lots to report...

last Saturday evening, did go to the Clubbed Thumb one acts at 440 Lafayette. Sarah, my friend, was one of the directors. All three plays were beautifully acted--its amazing how many actors are out there who will do small productions (I assume there was some pay--the project seemed well funded) with a limited rehearsal time. First and last pieces were language oriented and basically reflective---very much in the CLubbbed Thum vision, but the middle play: 25 years to White, by a dominican playwright named Xavier Salva was the real revelation. An amazing and alive piece, taking place in a poor black and hispanic neighborhood---full of very funny twists and turns---centering on the return of a convict after serving 20 years in jail to his former friends. Great acting as well, I really hope this piece has a life.
Sunday I was home all day, feeling very weak, coughing a bit---cold had not gone away. I expected not to be working at Friends until Wednesday, but that changed Monday morning with a call to sub 8th and 6th grade history. Another call Tuesday morning as well, and I worked the whole week. The week has to have been the hardest I ever remember working---in addition to the long full days at Friends, I had students in upper Manhattan---the day was hardly over when I jumped on the subway and tried to move quickly to the places that I work out of. Not much to do after all was done but to come home and collapse. Next week is already four days at Friends---the programs, so far, are a little easier, so perhaps I won't be stretched as much---but it will be a long drive.. So much of the obstacles of the past week had to do with the weather---really cold. Looking forward to some warmer weather this week.
   Rest of the weekend sort of open. If the weather is really as they say tomorrow (in the fifties) I might be able to take a free walk around Brooklyn. Oh, I really hope so! I can't think of anything more meaningful. Will report soon.

and then, really after...

just a few minutes--a tsunami struck my body. All power vanished---I left the library quickly, grabbed a meaningless sandwich, and went stright to bed. This time, no questions about "the meaning of life" the idea was to simply give my body room to sleep--to get rid of this cold. And so I did. The cold remained with me for the next two days, but in the mornings, I felt well enough to get to Friends and do my subbing. Both days were short (now that was an advantage)  and I was able to maintain a strong presence throughout my classes. Also got a few more assignments for the next two weeks. Now, Saturday morning, the cold is mostly gone, but my energy is still low. Also, my students have canceled for today, so the whole day is free. Lots of options, but not sure how well my energy will be sustained.
Would love to go and hang out a La Flaca tonight---miss that place-don't know whether it will happen or not. Other options.
  Not much more to say---will report soon, as the energy increases.

last night....

a difficult one, to say the least. I returned home around 7, too tired to go and "hang out". I thought that it would be a good time for me to get some sleep---the heat was on and pretty strong---stomach basically full. So what happened? It was hard to sleep--the radiator either became too high, or then, when I turned it off, soon it was needed again. Also, I hoped that I would be contacted by Friends about work tomorrow (today)---that did not happen. No sleep---alone with my thoughts, feelings, hunger, lack of structure---a sense of tremendous isolation. Locked into the behavior that I had insisted upon for myself. No compromises. Nothing concrete except a few sports programs (silly) and maybe some classical music on the radio. And somehow, my body refused to want to go to sleep. So it went. At one point, I went to a cafeteria nearby the only one that is opened late into the evening, to get some tea. The tea was hot and good---Broadway between 78th Street and 76th Street was practically deserted. Since the West Side market has closed---those streets have become a ghost land.
  What next---I sit here in the library---maybe I will be able to go to clubbed thumb reading series tonight---though I don't know if my body can handle it. Tomorrow and Friday I have work at Friends---and ironically just got a request to sub for the first Friday in February. All good.
  So where do we go from here, cityboy. Your vision of life, both the way you present yourself to others and to yourself, is predicated on being independent---you move easily from person to person, and from event to event.. For the most part, it works---as long as you can travel and make visits to your many friends and colleagues in the outside world. But last night you were stuck in a zone that was very difficult. Is there a way to resolve this conflict?
Let's leave it at this now. Some of the frustration is financial---five out of the next scheduled days at Friends, are so far scheduled to be half days. I think it is possible to work through this---will report soon.

