Lots of improvement....

in the last two nights---went out to Willaimsburg for some 'contact" experiences, rather than art, found some
good friendship from Diane at Lucky Dog, then on to South Fourth to hang with lana and have a long talk with Nadia, recently returned from San Francisco. Left feeling much better, woke up Thursday feeling good, Thursday after tutoring in Harlem, went to see The Sister at Fourth Street theater, kind of a stunt, but very powerful in its own right. (sounds contradictory, doesn't it) then decided that La Flaca would not be so bad, ended up chatting briefly with Eliza who had just come from Abrons Arts Center.
All in all, approaching the end of the vacation feeling good, tutoring looks like it is in place for the next few weeks, playing that off all the things to see, and the visits I have to make, sounds like a very busy nine weeks. Tomorrow evening off to Matt's birthday party in that strange apartment in Lefferts. See how that evolves....

so what happened....

last night, when the city boy, after seeing his friend Bobby again at La Flaca, and having a really serious and solid discussion with him, went to the movies and then to The Bean, the simple coffee shop on second avenue, after the movie.
First, the movie, Baby the Rain Must Fall, a beautiful movie made in 65---but so much of that time. Felt very moved by it---did it remind me of the early sixties, the worship of the method actor, my own hopes and dreams? . Felt isolated----strange that movies effect me very differently from live theater. Then on to the bean, feeling a "healthy" sugar hunger. Had to have the cappucino plate, actually a mix of chocolate and cappucino, incredibly rich, all right, so I wanted it, but as I was eating it, and reading the novel about the Iraq war, I felt very empty and frustrated. Why, I asked are yous stuffing yourself with this, you are definitely over stuffing your body! So the anger began, continued after finishing the meal and walking up second avenue from third street to fourteenth street, looking at all the new and old bars (will this never end) and through the ride home. Got to sleep quite well, but this morning awoke with the same isolated feeling, and anger for having had to have the capucino piece.
Things better now,as I sit in the library, have the tutoring with Mossa this afternoon, should be fun, then tonight....should check in with Layla at east river, maybe watch some basketball there, then possibly to south fourth, should make tonight a "with people' night, rather than a movie night. Longing to go to Pete's just sit and have a beer, but that is just what you think. Sounds good in theory. Not much else, let's see how it all turns out....

so Friday....

after tutoring returned home, fairly tired, yet ended up seeing Rengane at New Directors, New Films, pretty intense paris-arab take on Romeo and Juliet---rage of brother, seeking to stop two people from getting together, pretty palpable. Saturday, tutoring and play; Sunday, took the 13 bus on a long trip from 145th and Broadway, through 149 street bronx corridor, down Southern Boulevard to Chritina who I tutor in eighth grade math. Long and arduous trip, but wait! bronx memories as the bus goes down Southern Boulevard, remember how many of your dad's students in the forties and fifties lived along that corridor. How many stories you heard about them and that area. We lived on the other side of the zoo. The safe side, the side that did not change in the fifties or sixties. Still wonder what it was like to experience the influx of black and puerto rican families at that time. Bronx is very quiet on Sunday morning, many people on the bus carrying palms, for Palm Sunday.Some families. Today, tutoring a little later on 145 street and then Passover at
Stan and Kayla's. Nice to see the family again.....

so last night...

we really went "out and about" ; began at White horse tavern for Marcina's party, had fun, met some interesting people, then could not believe in the cold that I trooped to Williamsburg to see Luxury Liners, but
i did, and am glad, Paul was happy that I came, and Whitey and Emily also were good to be with. Then back to South Fourth (amazing the role that place has played in my life in the last six years) to hang with Talia and Sharon (first conversation about the Bronx with her) Now have to check out his girlfriend's blog; will do it soon. Tonight is wide open, after first tutoring session with Michaela. So we will see....

Landmark seminar....

last night, not something I have done before--went on a bequest from a friend, or at least someone I recently met. Felt a little put out becauses nothing in our conversation gave me the idea that he felt I needed the seminar. Just an introuductory seminar---very much like EST in the old days. Felt it got repeittive after a while, still a lot of people bought it---incompleteness, seems to be a part of a lot of people's lives these days.
Actually it made me focus on a few things that were bothering me---better worked out for me with a therapist than under that setting. Left early...went to La Flaca, first time there in a long time, gorged, and I mean gorged myself with chicken wings---woke up this morning with a slight stomach ache, but things seem to be better now---body very back to normal---anyway, today, Marcina's party, Glasslands later to see my
friend Paul's band (actually it is only two people) and then home. Looks like more tutoring is coming up, will be interesting to see how it fits into the rest of my committments.

and all of a...

