Return to Park Slope!

 Oh my God! Sunday afternoon in Brooklyn. I promised myself that I would leave the upper west side at any cost! So I did---started off near BAM, had a coffee and desert---then headed to Grand Army Plaza and the Central Library. Like the Niarchos Center on 5th and 40th, this library is enormous---means enormous choices for me to consider. Both these libraries overwhelm me---all my interests seem to shove threw my brain, and any real choice seems impossible. But wondered around for at least an hour---maybe more---through fiction, theater (both American and English); then upstairs to art and history--many, many choices--last room the history room---gravitated towards books about the south Bronx---same old story--disinvestment and then remarkable commitment from the community to improve. But I have heard that so many times. Still trapped in "lost" vision of the Bronx that I grew up in---the mostly Jewish, mostly white Bronx that changed around the late sixties or early seventies. Left the library---did not take anything out, then gravitated to Prospect Park West, a few blocks over. Just sat.  Observed the neighborhood---now, as everyone knows, very high priced. Remembered my adventures there in the late sixties and early to mid seventies--friends in inexpensive apartments---one or two bars---that world attracted nurses, social workers, some young actors, of course writers---an easy place to live---very laid back--people could be "cool" with one another. Saw Al of that while watching the present. And now what is this neighborhood? A warm and beautiful shrine to wealth! At least that was my perception of it. Remember the boundaries changing---nobody living west of 6th; then fifth; then------still would be lying if I did not say I enjoyed---felt safe in that calm environment. Stayed on the bench in awe for what must have been a half hour--then walked to 7th ave---turned right towards Flatbush and eventual Subway ride back to the upper west side. But needed an ice coffee---found myself near the coffee and desert shop called (I believe) Cousin John. Went in---wow! Overwhelmed by the pastry choices---never have seen so many--over consumption...? Seemed a perfect complement to the wealth of the neighborhood. Staff very pleasant---finished and walked to Flatbush and north to Bergen---took the subway home.

What to make of all this? Sitting on the bench on Prospect Park West---looking at the luxury building across the street---where was I in all this? As repulsed as I was by how homogenius the world of Park Slope had become, wasn't it also true that I could imagine myself living there comfortably? Hating the neighborhood for what it had become, yet anxious to return. A longing to integrate myself into that world. Stuck with this basic contradiction---how does it end?

Monday morning---body tired from yesterday's trip--one session in the library later in the day---return to normalcy. But can't give up that image.....

Last night....

 around 8---not sure how to spend the rest of the evening, but definitely wanted to go out.  Headed for Lincoln Center--figured that if the Geffen was closed, I woulld just walk around the grounds---maybe stop on a bench and read with the little light that was left. But for some reason I headed south---body felt much stronger then I had expected, and at Columbus Circle walked west---now at 59th and Ninth. To the south---all of Ninth avenue---should I explore....? Decided to do it and thus began my walk South on Ninth---what a circus! The only way I could describe it. Every block saturated with eating places---either bars or specialized restaurants---all at high prices---several small pizza shops as well--I guess that is where one gets ones cheap eats in the neighborhood. Streets crowded with people; most restaurants pretty full. Walked up to 51 street---sometimes checked both sides. Looking for a sports bar, that at some point I might be able to watch baseball---found one or two, but of course, did not go in---I was not hungry and no beer at this point. The Avenue is not much different then it was pre pandemic--if anything, it seems that there are more places to go into. Remember this was a Monday ---what must it be like on the weekends---so here it is---high end NYC---flourishing but only available to people with a certain amount of money---a garish playground. As the body got tired, and feeling that I had gotten enough information about the block (or blocks) I walked east to 8th avenue---quieter there and waited for the 104 to take me home---waited, actually about 15 minutes. Remember when  104's came almost every 3 minutes? Not Tany more---the bus was mostly empty, and consisted mostly of elderly people. This was a Monday and only a few shows on Broadway had performances, but even on the rest of the evenings---the 104 still runs slowly.

For the rest---sessions seem to be building---reading a lot---Sejanus, a play by Ben Johnson, Shakespeare's contemporary. Johnson writes very well and his characters are articulate, but mostly the play reads more like a treatise on governing then a drama. Narrative spread out as well. Still, I am getting a lot out of it. Should continue and finish it by today or tomorrow. More news and "adventures" to follow...

The "horror" that is Wooster Street

 Yesterday early evening. I return to the Performing Garage---certainly have not been there since the Pademic---to see a project performed by their high school summer group. From Canal east to Wooster, kind of a mess. Then Wooster and Canal to Wooster and Broome. All new luxery apartments! All of them! Remember when the space was small and barren? Well, that was practically 50 years ago---did you expect things not to change? Yes, I understand that, but somehow, walking along that street was overwhelming. Finally reached my destination---it began to rain and I was early so I stood under an awning near the theater, waiting to be admitted. And I looked South, at the street I had just walked on---I tried to envision the life or world of the street over the past 50 years. It was as if the last 50 years passed through my head. I think the first time I went to the Garage was around 78 or 79 to see one of their plays directed by Richard Schechner. The theater was building their reputation--this project had gotten good reviews---I I Iremember not being too impressed. Yes, that was the late seventies! Soho was just beginning to explode. Have seen several projects there since then---still...

Said hello to my friend Mike, who was one of the few adults in the presentation---touching base with him was the reason I was there. He was happy to see me---we talked a bit---he was surrounded by well wishers, as is usually the case, so I moved on. Just began to feel hungry---a Caeasar salad at a bar with a TV watching baseball would have been fine. So I walked north to find one---stopped at one or two and looked inside---but did not go in. Why? Since the pandemic stopped there are basically only two bar restaurants that I feel comfortable in--my friend Bob's on C and 9th, and the Fulton, in Brooklyn near BAM. Both too far away. If this was 5 years ago, I would have been comfortable checking out a new place, but now---I could feel my hesitation. Why? Is it the cancer...the ostomy bag (which is very manageable) or just some emotional image I have of myself of not being wanted or accepted in any new place. Restless and annoyed and very hungry---finally went to a grocery store near the Film forum and got a roast beef sandwich which I ate immediately on the street, Then, after a long and for some reason circuitous walk, got the 1 at Houston and returned home. Still angry at myself for not taking the risk of getting my salad at a bar--not sure where to go from here.

Now it is Saturday morning---I have a free day today---two students whom I usually tutor are off today---so lots of choices. Currently reading Appropriate---enjoying it will finish it today---maybe a movie or a trip to the Center for Fiction in Brooklyn--this evening there is a practically all Mozart concert at Geffen Hall---you know how I love Mozart--will get the streaming in the lobby--if that is what I choose to do. But not sure....