decisions, decisions....

 "Strange" day today--my adult student whom I usually see on Sunday and who lives in Jackson Heights, canceled, leaving me with a rarity---an "open" day. Those are days I dream about, but when they happen, it is hard to figure out exactly what to do.. Plays and movies all over the city are available to me, yet, at this moment, around 9:45 on Sunday, my body feels tired---maybe it is telling me to rest today--not to travel---to get ready for the week ahead, which consists of a lot of tutoring and a visit to my blood oncologist for the final infusion of Avastan. 

Would love to visit the Drama Bookstore (is their bathroom situation finally fixed?) or even the fiction center in Brooklyn---just spend the day reading and going from place to place, but again, don't know if my body will approve of those visits.

Friday's day was built around my attending the Christmas Assembly at Friends---my first day back there since the fall semester began---and it turned out to be very meaningful. Sat by myself during the Assembly celebration, which was unusually loud and raucous, compared to earlier years, but that is probably because it was the firsr one in three years. Afterwards, was greeted warmly by many teachers, staff members and both current and former students---felt very much a part of things---this is, after all, my community, yet now return to my life "without" Friends---the extremely heavy schedule of tutoring that has happened to me really prevents me from subbing there during the day---and also my "status"---kind of "undefined" at a

 this point. Yet I feel that any time I go there---for a basketball game or a arts program, I will be very welcomed. So many memories of classes from 07 to 22---it amazes me how many years I have experienced senior classes and graduations. I guess I will just have to let things play themselves out, since my bond with the parents and students whom I tutor has become very strong.

Okay, let's get the day going--the holdidays approach, will have more free time decisions then...

1:00 A.M. musings

 Special day yesterday. Tutored in the morning in Jackson Heights (now traditional Sunday practice) then off tour Baruch to see The Tempest, performed by the Friends Upper School.  Got to the area early (no surprise there)---probably my first real visit to the area post pandemic---lots of luxury building---coffee shops; found a nice sandwich place for lunch. Then to the play: Steve, the director, uses the whole auditorium to make performance space---Nina, the young woman playing Prospero, very strong (casting this role with a woman works)---the production extremely inventive and full of surprises--good performances from a very talented group. Steve takes the festival part of the play---the performances by the Goddesses that can stop the play cold---and turns them into somethng highly inventive. Some quibbles---sure, but that is what one does---really a remarkable project. 

Before I got there I was worried about how I would be "noticed" but actually very few people there that I knew--only a graduate  whose brother was in the play and who was happy to see me. No faculty, which surprised me--maybe they came to the first two performandces or the dress rehearsals. Rather than take the elevator to the lobby, I climbed the four flights of stairs--a lot of effort but not really tired at the end. I felt very good--I had accomplished what I had planned early in the morning with no hitches. Returned to the apartment around 5:30---tired (naturally)---called a cousin who lives in San Francisco----slept and thought. 

Still haunted by my feelings about theater. A project as sucessful and inventive as Steve's was reminded me that there are other director visions that could be stronger (or as strong) as mine was. If I was working with high school kids I would try to strip everything down---the complete opposite of what Steve accomplished. Would it be effective...or potent...or received as well as these kids responded to Steve's vision? It is not to be anyhow---I am not doing this now---nevertheless--I try to remind myself that my work with the students whom I tutor is valuable and potent---a life in the "real" world, working to improve the lives of those less fortunate then myself---working with families who did not have the opportunity and don't posess the resources that mine had. Is this not what a true "progressive" does? Yet with theater, I am always "recieiving". A sadness---way past feeling excluded from that world...yet....On that note I sleep.

Today the tutoring work week begins---I expect three hours probably three days this week. Will be free on Friday and return to Friends for their Christmas Assembly and alumni gathering. Canceled my one tutoring session for that day---want the time to be completely open to all possibilities. Should be a better indication of where I stand at the school. Can't complain---I enjoy the tutoring in a way I have not before, and really like my students. Well, let's leave it at that.

not many choices at 5:28

Still a little too early to get coffee; would love to go for a walk, but can't, or jump on the L train.

Time stops! So here we are at the beginning of Friday. A long week of tutoring coming to its end. Yesterday, due to some foul up in communication from my oncologist's office, my Avistan infusion did not happened, instead I get it today. No problem. 

Thanksgiving at my cousins was fine. Got off at Bergen Street and walked south to their apartment on Park Place. Was this my first time on that strip since the pandemic. Flatbush around there, full of empty storefronts. Friday a "passive" day, Saturday a full day of tutoring. Sunday, morning tutoring my adult student who lives in Jackson Heights, then met my friends Clint and Kim for lunch and coffee in Williamsburg. A long trip, two subway changes, but my energy was very high. Starving when I reached the Ramen place where we met for lunch, ate some really good soup, then we crossed the street to a restaurant that specializes in desert and talked some more. 

Arriving in Williamsburg as I got off the G, and walking the seven or eight blocks from the station to Bedford, I felt a sense of being "home". Between 07 and 18, how many walks did I take in that area, how many restaurants or bars did I visit? Firsts time on those streets since the pandemic, almost felt like a blind man finally with his sight restored. Would love to return soon and just walk, but my schedule makes that impossible for a while. When? Christmas? Who wants to walk in the cold?  But it felt great to be there, then had an excellent conversation with Kim and Clint about the state of the theater today. First long conversation about that in a while---left them as I approached the L, back to Manhattan, feeling very exhilirated. Energy high during the whole day; my body took me where I wanted to go.

So life now revolves around my tutoring schedule, which is pretty heavy at this point. Lots of plays and movies out there to capture my imagination, but really no time or energy for it. A few friends appearing or writing plays that are on between now and Christmas, but making time for them may be impossible. Need to rest when I return home after a few hours of tutoring, and on the one or two days of the week that are less filled, well....? Can't say. 

Almosts six o clock, the coffee cart where I get my moring coffee should be ready soon....