Have just finished reading...Hema and Kaushik,

a novella by Jhumpa Lahiri that ends her collection called Unaccustomed Earth. Not all of it---I had read most of it before, but just the part close to the end of the novella, in which Hema, thirty seven, intellectual, and coming out of a long and unsuccessful affair with a college professor meets Kaushik, another Indian, whom she had a crush on as a child. This is in Rome, where he is working as an independent photographer, and she is doing research.  A few months before, Hema has just accepted a marriage proposal from Navin, another Indian male---a scientist. Yet she is uncomfortable with this---though she is second generation Indian--and completely removed intellectually from the world of her parents---in which all marriages were arranged--she understands that this was an "arranged" traditional marriage itself. She and Kaushik meet by accident at a dinner arranged by mutual friends, are immediately attracted to each other and begin a passionate affair---which will last during the length of their time in Rome. Kaushik is starting a new job in China, and towards the last days of their affair, he asks her to reject Navin and come with him. She explains to him that she can't---that this arranged marriage is "settled" and for all of the passion and fulfillment she experiences with Kaushik, she must live the marriage through. "Coward!" he calls her. She starts to cry. That is the end of it.
    On the way to China, Kaushik stops in Thailand to take some pictures. He is caught in a monsoon and disappears. Hema returns to Cambridge where she and Navin will build a home. She does not love Navin, but accepts him---she is pregnant and focuses on the unborn child. Of course, she can't keep Kaushik out of her mind, but gradually accepts Navin's meaningful good intentions. Her final statement (and the final statement in the book) is to Kaushik.  "It might have been your child, but this was not the case. We had been careful. You had left nothing behind"
   So that is the end of the passion. The almost complete annihilation of it. That last sentence, why does it speak to me so much? If I were reading it aloud, who would I have wanted to hear it? And what woman, in what time and place,  who knew me, once felt passionate about me, would make that statement to me?
 So I am mesmerized by her writing, and her vision. It helps that in this world, time has stopped, no structure to adhere to, isolated from hanging out with friends or acquaintances, the power of the writing---any writing that I read, can be overwhelming. The book becomes an acquaintance. Thinking about the writing, going over it in my head, replaces whatever excitement I would get from the outside world.
  There are real things happening too. Scheduled a colonoscopy for August 4. Should help me get
to the bottom of some of my stomach problems. More to come.