A lazy Friday

No work again today---beginning to think that "chance" that I thought I had to be called was really a vague dream, however will continue to hope for one day next week. Moral and ethical considerations...? Not at the moment. So what am I left with---a lazy Friday, will meet with Jesus for some math tutoring at around 2 P.M., after that (and for most of the weekend) it is all me.
Yesterday's blog discussed moment in time at the coffee place on Lenox and 129nth street. Really magical,
being able to sit there, listen to the dreamy folk music being played on the tape, and look at the outside world. felt (at least at that moment) like I really needed very little else to be happy.My two favorite coffee places are now that one, and the other on broadway and 149th street. Of course, and I have stated this before, never dreamed that at some point in time, I would find myself having coffee in a relaxed way, at
either of those two places. This is what it is to live in the city now, so many new places one can travel to
and feel safe, but at what cost...?
Last night went to Shadows, finally saw it, Alec did a nice job directing it---otherwise an uneventful visit to Prospect Heights and Fort Greene---still want to try a few bars on Washington avenue.
Today, after tutoring, may see a movie, probably will opt for a "baseball immersion" night at Standings
this evening---a little too much, but I must try it out.....

The Two Cityboys

1.  Anxious and dissappointed at the turn of events at friends. Trying to figure out what move to make.
2. Appears at Friends and is greeted warmly when he goes to pick up his most recent check. Everyone from students to teachers seems happy to see him. Mr. Cool! Cityboy decides that this must be the real Cityboy, no complaints---if next appearance is at Senior Dinner (to which he was cordially invited) so be it.
More relaxed now.

• Good tutoring session with Michaela yesterday, afterwards stopped off at coffee place on 129nth near Lenox. Fascinating moment. Time stopped, very mellow music, read a little, but mostly just watched outside, as the two "civilizations" went their separate ways. Very likeable place, that and the coffee place on Broadway and 148th street becoming way stations for me.

Heat returns....

to the city, what does that mean for me....do I go out to Brooklyn and wander around.....unlike yesterday when I was virtually locked in my house (not really) by the cold and rain. I love the idea of moving through the streets of Brooklyn, why.....? seems to me more (or as) interesting as a movie, and yet there are movies I should see....trying to come to terms, trying to understand the history of a street by looking at it, fantasizing what it would have been like twenty, thirty, forty, even fifty years ago....who would have been on it, race, economic level, etc. Last night left me tired....still would like to go....

another night....

waiting for the call time---o  fcourse, not called, have to wonder if there will be any more work for me this year. Of course, will go to senior dinner (next thursday) final assembly, next Friday, and the graduation.

Another long night---wake up around 3, fill of energy, mull things over, must take around an hour, then....
finally return to sleep around 5, wake up about an hour later---could easily be woken up by the phone.
Strange set of contrasts---feel really strong in my relationships and my interactions with people, then faced with the "dilemma" at Friends.
Possible free tickets for Big Knife this afternoon, will turn it down...why.....? Just does not seem right.
What to do.....Brooklyn...last day or so to see Place Among the Pines....still have not visited Shadows, was too tired yesterday, ended up at the sports bar on 44th street and 10th---nice enough, plenty of sports, stayed for about two and a half hours--this is not a "contact" bar, like south fourth, but has good
cobb salad---light but filling.
Rest of day....not sure---should see a movie, want to see Shadows, will I ever see it/ So many movies....

Summing up....