Tuesday morning, saddened....

by the New Yorker article that I browsed at the neighborhood Barnes and Noble. Just what I read---the article about immigrants living in America or trying to escape into America, being sent back and being hurt or killed when they return, has me very saddened. How can one think of one's own personal happiness in the face of what the article tells us?  Again, this incredible dichotomy seems to dominate one's life. Is it possible to be resolved?
   What about the rest of the weekend, after leaving the library Sunday morning? Well, headed (even though it was cold) to Bushwick to watch playoff games at Cobra Club. Spent the whole day there, from about 1 to 8. Interacted with an interesting cast of characters, all at Cobra either to just hang out, or to watch the games. Had a good conversation with my friend Paul---a musician, now working at Brooklyn College--whom I have known for about 5 years. We spoke about life, smart phones and getting through moments. Then an interesting conversation with one of the women regulars at the bar named Wesleigh---which ended when I felt a need to return home---needed to rest after the long day. I expect to see her again at the bar sometime soon. Final moments of the Minnesota--New Orleans game was exciting so it was a good end to the evening.
  Yesterday night, I attended an interesting new play at The Tank-an off off Broadway theater that specializes in new work. Very idealistic place. The play was a surreal piece about Topeka Kansas, a hotel that stood over everything. My friend Jess directed it---she did a beautiful job and the five actors she cast were totally authentic. Lots of interesting ins and outs, as it moves from realistic to surrealistic.The work was done with great imagination. Afterwards, being very hungry I went to the Chinese restaurant near where I live and had greatly needed soup and pork friend rice. Very filling, cityboy knows that his stomach is really not able to carry all of that---but had to do it anyway. Still feeling the results today.
  Tonight, not sure, after two sessions how I will feel--maybe just hang out at the Dive Bar, can't say.
The Jewish film festival is offering some interesting films. 
 Yesterday, I finished the book I was reading all weekend, the Brother, by Steven Roberts, about Ethel Rosenberg's brother, David, whose testimony was in many ways responsible for sending Ethel and her husband Julius to the electric chair. Very intense reading---the Rosenberg's fascinate me, as I think I have said on this blog before, their two children, Michael and Robby were very close in age to my brother and myself. And yet we lived in a totally secure and functional family environment, far away from any chaos. I try to understand how the Rosenberg children, facing so many disruptions in their early lives, could have coped with them. Ultimately they turned out very well---the whole story seems to fascinate me endlessly.
  So that is it---will report the next time about today's activities.

bushed....

after yesterday's three session marathon. It began at the library off Saint Nicholas and 179street, then south to the library just a block from Lincoln Center and finally, back north to 145th and Amsterdam. Lots of work, nice work but by the time the three sessions were over, I was bushed. Still, wanted very much to see the first of the four weekend playoff games, so,without much hunger, headed to Harlem Public, for a beer and maybe some food. Place was moderately crowded, the bartender was nice---a gentleman sitting next to me, rooting for the Eagles was good to talk to--still tiredness prevailed--I lasted only into the beginning of the second period. Had a beer, and then although I was not terribly hungry, ordered a portion of guac. Very light food, but it stayed in my stomach all night. While I would not call my visit to the bar a disaster, somehow, nothing in my stomach was aligned, and when I got home I paid the price for it. Just stayed in bed for the rest of the evening---absolutely nothing left in terms of energy.
  Anyway, here it is the next day---feeling a lot more together, though still a bit of fatigue. With school off tomorrow, I should be pretty rested by Tuesday.  I am sitting in the 42nd street library (that is right,the one that the lions exist on) which is opened on Sunday. I really like their book selection---at the moment I am reading (or actually re-reading) a book by Sam Roberts about the Rosenbergs, specifically the brother of Ethel Rosenberg. Good reading---really keeping me occupied. So I will leave the other books on the shelves for a while. Also, the library is opened at 8 on the weekdays. Good to know, if I really want to be out early.
The rest of the day---will probably head to Cobra to watch the first game of the playoffs, (that will be nice, they are never too crowded) and then maybe over to South fourth for the second, which is by far the more interesting of the two. Maybe a movie tonight, depending on how much energy I experience. Might want to hang out at La Flaca where I am always treated well. Anyway, it will all be improvised.
  Tomorrow, all open---lots of movie choices, or, depending how I feel, might just want to do a morning hang out at South fourth. Will let it go for now---and see what happens.

