Saturday night, between

 Schubert's Trout quintet and the end of the Met game, here I am. (Maybe also the end of the Mets). Spent the day, an extremely hot one, at two libraries: the one by Lincoln Center and the one closest to me, on Amsterdam and 82nd. Both good places to go into, just to get away from the heat, but I was able to read some of tomorrow'sTimes at the second library. Did not choose any book from either library; just could not make up my mind and did not want to commit to any one book or vision. Still have Lopate's collection of Essays and a play called Take a Giant Step, from the fifties, out. But neither interests me very much. Three books that I wanted are at different libraries,and with the heat, and my "tiredness" which I think is caused by the zeloda (chemo) pills, I did not feel like going to any of them.

Here comes the "Trout" theme from Schubert's work. How long ago did I become interested in chamber music? Probably early twenties, about the same time I was listening to as much Mozart as I could get my hands on. That would be summer of 67. A bridge from seven months sorting mail at the Post Office on 33rd street to my second social work job. Only three years from my "triumphant" last year at Hopkins. But this was so different. Confused, working nights at the Post Office so that i could audition for stage work during the day, but found myself unable to deal with that system---very few friends---most days spent reading---read Roth's When She Was Good, Malamud's The Fixer, and Kohl's non fiction book about teaching in Spanish Harlem---36 Children. Had to change my life style; wanted to be alive in the evenings---to date, interact, etc. So I made the transition, and got a job at Riverdale Children's Agency--an agency that worked with black foster children and their placements.  I liked the work--i remember two brothers, Turan and Maurice--knew them well; I wonder where they are now? Can't believe that they are adults--they are stuck in my mind as teen agers. The change worked---I was free enough to have my first serious "affair" that winter and spring. But my vision of myself as an actor had ended. 

Schubert's music is ending soon. Back to the baseball game, if it is not finished? Must get out, walk again---far too much time in the apartment and looking at this "screen".  Will report soon.