but yesterday took the subway. The Center is still a great place to stop and read---you can have coffee or not. Its almost where it was pre-pandemic---but less people moving through it---like other venues---a kind of ghostly quality that signifies its emptiness. Still, I was able to read for about an hour there---nothing like that on the upper west side. My body seemed to focus well, until I walked to the Nevins Street subway stop, then the lethargy set in. Would I make it back to the apartment..? Sure, but not with a lot of energy. Returned about 3:30---finished for the day. Stayed in except for some short shopping trips. It seems like my body has one burst of strength---then it tells me to stay home for the rest of the day. Will it continue like that...? I long to move around. We shall see.
Being home allowed me to complete the non-fiction book, The Invisible Child, by Andrea Edwards. Some of it is brutal--a picture of how disfunctional parents can make life very difficult for their children. The children themselves are forced to create a system to fight this chaos. But so many things are beyond their control The book follows Dasani, from birth to around age 18---actually the writer came in contact with her when she was 12---and the reader sees the different roles she is asked to play as she is growing up, especially during periods when her parents cease to function. A tough reading experience, but one that kept me going for all its 500 plus pages. Also two movies---Drive My Car--a Japanese movie about a theater actor-director coping with loss. Truly the best movie I have seen so far since the movie theaters re-opened post pandemic. The first one in which I felt I was not being manipulated or pushed at by the director. Really character driven. Then on Tuesday, Tik Tik Boom---a revelation---much better then I expected. Great direction from Lin Manuel---totally fluid and a screenplay that really built on and improved the original off Broadway material. Very full. The movie really demonstrates how deep and beautiful Larsen's music truly is. He was a great composer---but I think it takes time to realize that. Great to watch both movies on a big screen---so important to the experience of appreciating them. Other movies for the next few days...? Have to work it out.
Writing this has enabled me to kill some time---still at 3:40 a long way to go before I venture forth to buy my morning coffee (around 6), now what..? Laps around my small apartment...? I doubt it---but no sleep for now. New Year's Eve in two days. That is another world unto itself. How will I partiicipate in it? We will see....
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