the walk....

Yesterday early evening...decided against a movie, decided to explore Brooklyn, Fort Greene, I had not been there in a while....took the B to DeKalb, got off, walked east on DeKalb into the Fort, once you get past the first three streets, which look lost in a time warp, small stores, undefined, downtown Brooklyn, the area opens up when you reach the park---Fort Greene looked beautiful, pristine in the early evening, everyone walking around, multi-racial, restaurants and bars pretty full---no sense that the gentrification of the past few years has brought any conflict--met Tracy outside of Tilly's, the coffee place I usually stop off at when I am there---good to see her---might hang out with her later in the month (or next month) still no appetite, amazing since I had not eaten for a few hours, then walked up Vanderbuilt, past Fulton, gee, the street between Lafayette and Green is long---no wonder all those small streets go off them as Clinton Hill moves into Bedford Stuyvesant---crossed Fulton, then Atlantic, then up Vanderbuilt to Prospect Place, checked out Soda Shop for Sara, but did not go in.
Finally stopped at the coffee place on Flatbush north of Prospect---did not want any coffee but had to pee....then where?....well, into Park Slope---down seventh, to Union, to fifth, looked at Union Hall, still no desire to go in----finally walked down fifth past all the bars to Commonwealth, on fifth and twelth, but did not go in. Still walking, I finally ended up at Barbes, finally got to see what it was like.....had a nice Stella Artois, bar pretty empty---then on to the F and out of Brooklyn, FInally! Stopped off to see Bob at 119, before returning home.
Still amazed at how far I walked, body feels strong today, like I needed it.
Still, just when one feels that one has seen everything, there is always the city itself, its blocks, houses, amazing transitions from one area to another, to fascinate.

Thursday....

had fun last night at South fourth and east river---will probably spend a good deal of time there this weekend...today seem to want to withdraw a little, played some horses, probably not a good idea, should use the program, but just bet on a hunch, two more to go...betting and losing always makes me feel a little empty, even if I don't lose very much...still have not receieved pay for last Friday's lesson, figured on that and atleast one more for the weekend, but now, don't know. Labor day, always a strange time in the world....let's continue......

the absense.....

Woke up this morning, decided I had had it! Wanted simply to do NOTHING, just clear my mind, no input, no movies, even tired of baseball---it is amazing at a time when so much is being thrown at one, how sometimes I feel the need to not take in any more, even the memories, sometimes so odd...this morning in the bathroom, I remembered talking to the guy who played Riff kind of blandly in a summer 1964 production of West Side Story--I remember him being very open; it turned out he was Christopher Walken..strange how a memory like that returns to you--I had just started my playground job in the Bronx---playgr0und on 177 or 180 street, rapidly changing neighborhood, still some Jewish families left, Puerto Ricans and blacks moving in, ---had spent most of the summer before there, mourning the girl who had rejected me at Hopkins, that year (1964) only stayed there briefly, then assigned to playground in Hunts Point for the rest of the summer, the summer before attending Yale Drama, strange way to spend a pre-theater year, but hey, it was 1964....anyway, today (2007 that is) decided to do very little, thaw myself out, maybe go to East River in late afternoon and talk to Sarah about movies, then to relax at South Fourth....feel like listening to Schumann's 3rd with its haunted fourth (but not last) movement...that's all,,,,

Last Days of Summer.....

Tuesday before Labor day----next week schools open, fall begins, a new year is set in motion---so this week perpetually becomes the "week of waiting" , a kind of dead week which simply seems invented to serve as a bridge to the fall. Strange, I can remember as a child, treasuring this time---the time after camp, the time before school began---a kind of limbo that I could enjoy---and the amazing thing is that the identity of the week has not changed, in all these years.
Last night after watching the game at South Fourth, tired, butwalked up Metropolitan Avenue to Lorimer--fascinating the way the streets move into and off each other in Williamsburg, also how short the walks are. Feel excited about having the time to walk and explore again, maybe some Monster walks this weekend, Williamsburg to Fort Greene, or even to Eastern Parkway? Possible?