the weekend saw the best and worst of my life. Or perhaps that is too extreme, hey, all things considered it
was a pretty good weekend---great decision sunday evening to go to Clubbed Thumb. Found the play quite strong, but also made acquaintance of Calvin and Debra, found myself awash in theater memories which they
responded to. This is really who I am. But no work today, wonder if all my requests for work at Friends
on Friday will be met. Financially set for the summer (at least in terms of management) but not happy about
not being called a decent amount this spring. Anyway, will go to the Senior Dinner, final assembly and graduation, at least---see what happens from there. Can use the time outside of school effectively, but must
be aware of the budget.
Trips..? Can't say, but feel strongly optimistic that this will be a good summer.
Yesterday, after cook out returned to Manhattan (hate to make that return trip) and stopped at La Flaca to
watch ball game. Tired but frightened that if I just went home, I would fall asleep and just get up around
midnight with nothing to do, so I decided to walk across Grand Street from far east to far west---did it---
fascinating trip, from les to Little Italy to Soho to Soho west lots of different things on the streets that were
fascinating. Wonder how many old apartments have people living in them from the seventies and eighties.
Tonight will possibly go to Jack, must go to see Shadows before it closes---always nice to be in Brooklyn.....

Nancy to the...

rescue....who is Nancy, you might ask? My friend on the block, career NYC teacher, who says she is able to re-enter me into NYC school system? Exhiliration followed! All of a sudden, the prospect of
teaching every day, being part of a school network without stop, seems really good and exciting!

Moved from a very different place then I was last night---found myself too tired to see Shadows at
Jack. Fortunately, I did not reserve tickets---went instead to Two Moons, my savior Park Slope coffee place-bar. Relaxed and had coffee (Americano) finished reading Triburbia by Karl Greenfield, a good, skillful read---am left with Junot Diaz' short stories for today and possibly tomorrow as the libraries are
closed. Walked the several blocks down fourth from 2nd street to BAM. Ofcourse, lots of stories went through my mind, but with the advent of Nancy's intervention (possible anyway) they seem to have all disappeared. Fourth avenue---what a trip! the city boy gasps when he remembers fourth avenue in the eighties, as he trekked it to go to a friend's dance concerts on Douglass between 3rd and 4th. Never dangerous but pretty deserted. Who could have fortold the history of the city or the story of 4th avenue
in the last twenty seven years. But here we are.....Other memories as well, but hold on them. Tonight
will probably go to clubbed thumb at Wild Project--have already payed for it (not much) so might as well go. After, possibly will try to see Margo Sherman's brief piece at TNC free LES festival. Havn't seem Margo in a long time---should touch base with her. Anyway, report to follow....

Happiness!!!

Just got the call to go into Friends tomorrow, 5th grade, those heroes of self-entitlement, will be the group I am working with, but it should be fun. Relieved that I have been called---some of my previous doubts have been assuaged.
Good time with Michael, Frank and Abby last night---really enjoyed myself---blunted a lot of the pressure
I was feeling at not working. Just found out that a cousin of mine is entering Wesleyan in September, must try to find out who in this graduating class is also entering---have them make contact---tonight will go to Jesse's
opening---probably more Friends people there, then tomorrow, then the weekend......

melancholy me....

second day without work----usual melancholy, don't really know if I will be called again this year---but still
will go to Riley's project today, Amina's Friday, and end of year events, as I have done before. Feel a personal kinship with this graduating group--still, as the long weekend looms.....have to be focused.
Yesterday had an enjoyable conversation with Nola, in her lobby, then back to 96street for Pizza, then up
to Harlem Public, 148street and Broadway, right across the street from Deyra, my student for two years running. Must be odd for her to watch all the well heeled people, she seemingly has nothing in common with
interact across the street from her house.
Bartenders are really  nice at that bar, but the place becomes crowded quickly, no sense of neighborhood or authentic vision---still they seem to be doing a good job.
Not clear about tonight, after Riley's play, which will be over pretty early---maybe go to East River to see
Layla, whom I have not seen in a long time, then stop in at South Fourth, always good company there, or almost always.
Thinking about the night I went to Pete's candy store--proud of myself for taking that risk---always important to strike out on one's own, if you know what I mean---perhaps end up there tonight as well...

so here I....

