his memoir about the death (and then the life) of his father. Called, the Invention of Solitude it is a portrait of a rigid man---a man who should really never have been a parent---and its effect on his son. Of course, Auster, at that moment has incredible insight as he draws his father's l, ife---and the boundaries that his father set up to others. My own father was incredibly different, and yet the portrait resonated with me in a unique way. Why? Well I was born 4 years before Auster, so we were raised in a certain era with certain rules that were similar. Yet my father was "present"---took me on Sunday trips when I was 6 or 7; instilled in me a great love of performace---allowed me to absorb myself in it---was very comfortable with that---up to a point. Ah, but that "point". Is this where the personalities of these two incredibly different men of the era become similar. How can that be? Auster's father gave him no support as a child---could never give him praise---almost machine like in his day by day existence---an existence his wife, Auster's mother, had to endure for about 14 years. Well, it was the time. My father was thrilled when I did well--followed me closely--gave me praise when he felt I deserved it---but, on the other side of that--was quick to let me know if I had failed his vision.Even early on--when I was eleven and in the sixth grade, and did poorly on a geography test, he had no trouble letting me know his disappointment. Of course, it never occurred to him, that this imagination he had instilled in me, and was excited every time I went to the theater, would have found geography boring. Somehow, he could not make that distinction, for he was a teacher, and a test was a test ---I was "bright" so I had to do well on it.
So one is left with more contradictions---unlike Auster's father my father was not afraid to get involved--yet like his father, he had blind spots, and if, in the course of the proceedings one "hit" those blind spots, a rigid pattern would replace all the giving. Well, they were of the same generation and the same religion--also were members of large famiilies, so maybe the undercurrents of that generation bonded them. Of course, socially they would have had no use for each other---the teacher who loved the arts and the businessman who saw money as survival.
Now to real life--had a 'tiring" day yesterday, perhaps still dealing with the effects of the last infusion which was the past Thursday. Still, when I went out for coffee this early morning, felt good--my body telling me it wanted to move. Have a busy day today---have to thread my way through all my choices before I see my first student. Will report soon.