Afternoon...after

Back at the computer shop in Harlem (143 and Amsterdam) nice to be here, a little more relaxed than in the library. Woke up this morning feeling I had nothing in common with the man bearing my name who woke up on August 10; he was nervous, edgy, angry about not having any money. Today I felt like I had crossed a rainbow, done my work now was financially secure.
Fascinating how two and a half weeks of solid commitment can make such a difference. Also woke up wishing that I could immediately visit another city---get on a bus (or train) and go. But that probably won't happen; nevertheless will check Craigslist after this to see if somoe cheap lodging exists in Boston, Baltimore or Washington.
So I enter a new zone where time is not pressured, have to make my own structure...what will happen...?

It's Over

Final day at Fringe yesterday, at times, didn't think I would last, but did---saved myself on smoothies and coffees. Today (Sunday) caught three fringe shows, one satisfying, two interesting---am I relaxed because the work is over, now for the first time am a little bit ahead financially. Party tonight...should be fun....saw G. on Friday when she came to look over the theater space being used by the Fringe, heard her name, somehow immediately new it would be her....twenty three years later...amazing...spoke briefly, there was some opening for me to stay in touch, didn't take it...had a long talk with myself afterwards re getting involved...somehow I am enjoying my freedom---looking forward to a week of doing what I want, which means what?...Williamsburg, other parts of Brooklyn, perhaps one of my long bus rides, we'll see....

Quckly....

just a quick post, I have to be back at the Independant Theater for the fringe, in about 20 minutes. Interesting day, today---I tutored Brandon in the morning, the first time I have tutored in about a month---good work felt invigorated---then on to the fringe, to pick up my tickets for the four plays being shown today. Good box office banter---enjoying it, crowds not as much as I would have thought...reading posts on WSS on the Leonard Bernstein message board. Should I go down and see it next week? Really don't want to, but might be able to make some well defined statement about it. What does it mean to me, past or present...we'll see.

Night...from Williamsburg to.....

Another dark night, did my mood mirror the weather? Had fun last night, helped out at the Fringe, then off to Williamsburg, visited with people I hadn't seen in a while, fun, but then....gorged myself on bagel chips---hey that is not funny, decided not to stop in to All State and socialize there, told myself that I had enough socializing for the night, but maybe I needed that one last.....woke up this morning, tired (naturally) but also fearing my stomach was on overload, it wasn't but---did I have to gorge myself before going to bed?
Anyway, energy seems to be picking up, off to Fringe central soon...moving along....

haircut...finally

Who ever thought that life could be made lighter by a haircut? And yet this is exactly the case---finally, looked in the mirror and got sick, and decided that this had to be. Found Aron, my old barber from under the subway at Columbus Circle, working on Amersterdam Avenue, very convenient, really happy to see him, he had the same response, happy that I found him in his new store. Haircut cost, $13, gave him a four dollar tip, guess I was feeling very expansive, anyway, I feel really up about things now.
My Fringe day off, will try to see one or two shows, maybe end up in Williamsburg (the neighborhood, not the new musical). Only four more days, but actually, for all the hard work, am having fun.

Sunday...

So immediately after posting this carefree, not much of dimensional statement for Saturday, I go to NYtimes.com, and see that Congress has given Bush enormous power to stop "enemies". My god, how can we live with this? Then I read about Bloomberg's persecution of the vendors around Red Hook park. Rage, a sense of not being able to stop either thing from happening---also, how cut off it is from all the rest of life---one could easily pretend that Iraq or the problems in the city, simply arn't there. One can just immerse oneself in theater, sports, the city, even with all its changes. How to reconcile the two, is it possible? Is everything really "all right"? Why can't I discuss these issues with people I know? Contradictions, contradictions, all right, that is as far as we can go now..we will leave you with this.

Saturaday.....

here I am, taking a break from the fringe...what else is happening? Well, not much, could have checked out of fringe play during this fairly long break, but couldn't...something about the energy of ticket selling, being directly opposed to the energy of watching...met many people today, going to several, great that they do it, but don't really know how...oh well, break is over, got to run... tomorrow.......

silence, darkness, restlessness

Returned home, tired---definitely did not see a late fringe show, much too tired, fell right asleep, and then awakened at 3:30 to what? Silence, darkness, restlessness, strangely enough, for someone who was so tired at 11:30, I seemed full of energy. Did not sleep for a while, later slept briefly, now, as we approach 11:00, physically a little tired, only three shows to be the Treasurer of tonight, tomorrow starts the grind. Still, I look forward to going down to Fringe Central, picking up my tickets etc. both enjoying it and feeling the grind. Wish I could go to Williamsburg, but can't now. Hopefully last week in August, I will get a chance to relax.

wednesday...

