raining now...right..

in the middle of the day. Glad that I am not protesting---take that back, cityboy, you know that you should be out there making your voice heard. A little rain or a small downpour never hurt anyone. And yet you are not...explain....
    Yesterday, a slow day most of the afternoon, then suddenly everything came to life when I attended the virtual BAN-Equality for Flatbush meeting. Only said hello and identified my neighborhood---that was my only statement during the entire two hour meeting---but received much warmth from Imani, E4f's leader, and later a nice text from Alex, another member who is also a Friends Seminary graduate. But just focusing on what others were saying---just trying to get the whole picture which included reports on protesting, giving out food, being on the phone tree---gave me a focus which I had not had in a long while. So I woke up today feeling tremendous energy--more then I have felt in a long time---and more important, a sense that I belonged in this group. Can't wait to get out to Brooklyn a little later in the year---maybe to do some protesting outside an apartment house where the landlord is harassing the older tenants.
  But what about today. As usual, I checked the web sites to find out where the many protests were being held today. Found one at Columbus Circle for 11:00--pretty easy for me---I could walk there and if there were any problems take the easy walk home. But I could not do it. Got hungry around 10:40 and had to return to the apartment for some food, at least that is the excuse I gave myself.
But some part of me is holding back. I know I am not "needed"---there are plenty of people attending these protests--still, I seem to be very ambivalent about getting involved. One organization was giving out free food this morning at Nostrand and Foster Avenues, and I thought of going out there, but changed my mind.
Something stops me.
Still, I marvel at the sheer amount of people going out to protest---the lack of fear when it comes to facing the police, particularly from the the groups in Manhattan and Brookllyn that flaunt curfew. Yes, this is different, we are moving towards a new reality, prompted by these protests. What form will it take. Can't say, remember we are still in "free fall'. will have to take it day by day,