annoyed...

at this moment---missed a job at Friends by about 8 minutes---and it was given to someone in house---although a break after four days at Friends, would not be bad, something about this frustrates me completely. Also, had a job offer yesterday for today, which I accepted, only to have it rescinded a few hours later. First I am up and then I am down.  Yes, this will give me a chance to have a little more night life then if I had worked (it was a heavy schedule) but still, something about missing this job grates on me.
Should forget about it though, there still should be a lot of work for me in the next few weeks, already have five days booked (although some may be one half) ---truthfully it does not seem as if my popularity is diminishing. Should loosen up---maybe I will soon.
  Sunday, did not go to Bushwick---instead opted to watch some of the Jacksonville Buffalo game (a snooze fest) at Standings, where it is always good to see my friend, bartender Aaron. But I really did not stay long--wound up coming home and resting, and then going to the Dive Bar, the one on 96th and Amsterdam, where I was able to catch the last couple of minutes of the Saints-Panthers game---pretty exciting. Not much else happened, and I returned home, ready to start my week at Friends.
 That is pretty much it---just subbing--a little tutoring, and coming home. Stopped off at Wallace's the bar on Broadway and 148th street (actually there are now three of them on that one block) on Wednesday, had a nice chat with Jeanine, the bartender and met an interesting guy named Nicolas, and we discussed the world of New York.
  Read an article yesterday that a bar near Columbia Presbyterian is not having its leased renewed in June. It is a neighborhood staple---has been there for many years. People in the community are enraged---will they understand that this is part of the bigger problem of too much power in the hands of commercial rent owners? How much action will they take? The owner is Presbyterian hospital.
Will be interesting to see how the form of protest is played out.
  Tonight, a friend of mine, playwright Adam Kraar, is having a reading of his new play. He has written many plays, and one of them, Freedom High!, a play about blacks and whites working with each other during the summer of 64, at the training ground in Oxford Ohio, as they prepare to go to Missiasippi to register black citizens.  Itis a play that I think should have been produced. A great subject! At least for me. What does it say that no major company has taken an interest?  The subject, one that I feel is so important, seems much too threatening to them. Sad. Anyway, tonight his play seems to be more about Jewish mid life crisis. Its central character is a Jewish optometrist. Oy Vey.
Will this play be necessary? Well, the reading is free---should go to give my support.
 Will report on this and anything else that happens tomorrow. Stay tuned.

looks like at least...

3 out of the first 4 days at Friends this week, possibly 4. That means probably no posts during that time. So, to ebrief:
yesterday---decided not to visit La Flaca last night (that was my original intention) and went to see The Other Side of Hope, the Finnish movie at he Bunin theater in Lincoln Center, Very glad i did; it is a high quality movie; it moves very slowly as it sets up its plot; there are basically two narratives that have to bond, but once these narratives do bond, the movie is subtle, compassionate, moving and meaningful.The story of a Syrian refugee trying to re start his life in Finland, is juxtaposed with that of an older, rigid man, who buys a restaurant and tries to make it work. Beautifully shot, very real characters---I was constantly involved.
Afterwards, too tired to hang out, simply returned home and made my way through the cold night.
When I leave this library, I will probably head to Bushwick to watch the first of two wild card NFL elimination games---after that not sure---the cold is still with us, even though, as I crossed 42nd and 6th avenue, the sun's warmth for a short time enveloped me.
 Interesting that for all my interest in the Wild Card playoffs, I did not suffer for seeing neither of yesterday's games.
That is all for now---will report soon.

one more day....

of the cold, I hope it will be all over by tomorrow, well at least it will be around 20, which should seem completely balmy. Not much else to report. Yesterday, decided not to go far from the apartment and after some deliberation, a bar scene was not what I was in the mood for. Instead, I opted for the Greek diner on Broadway and 95street---had my blt and coffee-while reading an interesting set of articles about the Madoff crisis of ten years ago. It is all in a Vanity Fair anthology about the 2008 crash. Of course, one can read it with a decent amount of irony now, since wealth has returned in the past few years with a vengence. A brownstone in Stuyvesant Heights is now going for over 2.5 million. What does that say and what is that doing to the neighborhood?  So I read.
  Tonight, hope to find a tv to watch what i feel is the most competitive and interesting of the four wild card games in the NFL. Had hoped to begin with the first one that starts at 4:30, but might need to go home and rest for a while. Have been all over Manhattan already (it is a little after 2) as the library where I planned to meet my student was not the one which her mother had figured. The result, running around to a different library in this brutal cold---still it was worth it, because the ten year old whom I work with is so nice. Will continue at this library, it is near the epicenter of Washington Heights, and hope that when the weather is more feasible, I can take some interesting trips in the area.
 Friends begins again on Monday--no idea if I will be called or not. Will report on the rest of the weekend either then or the next free day.