Okay...ready for the long week? Sure, I think---yesterday, a little weird, finally got to see my one fringe play, Walking in His Shoes, a one woman show about the narrator's grandfather, a holocaust survivor. Knew what it would be like, wanted something "simple", uncomplicated, was not dissappointed, a little self indulgent in the narrative at times, but ofcourse, striking images of the barbarity of the Nazi slaughterers. What can we do? Even sixty plus years later I ask that question. Strange, but there was "comfort" in knowing I would see a holocaust monologue, would not get tangled up with images or feelings re sex, or annoyed at a play's self indulgence, which is possible at the Fringe. Could not muster the strength to troop over to the Bleeker Street theaters, to catch the musical from Toronto. Tonight, after my box office term? Sounds good, (the same musical), but when I am finished.....the head is always stimulated, the body deadened. See what happens and what is reported tomorrow.

Tuesdsay....

skipped yesterday, today, off, possibly will catch a few fringe shows...go into Williamsburg afterwards, maybe?
Yesterday, thought about getting to musical of Winter's Tale at the Fringe, just too tired, emotionally exhausted, instead headed to Standings to watch the Yankees win again. Hard to sit through a fringe show, sort of a Yin and Yang thing, taking tickets and helping to manage the space is an emotional opposite from being passive and watching a show.
Yesterday, standing on the landing before the theater---looking accross to the brownstones on eighth street----they are brown, incredibly burnished, different coats of paint on the outside walls, all of a sudden time slips away, you can imagine that poets and writers and other kinds of artists are struggling in those buildings. Really an incredible sight.

Cityboy is tired...but

Sunday morning---woke up tired, after five plays yesterday that I box officed ( I guess that's how you might call it). Still, now with about an hour to go, think I will make it through, no problem with the interaction, however, in terms of giving change, I would say I have a "Slow hand". But should be okay.
Walked down Downing Street in the village, while looking for this shop (computer) Amazing, just at the moment when you think the city is lost to development, a truly beautiful street, one could just stay there forever.

Cityboy has a job.....

Unbleievable---I awoke yesterday to the usual anxieties, but soon found out that a job was available at the Fringe, so I took it. Box office at the Independant Theater, venue 12. So have gone from one extreme to another, now rather than obsessing about budgeting, I am wondering how I can pace myself to get through this day, and almost, (almost, that is) thinking about the possibility of taking a taxi home.
Ofourse, this means I will not see many plays, but whatever, need that money, will make it much easier in September. So far so good, last night three different plays, three different box office experiences, but everything went smoothly. Like the people I am working with. Anyway, this means an incredible focus for the next two weeks, something that is important.

Beautiful morning

An incredible morning! Soft winds, no humidity, almost as if the weather was determined to erase the stifling heat and humidity of the past few days. Feel exhilirated, for the first time in a while, slept straight through. Why? Good decision to go to Standings and watch baseball for a couple of hours, relaxed, talked baseball, watched seven or eight games. Very tired by the time I left. ....One day left before the fringe begins; will this mean that I am going to be very busy for the next two weeks? How much time do I want to give to it? Anyway, the weekend will tell all.

Can't get Rent out of my head; how I love it---don't really know why I have incredible chemistry with the musical, but I do. Sometimes I wish theater could be all...that is, one could simply eradicate the rage one feels at the parts of society that are failing or show such arrogance to other people's needs.
The plan is to go to Greenpoint after this....visit that coffee place on Java (makes sense) and Franklin Street, then maybe come back, go to Midsummer in the park, or perhaps stay in Brooklyn and visit South Fourth. Really glad that place has come into my life...it has really worked out well---on a day like this it seems possible to go anywhere. That's all for now.