am, sitting in the library; just completed my Talking Broadway post on On Your Toes, wonder if it will get any response---nervous about it---otherwise a weekend of contrasts---spent all Saturday night at Lucas's
brownstone, taking money for FUREE---worked hard; collected a lot of money---felt very strong on Sunday morning---held about $1200 dollars in my hand, can understand how accountants and treasurers
of groups are prone to taking money for themselves---nevertheless, gave it all up to the young woman who
replaced me, which left me feeling strong (as I said before) on Sunday morning.
Friday, at 600 Highwaymen, really felt good being there, giving my support, best thing that Michael and Abby have done, in my opinion---afterwards wandered through East Village, all bars packed, up Avenue C,
from sixth to tenth street full of bars and people. Decided not to go into any bar, since they were so filled up, saved some money, which was good.
Sunday afternoon: On Your Toes, so glad I waited until Sunday, production was seamless, really awed by the performances, afterwards went to South Fourth, chatted with Talia, but not much going on there, decided to check out Pete's Candy Store, glad I did, liked the energy plus had a nice talk with Erin, sort of what I came there for. Ironically on the way back on the L ran into Susan, Cobra's bartender whom I avoided because I thought she was souring on me; not true, we had a great conversation.
Woke up this morning with the usual frustration about Friends, but will work there tomorrow, and at least Friday---hopefully some more.
Tonight thought I would see Hannah and Tom at trivia, but they are not coming--might see Hailey Feiffer's movie, promised myself I would check it out, even though other movies seem more viable---how much time
does one need to see all the things to see, and yet have time for oneself.
You can drown as a spectator, I do not want to do that, yet there are things that fascinate..we will see

JB to the rescue.....

or so it seems, he wants me to work for him on Tuesday, that's good, things returning to normal, slightly,
glad that the weekend is here, might sleep better---still feel confused on how to act! If only I had signed on
for AP proctoring, but of course I didn't felt I would be needed more at school.
Last night, after play wandered along the UES, East 71 street, where I first saw "Uncommon Women" some
thirty five and a half years ago. Can it really be that long....? Anyway, the street has some uncommonly  beautiful houses, then found a bar to watch the end of the Met game. Beautiful night, much like the one before. Tonight, will probably see Michael's play at Abrons---wonder how that will turn out--city changing, I see the west side in its forty five year old vision---what now....?

just returned...

from the dentist---relieved that that is over; glad to have spent what I needed to spend, will cost much less
in August---but what of Friends---still no work---at an impasse---should have committed to AP's but thought I would be needed in school---still there is much time, we will see.
Last night, went to the Harlem bar on Broadway and 148 street, across the street from where my former student Deyra Ramirez lives. Formerly poor mostly Mexican neighborhood, wonder what Deyra thinks when she sees all the people drinking and eating accross the street? Felt is if I stepped into a totally different world, decent enough vibe, four television sets, bartender very sweet and manager very eager to talk, made no contacts but enjoyed myself enough...will return...all the city is a bar adventure! That is what you think,
cityboy? Anyway, subway to 116 street, still could not go home, wondered from 116 to 110th with ample time in Bookstore on Broadway and 114 street (it has been there forever in different guises). Then the walk south (would have walked past 110th street but I was tired). There of course I began to consider my place in the "middle" of my generation. On one side, the "all rightniks" those of my generation who became teachers, social workers etc. now retired with a solid pension. Not world shakers by any means, on the other side, the aggressive ones, the movers and shakers (trite but what else can you say) those who wanted to make millions, did and are now shaping policy aggressively destroying the middle class, or making it harder for them. And in the middle---me---of neither group. Yes, we all grew up watching "Howdy Doody", "Radio Patrol" and the others. Felt a sense of strength in those four blocks, tired, woke up around 12, out again for a short walk, then returned slept until 5, and waited for the usual....

night in Williamsburg....

just returned from South Fourth with two conversations, one with Bobbie, a friend of bartender Talia, the other with Lee, whom I had known from previous connections at South Fourth. Now, on my own in Williamsburg...what does that mean? Before me, the whole city enfolds. I can walk on any street, but where, cityboy, where? Did you really think something would happen....? Feel like the hero of Justine, all memory.
Here or in Baltimore, still there is feeling of light, excitement, energy. Must stop now.....