How is it....

that after a successful day, good time with Patrick, Kim, and the others at South Fourth, a nice walk through Jewish Williamsburg, interesting walking there after school, oodles of school children moving from place to place, the atmosphere almost seemed wholesome, not controlled, which is what I usually perceive when I walk through there, then up to Lafayette and Nostrand, had a coffee (which i probably did not need) and sat outside, observing the look of the neighborhood. Call it Bed-Stuy west, half black, half gentrified, not as big a contradiction as on Marcy, was it mellow...? Not exactly..but...should return, then on to La flaca, then to watch the games at Standings, nice welcome from Aaron, left feeling accepted, a good day! But awake at 3, filled with a kind of emptiness, everything seeming to focus on not working and not tutoring. Seems to me that I can't fight the anxiety at that time---stuck in the house, everything is microscoped to the frustration----once I am out, things are better, it's not that I mind the intense budgeting that I have to do now....can handle that, more the sadness at having the day empty. Have received e-mails from Jamie, Sue and Zennie, ressuring, is it possible that no one is simply sick there....anyway, will wait it out---found out about applying for back unemployment if now work is available.
Tonight, must play Trivia at South fourth, need to be there, invited to an interesting political talk at Baruch, early enough so that I could make Trivia, but somehow, I don't think I can bring myself to go---a demand for a third party---very important, but dooable...? Will probably skip it, tomorrow Becca will be on the bar during the day at South Fourth, really look forward to discussing her mom's book with her; hope that the night will be calmer....