vacation coming to an...

end---just got a request to sub at Friends this coming Wednesday and Thursday. Nice to hear. Puts me in a rather upbeat mood. This is in contrast to what I have been feeling for the past 24 hours, as I was somewhat "trapped" in the apartment because of the snow. Anyway, that is where it stands at this moment.
Reports: Wednesday night---as I planned, visited Lansdowne Road to watch some basketball and say hi to my friend Mel, a waitress and  bartender there. She was happy to see me---also very busy, so we did not have much time to talk, but it was nice to touch base with her. Spent most of my time there watching the Knick-Wizard basketball game, and watching the Wizards simply turn on the heat and devour the Knicks in the third quarter. Afterwards, despite the cold, I walked west a block to 45th and 11th, where a food mall is located. In spite of the cold, quite a few people were there. Had a really nice ice cream cone---then headed home. Believe it or not, I walked all the way from the mall to my apartment. Why? Only one bus option on 10th avenue, the 11, and the gentleman who was waiting with me and had the app, told me that the bus was 1.1 miles away. Too cold, I thought, to wait, so I started walking, only to see the bus pass me about five minutes later. 1.1 miles seemed a long way---but the bus must have zoomed up 10th avenue in the 20' s and 30's--that, of course, never occurred to me. At 57th, I made the decision to continue north on 10th, rather than going over to 8th and the subway. 10th quickly bonded with the Lincoln Center area, and by then I was close to home. Still, admired myself for walking that far---hit the apartment and waited for the snow.
And it came.
I spent most of yesterday in the apartment---did some reading, but would have liked to move around. Still, around 6, decided to take my chances and go to Lincoln Center and see what I could get into (I figured everything) . Since I had wanted to see the Philharmonic Concert, decided to go for a senior ticket---had no trouble getting it, and settled in to listen to Mozart's Piano Concerto number 17. Amazingly enough, on this terrible snow filled day, the hall was at least 5/6 filled when the concert began. So glad I went. Number 17 is another amazing piece by Mozart. I love all its variety and gradations. It was in my early twenties that I got to know this piece and the other piano concertos my Mozart. As I said in a previous post---they are marvels---now many years later, I bask in their sounds, in the little moments that seem so interesting. The piece was followed by a short Tchaikovsky piece for cello and orchestra---after the Mozart it seemed out of place, nevertheless, the audience loved it. Back to the classical world Haydn's Symphony 98, ending the program. A nice symphony, but Haydn's ideas really can't reach Mozart's at all. Even when he creates an interesting musical phrase or idea, , he can't sustain it, or juxtapose it off another idea, the way Mozart does. Something about being in the hall, just listening to the music, made me feel very good. Does this mean I will go to more Philharmonic concerts this year? Possibly,  though other options could be more meaningful.
Plans for tonight not really figured out yet. Maybe just watching basketball again at one of the bars I frequent. The rest of the weekend should be given to the football playoffs, Will report tomorrow.

Mozart at 3 A.M.

