just returned from a walk to my grocer....

 at 1 A.M. Why? To pick up some grapefruit juice---my throat is dry, after a long sleep. Also, just needed to get out of the apartment. Luckily the streets around my aparrtment house are very safe---and quiet at this time. Thank heaven for this grocery store, located on the corner of 72nd and West End. A little overpriced--but there 24/7. Gives me a place to walk to when I am restless late in the evening, or, more recently, early in the morning. Body felt strong on the way there--so I guess the chemo is not  overwhelming it--a sign of strength always makes me feel good.

Today is Sunday the 1st, and I will be going out to Bushwick to join a Mayday celebration in Maria Hernandez park---really my old "stomping ground". Should start off at Cobra---if I do it will be the first time there since the pandemic began--remember I used to go there every Sunday, and sometimes on other days. I wonder if any one will know me there, or who will be the bartender. Possibly stop off at the Nook, another coffee place closer to the park, which I tried, and liked last summer. In the park, at the celebration, it is also possible that I will run into old friends. That is something that I need; pretty isolated around here---certainly I can deal with that---but it might be refreshing to have some people to say hello to. Certainly after seeing Pippin at Friends, last Saturday, it was great to be greeted by many of the kids that I used to work with. Will try to go to there choreolab at the end of the week as well. And then there is the reunion.

Two very exciting tutoring sessions, Friday and Saturday---will continue this week; I am feeling more gratification from these sessions then I ever had. On a grimmer note, the contract between my ostomy supplier and my medicare provider has been ended, leaving me to look on my own, starting Monday, for new supplies. Angry at that, but it could be a "blessing in disguise", as I might be able to find some stronger bags. Make it easier for me to be out and about. Still, the hassle is annoying.

Came from a harsh movie at the New Directors, new Films festival at Lincoln Center. Time for me to go to the theater---lots of plays and ballets out there for me to see. Will I do it? Stay tuned.

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such a long time between posts

 Hard to say why? So many "real" events happening, somehow my dealings with these events diminishes my need to write on this blog. Today a friend is appearing in a play on Theater Row. I have not seen him in awhile, which is why I am going---the play does not interest me at all. I am going to the later performance (8:00) at the producer (playwright's) request. Lots of time to kill before that--not sure how I can do it---also keep my stamina up so that I am not tired by the time of the show. Should not be a problem, since last night I was at a Seder at my relatives' house in Brooklyn and never felt tired. Still, can't exert myself too much. Have to be careful---lots of sports on this afternoon- a possible way to fill up the time.

The facebook page about memories of the Bronx, primarily  from the 40's, 50'and 60's had a post devoted to the section of the Bronx around Southern Boulevard and the 160's, Pictures show a commercial street in what must have been a mostly Jewish neighborhood with stores catering to that population. The neighborhood was working to middle class; the stores all seem fairly prosperous, and yet in ten years they would all be gone. The writers of the posts never talk about experiencing the transition from safe working class neighborhood to a place full of  poverty and crime. When? When exactly did each store close---realize that they could no longer exist in the neighborhood--what was the transition like. No answers. For most of these posters it is as if time stopped after they left. Something about these old neighborhoods (my neighborhood growing up was several miles north of there, and did not experience that kind of transition) and they way of life these posters describe haunts me. 

Yesterday at the Seder a young cousin of mine invited me to a May Day celebration in Bushwick. It is at Maria Hernandez park, a park that in pre pandemic-pre illness times, I frequented or walked through often. Until she mentioned it, I did not think of going, but now I think I will. I can handle it. Two weeks from today.

so it is three weeks since my last post

 why? Harsh life seems to have overtaken me---would like to write about memories and operas I love (like Don Carlos) and books I am reading, but practical matters can be strong---not overwhelming, but strong---so I don't feel like posting.

It's Saturday, close to 7 P.M, have been up since around 5:30 with just one nap, and one abortive nap--too many fantasies of old girl friends or old imaginary girl friends. Unlikw pre pandemic days, I usually stay in at nights. Tonight would love to go out---but my body aches---no it feels like pins are in my legs and shoulders-not conducive to running around. I remember two weeks ago I went to Metrograph and had a great time---wonderful to see a different world,then the upper west side, but today, if I go out at all, following this post, I will probably stay within walking distance of the apartment. 

Looking at my high school year book---Bronx Science, 1960; it seems like half the class lived on Walton Avenue in the Bronx. It is an avenue a block (or sometimes two) west of the Concourse.and it runs north south for about 4 miles. So many students from the same world---probably middle class Jewish families. Sometimes I go to google maps to check out an address---what can I say---a world lost. 

How can I describe what my body feels? A heavyness seems to move through it. Is it the chemo pills, finally having their effect on me? Two ct scans coming up on Tuesday and a doctors visit the Thursday after that, should reveal allut 

I enjoy writing theater memories on the Broadway Remembered Facebook page---it has given me a chance to write about theater in the fifties and sixties and impart information. Always try to keep things positive. Tomorrow a visit to a friend's exhibit in Vinegar Hill Brooklyn, and on Monday, possibly attending the spring concert at Friends. Next day the scans, and then the two days of tutoring. Wish I had more---but I don't act---just wait,,,,,,,will report soon.