Saturday.......how.....

How happy can one be? That's the exhiliration I felt after yesterday at Friends. Great contact---interaction with all. Happy about returning there on Monday...now to the weekend: Friday evening: went to Luna Lounge, smack in the center of Williamsburg, to see the band of the guy I sometimes hang out with at South Fourth (can't remember name, Vassar '05) play. Very loud, looking forward to far more variety---don't quite get the appeal of this kind of music, which really doesn't stand out---smallish crowd, but very appreciative----many, many venues for this kind of music---would like to go to Pete's at some point, but.....liked the space of the lounge and the ambience---still feel there is lots to explore in Williamsburg--will go to see The Team this afternoon (late)

At Friends.....

Well, here I am at Friends, nice group periods 3,4, body still aches from yesterday at 163; will probably visit cousin Audrey at Rusk inst. if it is not too hot.....God, this heat! Impossible for Setpember, I can't remember anything like it this late----Indian summer gone beserk! WSS tribute last night adequate, but didn't really tell me anything I didn't know....nice sense of the excitement between Robbins and Bernstein when creating it, or the way they all bounced ideas off each other.....anyway, let's see what the future brings

Tuesday....

Missed yesterday because I was so busy...today my only day off---tomorrow, back to 163, never thought that I would return there, looking forward to a quirky, hardworking day, then back to Friends, for atleast 4 days...sounds very good...yesterday worked hard at Wagner, had one okay group, one fairly good group, and one.....well, you know, luckily I only had them for one period...two, well anyway, now I know what to expect from that school, doubt that I will return, the school that called me today in Queens seems interesting, maybe I will try it once if I need to...anyway, yesterday, one of those days that really makes me feel active, that I am doing something useful, good lesson with Lena after the subbing; I really work well with her---then off to Williamsburg, thought I would hang with Sara, Jackie there instead, which was fine, we were both a little spaced, but had fun...couldn't stay long, just enough to really get tired, and get the bus back to North 7th Street station...still amazed at the "setting" when one looks outside of South Fourth, seems like a movie set...anyway, today my only "day of rest", read that Lynn Nottage one a McCarthur, sure she deserves it but her husband did the movies in Rent, how much money do they need? Slight frustration, maybe I should check the baseball scores with what time is left, lighten me up..........

Sunday.......

So where are we now? Well, tired....spent Saturday afternoon with Jeanine at South Fourth....I wonder how long this will go on.....then an incredible walk through Jewish Williamsburg, sometimes I think that is all I should do...anyway, South from South Fourth, then via Lee Avenue, the heart of Jewish Williamsburg----really interesting, did you know that Lee becomes Nostrand, find myself after about ten blocks, as we approach Flushing Ave, deep in the heart of Bed-Stuy---saw a storefront, guys hanging out, made an abrupt right, followed Flushing (pretty desolate, even at 6:00 P.M.) over to Bedford, which is still Jewish, right up through Myrtle Ave. Bus to Tillie's, then after some unnecessary coffee, walked to BAM, streets of Fort Greene truly beautiful last evening around twilight, wished, for a moment that I lived there, still, remember that I am white...would I simply be one of the gentrifiers, my sense of fairness is strong, I pride myself on being a fair person, how much outrage should one feel at the plight of the people being forced out---what can one do? Is the city a sewer where the rich are overwhelming all of us, or just a place that is changing, that one can have a lot of fun in? Or something in between
Too many choices re what to do today, also I am tired, the walk and the two days work seem to have exhausted me, atleast physically...perhaps will go back to apartment and rest...or maybe...

Saturday....

Two days of work---what a difference in attitude and looking at things. Would like to say more, but can't think of what...will write a statement re WSS on the Bernstein web site, havn't visited the WSS on stage web site in a while---well, onward, Williamsburg soon........

tomorrow....

really can't wait to see the kids at Friends, just thought of it now, and am very excited...well, can't believe it, just spoke to Arthur Laurents, really, I explained to him who the gentleman was who interrupted the questioning, was very nice to me...wow, quite a day, subbed at is 447, quite a feeling of accomplishment, then listened to Laurents talk about his contribution to WSS, nothing really new, but glad I could clarify something for him---vast expanse of my own history with WSS, now it all comes around..."Ballet as rage" he actually liked that, good for you Bob, following through on your vision...anyway, let's continue......

Saved by cousin Carol...