Yes, there I was, unable to sleep---turned to WQXR, and found myself listening to a mass by Mozart. Really incredible music---I first assumed that it was his Requiem Mass, but actually it was the Mass in C Minor k 429---really a nice feeling at that time to discover a Mozart piece that was stimulating and that I really did not know that well. It was followed on the radio station by a middle career string quartet my Mendelssohn--also interesting, though by that time I was falling asleep again.
   Do you remember, cityboy, the spring and summer of 1967, one of those periods when you were "reconstructuring" your life? Working at the Post Office nights---trying not to take any money from your parents---living in the small studio on Irving Place (I see the building often on my way to work at Friends Seminary)---refusing to use air conditioning--not much of a social life, and above all, immersing yourself in the music of Mozart. Yes, I could not get enough of it that spring and summer. Now, I don't listen to his music that much, but I still marvel at the variety and content of his best work. Last week Richard played concerto number 20---this week I have the opportunity to go to the Philharmonic and here a performance of concerto number 17---one of my favorites. Will I do it?  Stay tuned for further choices.
   No sessions planned as yet for tomorrow and Friday. That means two free days; in addition, the weather people are promising that Friday will be monstrously cold. What does that mean for cityboy? Well, a lot of reading, will finish up the essays by Coates, and have taken out an interesting book of articles written about the crash of ten years ago. It might be time for me to read the Paul Auster essay (I believe it is non-fiction) called the Invention of Solitude. Some movies? Possibly.
  Yesterday, went to bed early, to tired to check out Dive Bar, which is where I thought I would go last evening. Tonight, plenty of options, will probably head to Lansdowne Road to watch basketball and visit with my friend Mel, another wait person-bartender friend of mine. 
That's all, will report tomorrow.

cold continues....

handled it well last night, but needed two heaters to do it. Some anxiety as to how high my electric bill will be this and next month. There is heat being delivered to my studio apartment and the bathroom, but because of my large bay window, cold comes in with pretty strong force. That is why the heaters are needed. Anyway, today and tomorrow look to be a little warmer, so perhaps the heaters won't be necessary tonight.
Weekend report: Saturday, after examining my many movie choices, decided that it would be best for me to go to Metrograph and see Holiday, the old Cary Grant--Katherine Hepburn movie. It also contains a really strong performance from an actress I have never heard of before named Doris Nolan. She plays the pivotal part of an upper class young woman who plans to marry Johnny, the character played by Grant. Always happy to go to metrograph--the place seems so alive and focused on movie seeing. But its "commissary" is extremely upscale---fine dining as opposed to grungy movie seeing. A strange contrast---one that I suppose, is necessary for the place to exist in this day and age. Sometimes when I sit at the bar and ask for a cup of coffee, I feel a little bit embarrassed,  but they serve me anyway. The movie itself, very different from the Philip Barry play that it is based on, is very clever, observant in its 1936 way, and full of tart comments. It really works--a tremendous esprit goes through the whole movie---I was glad that i saw it. Afterwards, went over to La Flaca, only two blocks away for some food---my friend Bob and his girl friend Kelly were there---we talked and they were happy that i was coming back the next day for the New Years Eve party. Nice time.
  Sunday, after somewhat of a long and sloppy afternoon, I did return to La Flaca for its New Year's Eve party---got there about 9:30--ready to endure the two and a half hour wait, but most of the time was spent very presently. Nice contrast in the restaurant--two rather loud and "raucus" groups played off against some quieter gatherers. Bob and Kelly were incredibly gracious---some good conversations to move the time, and finally the countdown and finish. At last!  But I was glad that I had chosen to spend the eve this way, Bob and Kelly are a terrific couple--totally decent and honest--the wait staff at the restaurant is very friendly, and the atmosphere in the space, which was not brutally crowded, but had enough revelers to make one feel this was a good place to be, was very simple and nice.  Went home feeling good.
  Monday: New Year's Day party at Ron and Liz',  a couple my age (he is a former teacher at Friends---she is a terrific artist) that turned out to be a lot of fun. Lots of good conversation---I spoke to several guests about what was happening in the city, and made some reading suggestions that people found helpful. Also, I recommended to several people the Arthur Miller documentary made by his daughter--hope that that will implement their interest in him. I was surprised at how many interesting conversations were possible, but sure enough, there was a lot of stimulation in the room. Totally full when I left to brave the cold, decided to see a movie---chose---the one at the Bunin about the crazy stuff  happening at a Museum in Sweden---called the Square. It is a really eccentric piece of work very well filmed---irony abounds everywhere. Again, like Hanneke's movie that I saw last week, it seems to be obsessed with the classisim that pervades European culture. Anyway, passed the time until I got home to my heaters.
  Today not sure--might just spend the evening at the Dive bar, and keep warm there, or might add something. Will report tomorrow.