No day but....

Finally wrote an e-mail to Duane yesterday about the unemployment statute---have heard nothing yet. Just received an e-mail from Anthony Rapp, actually one that he sent yesterday, that I missed because I left the computer at 3---showing me how I could say hello to him after the play---ofcourse I didn't get it, and missed him--feel bad. Rent the musical, is still an incredible piece, at best there is nothing like it, peformances a bit of a let down, everything played straight out---very obvious---have no idea if it was "directed' or what, but seemed very deliberate. I expected more that Anthony and Adam would be allowed to almost by osmosis, exert their originality on the others, and that they would all breathe together, instead, just got a series of performances that did not really jell. Audience, loved it though, I suppose, just seeing the two guys for the first time was enough. Would have like to have stayed and said hello...
What else? Not much, morning and afternoon sometimes besieged by memory--want to spend some more time in Williamsburg before Friday when Fringe begins.

Rent this evening...no day but...

Woke up this morning exhilirated about seeing Rent, with Anthony and Adam. I'm sure they will bring so much to it---hopefully it will be quite an event.
Still in the dark ("foucs on Mark---who is still in the dark") about contacting Duane or Rosenthal re unemployment, and my inability to receive it during the summer. Embarassment comes from what-----a reluctance to admit I need help---why, because I wan't "raised" to ask? Still, it is probably a very small thing in relation to the problems of others that they deal with.
Strange duality that I am dealing with: the "artist" versus the "pragmatist". Well, we'll see.

Monday Morning

Wow! Frenetic! Fenetic! Frenetic! that's about how I feel, at this given moment. Yesterday marked the culmination of my brooklyn travels, in that I spent good times at South Fourth and at Stain, feel very at home now in Williamsburg. Had a good talk with Kristen, the proprietor of Stain, mentioned the possibility of her doing staged readings in her space---she seemed interested, my involvement would be just getting it started, don't want to "curate" a reading series like I did in Cornelia Street some years ago (1992 to be exact).
Afternoon began with a surprise encounter with N., a woman who about 19 years ago, I felt very attracted to---she recognized me---we talked a bit, left her feeling still moved by my feelings, but after the two stays at South Fourth and Stain and encounters with other women, don't really feel that much.
Most interesting part of the day was the bus ride down Graham Avenue, from Grand Street to Broadway, about eight blocks, this part of Williamsburg is still heavily Spanish working class, but saw a smattering of whites around...got off one stop after Broadway, on the very fringe of Bed Stuy--looked up Throop Avenue, moving South, what is there? Have taken this bus ride through Bed Stuy and Crown Heights to Eastern Parkway, very interesting, wonder if I will have time for more wanderings this summer, now that I have committed to all that volunteer work at the Fringe. Still some fascinating trips to take. Tomorrow evening, Rent...more about that later.

Sunday the 5th

Noon...nothing yet...not sure if I will go to Williamsburg or not this afternoon, wanted to see a play at SPF (summer play festival) but I guess not, wish I had access to some scripts but....maybe stop by at Stain early evening, see if my friend from last Monday Jethroe is bartending. Been humming a lot of Gilbert and Sullivan this morning, thinking about the works, still remember learning all of them as a six year old most Saturday afternoons at the Jan Hus playhouse---most vivid memory---as we would walk down 74 street and go east after crossing 2nd Avenue we would pass atleast one drunk lying on the street, in full view of everyone. Seemed very ordinary for the neighborhood, never saw anything like that in the Bronx.

Calm After the Storm

Satrurday morning---a much calmer, less pressured evening---went to South 4th to watch Yankees---good choice! Everyone there very nice--easy to follow the game, walked a bit around Williamsburg, before hitting the L back to Manhattan. Interesting image on Bedford, about South 2nd or 3rd: Young white couples walking by while Salsa music played in the street and a few hispanic people milled about---contrast of the two worlds---at this point they seem to coexist peacefully. Since I have volunteered for the Fringe, and it runs through 26th, I wonder if this will be my last free weekend---will miss Williamsburg if I volunteer for all three weeks (nothing definite about that, though). Not sure what the plan for this weekend will be, maybe a play, back to South 4th for the Yankee game this afternoon, possibly a trip to Trenton either Sunday or Monday for an afternoon game.