Had a great conversation with Carol (the daughter of my first cousin, but only six years younger than I) that calmed me down a bit. We spoke about the new sub system, and she informed me that one of the schools that called me was very good. Unfortunately, I had turned them down a few minutes earlier, but...hey. atleast I know---we talked for about half an hour, something about the conversation was very reassuring, also her mother is in New York, undergoing some therapy for her health problems, so perhaps I will get to see all of them (Stan, Kayla and the two girls, Molly and Jessie) fairly soon. Be nice not to wait until Thanksgiving. Carol told me she is dating a woman, apparently they spent most of the summer together, she seems happy---all to the good. Then Jamie called confirming Friends on Friday, ninth graders, I really enjoyed working with them last year, three classes, things are beginning to shape up there...too tired to go out, instead, gorged myself on Bagel Chips, probably shouldn't have, then around 10:00 P.M. fell asleep, awoke close to 5:00 A.M., body totally relaxed, cleansed, almost...feeling much more secure---ironically no calls from DOE this morning, not what I had expected, but went to Old Navy, bought a belt so that I could replace the one Trevor gave me on Monday, and brought myself here.
Interesting review by Michael Finegold on the two plays at BAM, glad I have not seen them, though I suppose it would be interesting to hear Lear again, however what he gets at---no through line in the production, no real coherence, that seems very easy for me. Will I ever get to do either of those two plays---is that necessary---can I really bring an honesty to them that will come accross---Sea Gull, really see Nina, the same way I did forty years ago...well whatever...anyway, back to the real world, possibly some NYMF in my future, we'll see...

Tuesday...

Two chances to work at Wagner JHS---turned them both down! Why? It has the reputation of a good school---what do I fear? Have got to come to terms with the automated voice---the whole system---got to work through it---would like to wait for Friends, but......
Last night at South Fourth could have been a disaster when I broke my belt--but thank goodness I new enough to ask Trevor, and thank goodness he had a spare belt---can't imagine myself going back on the L train, and the 2 train, holding my pants up---yeah, it would have come to that! Will buy a new belt today, return his...
Went to first half of Philharmonic free rehearsal today---nice to hear the music again, Dvorak...very programmatic, easy on the ears, but occasionally hits a moment that is very beautiful. Yo Yo Ma was the cello soloist---he walked in in chinos and a nice blue shirt, incredibly relaxed, seemed during the time when he was not playing, more intent on looking at the faces of his fellow musicians---like he wanted to talk to them---segued beautifully into his playing moments---philharmonic musicians all in casual attire---looked really weird, did not stay for the second half, Dvorak symphone no 7---felt I had seen enough, restless, wanted to get to the computer, and hungry---will get to the symphony another time.

In the morning...

Phone rings---the automated voice from the DOE---calling to work at a school I know nothing about; possibilities endless---that is both the good and bad news--an incredible crazy quilt of possibilities in the racial, ethnic, emotional, energy level that I might be encountering. But so far have not committed.....other than that, nothing new---in library now, lots of reading choices, but feeling a bit too frenetic for a serious choice, we'll see what happens when the time on the computer ends.

fast times at...

Quite a day yesterday---afternoon at South Fourth, then the trauma of the lost mailbox key...found it thank goodness, then back to Bembe---just me and Jess---watched her prepare for the Saturday night crowds, guess this is not a neighborhood spot...nice green coloring though, looking back at the day, interesting, full of action---quick train ride to Myrtle, then back to the city---should do more exploring in the Williamsburg, Bushwick Bed-Stuy border, looks interesting----still no "art" not that much to read...will listen today for 5:00 calls from Department of Ed....that's all for now

saturday morning....

woke up this morning......great day to go away, no teaching today, fun to get into a train to Philidelphia, or New Haven, something like that....but no, I will go to South Fourth, read the paper, both today's and tomorrow's Times....then what? Definitely should stimulate myself by going to a movie or something...but which one? Old? Polonski or Mamoulian? New? the Tommy Lee Jones movie which sounds very strong, or one of the dumb comedies I havn't seen, or the Charles Burnett movie at the IFC (probably later for that)...we'll see...strange that I don't want to see a play, havn't really seen one since the Fringe...well, NYMF next week,....later........

Friday..........