sudden, a torrent of choices--unbelievable! Don't know where to look first, but does it matter?
Yesterday, Philip Roth movie---not great, a little overstated, but brought up some very interesting points about writing---the allowing of oneself to create--could really relate to that. Afterwards, did not get into Labyrinth, so picked up laundry and returned to the apartment. Then seized by tiredness
(not fatigue) spent the rest of the evening, very restless, two walks, one as far as 84th street and Amsterdam, I would say that atleast seven of the ten bars I passed were pretty crowded, still could have gone in if I had wanted to, find that beer is putting pressure on my stomach---anyway, found the Voice, returned to apartment, had trouble sleeping, much putting things together, then  began today, full of a frenetic vision of what must be done. Will go to Seminar tonight, hope I am not too tired to
do something when it is over, hope it is viable, really don't have much desire to go, hope I will not be
"preached" to. Report to follow......

so its....

Freedom, for the next two weeks---let's explode the structure of our day---not doing so well the first day, nevertheless, things are different---can't write about weekend, all I can say is I am proud of my
committment to FUREE, and please with the tutoring yesterday, I really think Christina and her mom are very nice--looking forward to returning to the Bronx, hopefully in better weather--maybe taking some long walks around the area. One thing is certain, at moments still feel rapped in memories of the Bronx as it once was---the Jewish world that I inhabited as a child, and that I can still feel today.
Spent a nice afternoon in Bushwick and Williamsburg following the return to Manhattan, will probably play Trivia tonight with the group at Boulevard---even if the weather is bad.

Friday, picked up....

check...took it to the bank...went to Brooklyn Heights to return a  library book---did not like the feeling of the Heights this afternoon...cluttered and bleak. What is interesting is that there seems to be many older people who look poor or confused wondering around the blocks. They are "the others" those who came to
the Heights when it was still reasonable, or even a little bohemian and were able to stay. Rent stabilized..?
SCRIE.....? They certainly make an odd contrast to the young mothers and Jamaican nannys who are moving around the area. Returned to library....had sacher at a pastry place near 59street, kind of upscale, a little off putting, probably will not visit there again.
Tonight: time to see the play that Zach is in. Should be interesting. The playwright is an old friend of Fred, and old friend of mine. Wonder if Fred has seen the play?
Sunday, tutoring in the Bronx---near Southern Boulevard---avoid that elevator at all costs, should be interesting. Tomorrow, day of planning with FUREE, enjoyed the meeting last night, pleased with my awareness...let's see what happens....

so now I...

have to figure out if it is possible for me to go to the celebration in Oakland in eary May. Do I want to?
Not sure, though it would be nice to interact with my cousins---haven't seen most of them in a long while.
Meanwhile, no heat this morning, and now work this morning...tonight meeting at FUREE, who knows what
that will bring. Just spent an hour in library, so a few books I wanted to take out, but did not, feel almost
obligated to complete Pride and Prejudice before I go on to anything else, probably can do that by tomorrow...really terribly cold today, would like to see Philip Roth picture, but time may be difficult--probably will not be able to go to South Fourth after meeting today...but where...watch basketball...?
Possibly...?

later that evening......

went through money today like crazy---now I discover that there are family celebrations in Oakland on May 1. Would love to go, but not sure if I can make it. Just when I thought there would be no distractions come many. So where am I in all this....?

four days of work....

first day off, nearing the end of the winter term now, no idea if I will work the next two days---but feel comfortable that I have earned enough to indulge myself a little. How....? Plenty to do, may see a movie tonight, probably "No", and then go to Williamsburg to hang out---check in on Layla at East River---see what is happening there, often "hanging out" is more interesting than a movie. Yesterday, after Sibyl's project
went to a bar in a strange place.......28th between Madison and Park. Kind of a cold dive bar, still got a chance to watch a very clear tv, and eat popcorn---neighborhood still has strong feel of a no man's land, but must be several new "luxury" apartments in the area. Loudmouths came in as I was going. Also looked at Spanish Harlem on google maps, Madison between 116th street and 120th,; is it possible...? Have to check it out further. Will continue later or tomorrow.....

taking care

did not work today---extreme restlessness, even if rest was needed. Next confirmed job on thursday, which means that tomorrow is possible, but not confirmed. A reminder city boy: If you do not work
tomorrow, let's work on structure--don't get too restless, try to understand that it is important to cool down. Understood...?
Okay, now tonight since it is pleasant out, have decided to head down to South Fourth, maybe "chill'
watching the free movie---talk to people etc. Sounds like a good idea. Movie today, finally saw one of
film forum's 1933 series Sailors Delight---not great, had an abrasive tone that built to an interesting cli-
max, can see that it was much closer to risqué then later films, after the code, nevertheless, did not want to see the second feature, had to get out in the world.