Friday, July 14, 2017

quite a dream.....

cityboy experienced last night. What was it? Well, I am on 145 street and the school (Friends) has for some reason moved a little west of where I am.  I have placed the school where the library is on 145th street and Amersterdam. I am in a coffee shop a few blocks east, with about 15 minutes to go before the next class I have to cover. Two parents come over to me and show me pictures of their kids (I think they are from the middle school) in a theater or chorus project. The parents are glowing, and I go along with this, wondering however, if this conversation will make me late for my class. A little anxious. Finally they go, and I start to move west, but I am faced with a very steep hill, and have to climb up steps to get to the next block. Why did I not see this before? What if I am late, will the school understand---I climb the steps---look for the next block, and find to my great surprise that instead of the next block, I have isolated myself on the top climb---plus it is cold and I left my long sleeve shirt at the restaurant--now I have to climb down---and I will be late to the class. As I look down from the top rung, the steps have disappeared and are replaced by a vertical ladder that I must climb down to get to the next safety level. Should I ask for help? Call the police to help me down? And this is when I wake up--stunned at the anxiety the dream has caused me. Why did I choose this dream? How can I interpret it? Do I feel that I am taking a tremendous risk simply by moving through the summer?  Strange indeed.
       Last night: after the session with my student, which, went very well, by the way, I felt too tired to attend the East Harlem rally on 119street and 3rd Avenue---on returning home I fell immediately to sleep. When I woke, I was determined to see a movie, and settled on Bronx Gothic--a documentary about a performance artist performing a play about being young in the Bronx. This was a movie I felt I had to see, and even if it meant paying $6.00 more for an evening showing (at the film forum) it was important that I check it out. Made the 9:10 show---the movie is fascinating for its story of the performer's life (her parents were Nigerian immigrants who were able to raise their children in Parkchester) but suffers the performers kind of over-hubris and the repetitiveness of her presentation---which is about she and her best friend at age 11 in the Bronx. A lot of anger and nasty recriminations as the two talk about sex---but somehow it came off as kind of repetitive.  The performer, for all her passionate intentions came off a little too self involved. After the movie I toyed with going to a bar in the neighborhood, but was too tired and returned home. Perhaps I should have forced myself to get a beer in a new bar---it might have changed the dream or perhaps even eliminated it, but I did not. Tonight I will have the same set of choices: where to go---how much stimulation to give myself---will one more event or challenge in the evening spark something that will make me feel that I have fulfilled my potential? No particular plan right now, just want to continue reading the Vennie book for the rest of the afternoon. Then we will see.
  Let's leave it at that---will report how it all turned out tomorrow.

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