This morning

Should have been an easy evening---had a good time at Fringe, committed to three almost whole days next weekend, Taty, the woman who runs the volunteer section of the Fringe was very appreciative; she remembered my volunteering from last year, so left there feeling excited about the whole thing, then went to Standings where surpisingly I watched little baseball but had a good conversation re teaching with another patron named John. Left, prepared to visit Bobby at bar 119, had a hummus sandwich on Saint Marks, should have felt good, but then my body seemed to stop----decided just to get home, rest---no problem there, and I feel good this morning, but did not sleep well---the time between returning home and leaving the apartment in the morning for the library, or whatever, is usually when I revile myself for not having as much money as I should, wondering how I can sometimes be so passive when it comes to earning money. Strange time---never have I felt more popular, more able to go into a new situation and make friends, have strong conversations, everyone it seems enjoys being with me, and yet.....at any rate---lots of choices for the weekend, woudn't mind seeing a play, but probably will "hang" at South Fourth Street and watch baseball, nice and simple---it is very easy to concentrate on the game there.

Somewhat annoyed and Greenpoint

A little annoyed now, why? Some guy was talking on his cell in the library, pissed me off, I don't know why it should bother me so much (it is not allowed) but it did. Anyway, heard from Dominick today---real good-- he wants me to call Herb Rubens and try to plan for a lunch for the three of us. Sounds like fun---takes a little bit off the edge that I am feeling about money. Anyway I will contact Herb tomorrow.

Yesterday evening---my first shot at Greenpoint---had been meaning to explore it, finally, not feeling very hungry, took train to Lorimer stop, then walked north to Greenpoint Avenue, Manhattan Avenue still very Polish---finally hit Greenpoint Avenue---walked west, passed a few bars, finally turned right on Franklin (which was the plan anyway) did not really want a beer, found a nice coffee place on Franklin and Java---a bit of a restaurant as well, had a great (and I mean great) glass of ice coffee---really like the layout, could go there in the afternoon and read, if I wanted to---bartender-barista was very nice, also had a nice conversation with a young couple sitting nearby; they are from the south. Will try to return there---how many places am I collecting, I wonder? Well I wanted a change, so I have got one,

Earlier today debated the possibility of calling either State Senator Duane, or State Assemblywoman Rosenthal, and discussing with their assistants why the "reasonable assurance"statute can't be revoked. This is such a discrimination against people with lower incomes or those like myself who have chosen to remain a sub. Somehow feel embarassed about discussing it, like they will dismiss it, or will simply pay it lip service--well we'll see.

Volunteer meeting at Fringe tonight.....see what happens.......

Wednesday morning---feelin' good

Wednesday morning-as I sit here I am feeling incredibly optimistic about the next couple of days, New York seems to be full of everything---atleast 10 movies I could see (will I see any of them?) one or two of the new play festival's productions, and a gazillion other things. Promised myself I would go to a Trenton Thunder (Yankee class Double A) farm club game, and there are a couple this weekend, but will I really get there? Lots of other alternatives.

At Cosi last night to hear Henry sing--fun with the two little girls, Raleigh and Kiona, always looking for more cognizance from them---they grow slowly---can't wait to hear them talk. Dylan M and Mark from Friends came by (separately) , and it was fun to see them. Glad that Mark is working at Legal Aid, important that he sees that part of the city, anyway, really nice vibes from them and Will, who is the brother of Friends students Jessi and Adam.

The rest of the day--who is to say---wonder how much time this summer I will have to explore the parts of Brooklyn that I wanted to---some really good bus trips through Bed Stuy and East New York, also check out Greenpoint, apparently there are a gazillion new coffee shops there. Remember the trip I took on a Sunday afernoon in August of 02 getting off the Fulton Avenue bus at Saratoga Avenue, then taking that bus through Brownsville and onto Kings Highway, into (what I like to call) Willie Loman territory.

Tomorrow is the volunteer meeting for the NYC fringe---will go but not sure how much volunteering I want to do this year--things are very different, I don't want to stop going to Willimasburg---anyway we will see.