Nice sense of exhiliration today---won $20.00 in a scratch off game, had a good tutoring session with Brandon, (maybe another one on Sunday), got a few dates at Friends---feeling very up! Never did get to Freddy's last night---exhausted after my session with 7 year old Lena---went to bed early (for me), wonder why I scrupulusly seem to avoid Freddy's, a bar that could possibly be destroyed by the Ratner Atlantic Yards project. What do I expect to find there, do I fear that the activism won't include me? At any rate, will go to South Fourth tonight to relax and watch Red Sox-Yankees...see what the future brings.........

so what do we....

Read Hentoff's column in the Voice, yesterday---the statement giving the President power in the case of a "catastrophe" to declare "martial law"----pretty frightening-----yet discuss this at a party or at a bar with new acquaintances, and.......forget about it.....how do we create a more aware public....is it necessary...will the Bush administration, assuming it is defeated by the Democrats, simply leave the White House quietly, and bow out gracefully....how can you demand change from people, whether they refer to themselves as "liberals" or "others", who believe that the accumulation of wealth no matter what is a "good thing"...these are all questions that are biting....but people are behaving socially as if it were still the nineties, Clinton is President, and the worst problems are his indiscretions with interns---there are absolutely no strong statements being made....art abounds---more plays, movies and operas to see than ever, but.....

On a lighter note, had a nice time at South Fourth yesterday, slept fairly easily for me---possibly will head for Freddy's tonight, to see "Opera On Tap",---never have seen it before, or been to Freddy's, wonder what the vibe will be there tonight....? We'll see......

wednesday....

What is one supposed to do one one's birthday? Who knows? There is some quiet in my heart today---waited for the computer to offer me 163 one more time---it didn't--so no work at all this week, except maybe Friday if someboday needs me at Friends. Will probably return to the Lincoln Center Library today, and continue to look at the Laurents biography--why? what secrets wiil it reveal to me? Thought maybe of going to Brooklyn this morning but ended up at Donnell---this evening, back to the "burg", probably, I wonder if J. is taking over the extra shift...other than that......

and so on....

Tuesday morning---how many things are going on in my head; slightly over the top---met Peter F. on the train today, forgot to tell him about Steve's death, probably knew him---they must have worked together on some television stuff, probably also went up for the same roles---yesterday night---somewhat dissappointing, I guess in comparison to previous evenings and afternoons, not much contact, bored this year by football---seemed to walk forever---again all through Williamsburg---this morning, being called by the computer at the last minute to work in, of all places, 163---really could not believe it---simply could not do it, I would get there about 10, and I was not ready at all---really sweaty---if I could have called maybe they could have convinced me to do it---felt bad afterwards, but it seemed impossible at the time---today, I think back to Williamsburg this evening, see what happens, maybe be more prepared for tomorrow, read Laurents re WSS yesterday, he made some interesting points---later.....

48 hours...

Wow! seem to have experienced so much in the last 48 hours; yesterday a great day tutoring---three different children, three different dilemmas--have never felt more productive---came early to my first appointment which is a block and a half from the apartment house in which I was raised. Wondered around the area for a while---quiet, almost pastoral, for a Sunday morning---tried to get a bead on the racial and ethnic make up of the neighborhood now (I assumed it was mostly middle class black and hispanic) but very few people were out on the streets, saw one black woman leaving for church---went into the lobby of an apartment house where an old friend had lived 13 years ago; did not find his name, checked the directory---still many Jewish names--many women's names---widows? never marrieds? I felt like I was at a Mixer 50 years ago--wondered on Bronx Park East, still looks very peaceful---what an amazing number of new buildings that were built 1957 plus---some apartment houses have terraces, must have stabilized the neighborhood---remember growing up all the lots and empty spaces around the area---then the WSS tape, learning of the death of Steve Ryan, my brother's frend from high school----everything put in perspective---finally just a feeling of being very productive, want to do more tutoring...see what happens...

and so we walked....

walked endlessly through Williamsburg last night---just an attempt to make sure I returned home tired---what is Williamsburg, well many things, first of all the young white (mostly couples) who inhabit or visit the place, then out of nowhere one hears loud voices speaking spanish, or as one goes north speaking polish---kind of jarring--what---a picture of the neighborhood as it once was, then there are the empty spaces---the gaps for possible (or truly planned) buildings---it seems like there are millions of them---right now they emanate silence---the spaces seem to be waiting for something---the expectation---kind of reminds me of May in 1962, that Saturday afternoon in Baltimore, Hopkins--totally moist, humid, guys on the lawns studying---records playing, but a sense that something more Should Have Been---something needed to be filled up. Ofcourse it was, five or six years later, by "the sixties", had no way of knowing that that would be the content of the change.
Can't get that beauatiful variation of Beethoven opus 1, no 3 second movement out of my mind, really incredible.
Still, in parts of Williamsburg, even on a Friday evening, one can hear the quiet......empty soft streets......

Middle of....

Middle of the day.....heat, not much else....picked up a NYMF schedule, about four or five musicals sound interesting----most of what has come out of there has been very self-referential---still about five musicals sound interesting, will find the money somehow to see a few, or perhaps volunteer or even work---don't know if this is possible---amazing how much input into making musicals at this point there is---how can these artists be "struggling" if they can take the time to write a fully conceived musical---just another of NY 2007's many contradictions.
As for this weekend...it will be all improvised, atlesat tonite and tomorrow, probably head to South Fourth tonight----return home tired, will sleep for what?....a few hours if that much....refuse to break the "flow" of my sleep---if I get up, I get up----really proud of myself for not giving in and staying in the apartment last night--very important---any movies?....maybe This is England, or Rescue Dawn, but who knows.....have to find another way........

looking up....

Several conversations today with parents of children I will tutor, also Sarah S from Friends called about 9/28---that's good---have to remember that this is a time of transition for a lot of families and for schools themselves---must learn to wait "easily"---a good day for musings---about what? I think that over the years I have evolved a series of categories in my head---say, theater, sports, classical music, that I can visit when I need to---all to the good, but sometimes there is a feeling of not wanting to visit any of them---the battle of the immediate over the memory----what now?
Have eaten very little today, one of those "stomach shutdown" days---probably too much cheese yesterday---amamzing how sensitive my stomach has become---began to choreograph in my head a ballet to Beethoven's Piano Sonata Op. 109---ofcourse I don't know steps, but could see a lot of it---fascinated by the beginning and end of the third movement, that all comes back to the opening theme....later

hectic.....

dentist's appointment, had my three month teeth cleaning----do you know I have never missed an appointment for a cleaning since 1977 probably why my teeth are so healthy, found out that my blood pressure is good too...nice to know. Will tutor Lena today, maybe longer than usual, this means I might have to go to South Fourth earlier than later to talk to Jackie....its possible..still I feel full of energy, would like to be subbing now...see how all this develops, not really comfortable with this transition time, wonder how Friends will use me...also, what about NYMF, do I want to get involved? Anyway, feel a little more relaxed now, will continue on with the day...........

the crashing chord.....

Wiated for the crashing chord this morning to signify summer being over, but it never happened---fairly tired this morning both in mind and body, nevertheless walked to the bank to deposit check and take out some money, then off the library and blog (and e-mail and such). What next? Not clear, do I want to just go to the sports bar tonight and watch the games, or actually go to the minor league game at Staten Island, or ....probably will opt for something fairly simple.....not sure how time will be apportioned in the next week, we'll see...

And now....

Back in the city after a long afternoon at South Fourth, glad it was there, but got a little played out in the end; I get restless easily, anyway, surprised at how relaxed I felt on my first steps in Manhattan.
What happens tomorrow...a whole new world...we'll see.
Thought about Joan while sitting at South Fourth...probably lonely, so she came to mind, I wondered where she was, my guess is on some lawn in NJ, a very splendiforous house---anyway, may not be the issue, the real thing here is that 43 years after our relationship for all intensive purposes ended....43 YEARS!----there is someone who experienced something with me at a given point in time--someone much older, who still exists...not as poetic as when I imagined it, but will do...want to do some more traveling, let's see what happens.....

the absense, II

Quiet, easy night last night, did just what I said I would, went to South Fourth, laid back, talked only to guys---not that great---but that is how it turned out. Pleased, because I challenged myself to not spend money, and I succeeded, but woke up feeling a little empty. Well it is that kind of weekend, will probably work with Brandon tomorrow morning...means that once again I will miss going to see Annie at the Heights..wonder if Tampa Bay will ever get some pitching help for their hitters...enjoying reading the book about the 1912 election, learning a lot about TR, Taft and others...strange that the issues of those times have not changed much...beautiful day today, will probably watch Yankee game at South Fourth, then see...small possiblity that I will go to SI Yankee game tomorrow...hard to tell...what about that bus trip down Bedford Avenue, through Brooklyn, is that a possibility? Tomorrow will tell......